You lay on your couch skimming through the channels until you see :
FAMILY FEUD!you are about to turn your tv off until you see "final fantasy style"
hhhmmm. . .maybe you better watch. . .
The talk show guy starts off the show with, "Welcome to family feud, were two families battle it out for a chance at $20,000 gil. And now your host, Mog Moogle!"
Mog walks to the center of the stage where the audience cheers,
"Alright, everyone, bow down to me!" Mog cheers. The audience seems confused, "ERR. . . I mean, welcome! Today we have. . .THE ALEXANDROS!" he corrects himself.
Garnet, Cid XIII, Queen Brahne, and Eiko cheer, "YEA! (.)"
"And on the other side, we have . . . THE KRAMERS!"
The Kramers, Headmaster Cid, Edea, Squall, Zell, and Seifer, have a broken cheer of , "Huh?. . Woo hoo! . . . Go. . .team. . .whatever. . .I LOVE hotdogs! . . . We'll beat the crap out of you!"
"Now to introductions," Mog flies over to the Alexandros and stares at Dagger.
"And who are you? (-.)" he asks scratching his head.
" I'm the princess, Duh! So you better show me respect!" She demands
"When Spoink fly . . ." he grumbles (Spoink, from Pokemon)
"What was that?" Garnet yells. Mog is lost for words, "Uh, (-.-) I said time passes by (v.v)" he nods knowingly, "well, now to our next player."
"Thank you, Mog, for having me on your show," Queen Brahne shook his hand, "Do you know how hard it is to be on TV having your skin green and your butt bigger than your chair?"
"who invited this bitch?" Mog thought looking away, "erm. . .Your welcome, green slimy talking lizard."
"That is the best compliment anyone ever gave me!" Queen Brahne breaks down and crys hugging Mog.
"Eww, she smells funky. When was the last time she showered? Does she shower? Eww. Don't even think that Mog, man, I was right, she is slimy."
Mog breaks away and reads off his cards, "Well, time to move on." He flies over to the next person, "So you are Ci- hey your Hilda, Where is Cid XIII?"
"Oh, hehe," Queen Brahne pokes he fat PLOINK. "He got covered by my fat."
GASP Cid XIII flees from her fat, "I have never seen so much meat in my life!"
"Cid!" Hilda pulls his ear, "Are you checking other women!"
"GOD NO! Queen Brahne?" he shudders.
"I think I learned more than I need to know about your personal life." Mog sighed
"Damn strait!" Cid XIII nodded, "Now move along, Richard Carn." (Richard Carn –host of Family feud.)
"I'm MOG!"
"What? Where am I?" Cid XIII shrieked, "I'm supposed to be in Family feud!"
"Is he retarded?" Mog asked Hilda, she sighed and put her hand to her forehead.
"Jeez, and to think these pathetic creatures are the dominant species . . .What can I say, politics" he shrugged to himself and moved on to the next person.
"Hey, Mog, hurry up and introduce me!" came a familiar voice.
"Oh, well, this is Eiko. . .my owner." Mog said monotonously.
"hello" Eiko waved to the audience, "Um. . .well, where should I start, I'm cut , I can cook. . ." by the time Eiko was done with her half-baked talents, Mog had made his way to the Kramers.
Mog takes a good look at his cards, "Cid?" he pretends to read off his name tag, "Weren't you just over at that table?" he asked sarcastically, knowing this was obviously headmaster Cid and not Cid XIII, but he continued reading off the cards, "You must be real quick to switch sides with out being noticed! OR are you his twin? Who writes this crap! They look nothing alike!"
"What are you talking about Mog?" Headmaster Cid asks confused.
Mog throws his cards behind him and goes to Edea, "Your Edea, am I right?"
He said reading off her nametag.
"Oh, wow. How did you know! I'm amazed!" she said elated.
"Does she know she's wearing a name tag? (-. )" Mog asks himself moving along to the three boys.
"Who are you?" Mog asks all of them at once, for some reason, Squall, Zell, and Seifer did not have nametags.
ooOoo
FLASHBACK
ooOoo
"Okay boys, when you are on air, I want you to be on your best behavior or I will fix your enjoyment!" Edea threatened.
