Okay, I know the tag collection is going to scare a lot of you off, but I promise this fic is mostly about healing, new beginnings, and love. But I wanted readers to go in warned: most of this is about hope, but it's not a kind route to get there.

This fic is a companion for the amazingly talented AudreyV's "finis vitae sed non amoris (the end of life is not the end of love)" on AO3 ( /works/8109634/chapters/18585886). If any of you have read that, you know why this story has such dark themes involved. Each chapter of that story covers the death of one of the four girls and its aftermath. No punches are pulled. But it's gorgeously powerful and well worth the read. (It's not absolutely essential to read that before reading this one, but I strongly recommend it.) Woven between the losses are glimpses into the characters' lives over the years, including the families they end up with. These tantalizing snippets inspired me to flesh out some of those years in my mind and AudreyV was gracious enough to let me run with it and write some of those missing chapters to go along with her story. She's awesome and I thank her for the support and generosity.

This fic mostly takes place between Chapters 1 and 2 of her fic (after Erin's death, before the next character's). AudreyV included the fascinating idea that Patty and Holtz would ultimately have a daughter, but rather than by adoption as most stories do, through artificial insemination with Holtzmann actually carrying the baby. This story tackles my idea of how they got there and how the process played out for both of them. I've done my best to be faithful to the original story and timeline (while taking a few small liberties with dialogue to have it flow smoothly), but if anyone spots a discrepancy, please let me know and I'll fix it! (This includes you, AudreyV!)

Ultimately, where "finis vitae..." is a story about death, this is a story about life and all the risks and challenges that go with it. It has humor and joy and love at its core, just shadowed by loss and grief. I'm a lover of comfort to go with my hurt and no ending without a new beginning.

Also, I truly believe it is possible to have true love with more than one person in your life. If someone dies, it is not a betrayal of that relationship to find love again one day. The new relationship doesn't make the past one a lie, nor does it make the new relationship invalid or less true because it's a "consolation prize". In these stories, Holtzmann truly loved Erin. And lost her. And truly loves Patty and the family and life they build together. Neither love is less meaningful for the order they happen in. Life and love are complicated, but our hearts are strong enough to encompass multiple people without dishonoring the feelings of either (as long as consent, communication, and understanding are involved for all).

Patty knew the moment Holtzmann held Abby's newborn daughter that she wanted one of her own.

It hadn't been planned. Ghostbusting took up the main focus of the girls' lives and between inventing, catching ghosts, handling paperwork for the mayor, and training up new team members, kids hadn't really been a consideration for any of them yet. To be honest, with the horrible pain of losing Erin only months ago, they had all found their thoughts about the future thrown into disarray.

Especially Holtzmann's. While all of them had lost a dear friend and teammate, Holtz had lost a woman she was, in every way that mattered, in a relationship with, even if they hadn't gotten to saying the actual words yet. They were working their way through the layers of love when their journey had been brutally cut off, and although Erin's ghost had stayed long enough to give Holtzmann the closure and permission to let go that she so wrenchingly needed, Patty knew that wound was nowhere near closed yet.

Abby was only doing marginally better. Having just gotten to rebuild their friendship after so much lost time only to have her best friend torn away from her again was an unbelievably cruel blow from the universe. Having to bear the guilt of knowing Erin had been killed protecting her from the demonic spirit that they had been fighting was just salt in the damn wound.

So, being the one least broken down by her grief, Patty had taken it upon herself to get done the things that needed doing and be a rock of normalcy for her two surviving best friends. She handled the initial calls with the mayor's people to keep the business going. She made sure Kevin still knew what to do and kept him from bothering the others if he could go to her first, being extra patient with him when she realized he was processing Erin's death at his own slow pace, rather than snapping at him if he sometimes fell into strangely solemn quiet spells when he was supposed to be working. Overall, Patty did her best to keep the firehouse feeling like home even with the notably gaping hole they couldn't fill despite a roster of new interns and trainees.

