"After Ever After" FanFiction: Tad from Above
Chapter One: A Description of Heaven
For Katie, because she asked
Disclaimer: I am not Jordan Sonnenblick and therefore do not own "After Ever After" or any of his other work. Unfortunately.
My favorite thing to do these days is watch Lindsey and Jeff. I know it is an invasion of their private lives, but come on! What else is there to do up here? It's been 50 Earth Years since I died, and I have pretty much learned everything there is to know about heaven: it's your typical paradise in the clouds. On your way, there are pretty flight attendants who pass out peanuts and chocolates, courtesy of the Big One. Angels sit on the wings of the Pegasus that takes you up. They play sappy harp music and coo at you as if you were a baby or a puppy (mind you, some of us were). Everyone (somehow) speaks the same language (Swahili, in case you were wondering), and you just float around wherever you want to go. The movie choices range from oldies to horror to foreign mafia films. Imagine every movie ever created translated into Swahili and burned to HVD (Heavenly Video Device) and you have our choices.
Once you have gotten to the main level, you are given a ticket to your designated meeting spot (that's where you reunite with your ancestors and friends who died before you did). Tears and hugs and kisses from great aunts you never even knew existed ensue. After your Reuniting, you are toured around six of the seven layers (seven is saved exclusively for angels and the Big One) by your Guardian Angel (mine's Bill). Then you are taken to your housing unit (on level 2, 4, 5, or 6). Basically, you get a medium sized bare room. (Eating and, um, "bodily functions" are not necessary in heaven; we're dead anyway.) You get to choose your entire décor from an endless catalogue, courtesy of the Big One (mine's green, modern, and thoroughly awesome). Then you spent the rest of your Pension (Pension is the time you spend learning about life, death, and the Big One before you are promoted to angel) visiting with your dead buddies and lounging in one of the many cafés or diners set along level 3.
When your Pension's up (as mine almost is), you are sent to level seven to be gifted your wings by the Big One. On Earth, a bell rings, and you are an Angel (yeah, I know. Really cliché, but it works). After your Angliarchy (time you spend as an Angel), you are, once again, sent to level seven to be graced as Guardian Angel by the Big One. You choose an unborn soul, human or animal, to Guard, and that is your life (excuse me, death) until they die, and then you show them around and are their mentor for their Pension. Once they have been promoted to Angel, you are promoted to Watcher (Watchers look over pieces of the world, like a mountain or body of water). Watcher lasts for approximately 100 Earth Years, then you achieve Blessed. Blessed is second highest position (under the Big One, obviously), and is something all Dead can't wait to be. Blessed chooses a collective idea to watch over (for example bike racing or Buddhism or ballet or exploration of the Poles of Earth). Blessed ranges from 500 to 1,000 Earth Years, depending on what you do to your idea. After Blessed comes the end: Spirit. Spirit is when your soul is reborn and reused (reduce, reuse, recycle, rethink!) and you are born a human (or animal) again.
To be continued with info on Jeff and Lindsey and people down on Earth…