Author's Notes and Headers - This is my first West Wing Fan Fiction. It's a post ep to Season 5 No Exit. I have watched since the first episode of the first season. Such a great show and I still miss it!
Title: Center Of My World
Author: MRM
Rating T (language)
Category Romance
Spoiler Info: story current through No Exit
Disclaimer: Not mine, don't sue, just taking them out for a spin
E-mail address for feedback: Archiving permission: ask first

"Donna!" Josh bellowed from his office, his voice carrying throughout the darkened bull pen. Donna hesitated a moment as she gathered her things to go home wondering what Josh needed and if she wanted to stay and find out. The words CJ spoke during the lockdown weighed heavily on her mind giving her the answer. As quietly as possible she slipped down the hallway without answering Josh.

"Donna!" he yelled again as he stepped around his desk and through his office stopping at the doorway looking throughout the space before him and then down the hallway seeing only the swing of the door. "Could she have gotten out of here so fast?" he asked himself as he headed toward CJ's office his eyes roaming as he continued to search the area for his blonde assistant.

He and Donna had a bad day. She being angry with him and not speaking to him because she wanted to go with them to Brussels. He realizing he'd broken a promise and nobody but him and the CWA had a problem with it. Josh didn't like his job today and he really wanted to spend the last few precious hours of this night with the woman he loved. Yes, he loved her. He hadn't told her nor had he treated her any differently but he knew it just the same.

So earlier today when she started talking about growing in her job, making her life's work mean something on a day when he felt that he made not a bit of difference for anyone except 17,000 citizens of India, it poked at the fear that he was going to lose her before he was able to tell her.

"Hey CJ," Josh called to his friend who looked ready for the camping and fishing trip she was going on with Ben. "When do you meet Ben?"

"I'm not, I cancelled," she replied packing up her things to go home.

"Why? Because of the lockdown?" he inquired as he grabbed his pole and net he loaned to her earlier.

"Yeah and," CJ paused. "It's hard doing the relationship thing with our jobs Josh," she added and Josh thought she looked and sounded exhausted. He nodded in agreement.

"So did you see Donna leave?" Josh asked.

"Yeah leave my office, she gone already?" she queried in a slightly higher pitch and not meeting Josh's eyes, immediately signaling a problem.

"What happened, CJ?" Josh probed.

"She's not happy with either of us," CJ's shoulders slumped.

"Why, what did you say?" Josh sniped moving his hands to his hips knowing what ever happened in this office tonight he wasn't going to be happy about it.

"The truth," CJ responded with a defiant tilt of her chin in response to Josh's stance and tone.

"Argh CJ," Josh growled raking his fingers through his hair lifting his face to the ceiling feeling the tension creeping into his back. "Why did you do that?" he screeched. "We had a horrible day and the last thing I needed you to do was to have a heart to heart with my assistant about her life." CJ moved to stand toe to toe with Josh; he saw the fire flash in CJ's eyes.

"Because Josh, she'd outgrown her job for several years now. You're throwing this CODEL thing at her like some amazing gift when in reality it's a stop gap to shut her up and you know it." CJ accentuated her point by jabbing her finger in his chest. "Also as a member of the sisterhood I needed to set her straight about what this 'relationship' as you call it is beginning to look like. I told her she needed to get laid, have a one night stand or two, you know, that she needed to do something to get out of the 'Josh and Donna' rut." CJ was breathing heavy from the emotion of her speech. Josh gaped at her taking huge gulps of air.

"I don't believe you CJ! Damn it!" Josh exploded turning a circle in the room. "You know what you've done now!"

"What Josh? What exactly have I done?" she yelled back at him her face red with anger.

"Forced my hand," he stated through clenched teeth, throwing his hands in the air as he turned on his heel and stalked toward his office. CJ froze replaying his words in her mind gasping as she realized their meaning.

"Joshua Lyman," CJ raced from her office in time to see Josh sling his backpack on his shoulder as he ran down the hall towards the exit. "Shit," CJ exhaled as she raked one hand through her hair and rested the other on her lower back. Slowly she walked back to her office and lifted the phone receiver thinking maybe she should call Donna. Her finger hovered over the numbers.