Of them all, Holtzmann seemed to need her support the most. Abby apparently had her own variety of coping mechanisms keeping her at least able to function, as she threw herself back into work aggressively, like it was the last thing holding her world together, but Holtzmann wasn't known for being comfortable handling her emotions under normal circumstances. This loss had broken something in her she wasn't able to repair right away.

After her final goodbye to Erin's ghost, Holtz had returned to work, but mostly puttered around, not really finishing anything. Sometimes music played, but quietly and without any dancing or acknowledgment of it, not even reacting if radio stations drifted out of signal so the tune was indistinguishable in all the static. She still participated during missions, but any sense of play was gone. The job was a job now and the near-silent focus with which Holtzmann dispatched ghosts, destroying them with her pistols rather than capturing them, was the most overt expression of anger Patty had ever seen from the once-vivacious engineer.

Patty did what she could not to push her. She figured that would just result in pushback that would make Holtz distance from her even further. Instead, she focused on trying to draw her back into a more familiar rhythm. She brought lunch up to the lab and ate it with her every day, making sure Holtzmann took a break and got something in her system. She talked, whether Holtzmann joined in or not, just filling the room with her voice, drowning out the shadows with interesting facts from whatever she was reading at the time or entertaining stories about the characters she had known throughout her life. Sometimes, she just went up and settled in a chair across from where Holtzmann was working, just so she knew if she did need someone, Patty was there.

At first, she didn't think it was helping that much. Holtzmann's mood still seemed miserable and she barely talked these days unless someone addressed her first. Patty began to wonder how long this could go on before the momentum finally ran out and the Ghostbusters eventually ground to a halt, just lacking the drive to go on.

But then one day, Patty was fixing lunch for them both when she heard footsteps on the stairs from the lab and turned to find Holtzmann sidling over to the kitchen area.

"Thought I'd save your knees some stairs today," she said, sliding onto one of the stools at the counter with a pale hint of a smile.

Patty's heart had lit up. Just hearing a glimmer of humor in Holtzmann's voice was one of the best things she'd heard in weeks. The fact that Holtz actually came looking for her, actually initiated their lunch routine herself, filled her with relief that things were finally starting to turn around.

Their lunch date remained a daily tradition even after Holtz started coming back to her old self. Sometimes Abby and Kevin joined them, occasionally they had big group meals with the new trainees, sometimes it was just the two of them, but either way, they always made time out of their work to at least eat something together at some point throughout the day.

It felt good. It felt like healing. Like life was returning to normal.

Until the day Abby took Patty and Holtzmann aside before anyone else came in for work and, in a very nervous and troubled voice, told them she was pregnant.

'Shock' wasn't a big enough word for Patty's reaction. 'Stunned' and 'completely damn confused' were getting there. She hadn't even thought Abby was seeing anyone, and apparently neither did Holtzmann if Patty read her puzzled stare correctly. Abby didn't seem inclined to be forthcoming about who the father was either, looking unusually embarrassed about the whole thing.

Admittedly, Patty's nudging her about whether it was Benny probably didn't help either, but hey, it was a fair question.

"All right. I mean, I guess the more important question is, since you went ahead and told us, I assume you're planning on actually doing this?" Patty asked carefully, already pretty sure what the answer was.

"Huh? Oh, yeah, of course I'm planning on keeping it," Abby said firmly. "I mean, it's going to cause some changes around here. I won't be able to go out on busts or anything for a while, which is kind of why I wanted to tell you guys right away, since I know it'll make life harder for you—"

Patty was about to interrupt that Abby better not be worrying about that when she was talking about bringing a baby into the world, but they both stopped when Holtzmann started walking toward Abby. The engineer had been mostly quiet after her initial "Whaaaaat?" at the news. She still didn't speak, just approaching Abby with an intense look in her eyes, face serious.

