A Bloodless Battle

Stayne walked into the main hall of Marmoreal, heading for the throne room. He had recently returned from Patrol, and was going to give his report to Mirana. He noticed a movement, and he turned, eye widened in horror as he beheld the woman headed for him. He looked around in desperation, hoping to find an escape, but none was present. He was trapped. He sighed in exasperation, and cursed under his breath. He had never come across a more annoying and exasperating woman. Not even Iracebeth had driven him this crazy. He was on the verge of simply running away when the bane of his thoughts came into view, simpering and sighing at him.

"Vicky! Sweetie, I've been looking all over for you!"

Stayne shuddered in revulsion at his nickname. "Lady Ellen, I have told you numerous times that my name is pronounced with a Ch sound. I-lo-si-vich! I have also told you that I…am…MARRIED. So please, Leave. Me. ALONE!"

Lady Ellen Seagram frowned. She had arrived at the White Court three weeks ago, and had immediately developed a rather large infatuation with Stayne. Upon being told that he was married, and also that he was very much in love with his wife, she had merely scoffed. "There is not a man born that I have not yet been able to snare. Just you watch me, and soon enough I'll have him in my clutches. He's the same as every other man."

With that statement, she immediately began a campaign to seduce Stayne away from Alannah. Unfortunately, she was unable to see just how disastrous said campaign really was. Stayne reacted to her not so subtle flirting with disgust. He had glared at her in quiet rage, and spoke softly. "My Lady, if you are attempting to seduce me away from my wife, then I must tell you now that you will be unsuccessful. So it is my advice that you give up what is surely a lost cause."

Unfortunately for him, she had completely ignored this rather sound piece of advice, and he soon came to dread her presence. She was constantly at Marmoreal, and would shadow him whenever he came to give Mirana his Patrol report, sighing and batting her eyelashes. Then, she started calling him 'Vicky', despite his constant corrections. She would latch onto his arm, and talk to him in a giggling, breathy voice, while he did his level best to not slap her silly.

Now she sniffled, and looked at him in what she fancied was reproach. "But Vicky, darling, I have so much that I can offer you. I mean, really, you must be tired of the same old thing over and over."

Stayne clenched his fists and was about to answer her when another person answered instead.

"Funny, I never thought of myself as an old thing."

Lady Ellen spun around. Alannah was leaning against the wall, glaring daggers at her. Stayne breathed a sigh of relief. "You are a welcome sight, love."

Alannah smiled grimly at Stayne. "I had heard rumors that Lady Ellen was attempting to steal you, but I honestly never realized that she would be doing such a blatantly poor job of it."

Lady Ellen scoffed. "I will have you know that the last three husbands I've had were all happily married men-until they met me. So you see, Lady Stayne, I am very good at getting what I want. And what I want is your husband. You may as well just accept the fact. Sooner or later, he will throw you over like an old tea tray."

Alannah snorted in laughter. "You know, bragging that you're nothing but a home wrecker is not really a good idea. As for the rest of your rather grave misgivings, I must inform you that you are tragically mistaken in everything you say. Ilosivic and I have been together, in love, and married for ten years, and we have yet to grow tired of each other."

Alannah walked up to Lady Ellen, and spoke in a dangerously soft voice. "Now, I want you to listen, because I do not intend to repeat myself. Stay away from my husband. Because if I so much as hear a rumor that you are trying to seduce him, or if you continue fawning after him, you will regret it."

Lady Ellen waved her hand in dismissal. "I've heard that argument before. I even had one lady that told me her husband would never leave her. He became my third husband. So do you really believe that your beloved Ilosivic is any different?"

Alannah shook her head. "I see that subtlety is not going to do the trick with you. Very well. To answer your question, I know he's different. You see, he loves me. Not you. Me. And I can assure you that he will never love you."

Stayne nodded in fervent agreement, glaring at Lady Ellen. "I have been in love with Alannah for years. I am not about to throw away a happy marriage and wonderful life for a high class whore like you!"

"HIGH CLASS WHORE?" shrieked Lady Ellen in outrage. "HOW DARE YOU!"

Alannah smirked. "I guess it's hard when the truth is revealed, isn't it? Because that is what you are, Lady Ellen. You paint yourself up prettily enough, but under the surface you are no better than a shilling whore."

She poked her finger in Lady Ellen's ribs, speaking calmly. "I'm a very patient woman. However, if you keep insisting that my husband is going to suddenly give me up for you, I will use my skills in potion making to create something that will turn you into a duck!"

Stayne snorted in laughter. "Why a duck?"

Alannah shrugged, grinning widely. "Why not?" She glared at Lady Ellen.

"He is mine. He has twice saved me from kidnapping, torture, and near death. He has fought the Boojum with me. He has killed my kidnappers, defended me against slander, and braved the Domain of the Unicorn to save my life. Not to mention the fact that he has been loyal to me for ten years. Do you honestly think you stand a chance?"

Stayne chuckled quietly at the look of consternation on Lady Ellen's face. He grinned as he realized a sure fire way to prove to her that he would never fall into her claws. He walked over to Alannah, and yanked her into a deep, passionate kiss. She caught onto his scheme, and kissed him back just as eagerly.

The last thing they heard was the sound of sobbing as Lady Ellen ran from the palace.

Three weeks later, Lady Ellen latched onto another young Lord. Stayne and Alannah breathed a sigh of relief, and thanked Time that for once, they had fought a bloodless battle.