Failed
By Cherry Hall
Date: November 21st, 2012
Characters: Sirius Black
Genre: Angst, Family
Fallen leaves papered the windows of Number 12 Grimmauld Place, shielding the haggard man inside from viewing the outside world.
Sirius Black was not someone who took family lightly. He had been beaten down emotionally by his family, and it was something that shaped his worldview. He knew this about himself, as did most people who were close to him. Family was very important.
With a sigh, he pulled a glass of fire whiskey to his lips, its burn echoing through him as his mind raced.
Harry. It seemed these days that all he thought about was Harry. Running his hand along the spines aligned on the nearest bookshelf absentmindedly, he pulled a small, weather beaten book from its perch, his fingers finding the page on his mind instantly. With a shudder, he sank into the nearest armchair, ignoring the dust cloud that billowed out around him, his best friends face smiling up at him through the yellowing page.
"Are you happy James? You always said I would be the first one to crack. Well, it looks like I finally got around to it." He muttered, his eyes roving over the smiling faces before him. James, ever the prankster, had just dunked a studying Remus in bright pink paint, in retaliation for Remus' prank from the day before. Peter was hiding behind the tree, invisible from the camera, except for his left foot peeking out over a root. Sirius was glad he was forgettably there though. That way he could try and make himself forget what had happened to all of them, because of the boy he had thought of as one of his closest friends.
It had to be his favorite picture of them all. Sure, they had gotten their asses kicked by Moony soon after, but it had been worth it, just to be able to have photographic proof of at least one of their pranks.
Why was it that though they had grown up in a war, it was their children who were fighting it for them? There, the three of them had not a care in the world, other than their OWLS, Girls, and Snivellus. But now people like Harry were forced to fight in a war they did not even have a part in from the start.
No.
Not people like Harry.
Just Harry.
The first time he set eyes on Harry, he was shocked. With his untidy hair, lank build, and slightly condescending smirk, he was the mirror of his father, nearly causing him to tackle the young boy when he saw him that night in Surrey. He never really got over that though, really. It was almost like having his best friend back. But harry wasn't James, wouldn't be James, no matter how much he looked like him. And in time, Sirius had realized this, and respected his godson even more for it.
Harry was Harry; a perfect combination of the three people Sirius loved the most, even still. He had Lily's spark, James' wit, and surprisingly enough, Remus's quick mind, to an extent. He was as perfect as Sirius could imagine, but somehow, e seemed to not realize this.
The longer Sirius knew Harry, the more he knew this was true. He knew Harry had lost valuable time away from those who loved him, and to Sirius, that was his greatest regret. Not Azkaban. Not the loss of his closest friends. The fact that Harry had to grow up without knowing someone loved him was his worst nightmare. It was supposed to be his job to take care of him, but instead, this travesty happened. No child deserved to grow up not being loved. No child should have to think of themselves as anything less than wonderful: That was something Sirius knew first hand.
But he had failed him. Failed the people he promised to take care of their son. Failed himself. James and Lily had expected him to think of Harry first if something happened to them, make sure he was safe, and happy, and grew up loved. But instead he was forced to live with those wretched muggles, all because Sirius hadn't thought.
With a sigh, he flipped the page, his fingers rubbing the small crease over James's clock tenderly, as to keep the page from ripping under his weathered touch.
Yes, he had failed them. Failed them time and time again, with no avail. But this, their son, was something he had thought he could give them, a start on righting all of the pranks gone wrong, and comments misconstrued. He thought he could give them the peace of mind that they needed, knowing their son would have someone there for him at all times. But because of his own grief, he had thrown his responsibilities to Harry aside, in favor of going after peter himself, only to be locked up in Azkaban, no good to a forgotten Harry.
Slowly, he closed the photo album, his friends face shielded from the damaging light of the flickering candle on the wall.
Harry deserved better than him. He knew that. He knew Harry deserved much more than him. But they were family, as unconventional as it may seem, and Merlin be damned if he was going to let him go. He wasn't going to let another family be ruined, just because of his thoughtless actions. He had already ruined Harry's first family. It was about time he gave him another one. Even if it was only with him and Remus.
With a sigh, he brought the bottle of fire whiskey to his lips once more, the last few drops moistening his tongue lightly, his eyes resting on the fallen leaves. Then slowly he formed the dreaded words, bubbling up to remind him of his mistakes once more, just as they did every single year since that horrid day.
"Happy Halloween."
Authors Note: Hey everyone. I am so sorry about how late this is. I promised to get something up by Halloween, but, well, I kind of forgot about this little thing. But hey, thanksgiving is the non-candy version of Halloween right? Right… Anyway, I hope you enjoy this little piece. I wrote this month's ago, so it might be a little different from my more humor based things lately, but still something.