Patty watched nervously, neither of them sure what to expect. But then she saw Holtz's expression dissolve into a teary-eyed smile as she got close enough to wrap Abby in a huge hug, clapping her on the back emotionally.

"Okay," Abby said, patting Holtzmann's back, touched but confused. "You're okay, Holtz?"

Holtzmann nodded, letting go at last and throwing her arms up and her head back exuberantly. "We're gonna be aunts!"

Patty clapped her hands, letting the excitement spread. "Hell yeah we are!"

And Abby had smiled at last, however shakily, Holtz's infectious joy and Patty's reassurances that she was going to have all the help she could want finally breaking through her fears so she could start to marvel over the reality that she was going to be a mother.

It was the first time the firehouse had rung with happy voices in months.

OOO

It was another few days before Abby gave them the full story of what happened. After an uneventful day where they had sent Kevin and the trainees home early, the girls had settled in for dinner at the firehouse and the conversation turned to their changing situation.

"You're really planning to keep working now that you're pregnant?" Patty had asked.

"Well, not in the field, no," Abby said, "but we have a ton of administrative stuff that needs doing every day keeping the mayor satisfied, sorting through all the reports that keep coming in, making sure we don't get arrested when Holtz blows something up…"

"I got on a new watchlist last month," Holtzmann boasted to Patty with a grin.

Patty just shook her head. "Okay, but I mean, is it safe for you to be around here with all the radioactivity?"

"I can mark off areas with the lowest ambient radiation," Holtzmann offered, dipping an eggroll in the communal sweet-and-sour sauce. "The stuff you can be exposed to on a daily basis versus the areas where even items stored in the proximity can shorten your lifespan."

"I'd kind of like that done just for all of us who have to work in this building," Patty said sharply, making a mental note to schedule a physical exam sometime soon.

"See? No problem," Abby shrugged.

"Right. Well, not to bring it up again," Patty said cautiously, knowing she was treading on thin ice, "but is the baby daddy okay with all this too?"

Abby was quiet for a long moment, chewing on a mouthful of noodles. "He's not in the picture, so he can't really say."

A pang of regret went through Patty. She had suspected as much, but kind of wanted to know where things stood, officially. "Aw man, I'm sorry I brought it up. I didn't mean—"

Holtzmann leaned forward, lowering her glasses. "Is the father an alien?"

Abby laughed briefly, breaking the awkward atmosphere and managing to look up long enough to give Holtz a quick, affectionate look. Patty felt the weird little engineer endearing herself in her heart even more.

"No," Abby said firmly. She sighed. "All right, guess you might as well know sooner or later. It's not the last time people are gonna ask."

"Hey, it's your business," Patty said holding up her hands. "If I was prying, feel free to tell me off."

"No, it's okay." Abby pushed her mostly-empty carton of food away, her appetite apparently gone. "Look, it wasn't a proud moment and I don't really want to spread it around, okay? I had a one-night stand with a guy in a bar."

Holtz's eyebrows shot up and Patty was pretty sure her expression was exactly the same. "I'm not judging," she added quickly, "just kind of surprised Miss Doesn't-Even-See-Kevin-As-Attractive went for someone that quick."

"I was in a bad place," Abby said, looking down at her fingers, which were twisting a napkin. "It was a couple months ago and I was doing the paperwork and when I realized what the date was it just hit me really hard."

"Tough anniversary of something?" Patty nodded, sympathetically.

Abby sucked in a slow breath. "It was Erin's birthday. Or would have been."

Abruptly the still-raw pain seared over the room again, like bumping a healing burn. Patty glanced over at Holtzmann and saw that her face had gone granite-still, her expression hard to read. Not that Patty wasn't profoundly aware of what was going through her mind and it made a bit of worry gather in her stomach. Holtzmann and Abby had finally made peace with each other again after the brief period of grief-fueled resentment that had followed the circumstances of Erin's death. She really hoped this conversation didn't dredge up the bad feelings between them again.