"Don't," Toby said softly from her doorway.

"I really should warn her," CJ stated looking down at the phone keypad.

"No, you've done enough for one night," he replied moving to where CJ was standing. "Leave them be," he added as he removed the phone from her hand and placed it in the cradle.

Donna carried her shoes from the living room to her bedroom turning on the light before she headed to the closet and placed them on the floor. She untied the halter string and slid down the zipper of the ice blue dress she wore allowing it to puddle on the floor at her feet. She felt an overwhelming sense of heaviness with each movement. CJ's words made her feel stupid and foolish but they also shattered her hope that maybe, just maybe there was a chance for her dream to come true with Joshua Lyman. His reticence to allow her to take on more, to grow and the fact that they were out of sync in so many ways these days just proved that CJ was right.

Donna shivered in spite of the coming of spring and she moved quickly to her dresser where she pulled out flannel pants, a cami top and his Harvard sweatshirt she absconded years ago. After slipping on a pair of sox she padded to the kitchen putting on water for tea. Opening the refrigerator she pulled out a carton that contained left over cheesecake. She grabbed a fork from the drawer, setting it by the carton before she headed to her CD collection.

Finding the CD she was looking for she slid it into the player pressing play just as the water in her tea kettle started to hiss. Donna lingered by the stereo a moment as Otis Redding's "Sitting on the Dock of the Bay" filled her apartment while memories of a time before gunshot wounds, diaries and Presidential secrets flooded her mind and the tears began to fall.

Josh's anger propelled him forward in the quest to undo the damage CJ's words had done to his fragile relationship with Donna.

"Damn, damn, damn," he muttered as he whipped his car through the streets towards Donna's apartment shaking his head at the stupidity of CJ's actions. His friend was putting her job before her heart yet again. Josh gripped the steering wheel feeling his nails dig into the leather. Josh knew that he shouldered some of the responsibility for this mess he was in with the most amazing women he'd ever known. His heart thundered in his ears as he realized that this was going to be the most important conversation of his life.

CJ looked at Toby's hand on her arm. An overwhelming sense of shame flooded her and her eyes filled with the tears of years of putting work before anything. She couldn't believe she opened the door to a discussion of the "Josh and Donna" thing and then chipped away at Donna's faith in Josh.

"Why can't I just be happy for them?" CJ asked lifting her wet eyes to Toby's. Toby shrugged in response taking a step back from his friend. "God Toby what did I do?"

"You let your workaholic self do the talking," he responded looking down at his hands before sliding one in his pocket and brought the other up to wipe his brow. Nothing he said was going to change what happened tonight.

"Thanks pal," CJ retorted and grimaced as she wearily sat in the chair from which she lectured Donna about what she should be doing instead of orbiting around Josh. "So what should I do now?" she inquired softly.

"Leave it alone until you see this played out and then wait until he's ready to hear it from you," Toby advised turning to head out the door. "She'll forgive you immediately."

"That sums them up in a nutshell," CJ snorted, placing her hands on the arms of the chair and pushing to a standing position. "Let's work on the statement, but not in here. Can we go to your office?" she suggested as she turned and grabbed her notebook. Toby nodded his head, stepped into the hallway after her and they moved towards his office.

Donna jumped at the first knock on her door spilling a bit of her tea onto her lap. She paused a moment watching the liquid seep into the fabric. She knew it was Josh but she was afraid to hope for the reason of his appearance.

"Donnatella, I'm going to start shouting if you don't answer this door and considering the time, I think it's in both our best interests if you would please let me in!" Josh shouted through the door causing Donna to sigh, set her cup on the table and make her way to her door.

"Joshua," she said as she opened the door and gestured for him to enter. Josh moved in to the interior of the apartment, turned and gave her an appraising look. He observed that she was in comfort clothes. He then looked around the apartment taking note of the tea, empty cheesecake carton from their dinner last night and the strains of something sad and slow coming from her stereo. His assessment—things with Donna were not good.

