Disclaimer- I do not own Star Wars, or the "I'm not the Jedi I'm supposed to be." line that I tweaked a bit for this.

A Small Space

It is a small space.

You are not certain why that seems so obvious now. Maybe it is your clothes. Maybe your breath echoes too loudly. Or maybe, just maybe, you've lost the thrill of wondering what is in the shadows; of whispering in the dark. You're forgetting how big it seemed when you were the only one here. You cannot light up a room. Not like some people are able to.

The glass overhead is suffocating. It shows the sky, and it isn't as beautiful as you remember. You can't really see it now. You assume there are stars, but everything seems hazy and red. Before, when the room was big, you would stand and look up for hours. But that was before. She was there, and now she's not. It is quiet... you can't breathe. You look down, at the carpet. It is dark and soft and comforting. You used to like the light, but then you learned it can't hide things.

You brought her a present in the light. Things were simple then. You didn't know what you were doing, you were a little withdrawn, nervous. You didn't have much, but you brought a friend for her. A tall, overly polite friend who made you laugh. Made her laugh, and that was important to you. Her. Her smile, her light, her happiness.

Those things are still your top priority, but you wonder when they became such a burden. When did you start ticking off the seconds, waiting for her laughter to die- no, not die, fade... yes, fade... waiting for something to happen, for her to frown, for a fight? You know those are minor things. What you're really afraid of is coming back to this space- the space you share with her- and that she won't be here. She'll be gone. Not out and accessible, but gone. Face held in one expression for all time. You know that that will be the only picture your mind will have of her. It will cancel out all the others and burn into you.

Because it will mean you failed.

You stand, wondering if you've lost it- lost her, and you wonder why suddenly you can't push it all back, like before. Have control. Change it. Something is different. Something is pushing on you- and it isn't only time. You realize that even if you do it, even if you save her, you might not be able to save yourself.

Because you aren't who you are supposed to be. You aren't the man people have created legends about. You are flesh and blood, bone and sinew- like everyone else. You see things, things you want to prevent, but it does nothing. Because you cannot moderate. Because there is a place inside you filled with the sort of power people dream of, and it is not enough for you. You ignore it, you wall it up and pretend it doesn't exist. It scares you, and before that was alright- you didn't need it to exist. Now you do. You need it save her, and it knows. It is fighting you- every second, every minute. It is winning.

Part of you wants it. Not only to save her, but for yourself. That sickens you, knocks you down. Doubt... fear... it is all there, attacking you. You can't breathe. Not even here, in this room, where you once came to keep yourself safe from this. She could make it disappear. She was untouchable, calm. Your focus. The focus of everything you believed and needed.

But she is leaving you. She doesn't believe it, but she is. You know you aren't wrong, and you have to stop it. Because if you do, then you might be able to come back. She is all you need. She is you. And she is worth giving in for... she is worth making this room, once so large, a small space.

She is why you let go.