"Whatever," Squall replied.
"Matron, my name tag said Zell Kramer." Zell told her disappointed, "They spelled my name wrong, and this time, they weren't a little off."
"Zell, play along, for now you are a Kramer." Edea explains absent mindedly as she leaves the dressing room with Headmaster Cid.
"I still don't like it." Zell groaned.
"Do you honestly care that much, Zell?" Seifer asked. Zell nodded proudly, "YES! Hey, I got an idea; can I have you guys' name tags?"
"Whatever." Squall said and Zell takes his name tag from his shirt. Zell looks over at Seifer, "You are not taking mines!" Seifer tells him, "Why not?" Zell whines.
"Make it worth my while. . ."
"I am not having sex with you!" Zell yelled
"NOWAY, chiken-wuss! I meant a deal!" Seifer set him strait and he just blushed embarrassed.
Seifer then whispers something in his ear, after hearing it Zell declines, "Never! Edea will kill me! We might lose the game!" Seifer smirks and points at his name tag, "I mean. . .Hotdog," he said weakly.
"heheheheheheheeh" Seifer laughs and hands him his name tag, Zell takes it and does god knows what with them.
oooOooo
END OF FLASHBACK
oooOooo
"Whatever," replies Squall when Mog brings the microphone up to his face.
"Weird name. Ok whatever."
"That's MY line!" Squall screams for the first time not saying 'Whatever.'
"HUH? Must be the sped in the family." Mog thinks to himself as he goes to Zell.
"Hotdog," was Zell's answer.
"Excuse me?" Mog asks.
"Hotdog," Zell says again.
"What about Hotdog"
"Hotdog"
"Is your name hotdog?"
"Hotdog"
"Okay, I take it back; he's the sped in the family."
Mog flies to Seifer, "please tell me you're the normal one." He pleaded.
"As a matter of fact, I am," Seifer said fixing his nails, "Seifer the Great."
Squall points his finger at Seifer, "since when did your name have 'the Great' in it?"
"Since a very long time, puberty boy!" Seifer countered.
"Oh, was that before, or after you became the sorceress's lapdog?" Squall said with a smirk.
"I was her Knight!" Seifer yelled, "get it right! K-N-I-T-E, Knight!"
"this is going to be a long 30 minutes minus commercials. . ." Mog sighed, "cut to commercials!"
"Sorry Mog, this is a no commercial show," said the talk show guy.
"What? Why didn't anyone tell me this was a no commercial show! What ever happened to freedom of speech! I WANT COMERCIALS! Where's my tequila? WHO STOLE MY TEQUILA?"
The crowd blinks and stares.
"I-uh mean, who's still too cute . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ya?"
weak attempt
"BOO!" booed Fujin from the audience.
"Boo yourself, you albino bi." Mog spat.
"WHAT? DIE!" Fujin gets on stage and grabs the moogle. She then goes back stage and they are never seen again.
"Who's hosting?" Garnet questions.
Raijin pops out of nowhere and takes the stand, "I will! I happen to do stand up comedy, you know."
"This isn't Seinfeld, you know." Garnet joked, but Raijin took that too seriously , "RACIST! And you stole my line!"
"I am not Racist," she disagreed, "I treat Vivi with respect!"
"I'M NOT BLACK, YOU RACIST BITCH!" Vivi yells from the audience and runs off crying.
"Well, that answers that question, on with the first question."
"Who died and made you boss?" Eiko asks
"Mog," Raijin told her.
"What? Mog died?" she begins to cry
"Kids," Raijin shakes his head, "oh well, Dagger, headmaster Cid," he calls them over to the buzzer.
"O.K five answers on the board. Which final fantasy characters are most loved? Remember, we surveyed 100 girls."
Garnet hits the buzzer first, "Zidane?"
BUUUZZ!
"What a rip-off." Garnet mumbled as Zidane's name didn't appear on the board.
"Headmaster Cid, of course," Headmaster Cid replies.
BUUUZZ!
"Insolence, Surely everyone loves me."
"Apparently not," Raijin shakes his head, "well, since no one got it right, I'll flip this here coin."
"Dibs on tails." Garnet calls
"Very well, I shall take heads."
