It Just Is, Okay?
What happens when Quinn and Santana are both pregnant at the same time? Total chaos. *Brittana and Faberry*
"You are my sunshiiiiiiiine...my only sunshiiiiiiiiiine..."
"RACHEL OH MY GOD! IF YOU SING ONE MORE GOD DAMN SONG, I WILL PERSONALLY TEAR OUT YOUR FUCKING VOCAL CHORDS!"
"You know Quinn, you shouldn't be using this kind of language while carrying our child! Happy thoughts, happy thoughts!"
"THE ONLY HAPPY THOUGHT I HAVE RIGHT NOW IS WHEN I KILL YOU AND THEN THIS KID FOR PUTTING ME THROUGH THIS..."
"I'm taking you over to Brittany and Santana's house! Maybe another pregnant woman to bitch at will solve your problems!"
"NOW WHO'S USING BAD LANGUAGE?"
"Brittany, thank you so much for letting us in your house. Quinn's been a raving lunatic lately and I haven't had any idea of what to do."
"Don't worry, Santana's been having mood swings for the past week. One minute she's happy, the next she's sad, the next she's angry, and then she wants a hamburger dipped in chocolate."
"What?"
Santana and Quinn were comiserating on the couch.
"I feel like I just got my abs back from the last pregnancy. 10 years ago."
"I used to be able to see my toes."
"I used to be able to feel my toes."
Quinn was fumbling around with a few random foods in the kitchen, when she tried one dangerous concoction.
"Santana! OH MY GOD!"
"Huh, Quinn?"
"I just created... the best. Food. Ever."
"Yeah?"
"Bacon dipped in grape jelly. Thoughts?"
Quinn handed a bacon strip over to Santana, who dipped it in the jelly.
"OH. MY. GOD. Quinn! This is the fucking best thing I've eaten all month."
"I know right?"
"Where have you been all my life?" Santana cried while dipping another slice of bacon in.
Santana kept glaring at Brittany and Rachel talking in the kitchen. She was incredibly jealous of whatever conversation they were having, and decided to speak up.
"Hobbit, stop trying to steal my woman!"
"What? I'm just talking to Brittany.."
"Oh please! I practically invented that excuse! Friends talking with their tongues super close, I know it all, okay Berry?"
"But I'm not! I have Quinn!"
"And that's just why you want to have Brittany! To add another blonde to your harem!"
Quinn nodded in agreement, while eating a pickle dipped in chocolate.
"Quinn! Quinn!"
"Huh?"
"We need to break up Britberry. It's like...knock off Burberry! And no one likes knock-offs.."
"Yeah. How?"
"I think we should makeout."
"What? I'm with Rachel, and you're with Brittany!"
"NO! Don't you see? They're..." Her eyes narrowed, "together."
Quinn gasped.
"But she told me she loved me!"
"Yeah, they're a bunch of liars. Now kiss me!"
Rachel was carrying a box of breadsticks from BreadstiX. She walked into the room.
"So, Quinn, Santana, I got you breadsti- OH MY GOD!"
Quinn and Santana were making out on the couch.
"What the fuck, Santana!"
"You taste good, Santana."
"You taste like peaches."
Rachel's jaw dropped. "I thought you only used the peach lip gloss with me! ME!"
"We need a preggervention." Rachel decided.
"Your hormones are out of control, Santana." Brittany added.
"Your hormones are out of control, Santana. YOURS WOULD BE TOO IF YOU WERE CARRYING AROUND SOME WOMB WRECKER..." Santana was about 5 seconds away from going all Lima Heights.
"Can you stop shouting? I think my baby just threw up inside me." Quinn commented, incredibly worried.
"Rachel, I swear I'm going to kill you for this." Brittany said.
"What did I do?"
"You thought it would be a good idea to have them both pregnant at the same time! What the fuck were you thinking?"
"I wanted our children to have the same birthday! We could save money on the parties!"
Quinn and Santana were now sleeping on the couch together, despite both Brittany and Rachel's objections.
("We're sleeping together now since we're Quinntana. Enjoy your knock-off Burberry, bitches!"
"Huh?" )
"HOLD ME, QUINN. I THINK I'M DYING."
"Don't worry, I'm pretty sure the baby just kicked. It's normal."
"HOLY SHIT WHY IS MY STOMACH EXPLODING?"
"Santana I can't handle these loud noises at 3 am! Me and this fucker inside me are trying to sleep!"
"Well mine is apparently using my uterus as a soccer ball and all you can complain about is your mother fucking sleep!"
Rachel was still angry that Quinn and Santana were convinced that they needed to make out constantly in front of their wives in order to 'win them back'.
"I swear this is like being in high school with a drunk Santana and Quinn making out again. I'm supposed to be the one providing for my girlfriend's lusty hormones!"
"I remember that party! It was so hot."
"Quinn, I can't feel the baby anymore. Do you think it's dead?"
"No, maybe it's finally fallen the fuck asleep so you can leave me alone too!"
"No need to be so hostile..."
"I'm carrying around a baby with a head the size of Rachel Berry's! I can be as fucking hostile as I want!"
"My womb hurts."
"You're not even pregnant, Brittany."
"How much longer til I can pop this bitchlet out?"
"I think it's been two years already."
"I swear to God, I will castrate every man I see after this pregnancy."
"Been there, done that."
"My life is falling apart!"
"But we're going to have a baby, Santana!"
"We haven't had sex in months!"
"It's not good for the baby!"
"I don't care about the baby! I have needs!"
"Quinn, you've had one of these monsters before. How much bigger did your vagina get?"
"Brittany! My water broke!"
"You just dropped your glass, it's not a big deal."
"Some fucking wife you are! Don't tell me it's not a big fucking deal! I'll just pop the baby right out on the couch! See how you like it then!"
"Rachel, remember that time I told you I wanted this kid?"
"Yeah, it was so sweet."
"Forget I ever said it. This bastard is going back!"
"HOW MUCH FUCKING LONGER?"
"ONE WEEK, NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP."
Brittany kissed Santana's forehead.
"I love you."
"I hate you. A lot."
Finally, the day came where both girls went into labor.
"PUSH!"
"You think I haven't figured that shit out by now?"
"I'm naming our baby Quinn."
"I'm naming our's Santana."
"We already agreed on Evan, Quinn! Come on!"
"Evan sounds about as gay as you are, Berry."
"Santana! Don't be mean. Besides, I thought we decided on Lucy..."
"Oh hell no! You are not naming your baby that dreadful name..."
"It's cute, Caboosey."
Quinn was sneaking around the apartment, cooking microwavable bacon and searching for some grape jelly. It really was the best food ever!
"Quinn, I thought the weird food pairings went away after pregnancy."
"I GAVE BIRTH TO OUR SON, YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO JUDGE ME!"
Santana stared at herself in the mirror.
"Oh my god, I'm so fucking fat."
"You're gorgeous."
"Who the hell paid you to say that?"
"I love you."
"I love you too."
"Mama!"
"Wanna have another kid?"
"Only if it's in you."
"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU CONVINCED ME TO DO THIS FUCKING HORROR AGAIN!"
End.