Donna watched him take in her, the surroundings and make a decision. She knew this was how he worked when tackling a Congressman and wondered if that what she was to him—a problem to solve. She then looked at his face and saw that he was angry, anxious, and afraid, a combustible combination.

"So you left quickly," Josh stated leveling his gaze with Donna's as he leaned against a wall and slid his hands in his pockets. "Any particular reason?" he asked clenching his hands in his pockets to stay the trembling. His anxiety notched to the next level as he watched her shake her head no, move to the sofa and sit.

"So," Josh dug his toe in the carpet watching the marks his shoe made. "Have a nice chat with CJ?" Donna's head flew up startled.

"What did she say?" Donna asked breathless, searching his face.

"She told me everything Donna," Josh stated. "And I'm furious!"

"Because she told me the truth about the CODEL or the other things," Donna responded her voice cold and detached.

"The CODEL and the…uh…other things," Josh looked down and then snapped his gaze back to hers. "What do you want me to say?" he exploded. "That I gave you the CODEL to shut you up! I did!" Josh shouted. Donna's face showed the shock she felt at his statement. "I can't even fathom you leaving me, Donna, for a week or forever," Josh admitted.

"Why would you think I'm leaving you?" Donna inquired her voice notching up as well.

"You hate your job, you want to make your career matter and you can't do that working for me because according to CJ I'm squelching you by forcing you to remain an assistant," Josh sat on the sofa collapsing with his head in his hands. Donna turned to face him, tentatively reaching out to lay her hand on his arm.

"Oh, Josh, Joshua, Josh," she sighed. "I'm just ready to help you more, help this Presidency more; not leave you."

"You've always wanted to do that Donna and I was giving it to you as I could, why does it seem different now?" Josh queried searching her beautiful blue eyes.

"Which is what I told CJ but then I thought about the fact that you were giving things to Ryan and closing me out of the opportunities," she explained.

"Oh Donna, the stuff I gave Ryan you outgrew so long ago I didn't want to insult you by asking you to do it," Josh clarified hoping she understood.

"Josh, I don't want to leave you or the job," Donna stated softly gripping his arm tightly.

"Thank God," Josh whispered lifting his eyes to hers, taking her hand from where it rested on his arm and lacing his fingers through hers. "I'm lost without you."

"As your assistant," she snorted trying to pull her hand away but Josh gripped it tighter, turning his body to face her and using his other hand to turn her face to his.

"No Donna, so much more," Josh said grazing his fingers along her soft, alabaster cheek. "You are the center of my world, every dream I dream, you are my everything." Tears flooded Donna's eyes, spilled over her lashes and landed on her cheeks.

"This is one of those moments isn't it?" Josh queried with a smirk.

"Yup," Donna nodded.

"When I'm not being, you know, myself," Josh teased.

"Josh," Donna chided with a smile that reached her eyes.

"So I'm thinking I brought the woo," Josh added with a broad smile that brought out the dimples Donna loved so well. Reaching up she touched each one with her finger, something she'd always wanted to do.

"Josh, not so much with the talking," Donna admonished as she moved closer to him.

"Ah kay," Josh replied his lips hovering over hers, his breath warm on her mouth. Donna leaned towards him and he captured her mouth with his tenderly tasting her soft lips. He slid his tongue along her lower lip and she opened her mouth sending her tongue out to meet his. He slowly savored the sweet taste of his Donna.

Pulling away he rested his forehead against hers, gasping for breath and then he slid her into his lap looking at her with such tenderness tears pricked the corners of Donna's eyes. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and let her fingers revel in the softness of the curls at the base of his neck. He slipped his arms around her waist pulling her closer breathing in her scent.

"I love you," Josh whispered against her cheek. He felt her smile and sigh before hearing the words he'd always hoped for but wasn't sure he'd ever hear.

"Oh Josh, I love you, too," Donna replied pulling back a bit to look into his eyes so open and so full of emotion causing her heart to feel as if it would burst. "So very much." And they kissed again.