"It just…," Abby continued grimly, "It brought everything back and when work was over I decided I needed to go to a bar and try to drown it all out before going home."

Guilt twisted Patty's stomach. She had tried to be supportive for both her friends, but Abby had seemed to be functioning and Holtzmann just seemed like she needed Patty's attention more. Now it was clear Abby hadn't been handling as well as she appeared to be, and Patty felt awful that she'd left her to cope with that alone.

"Why didn't you tell us?" she asked gently. "We would've gone with you."

"You guys were dealing with your own stuff. I didn't want to add extra grief on top of that," Abby said, flicking a pained glance at Holtz before looking back down. Holtzmann still hadn't moved, but her gaze had gone a bit internal.

"I just wanted to go drink myself stupid for a bit and sleep it off until it was the next morning and I could forget it again. But while I was there and having way too many shots, I kind of wound up…accepting an offer I normally wouldn't have. I know, it was a stupid thing to do and it was risky and I never should've done it, but at the time I just…was up for any kind of distraction."

Patty nodded, thinking about how many times in the last few months she and Holtzmann had ended up falling asleep in each other's beds. Not that they'd gone that far, not with Holtzy grieving her lost love, but Patty couldn't fault someone finding peace in human connection.

"And now the guy doesn't want to be involved?" Patty asked instead, already planning out how to start child support proceedings in her mind.

"Well, it's more that I couldn't find him again," Abby said, one of her hands pulling at the fingers of the other. "I've been back to the bar, talked to the bartenders, people who were there that night. He's gone. They said he wasn't a regular, most likely just someone in town on business who's gone back wherever he came from."

"Well, we've got the mayor's resources now," Patty said, throwing her arms wide. "I bet you we talk to Jennifer she'd be willing to help you track down this punk and get him to pay up."

"No." Abby rubbed her forehead, looking away. "God, I just sound worse and worse. If I got his name, I don't remember it. And I can't remember enough of that night to feel confident I could recognize him again even if I saw him." She dropped her head in her hands. "How messed up is that? I won't even be able to tell my kid who their father is."

"Hey, you don't need to be ashamed of that, Abby," Patty offered, rubbing her shoulder. "That doesn't make you a terrible person."

"Besides, maybe he's a horrible person," Holtzmann added. "Having two parents doesn't mean both of them will be good. The kid'll already have you. What are the odds they'd luck out twice?"

Something about that comment made Patty mentally file it away to ponder over further another time, when Holtz didn't have more recent wounds to worry about.

Abby just snorted, reaching for her drink. "Maybe. It doesn't matter. I'll make sure everything works out okay for the baby. I'm gonna give it the best life I can, even if I have to do it alone."

"You're not alone," Holtzmann reminded her firmly, squeezing her hand.

"Damn straight," Patty agreed, pulling Abby over for a side hug.

Abby smiled finally, hugging them both back. "Thanks. But you know, even if I was totally on my own and everything sucked? There's still no way I wasn't having this baby. As soon as I realized it was conceived on Erin's birthday, I couldn't even think about doing that." She huffed a bit shakily. "Is it stupid that I kind of took that as a sign? I mean, I'm probably just trying to make a drunken one night stand feel more meaningful, but—"

"You think Erin arranged things upstairs to get you knocked up?" Holtzmann said.

Abby chuckled. "You know, I wouldn't put it past her?" She shook a fist jokingly at the ceiling. "You could've at least asked me first!"

As they laughed and the conversation continued to how to make the building more pregnancy-safe, Patty felt a last knot of tension in her chest finally start to unravel. Hearing Abby and Holtzmann talk easily and even joke about Erin was a profound moment. Whether Erin had actually had any kind of say in what happened or not, Patty couldn't argue that it felt like maybe this development was her blessing, a way of showing that even if things would never be the same, at least they could start to move forward with life again.