The coin flips in the air and lands on the floor do to Raijins inability to catch things.
"It's tails," Raijin calls out.
"Cheat coin! Heads always wins! Shame on you! Shame, shame, shame!
Cid gets out of control so Raijin just leaves him and heads for the Alexandros table.
"Okay, queen Brahne, which final fantasy characters are most loved?"
"Squall, of course," she winks at squall but he only shudders in return.
"Okay then," Raijin points his finger at the board, "Show me, Squall!"
CHING!
The Alexandros clap hands and for some reason, so does squall. However, he stops when a note flies in front of him raeding:
Hay seksy, waNNa hAng oot Tonite !
MEat mEE BACk sTejg after thE
SHoow.
Xoxoxox GSLQ
Green slimy lizard queen
"What the?" Squall mumbles, "did a two year old write this?" he looks up and Brahne winks at him. He starts shuddering uncontrollably.
"Squall," Seifer said annoyed, "quit moving, your bumping into my arm!"
he then looks at squall, "what, is there a draft in here?"
"She winked at me and wrote this. . ." squall said shivering and handed the note to Seifer.
Seifer started shuddering too, but not because of what Queen Brahne wrote, but because that was the worst penmanship he had ever seen in his life.
"Okay, Cid XIII," Raijin said, " What is the most loved Final fantasy Character?"
"I'm going to go with, Auron. He is my best bud."
"Since when?" Raijin asked, amazed.
"Since the time I never told him I slept with his girlfriend."
"WHAT?" Auron screams from the audience.
"Restrain him!" Raijin said immediately.
Auron struggled from the guards, " Whatever happened to 'bros before hoe's!' I'll get my revenge, Cid! No one cane take away Auron BomboJoeyKazzotriatzimaFuton the 3rd forever! AHAHAHAHA!"
Raijin ignores him and moves on, "Do we have Auron!"
CHING!
Auron's name appeared on the board.
Auron was watching it from a TV in the jail cell, "what? Lady's find me attractive? Guards! Get me my cells phone!"
"Why?" asked one guard.
"To tell Yuna we're off. I can find better woman."
Oo Back to the show oO
"Okay, Hilda?" asked Raijin,
Hilda was furious, she looked like she was about to cause a massacre,
"CID, YOU LIED TO ME AND CHEATED ON ME AGAIN! WELL I'M KICKING YOU OUT OF THE CASTLE! YOU'LLE BE MISERABLE WHILE I'LL BE LIVING ON CLOUD 9! SO 'HA' TO YOU!"
Now that that was over, she bitch slapped Cid.
Raijin was talking to a staff member, "she said Cloud, can we count it?" the staff member nods and Raijin points at the board, "lets see . . . Cloud!"
CHING!
"What dumb luck," he shrugs and goes to Eiko, "well, Eiko, give me an answer."
"Zidane," she replied happily.
"Um, that's already been said, you know, and it wasn't up there."
"I said Zidane!"
"You should really choose someone else, you know.
"ZIDANE!"
"fine, Zidane," he sighed
BUUUZZ!
"Moving on. Dagger?"
Garnet looked around and spotted someone, "hey, cutie in the trench coat, what's your name?"
Seifer points to himself, "me?"
"Yea you, or are you just another dumb blonde!"
"The name's Seifer." Seifer said coolly
"Seifer," she told Raijin.
"Show me Seifer!"
CHING!
"WooHoo!" cheered Garnet.
"she likes me, here's my chance!" thought Seifer, "hey, wanna go out sometime?"
"No"
Seifer, heartbroken & rejected, lowers his head.
"Okay Queen Brahne, what's your answer?" Raijin said
"I'm going to go with the only person who ever did it with me and didn't die, Irvine."
Raijin sweat drops, "Seriously? ('-.-)"
(Sitting in the audience)
"Irvine, you did it with her, what where you thinking?" Selphie asked Irvine.
"Selph, I was completely drunk and in my blurry vision, she looked like a green Janet Jackson." Irvine explained
"Understandable. "
(Back on stage)
"Show me Irvine!" Raijin points at the screen again.
CHING!
Surprisingly, it was there.
Somewhere in the crowd, Irvine pops his collar.
