A/N: I just…had to write this. I wouldn't necessarily call it an 'inspiration,' per se; perhaps 'compulsion' is a better suited word. I made Lightning and Claire their own, separate characters.
Warnings: mention of abuse, Light/Claire, Light/Serah, Darkfic.
Disclaimer: All I did was say Lightning/Claire were two different people in one body. I think that would've been mentioned in the game had Square Enix wanted that. THE GAME ISN'T MINE. Happy?
Point of View: Claire
They say that people work their way into 'insanity.' Maybe it's just because I've been this way so long I can't remember I time when we weren't like this, but I'm pretty sure it's always been like this.
I think everyone is born with a different amount of insanity, it just multiplies depending on time and experience. Or maybe that they're born with a certain amount of sanity and it just starts to go away after a while.
I wish I'd been born with more sanity, or less insanity, whichever theory is correct. Or maybe neither is correct; I'd be classified as legally insane if anyone else knew of us.
I wish Lightning didn't exist, I think we'd all be happier if she didn't, even if we had been sent to the orphanage. I wish Lightning didn't beat my sister into submission and yell at her, I wish she didn't take my body when our parents died. Maybe if she was nice I wouldn't mind it, wouldn't wish she'd died.
I wish she'd allowed Serah to get 'help' for us, but I knew that would never happen. That would mean she wasn't in control.
She might not have always been in our body, but I know she'd always been around, always watching, waiting, whispering in my ear that I needed to something or that I'd done something she didn't like. I know that it was always her hands on mine that led the knife into my skin, her hands over my mouth to stop my screams, her in my sister's dreams, bringing about nightmares.
Also, I know that it was her hands that pushed our parents of that cliff. But it was my fault. I'd been resisting her. I did things she didn't like, I fought her back.
Then she took over. I became her to everyone else. No on seems to remember me anymore. No one seems to know that before she took over, I was a caring sister who liked cute things and used to braid Serah's hair and other sisterly things with her. No one seems to remember that I was responsible and fun; not just responsible.
It almost makes me happy that only Serah remembers 'Claire,' because I think I'd feel sick if everyone knew what she did with my name.
Whenever I am allowed a moment of 'control,' it's not in my voice and demeanor; it's all hers. I don't have 'control;' She took it all away.