Friends and the Full Moon
Disclaimer: I am not JKR and I do not own Harry Potter… though not for lack of wishing
"You go talk to him, Prongs," Sirius said, as he, James, and Peter stood in a small circle in Remus Lupin's garden. It was there everyone had gathered after Mrs. Lupin's funeral that afternoon, although most people had left by now. Mrs. Lupin had been Auror, and had been killed three days ago by Death Eaters while on an assignment. There was no doubt in anyone's mind that this was Lord Voldemort's retribution for the older Lupin putting one of his top spies in Azkaban. And it was not the first funeral the boys had attended as a result of the Dark wizard's deeds. It seemed impossible to them that only a year ago at this time the biggest thing on their minds had been their NEWTS.
"Why me?" James asked, glancing over to where Remus was clearing off a table.
"Because you're better at this sort of thing than Worm or me," Sirius replied.
James couldn't deny the truth of that statement, and broke away from the others to go over to Remus. As he walked, he made very certain there was no one within earshot of the two of them. There wasn't; the garden was nearly deserted, although the aftermath of the post-funeral gathering could still be seen. He approached his friend. "Moony, can I talk to you for a minute?"
"I already know how sorry you all are, Prongs," Remus said dully. He looked absolutely exhausted; his hands were shaking and there were dark circles under his eyes.
"It's not that. Listen, I know this came at a bad time," James said, and added quickly, "Not that there's ever a good time, but given your furry little problem…" He used their familiar euphemism for lycanthropy. The following night was full moon.
"I haven't forgotten," Remus said sarcastically. The sadness did not leave his eyes.
"Well, Padfoot and I want to come over tomorrow night. We'll watch in case of an- accident- and we'll be there for you in the morning. Wormtail has some mission to do for the Order, or he'd come, too," James explained, and once again making sure no one was near them, said very gently, "We know you've never gone through a transformation on your own before."
This was true; either his mother or Madam Pomfrey had always been there immediately before and after his transformations. Remus did not say this, however. Instead, he shook his head. "Absolutely not. I'll be fine. Don't worry about me." He swayed a little and leaned against the table. He was a bit dizzy; the fatigue that was normal for this time of the month was getting to him, and it had been a long day. He wished James and the others would just go home.
"Come on, Remus. We've seen you after your transformations; we know what it's like. We don't want to leave you alone to deal with that," James tried to persuade him.
"You've only seen me in the Hospital Wing," he replied sharply, his voice still low, "After Madam Pomfrey has cleaned me up. And you think I look bad then… no way, James, I'm not going to let you guys see me like that. Don't come. I'll be just fine," he repeated. Almost unconsciously, he rubbed his forehead.
James studied him for a moment, then let the matter drop. Reluctantly, he said, "All right, then. In that case, go on upstairs and lie down, Moony, you look like you're about to collapse. We'll clear this up." He gestured around the garden. "It's the least we can do."
Remus hesitated. But he was still feeling dizzy, and James' tone dared him to refuse. Gratefully, he said, "All right. Thanks so much, James." He made his way tiredly into the house.
James returned to the other two. Sirius turned his eyes from Remus' retreat to his best friend. "Well? What did he say?"
"No, of course. But I at least got him to go get some rest by saying we'd clear up for him," James responded.
"Well, thanks for volunteering us," Peter said. He did not, however, look angry; only sorrowful. He took out his wand and began Vanishing some of the bits of food on the ground.
They started working on the garden, determined to leave it spotless for their friend. Sirius came over to help James levitate a table into the shed, and asked, "We're still going to come tomorrow night, aren't we?"
"Of course we're still going to come. Did you think we were going to let him recover from that alone? We'll just have to come right after he transforms, just after sunset, so he doesn't try to send us away."
Sirius nodded. He flicked his wand so that the shed locked itself. "Good. I swear, I'm going to teach that man what it means to be friends if it's the last thing I do." James only grinned.