OOO

Holtzmann and Patty lived up to their promise. Abby wanted for nothing throughout her pregnancy. Holtzmann built her an awesome crib with all kinds of technological toys including monitors, a mobile with dangling, cartoony ghosts, and a car seat that could fit into their replacement Ecto-1 (all completely non-radioactive beyond the standard carbon-14 level isotopes, she swore). Patty read everything about baby care she could find and ran interference with the media when they started getting too nosy about the new "celebrity pregnancy" in town. Even Kevin enthusiastically stepped up to run errands for her or retrieve things from around the firehouse so she didn't have to get up more than necessary, although whether he actually brought her the correct thing she had asked for was still a bit hit or miss.

As Abby stepped back temporarily to her purely management role in the Ghostbusters, Patty and Holtzmann picked up the slack on busts, rotating trainees along on the job with them. Being a woman down and having to train on the job made what should have been routine by now into a bit of a struggle, but considering Abby wasn't likely to be springing back into the job immediately after giving birth, they supposed they should get used to the new situation.

The other side effect of this change was that Patty and Holtzmann wound up spending even more time together than they had before. Even with the new Ghostbusters-in-training tagging along, the pair still gravitated toward each other in the field and frequently teamed up as they knew each other's rhythms and fighting styles like old dance partners. If it was a simple enough bust, they sometimes even got away with going out just the two of them, enjoying the familiarity of not having to worry about a newbie slowing them down.

Their regular lunches started including dinners, drinks, and exhausted nights crashing on the couch in front of the TV in one of their apartments after particularly draining workdays. Patty wasn't sure when their casual intimacy began shifting into something deeper, but the night Holtzmann kissed her at the bar after a few rounds, it hadn't been as shocking as it should have been.

They didn't talk about it right away, Patty figuring that the alcohol and energy of the night had just gotten the better of Holtz and she had a bit of impulse. Maybe some of her flirty attitude had just finally recovered as she was returning to the land of the living. But she didn't flirt with any of the new trainees, though even Patty herself thought some of the girls were fine specimens. No, the innuendos, comfortable physical contact, and lingering, smiling stares seemed to be Patty's alone.

So when the team went out dancing and Holtz let Patty guide her uncoordinated moves into something that synchronized better with her own, Patty found herself flushing as the blonde drew her in, shaping their bodies together in a way that left little ambiguity about her intentions. Even without any drinks in their system, they found their own form of intoxication making the rest of the group fade out and ultimately leading them back to Patty's for a passionate, almost desperate night together. Patty thanked any god listening she hadn't been drunk because she got to remember every electric, mind-blowing moment of it.

It wasn't the beginning of anything official, but it wasn't a one-time thing either. There were too many issues that needed to be talked out, too many shadows of Erin that Patty didn't want to infringe on, too many fears and uncertainties about what futures could happen in their line of work. They ultimately chose not to try to define it right away, just going with the flow, letting life lead them naturally where it would and relishing each moment as it was.

Abby was, of course, fully aware of what was going on and made a choice not to be judging about it. She did have a quiet conversation with Patty at one point to make sure there was no taking advantage of Holtzmann's emotional state, even unintentionally, and another with Holtzmann about rebounds and emotional transference, so that she could feel happy for them in good conscience. Once Abby was assured by both parties that all emotions involved were sincere, she accepted their friends-who-benefited-in-all-kinds-of-ways arrangement and trusted them to handle their business. Besides, she had a much bigger draw on her attention that was rapidly approaching on its own.

Patty and Holtzmann were at the clinic with Abby when her ultrasound revealed she was carrying a baby girl. While they would have loved a son just as much, there was a certain amount of excitement in having another girl continue on the theme of their little family. Holtzmann especially seemed invested in and excited about the prospect that her oldest friend was having a daughter. She brought home broken radios and TVs ("because they were fun for kids to take apart"), made a tiny pair of yellow goggles ("for when she visits Aunt Holtzy in the lab"), and ordered every onesie with a science joke on it she could find.

