Oblivion, Complete Oblivion

Four years ago, Ren Moriyama was humiliated and cast aside by her former childhood friend and first love, leading to a complicated series of events, including cross-dressing, becoming a shinigami, and joining Division 9. In her quest for vengeance, she has closed her mind and her heart to any notions of love. But will her obstinate views change when she meets the squad's fukutaichou?

A/N: This is only my second story on FanFiction, so please try not to judge too harshly. I apologize in advance for unsatisfactory writing. And, last time I checked, the mangaka that created Bleach was Tite Kubo, not me. In case any of you were fooled at the beginning.

REWRITTEN: As of 09/02/2012

Chapter 1

I couldn't help but scowl as I glanced up at the frilly pink Valentine's decorations that adorned the entrance to the Ninth Division.

I had finally applied to and gotten accepted into my first division. The Ninth Division was the Security Force of the Gotei 13, but also publisher of Seireitei Communication, so it wasn't that odd to see them in full holiday regalia.

Valentine's Day was a day when naïve teenage girls tediously labored to pour out their adoration, only to be rejected awkwardly and sometimes cruelly by boys pretending to be men. At least, that was my understanding of February 14th.

So when cries of "It's Moriyama-kun!" and "I hope he accepts my feelings!" pierced my thoughts, I froze in my footsteps.

Standing directly in front of the Ninth Division's barracks was a group of said girls, some shinigami officers, but the majority of the group was a giggling bunch of Shinō Academy students.

My dislike of Valentine's Day was not the only reason why this situation was so uncomfortable. It was so much more complex than that, because the "Moriyama-kun" that they were giving chocolates to…was a girl.

I have to admit that I was once one of those hopeful girls that stayed up past midnight, half straining in anxiousness and half deluded with lovesick fantasies. In fact, the reason why I was disguised as "Moriyama-kun" was precisely because of "love".

A smaller girl was suddenly pushed out of the group, all of them hissing, "Go ahead! Give him the chocolates!"

The girl, probably a first-year Shinō Academy student, hands trembling, raised a heart-shaped box decorated with intricate pink lace. She was nearly a head shorter than me, with bright red hair tied in pigtails and a freckled cheeks the same color as her hair.

"Ah! Um—I'm Kikyo Harada. I've always admired you since I was in the Academy. Please accept my handmade chocolates!" she squeaked, rushing through her speech.

Beads of sweat began to build on my forehead as I struggled to find the correct response, trying not to stomp on this girl's feelings. "I'm sorry, but, I, uh—" I was cut short by the mocking voices of the crowd. "I knew he would reject her. That girl's too plain and ugly," they sneered. The girl, Kikyo, raised her head to pierce me with large, shimmering eyes, about to burst into tears.

Seeing the crushed expression on her face ignited an inferno that had me seeing red. I have to admit that I had a bit of an overreaction.

"Hey you!" I shouted to the pack of girls. Several of them looked at me excitedly, but paled when they saw my stormy expression. I took several steps forward. "All of you are such hypocrites! This is supposed to be a day of affection and love, but you have to ruin it for Harada-san because you're all cowards! And then you have the nerve to laugh at her! She's braver than all of you!" I ranted.

"Why are you sticking up for her? Do you love her, Ren-chan?" wailed one shinigami woman with flamboyantly styled blonde hair.

"Do I have to love someone to know what you did was wrong? Is your mind so preoccupied with this idea of 'love' that you can't tell the difference between your delusions and reality?" I demanded. "And don't you dare call me Ren-chan!" The woman blushed furiously and fell silent.

"Does this mean you won't accept our Valentine's Day chocolates, Moriyama-san?" a bespectacled Shinō Academy student asked, looking dejected.

I took a deep breath, trying to calm down. "Look. I find it very flattering that you care about me enough to make me them, but I can't accept them all. I'm sorry."

"Moriyama-kun is so kind! He doesn't want to hurt our feelings by taking one person's chocolates and making the rest of us sad. Your love is so pure!" she cried.

"No, that's not what I meant," I muttered, but the crowd had already burst into hysterics.

"I love you even more, Moriyama-kun!" several of them cried.

Now this was getting seriously awkward. I think I had just made the situation worse.

"What's going on here?" boomed a from behind the crowd.

The group parted as two male shinigami stepped forth. "It's Muguruma-taichou!" several whispered.

"And it's Shuuhei Hisagi, too! The Ninth Division is full of such handsome men!" they squealed.