James Apparated a few feet from Remus' front gate. The full moon covered him with silvery light. He could hear howls already, coming from the basement where Remus always transformed at home. He winced. After about a minute, Sirius Apparated next to him with a pop. Sirius looked toward the house, also wincing. The two exchanged a look, and made their way through the gate. They stopped on the porch and sat in wicker chairs. If by some slight chance the werewolf that had taken over their friend escaped, they would see. Then they would be able to morph into their animal forms and get it under control. James only wished that Remus would allow them to be with him now in their animal forms, but he had never allowed it outside of Hogwarts. He said it was too risky, and on this point they could only accept his wishes, however reluctantly. Intervals of comfortable silence, quiet conversation, and dozing rotated as the night wore on.
Sirius jerked out of one such doze to find himself looking at the sunrise. He listened carefully for several moments. It was the first time it had been completely quiet; no noises came from the basement. He nudged James awake. James sat up, looked around, and readjusted his glasses. He stood up, shouldering the bag filled with supplies that he'd brought along. They went inside, Sirius tapping the door with his wand to unlock it. The charms placed over the basement door were more complicated. They both spent about a minute performing the counter-charms before they could open it. They glanced at each other, both taking a deep breath, before entering.
It was very dark, as there was only a single lamp and the one window had been boarded up. They could only make out the dark figure of a body on the floor. Sirius was in front as they made their way cautiously down the stairs. He waved his wand, producing about two dozen candles, which he magicked into the air and lit. As they reached the bottom the room was bathed with warm candlelight. They saw Remus, and both of them gasped involuntarily. The young man on the floor barely looked like their friend. He was drenched in blood, so much that it was hard to see where his wounds actually were. The few skin patches that weren't bloody were as pale as snow, and his robes hung on him in shreds.
James recovered first. He hurried forward and knelt next to the still form, and began to siphon off blood with his wand. A moment later, Sirius was at his side doing the same. When most of the blood was off, Remus didn't look much better. Now they could actually see the deep gashes, bite marks, and bruises covering him. James opened his bag, drawing out a number of rolls of bandages and a jar of thick salve. Spells would not work on these injuries, not with werewolf venom in them. Sirius moved around to the other side of Remus and caught the bandages James tossed him. Together, they tended to their friend's wounds.
"I think he's cracked some ribs; look at this swelling. I guess the best we can do for that is to put salve on and wrap them up," James said, easing his friend out of the rags hanging on him, "Padfoot, can you go up to his room and find some new robes?"
Sirius stood up while James started spreading salve over Remus' chest. By the time he returned James had finished with the bandaging and the two of them pulled the fresh robes onto Remus. For the first time he stirred, and as James supported his head and shoulders against his own body, he opened his eyes, moaning. His pupils were unfocused, not recognizing the face above him. Softly, James said, "Yeah, I bet that's about how you feel. Here, drink this." He took the cup of potion Sirius handed him and tipped it down Remus' throat. It was barely gone before he passed back out. James' hand brushed Remus' cheek as he lowered the cup. He quickly raised it again and touched Remus' forehead briefly. "He's got a fever."
"We'd better get him upstairs," Sirius said, looking anxious, "He needs to be in bed." He conjured a stretcher and then took Remus' legs so the two of them could lift him. He guided the stretcher with his wand, floating it up the stairs. James walked alongside it, an eye on Remus to make sure he didn't fall. On the second floor, Sirius stopped the stretcher next to Remus' bed, then with James' help lifted him onto it. James pulled the pillows under Remus' head and neck, then covered him with the blanket.
"We should go. I don't think he's going to wake up anytime soon," James whispered, "You know what it was like at school."
Sirius nodded and the two walked into the hall, closing the door behind them. They went downstairs into the living room and collapsed onto the couch. Sirius stared at the mantel for a few moments, then said vehemently, "I hate this."