One quiet afternoon, Patty walked into the lounge at the firehouse to see Abby sitting on a couch reading as Holtzmann stretched across the rest of the cushions beside her, talking to her belly. Patty stayed back, not wanting to interrupt the moment, but too entranced by the sweetness of the scene to just turn and walk away like she hadn't seen anything. When Abby took Holtz's hand and showed her where the baby was apparently kicking, the expression on the engineer's face made Patty's heart glow and she was overcome anew with love for her sort-of-girlfriend.

As they were getting into the eighth month of Abby's pregnancy, she asked Patty and Holtzmann to stay after they closed up for the day to talk.

"I've been doing all this paperwork getting ready for the birth and some of the medical forms got me thinking, so I wanted to ask you something. And there's no pressure; if you don't feel comfortable doing it, I totally understand—"

"Girl, just spit it out. How you think you're gonna make us uncomfortable?" Patty interrupted.

"Okay." Abby licked her lips, looking at them very seriously. "I wanted to ask if maybe you two would consider being my daughter's godmothers."

Patty's face lit up in a delighted smile as Holtzmann's eyes widened excitedly beside her. "Abby! Why would you be nervous about that? I'd love to be that baby's godmother!"

"You have made me an offer I cannot-a refuse," Holtzmann said in an exaggerated Italian accent. "Do I get a ring for people to kiss?"

Patty gave her a look. "Really? That's your response to becoming a godmother?"

"Wrong direction?" she asked, wrinkling her nose. "You're right, should've gone the fairy route. I mean proton wands, magic wands—"

"Guys," Abby interrupted, slightly exasperated. "Love the enthusiasm, don't wanna step on that, but it's not just a title. I wanted to give you a choice because there's a legal meaning. God forbid, if anything were to happen to me, you two would become my daughter's legal guardians."

The prospect of losing Abby put a damper on any further jokes. "Baby, you're family," Patty said seriously. "You know we'll always take care of that girl. You don't have to worry about that."

"I know, it's just, if I put you both down as the godmothers, you'll be legally bound together. I didn't want to put any pressure on whatever it is you've got going on," she said, gesturing between them. "I know you would be there for her one way or another, but I think you should take a little time to think about it. My feelings won't be hurt if you say no. Or I could just put one of you down and you could sort out the rest if the time ever came. Hopefully none of this is ever gonna be relevant anyway, but just…maybe think on it for a bit and let me know. There's no rush."

They agreed they would give it some serious thought and talk. After they waved goodbye to the cab taking Abby home, they both stood out on the sidewalk in front of the firehouse for a long moment, a complex silence hovering around them.

"We're doing this," Holtzmann said at last.

"Of course we are," Patty agreed. "That kid's family. What, are we gonna let them ship her off to some distant relative when she's got two perfectly good godmothers right here? Hell nah. We'd make it work. Whatever's going on between us by then, we can still be that for her."

Holtzmann made a noise of agreement. She kicked at the sidewalk with her toe a bit, hand fidgeting with her glasses, then looked up at Patty. "I'd be somebody's mother with you."

There was a sincerity in her tone that caught Patty by surprise.

Apparently it caught Holtzmann too because she suddenly threw on a smirk and added, "Abby's kid, somebody else's kid, a marmoset we decided to raise as a human…"

"Hey." Patty reached out her arm, pulling Holtz against her side. "I'd be somebody's mother with you too."

Holtzmann smiled back up at her, putting her own arm around Patty's waist and nuzzling into her side for a moment.

And Patty knew they were both speaking the truth. They would be there for Abby's daughter, whether as a couple, as good friends who were co-parenting, or, if necessary, as awkward coworkers who could come together to be there for a kid in need.

She sincerely hoped it wouldn't come to that, though. And as much as she was being careful to let Holtzy take the lead on defining what their relationship was going to be, she really hoped this conversation was a sign Holtz was ready to start taking steps toward making this a more committed arrangement. Because now that the idea was in the air, she realized how much she actually liked the idea of being a mom with Holtzmann. Just for happier reasons than Abby was suggesting.

