I once again have written something dramatic. It has actually been sitting in my head since maybe yesterday. I also have been inspired by "We Are Young" by Fun. Love that song. Anyways, I hope everyone enjoys! Good readings!
Disclaimer: I do not own this series or the characters portrayed.
He was talking to her again. He always tried to talk to her at least once a week. Twice, if he could make it seem casual and focused on some specific reason.
He mostly just wanted to talk to her again.
Not as Conan.
Not as the wandering and occasional phone call.
As himself. He missed it greatly.
The current conversation, and phone call, had been brought on by her. He had bought her a gift, he didn't even remember what it was for. He just knew she told Conan about it in a way without giving away that she would like to have it. He knew her better than that. He had gone and bought it for her as a gift from himself, Shinichi, not even an hour after her mentioning it. Although, he waited for at least 2 weeks to actually give it to her. Just so it would seem less suspicious.
She was idly chatting and he was only half listening, not because he didn't want to hear what she had to say, but because he was waiting for the moment when she asked one of her questions he had to lie through his teeth about; while biting his tongue so he wouldn't say the truth instead. It was starting to frighten him how easy it was becoming. If he admitted anything to anyone, it was the fact that every word out of his mouth was another load of dirt out of the pit he would need to climb out when he was permanently back to his original body.
Shinichi made certain not to think of the worst case scenario, which would be he never returned to normal. Especially since the pit was already several stories deep.
Ran managed to pull him out of his reverie by asking one of her aforementioned awkward questions:
"By the way Shinichi, how did you know I wanted to get this?"
At that moment, Shinichi didn't answer with the automatic 'the kid with the glasses told me', he was realizing that he very rarely referred to his current alter ego by name when speaking with Ran. He was always trying to make it seem like he was indifferent towards the boy he was turned into. Showing no interest seemed smarter than showing even a sliver of interest.
And he was so tired.
Tired of the charade. Of the secret. That he was doing it to protect her and anyone else who didn't already know. But, he was mostly tired of the fact that he only recently seemed to have comprehended that he was lying.
To everyone.
And he was making them lie for him.
He was having all these people lie and bend the truth for him, while he was deceiving them himself. Him, Kudo Shinichi , High School Detective, and the one who always believed in the truth over everything else.
It hurt to realize. It hurt badly.
Without even thinking about it, Shinichi replied to her with some of the more truer words he has said to her in a while.
"You told me."
He felt like he just buried himself in the several story deep pit he was already trapped in.
Ran was silent and it made Shinichi feel every bit of blood in his presently small body rush to his head.
Because, he knew she knew she hadn't told him anything about it.
She had told Conan, who is supposed to be a completely different person.
It seems he finally took one too many risks.
And then it happened.
"Oh! That's right. I did tell you, didn't I? Silly me, I actually forgot altogether."
She covered it up.
She utterly and amazingly covered up the fact that she said no such thing to him.
To Conan, yes.
But, not to Shinichi.
And she knew it. She knew that Conan was the one she told, not Shinichi.
And she let it go.
Which meant she knew the truth behind the appearance of Conan and the disappearance of Shinichi.
He felt sick.
He should have felt relieved, but he just felt as if he would vomit everything he had eaten in the last few days.
She knew and she didn't pursue it.
She knew and she only hesitated a second to make it seem there was nothing wrong and to follow his unintentional cue.
She knew and she lied for him again. Even as far as lying to the guilty party himself.
Shinichi was certain he had stopped breathing. He couldn't hear and he couldn't see, he was so terrified.
So much so that he almost missed her last words before she ended the call.
"Shinichi... I'll see you when you get back, okay?"
If he didn't know better, he would have believed he answered with a moist and choked affirmative.