"I can't believe no one got the number one answer." Raijin shakes his head, "you guys are really clueless."
"Well, I think it's me!" Cid XIII said positive of himself.
"Don't count on it," Raijin said disappointing Cid
BUUUZZ!
"HAHAHA! Old man! You are not popular! You know."
Cid just grumbles.
Raijin now goes to Hilda, "What's your answer?"
"uummmm. . ."
"three seconds, ya know."
"Kuja."
"figures." Mumbled Cid XIII
"What'd you say, you cheating rat!
"Kuja."
BUUUZZ!
"Ooh, I'm sorry, but the Kramers get a chance to steal your points!"
Raijin slides over to the Kramers table.
"Whats your answer?"
"Ahem, We are going with me, headma-" Edea smacks his head, "Tidus."
"Tidus!"
BUUUZZ!
"This game is screwd!" yelled Tidus from the audience, "Lying pansies!"
"Sorry for that outburst folks, show me the number one answer!"
CHIING!
"RAIJIN?" The audience yells surprised.
"well, what do you expect, Hobo Joe, you know?" Raijin shrugs as the teams complain.
"Alexandros 89, and the Kramers have yet to score," Raijin blurted to break the odd silence and whispering.
Edea and Queen Brahne come up to the buzzer as Raijin flips through the question cards.
"I don't think your supposed to do-" Raijin cuts her off, "Where's Brahne?"
"I'm coming!" Brahne said.
She had difficulty getting there do to her excess fat so it took1 hour for her to get to the buzzer.
"Took you long enough," Raijin said, crossing his arms, "this was only 2 feet away. How did you even get from your castle all the way here?"
"They airlifted me."
"Oaky . . . (sweatdrop) question: What would you never want to say to your wife?"
Edea bangs the buzzer, "I don't want to have children!" she eyes Cid mercilessly.
"No children!"
CHING!
"Number one answer, you wanna play or pass?" Raijin asks
"We'll play!"
Edea goes back to the Kramers table while Queen Brahne tries to take a step forward.
Raijin makes his way to the Kramers and goes to Seifer skipping Edea and Cid.
"Dude," Cid whispered to Edea, "this guys breaking all the rules!"
"Seifer, something you would never want to say to your wife."
"This is easy, Raijin, you're fat."
"You son of a bitch!" Raijin blurts out misunderstanding Seifers answer, "what right do you have calling me fat? Well have you looked in the mirror cause you're no Mr. Perfect Bod either!"
"Raijin, that's my answer."
"oh. . ." Raijin startens himself up, "well, why didn't you say so."
He looks at the board, "You're fat!"
CHING!
Seifer does a five minute victory dance, "Who knows the ladies better than me!"
"might I remind you of you recent rejection. coughDaggercough"
Squall points out. Seifer lowers his head, "aww, why do you always have to put me down…"
"brotherly love," Raijin says fruitishly.
(Sitting in the Audience)
"Is he retarded?" asked Selphie.
"Does he really think Seifer and Squall are brothers?" Irvine scratched his head.
(back on the stage)
"I wish I had a brother!" Raijin has a moment to himself but soon gets back to normal.
"Okay, squall, what's your answer?"
Squall had a tendency to not answer people when he was questioned.
"Whatever."
CHING!
"wow, this guys good, second best answer!"
Now he goes to Zell, "Zell, answer?"
". . .Hotdog." Zell sighed deeply.
Raijin raises his eyebrow, "right, the sped in the family."
BUUUZZ!
"Cid?"
"um, how about, I want a divorce."
"Divorce!"
CHING
"huh, you where talking to me? I was talking to Edea." Cid smiles weakly as Edea glares at him.
"Well, you've swept the board! No more answers left."
Raijin paces around the stage, "Alexandros 89, Kramers 99, and I'm tripling the points! Seifer, Cid."
Seifer and Cid come to the buzzers.
"Name something that can give you detention."
Cid presses the buzzer first, "spit balls. Ah, those were the days"
CHING!
"There are two answers better than that though."
"Ugly penmanship." Seifer said stuttering.
CHING!
"Number one answer!" Raijin pointed out.