"Hey, so the fairy godmother thing got me thinking," Holtzmann said, starting to turn them toward the subway depot. "I have an idea for a robotic horse that I could wire to have a mouse inside steering it."

"Why in the hell would somebody want something like that?" Patty asked.

"So Abby's daughter could have the sickest carriage ride to prom anybody's ever seen?"

"You know, that's absolutely insane, but it's also such a 'you' gesture I think Abby would love it."

"I know, right? At least I've got about seventeen years to map out the neural pathways of mice in order to make this work. Or since we're in New York should I use rats?"

"Here I'd have thought you'd try to make it a ghost-drawn carriage or something."

"Patricia Tolan, don't give me wonderful, glorious ideas."

"I'm telling you right now though, you start trying to catch ghost horses or ghost rats, I'm out. I ain't cleaning up after those."

"Of course not. What do you think we pay Kevin for?"

OOO

Holtzmann and Patty were again at Abby's side when she finally went into labor. Holtzmann was thrilled to get to drive them to the hospital in the Ecto-1, making liberal use of the siren to clear the way even though Abby insisted she probably still had hours of labor ahead before the baby was actually born. Patty just figured that, despite its flamboyancy, the Ecto-1 really was the best option from a practical standpoint since the slime-proof coating they had put on the seats could withstand a lot worse than a bit of amniotic fluid.

Sure enough, even after they got checked in, the contractions went on for the rest of the day and into the night. As Abby had been putting up with contractions for several hours before her water actually broke and she gave in and agreed to leave the firehouse, it was an exhausting day for all involved.

They did their best to keep Abby as comfortable as possible throughout. Well, Patty did her best. Holtzmann had proudly taken the responsibility of documenting the whole event and kept breaking out the video camera when any new development occurred, much to Abby's increasing annoyance.

"If you point that thing anywhere below my waist, I'm going to blow it up when we get home," she threatened at one point as Holtzmann started panning too far south.

Patty just shook her head, grimacing as Abby squeezed her hand through another contraction. She had pretty quickly regretted volunteering for this role, but knew they couldn't afford to risk having Abby break their engineer's hands. (She may have had her own selfish reasons she didn't want them damaged too, but she didn't need anybody else knowing about that, thank you very much.) So Patty gritted her teeth through it and kept reassuring her, knowing Abby was going to be dealing with far worse.

The baby girl was born just after midnight, almost eighteen hours after labor had started. She was a gorgeous, perfect, wrinkled little miracle who brought tears to her mother's eyes the minute she saw her. All three women sobbed as the doctors passed her to Abby to hold for the first time, hugging and not even knowing what they were saying as they gushed with joy.

When the little girl was cleaned up and swaddled, letting them all get a better look at her without any of the mess of birth on her, Patty noted her skin and hair were notably darker than Abby's.

Abby caught her pointed look. "I swear to you, it wasn't Benny!"

There were more tears and pictures and videos and hugs and finally everyone was so exhausted and drained they crashed out, Abby falling asleep with her daughter, Erin Valentine Yates, at arm's reach in the hospital bassinet beside her.

The hospital staff didn't have the heart to kick Patty and Holtzmann out of the room, so they wound up pulling the chairs in the room together enough that Patty could put her feet up on one while slouched in another. She envied Holtz's ability to curl herself into a single chair like a kid, but the weight of Holtzmann's head on her shoulder melted away any resentment as they snuggled together as much as they could in the awkward setting.

Patty woke a few hours later with a sore back and a crick in her neck. She grunted, shifting to ease the strain on her back and rolling her neck. When she opened her eyes, the sight that greeted her made her think for a moment she was still dreaming.

Holtzmann sat beside the window, the warm glow of the rising sun bouncing a golden halo off her blonde hair and the yellow glasses perched on top. Her focus was entirely directed at the newborn baby cradled in her lap, a tiny hand curled around her finger as Holtz made ridiculous faces for her.