I had gotten word that my taichou would be Kensei Muguruma, one of the captains that were exiled in the World of the Living, and I vaguely remember someone important being named Hisagi, but I had never met either of them. Apparently they were good-looking enough to divert the attention of the crowd.

I took this opportunity to silently edge away from the crowd. I would have made it too, if it weren't for an iron grip that suddenly latched onto my shoulder. Slowly, I turned around to face a shinigami with tousled silver hair that slightly hung over scowling brown eyes. To my horror, I noticed he also wore a white captain's haori over his shihakusho, both sleeveless. And he looked seriously pissed off.

"Are you the bastard that's been causing this commotion in front of my office? I was trying to get some work done!" he demanded, lifting me in a few inches above the ground to face him. This must be the Kensei Muguruma that was to be my captain. What a great way to meet.

"Wait! Taichou! I think that's the new recruit!" another voice called out. We both turned to face another shinigami wearing a sleeveless shihakusho. I was beginning to think there was an overload of testosterone in this division. But before I could scoff at that, I found myself transfixed by the man's face, marked by three long, ragged lines. I should have flinched at the painful-looking scars, but my attention was captured by two tattoos found on the opposite cheek—one blue stripe above a "69" in black ink. His markings together with his strong features, which some could consider handsome, and tall form gave him a pretty intimidating appearance.

"Are you sure? He looks like a wimp," my taichou asked, snapping me out of my gawking.

"I am not a wimp!" I yelled indignantly. To prove my point, I kicked him hard in the stomach. Which was about as effective as kicking solid rock. Nevertheless, he set me down.

"What the heck are your abs made of?" I exclaimed as I rubbed my aching toes. Are all the men in the Ninth Division ridiculously muscled?

"Are you okay?" a voice beside me asked and I looked up to meet a warm smile from the tattooed man. Odd, I thought. His tone and manner were practically the opposite of his appearance.

My taichou, who seemed to live up to his look, merely rolled his eyes. "Was that supposed to hurt or something? You kick like a girl, newbie." If only he knew.

"Is that a way a captain greets his new division members? No wonder you guys haven't had very many recruits lately," I retorted. I had a habit of blurting things out when I got angry. Muguruma-taichou's face darkened ominously.

"Why don't we show the new recruit around the Ninth Division?" the man I supposed was Hisagi suggested, quickly pulling me away from the captain. "And why don't you ladies come back later…please?" he told the crowd and winked at them. Several girls appeared to faint and had to be carried away. But thankfully, they left along with their Valentine's chocolates. I shivered slightly, wondering if I had ever been like them.

The strangely tattoed man led me to the Ninth Division barracks, leaving behind a fuming Muguruma. "I'm your fukutaichou, Shuuhei Hisagi. We don't bother very much with formalities here, so you can just call me Shuuhei," he said, still smiling.

"Then…I guess you should call me Ren," I muttered, feeling a strange floating sensation in my stomach. I had only ever called two people by their first names. Shuuhei nodded in response.

"You know, Ren, when first saw you, I thought you were a woman. I guess it's your face. It may be even girlier than Yumichika's," he said, grinning lightheartedly.

It felt as though I was suddenly doused in freezing cold water. Was he joking? Did he already figure me out?

Seeming to mistake my shock as anger, Shuuhei punched me lightly. "I'm just joking with you, new guy."

I breathed a sigh of relief and my heart resumed its beating. "Yeah, well I'm just joking when I say that you have an interesting taste in fashion, Mr. Matching-Choker-And-Armbands."

Hisagi continued on, chuckling to himself. "Well, Ren, these are the headquarters of the Seireitei Communication. I'm the chief editor. They're printing a special Valentine's article today," he said proudly, showing me a bustling office full of shingami running around with stacks of papers. "But," he said in a low voice, "let's get out of here before they decide to give me twenty more articles to sort out," and ushered me past the flurry of white.

We walked until we reached the barracks. "The building that you were mobbed at would be the taichou's office. Hey, I've been meaning to ask, do you know those girls?" he asked in a slightly reverent tone.

I chuckled nervously and rubbed the back of my neck, and odd habit of mine. "Not really. For some reason, they seem fond of mobbing me since I—" I began, but caught myself, "since I was in the Academy." Which was not entirely a lie.

"I'm pretty jealous," he admitted, running his fingers through his ridiculously unkempt hair, which stuck out in random directions. The overall effect was quite charming. Realizing that I was staring again, I coughed and mentally slapped myself.

