Protecting the Future
Disclamer: I don't own Rurouni Kenshin, Nobuhiro Watsuki does.
Rating: PG
Summary: On that night, when Kenshin left Kaoru for Kyoto, he truly wished her the best of goodbyes… (Kenshin, Kaoru, Tomoe)
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On the night of the fourteenth of May, the eleventh year of the Meiji…
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Men went to war, and women stayed home.
That has not changed. Kenshin thought, as he walked through the darkness of the night, the fireflies flickering overhead like jewels in the ebony sky. Men went to war, and women stayed home. Both of them felt the anguish of separation, and the regret of so many things left undone. But what could they do, but hope for the best?
He, for instance, hoped that his farewells tonight had managed to soften the blow of his departure for her. He was never good at saying goodbyes, having parted ties with his master horribly. Hiko Seijuro's curt dismissal of him had been a final decapitating blow, the response to the challenge of his own passionate words.
And then, there had been the one with whom he had never said goodbyes to. He had simply forgotten that he might need to do so. Those days of living with her in Otsu had been so bright and happy. And on their last night together, he had made a vow to protect her and their life together, dreaming of a perfect future. They were married, truly married, that night. Then morning came, and the cold unforgiving wind cutting into his wounds shattered that future, crashing down like a house made of glass.
He regretted his silence, like he did with so many other things that had to do with her. It had all been so wonderful that he had forgotten that it had only been an illusion. He as the medicine seller, she as his wife, both of them living in a house far, far away. But they had only been living on borrowed time, in a man-made dream to hide from the world. And when the world had knocked on their door that morning, their dream had been left undone, like being snatched out of a fairy tale.
Thinking of his deceased wife made him think of her deceased betrothed, the man who had died as a bodyguard, his last words crying out to the world as his body had died because he was desperate to see her once more.
I don't want to die…Not yet…Not now…don't let me die…
Had he ever thought that he might never see her again? Had he said everything he had wanted to say to her before he had left? In his last moments, had he longed to live because there had been so much more that he had wanted to do, to say?
Such difficult questions, Kenshin thought. For him and for me. He had said his farewells tonight, trying to answer these questions. His silence had been a mistake.
Her silence had become her greatest regret.
He was the son of a Shogunate employee I had known since birth. Neither a skilled swordsman, nor a clever statesman. But he was such a kind man, and he tried so hard at everything he did. I loved that quality in him. He asked me to marry him, and I was so happy my heart nearly burst. But in my bliss, I could not speak the words that would keep him near me. I couldn't let him know how happy I was. Maybe it was my fate.
Once upon a time, he had gone to war, with dreams of being a savior of the people. He had not questioned himself then. Today, now, and here, questioning himself was all he could do. He had seen too much not to. The tragedy of that doomed couple now engraved into the left side of his face with steel. The first cut from a man who had wanted to please his future wife, to be a hero and to lay all he had at her feet. The second cut from a woman, who had not stopped her beloved from his quest.
Kaoru-dono, please don't become Tomoe. Don't become my wife again.
He wanted to make it clear to her that he was going to Kyoto. He was leaving, because of the Battousai inside of him, and that it wasn't because of anything she had not done. Whether if would work, he didn't know. All he should hear behind him were the sounds of her grieving. A medicine seller, Kenshin thought. Who sells bitter cures to defeat even more bitter poison.
Please let it work. Kenshin hoped for her sake. Please don't blame yourself, Kaoru-dono. Blame me if you wish. Just live. Live like Tomoe didn't. Forget me and find happiness with another person. I want to protect you, and this is only way I see.
Live…Kaoru.
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…Himura Kenshin returned to wandering...
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End