"play or pass?" Raijin asked and Seifer chose 'pass'
The Kramers start yelling and hollering.
"YOU FOOL! . . .Whatever. . .hotdog!. . .Bad boy!"
Seifer sighs and walks back to the table knowing what was coming.
Raijin goes to the Alexandros and asks Garnet the question.
"hhmm, aha! Disobeying the queen!"
"There are no queens in school." Raijin said but she wasn't satisfied, "you disobeyed me! Off with your head!"
"That's illegal."
"What is wrong with this country? You can be locked in a little cage, but you can't get your head cut off!"
"That's why they call it free. . . . oh, wait."
"Raijin" called the talk show guy, "move on, or your not getting paid."
Raijin groaned, "jeez, they treat me like a slave. Just cause I'm black." Show me, disobeying the queen."
BUUUZZ!
Raijin is suddenly in a bad mood, "look fatty, you better have a good answer." He demands off Brahne.
"As a matter of fact, I do: Clipping your toenails in class."
"What?"
"personal experience.'
Raijin shrugs and points at the board once more, "clipping. . .your toenails?"
BUUUZZ
"Come on, there's only one answer left! How can you pathetic fools of a shoe not get it right?" his hair gets all messed up, "Alright, the Kramers get a chance to steal." He said taking a deep breath and going over to the Kramers.
"We are going with talking back!" Edea tells him before he gets there.
"Talking back." He repeats
CHING!
"YAY!" cheer the Kramers, "Whatever . . . HOT-DIGGIDY DOG! . . .
The winning background music starts to play and Raijin announces the winners, " The Kramers have won!" but before anything else happened, Mog comes out from back stage all battered and torn with lipstick on his cheek, "WAIT! The Kramers aren't Kramers!"
"Not Kramers!" Raijin repeats dramatically, "Edea, how could you cheat on Cid like that?"
"NO you inept fool! They are not related to neither Cid , or Edea!" Mog tried making it more understandable for Raijin but he just keeps on talking, "Cid was a good man! And for you to go and cheat on him after he. . . did you say not related"
Mog nods proudly.
"Oh, sorry," Raijin laughs embarrassed while patting down her collar and wiping spit off her face.
"As I was saying, I got three name tags with notes on the back.
The first one said Squall Kramer, on the back it said, we do not want these name tags, the second one was Zell Kramer, and it said, would you be so kind as to change these to our real last names. And the third one says Seifer Kramer on it, on the back it said
potatoes
carrots
mayonnaise
cabbage
liver
Hey, what the hell, this must be his grocery list."
"Who wrote this?" Raijin demanded
"Seifer whispered to Zell, "Don't say anything, they can't prove-"
"I did it!" Zell raised his hand, "do I get a prize?" he smiled
"CONFESSION!" Mog yelled as guards come to take each Kramer away
"It's too bad" Garnet started, "Kramer is a sexy last name."
"OOOOW!" Zell screams as Seifer kicks him in the balls.
"damn you chikenwuss." He mutters as they are all being dragged out like prisoners.
Surprisingly they hear Squall say, "NOOO! I'm too hot to be taken off TV!"
He struggles and gets away but they shoot tranquilizers at him and that gets him down.
"I'm gonna pretend that never happened," Raijin says as he directs the camera man away form the unconscious squall.
"OMG! I just noticed, what happened to you Mog?" Raijin fianally noticed
"Now you notice! Lets just say, Fujin can get freaky."
"I know," he agrees, but every one stares, "backtracks oh, I mean when she kicks me for no reason, hehe . . .what are you all still staring for. . . aaand on top of that, the Alexandros win!"
The Alexandros start cheering and jumping up and down
"YAY!" they all say at once and queen Brahne yells, "Goody-goody gum drop!"
but her fat starts expanding until she knocks anyone within a span of 20 feet of her to the ground with her hip fat.
"YAY YAY YAY YAY!" she cheered, "hey, why are all of you guys on the floor?"
she reaches for Cid.
"GET AWAY from me!" he yelled as her obesity contrasted near him.
Next thing you know the screen blacks out on your TV and, let's put it this way, Queen Brahne is never invited on a show again.
I hope it was good! reviews woud be nice though.