"Don't be, I'm not interested in girls," I said and immediately regretted it as Hisagi raised an eyebrow. "I mean, I'm not interested in a relationship right now. That's exactly what I meant," I stammered.

He merely mumbled something before tapping on a door. "This is your room. It's not much, but-" he was cut off as I burst into the room, whooping like a maniac.

"Are you kidding me, this is awesome!" I shouted, flopping onto the bed, relishing in the fine fabric of the sheets.

Compared to what I was used to living in the Rukongai, this place was amazing, even more so than the Shinō Academy, where I had to deal with annoying roommates.

"I have a whole bed to myself!" I yelped and gave a genuine smile.

Hisagi muttered something again and turned around, his back facing me. "If you need anything, my quarters are in the next complex, second hall, the first room to the right," he said quickly and left in a whirl.

"What's his problem?" I asked myself, but the thought evaporated from my brain as I explored the rest of my room.

88888888

I was wandering around my room when I came across a mirror. I had never kept a mirror in my room before. Curious, I studied at the familiar, yet alien face gazing back at me.

For most of my life, I had kept my brown hair long, almost waist-length. I dreaded cutting it; for some reason I thought it helped me feel more pretty and feminine. So that was definitely the first thing to go. I fingered the foreign-feeling feathers of hair at the top of my head. It was now styled in an unruly short mess, with some strands hanging over my eyes, but I have to admit that my best friend Ruri did an excellent job cutting my hair. She had said that my main attractive feature was my eyes, but I didn't see anything special in my bluish eyes, other than the fact that they succeeded in warding people off when I was in a bad mood. I didn't have an overly feminine face, but my long eyelashes sometimes made other guys ask if I wore makeup or something.

I stared down at the rest of my body, enrobed in a loose shihakusho that concealed any womanish figure. Not that I had such a womanish figure in the first place. Nevertheless, I was careful to wear constricting bandages underneath a high-necked shitagi. I was a tall girl, but only average in height as a guy. It seemed that when I cross-dressed as a guy, however, I attracted more attention than I had ever received as a girl.

He said I was plain and old-fashioned, that I wasn't cute or charming. He was the cause of my drastic appearance change and my gender masquerading. He was my best friend from childhood, my crush since I was little, my boyfriend, and at one time, even my fiancée. Just thinking about the way he casually, almost gleefully dismissed me four years ago made me tremble in rage even now.

~8~

I was trembling in excitement. Today was the day I would finally see Ryota again. I had known him since we were born in the Soul Society. We grew up together and I had loved him since I could remember. He was working on becoming a shinigami at the Shinō Academy. Before he left, he had given me a ring, promising to come back to marry me. "We'll be together, forever," he had said, "So don't forget me." I blushed thinking about the intensity of his gaze at that moment.

When Ryota announced he was leaving for the Shinō Academy, everyone was happy for him, but I still felt a pang of sadness. Sure, I was proud that Ryota was amazing enough to be accepted into such an elite school, but nevertheless, we would see each other less and less. Today was one of the days when he had a break from school and visited me. It was close to his graduation time now—he mentioned it every time we talked.

After cleaning up and making sure I was as ladylike as possible, I dashed to our usual meeting place—a bench in front of a large tree behind a simple school in Rukongai. We used to run up and down the streets, always stopping to see who could climb to the top of the tree. I smiled recalling those times.

But I found the spot deserted. Feeling slightly dejected, I wandered around until I heard a noise behind the tree. I wandered around the great trunk of the old tree until I chanced upon Ryota. I tensed up, feeling excited again.

My gait grew slower as I approached him, my brain whirring as I tried to process what was before me. There, in the shade of the great tree, next to Ryota, sat a woman I had never seen before.

I watched as she giggled, tossing her glossy black hair. I wanted to yell at her for sitting so close to the man I was going to marry, but my cry died in my throat as Ryota moved closer to the woman, letting his hand rest on the small of her back. I stared in horror as she shifted over so that her kimono just barely slipped off a shoulder.

And I kept watching as he cupped her chin, bringing their lips closer and closer until, finally, they met. The world seemed to fade into black and white as he tilted his head, his hand moving to tangle itself in her hair. My eyes began to sting as I realized he was kissing her, that my first and only love was kissing another woman under our tree—the lovely tree which held so many fond memories. I couldn't help but freeze, standing there lamely, feeling as though my chest was collapsing on itself.

"Ryota?" I heard myself say.