Patty didn't want to move and break the serene moment, but apparently her awakening had been enough to catch Holtzmann's attention. She looked over at Patty with a vibrant grin on her face.

"Abby made this. Can you believe it?"

"She did a darn impressive job." Patty glanced over at where Abby was still deep in the well-earned, unglamorous sleep of someone who had just brought new life into the world.

"I didn't want her to have to wake up already, so figured I could keep the little one busy for a bit," Holtzmann explained. "The nurse is getting a bottle, in case Abby's not ready for round two."

They had managed to get the baby to nurse successfully during the night, but as exhausted as Abby had to be, a back-up plan was definitely welcome.

"How's the baby girl doing this morning?" Patty asked, getting up stiffly and limping over to lean over Holtzmann's shoulder and gaze at the new center of their team's world.

"Brilliant already. She's tried to grab my necklace and stopped crying when I sang the Scooby-Doo theme for her, so I think we're going to get along just fine."

"Yeah, I bet you will." Patty reached down to tickle the baby's tummy and the girl reached a finger toward her, cooing slightly.

Holtz's eyes lit up. "Hey! E.V. phone home," she said in a decent E.T. voice.

That was something else Patty was grateful for. While she was fully supportive of Abby honoring Erin by naming her daughter after her, they had pretty quickly agreed they would use her initials for day-to-day stuff. The idea of saying things like "Time to breastfeed Erin" or "Erin pooped her pants again" could have been hilarious if she was still around, but with her gone it was just unsettling.

Patty rubbed the baby's unbelievably soft cheek with her finger, smiling as she rooted against it reflexively. "Hey, E.V.! Baby, you got no idea how spoiled you're about to be for the rest of your life."

"Think Abby'll let me make her a flying bike?" Holtz asked, maybe still caught up in the E.T. mindset.

"Yes, but I'll be there to keep you two lunatics from trying."

"What if I make you one too?"

"We'll talk."

Holtzmann leaned into Patty's side, grinning at the now-dozing baby. "Is she perfect or what? Abby's kid, Erin's name…"

It wasn't a proud moment, but Patty felt her smile fade a bit as a little pang of discomfort went through her. She didn't want to call it jealousy—it was ridiculous to be jealous of Erin, especially since she wasn't exactly coming back—but the twinge she felt in her heart as Holtz stared lovingly at the baby named for the woman she had been in love with before Patty still made her feel guilty and insecure at the same time.

Seemingly unaware of Patty's shift in mood, Holtzmann leaned her head back to look up at her, eyes shining. "Just imagine how amazing our kid would be."

Instantly the negative feelings evaporated. With the way Holtz was staring at her, there was no confusing who the 'our' in her words included.

Patty looked at the woman who had become such a beloved part of her daily life, who shared her job, her bed, and her heart, and who had agreed to promise a future together to the point they had signed it on paper, even if it wasn't the traditional legal document most couples made their commitment on. But it was real and it was true and despite going through a horrible year, there was hope on the horizon and happiness rising from the ashes.

And now she was imagining a child of their own together.

Maybe part of it was just the raw sentiment still soaking all of them. Maybe it was the punchiness of having only an hour or two's sleep. Maybe it was the sight of Holtzmann damn near glowing while holding a brown-skinned baby that pulled at the emotions of Patty's overflowing heart. But either way, she knew this: Patty wanted to be somebody's mother with Holtzmann too.

"She'd be something all right," she said, wrapping her arm around Holtz's shoulders and pulling her close. "Absolutely perfect."

So this is a 4-5 chapter fic. I'm not sure what the posting schedule will be. Chapter 2 is written, just needing editing and a pass for characterization and continuity. Chapter 3 is partway done and I know where 4 is going (though it may split to include an epilogue), but I don't want to commit to a certain posting plan because as soon as I make plans life finds a way to mess with them. But hopefully I can post most of it over the course of the coming month.