"Edward, I have a confession," Bella admitted, biting her lip in a sultry way. Emmett stepped quietly out of the shadows and put his arm around her shoulder. A tiny thrill whirled through me.
"What, BellBell?" I asked, using my favourite nickname.
"I'm pregnant. With Emmett's child. I'm sorry you had to find out this way. He's divorcing Rosalie. We're eloping. You're invited to the wedding."
"Cool. Alice and I are actually dating to." Alice stepped forward and planted a kiss on Edward. Jasper and Rosalie walked into the dark room, making out. We laughed.
"Wow. This sure is weird." Bella said. I laughed. Rosalie kissed Jasper's nose. Emmett snorted.
I awoke.
"You all right?" Bella asked, concerned.
"Yeah. I just had a weird dream," I said.
"You can't sleep!"
"And your point is…?"
"Oh, I don't have one, I was just saying,"
"Cool. Wanna know what my dream was about?"
"Hell yeah!"
"Cool. You were pregnant… with Emmett's baby. I was with Alice; Jasper and Rosalie were together. Weird, right?"
"Totally. So, wanna go have lunch?"
"Totally!" I said, excited. I sunk my teeth into Bella's neck and she giggled until she was dead. I sighed.
"Well, I guess I'm not dating you any more… Yo, Alice, wanna get married?" I called into the hallway.
"Hell ya! Jasper and Rosalie want to too. Emmett is out on a date with that other vampire…. Esme. Yup, let's go!"
I awoke.
"You all right?" Bella asked, biting her lip in concern.
"Yeah, I just had some really weird dreams."
"You don't sleep,"
"So?"
"Then you can't dream,"
"Oh, my God, you're right; that is too weird. Maybe I got sick…"
"From what?"
"I dunno. Maybe that time I drank someone's blood they had AIDS or something…" (no insult to those with AIDS, by the way…)
"Oh. Right. Well, I have news. I'm pregnant."
"With Emmett's baby? God, Bella, how could you?"
"Um, no, with yours. We have been married for a year, Eddie!"
"Oh, yuh. 'Kay. Let's go hunt for food."
"Right. Oh, wait, shit! I'm in labor. My water broke. Let's go."
I awoke.
"Bella?" Edward's soft, musical voice asked. I giggled.
"Oh, my God, I just had the weirdest dream! First, it was in your point of view. I was pregnant… with Emmett's kid. And you and Alice were together, and Rosalie and Jasper. And then I woke up. It was still your point of view—the first part had been a dream. You ate me. And then I woke up. That would be the last part. Both the first parts had been a dream too. I was pregnant with your kid. We went hunting. I was a vampire."
"You're still dreaming, darling," Edward laughed. I frowned.
"Oh, right." I forced myself awake. I was being attacked my the schizophrenic squirrels from a certain Alex Rider FanFiction.
"Aw, shit!" I muttered. I was then devoured by squirrels. I didn't wake up. I died in my sleep. There were pigeons sitting on me in reality.
The End.
Boy was that weird!