I started as the two broke apart, two pairs of eyes looking up to meet mine. "Who is she?" the woman asked, fixing her dress and staring at me with clear disdain. I wanted to scream at her, to ask her who she thought she was to do that…to kiss him, but I just shook my head.

"Oh, it's just Ren," he said, with a smug look. There was no regret, no embarrassment, and none of the cheerful personality that usually bubbled from Ryota. I didn't know this person, with such cold eyes.

"Why is she just standing there?" the woman asked, snickering.

He smirked. "She's my childhood friend. She's probably shocked senseless. After all, she's been in love with me since we were children."

I felt tears roll down my cheeks, despite my efforts to hold them in. My whole life was crumbling around me.

The woman laughed again. "Oh, she's crying now. She probably actually thought she stood a chance with you." She stopped laughing abruptly. "Did she stand a chance?" she asked.

Now it was his turn to laugh. "Please. I would never go out with such an ugly, plain girl. She was just a little…diversion—a plaything. She could practically be a boy for all I care."

"Was it all fake, Ryota?" I demanded, angrily rubbing away my tears. "Was the time you helped me search for Ruri's cat fake? Was the time we decided to swim in the river and the fun we had racing and climbing up trees—especially this tree—all fake? When you said that we'd always be together?"

He hesitated for a moment, but responded icily, "They don't mean anything to me now." He paused and scowled. "So just stop crying and get lost. You're so annoying. And don't bother to come to the graduation, either. You'd just embarrass me."

Something inside me clicked, like a sudden light shone down from the clouds to clear my thoughts. I suddenly understood him, his true nature. My tears ceased immediately and my miserable expression morphed into a crooked grin. I began chuckling, causing both of them to stare at me in alarm.

"So you say that you used me, huh? That I'm embarrassing, annoying? That your childhood friend is too ugly, too plain, too boyish, to even be considered a girl, let alone someone with feelings?" I said, slowly advancing toward them, and the woman only clung tighter to Ryota.

"I'll make it my goal to destroy you, Ryota," I growled, my hands clenched into fists.

He scoffed at my threat, waving me aside. "You're a weak woman, what can you do?"

"Yeah. A weak woman," I snorted and then snapped back at him. "Then...I won't be a woman anymore. I'll lower myself down to your cheating, filthy, lying level. And I'll still destroy you," I snarled.

To prove my point, I slammed my fist into the tree, centimeters away from Ryota's head. Ryota and I had always possessed a higher Spiritual Power than most of the Rukongai residents that we encountered. Where Ryota had flaunted his powers, I simply kept mine hidden, partly out of the fear that Ryota might dislike me. But now, I felt the bonds sealing my reiatsu shatter as I poured some power into the punch. Lightning-like reiatsu crackled ominously and ran up the tree, while Ryota swallowed nervously.

Then, I simply turned around and walked away, comforted by the satisfying thud of a fallen tree.

~8~

Just remembering his smug face made me want to set something on fire, but I restrained myself. I admit I was partly to blame for grief wrought on me, for being such a naive teenage girl that fell hopelessly in love, ignoring all of his faults.

After pondering my new goal, I had decided to go to the Shinō Academy to train to be a shinigami, as a male, of course. I have to admit, I was a pretty good student. I had willed my way through the courses, completing the normally six year course in three years, as well as the Gotei 13 entrance test, despite my difficulty with tests and school in general. But when I discovered that Ryota was a seated officer in the Ninth Division, I knew this was the perfect opportunity for revenge.

I fingered the ring that Ryota had given me, strung on a necklace that I tucked into my shihakusho. It was the only piece of jewelry that I ever wore. I kept it as a reminder of my goal, as well as the dangers of "love". Despite my hardships, I refused to let him destroy this happy moment and pushed away murderous thoughts for a few moments.

I was finally a shinigami, with my own division, and my own room. I allowed myself one more girly outburst before I sank back onto the bed, falling asleep almost immediately.

A/N: So, that was the first chapter. As you can see, the main character, Ren Moriyama (or Moriyama Ren—whichever way you like names) is an emotionally scarred person, quite like a certain scarred fukutaichou. She is a bit of a tsundere, and I apologize for being clichéd. Sorry, I like the "strong woman" type character, so don't expect too many "damsel in distress" moments. Don't even start on the "bridal-style carry". By the way, I plan to parody that in this story.

And, as always, constructive criticism in appreciated.

(In other words, please review!)

-CodenameOokami