"I know," James answered, unable to get the image of his blood-covered friend out of his mind, "So do I."
Remus came to consciousness slowly. Pain throbbed along every one of his nerves, making him feel as though he might be sick. He shifted very slightly, and it came to his attention that he had been bandaged. He opened his eyes, and his room came into focus after a few moments. Who had brought him here? Oh, his mother, of course. No, wait… there was something wrong with that thought. It took him a few throbs of pain to realize what it was: his mother was dead. Then who had done all this? With a great effort, he pushed himself into a sitting position and swung his feet onto the floor. While he paused to allow the rush of agony to recede, he noted that his shaking was shivering; he was feverish. Not entirely surprising; it had clearly been a bad transformation. He drew several deep breaths and stood, ignoring his lightheadedness. Summoning his strength, he walked across the room. He made it to the door and had his hand on the knob before his knees started to buckle. At that moment, the door jerked away from him and strong hands caught him.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" James asked. He steered his friend back to the bed. Gently, he forced him to sit.
Remus stared for a minute, taking in the alarm in James' face, before finally saying, "I told you not to come."
"Yeah, well, just because you're a prat doesn't mean we don't want to save your life." Sirius entered, carrying a goblet. "Feel free to thank us at any time."
Remus didn't say anything. He was now willing himself very hard not to vomit all over Sirius' shoes. The pulsing, stabbing pain wasn't letting up, though, and he lost his battle to the nausea. Sirius leapt backward just in time to avoid the pool of sick. He pointed his wand at it, muttering, "Evanesco." James, meanwhile, put a comforting arm around Remus' shoulders. With the other, he piled up some pillows and then, surpisingly tenderly, pulled his friend against them.
"Lie back, Moony, you're obviously not ready to be up," he said.
"Here." Sirius handed Remus the goblet. "We think this should help break your fever. Or Madam Pomfrey does, anyway."
"Madam Pomfrey?"
"Yeah. Earlier this morning, I Apparated to Hogsmeade and walked up to Hogwarts after sending her a message by Patronus. It seems like it was a bad transformation. We were worried about you, and we thought she might know how to help. She told me to give you that."
"It certainly wasn't one of my better ones," Remus replied, relaxing into the pillows as he finished the potion. He was mildly surprised that his friends had been able to tell. He had never realized how much attention they paid to his post-transformation condition while at Howgwarts. He sighed. He felt exhausted, and his head was still spinning.
James read this. He squeezed Remus' shoulder once more, lightly. "Get a couple more hours' sleep. Padfoot and I'll be around when you're up to company."
"Unless you want us to hang with you now," Sirius added quickly. But Remus had already closed his eyes and was breathing deeply.
"Moony?" James poked his head in the door.
Remus opened his eyes. He'd woken a few minutes ago and had been trying to gather the strength to go downstairs. It hadn't been working very well. He was no longer shivering or lightheaded, and not so exhausted, but he was still quite weak. The pain had subsided only slightly. He smiled, however. "It's all right, I'm awake."
"How are you feeling?" James entered. Sirius was right behind him, carrying a large tray with three bowls of soup and three glasses of pumpkin juice.
"Oh, brilliant. Think I'll go duel Voldemort now," Remus said sarcastically. He sat up and leaned against the headboard, wincing and drawing in a sharp breath. He saw his friends' looks of concern, and answered more seriously, "I'm better, really. I'm pretty sure the fever's gone. Tomorrow I'll be almost as good as new. What's that?" He gestured at the tray.
Sirius and James traded a look that said they highly doubted his words- he never looked 'good as new' two days after full moon- but relaxed. James said, "Dinner. Thought we'd eat with you." He waved his wand so that two squashy chairs appeared, one on either side of the bed. "Don't worry, Lily made the soup. She dropped it off on her way back to the flat after work today."
Remus looked alarmed. "Does she-?"
"Don't be ridiculous," James cut him off, "I would never tell her about your condition. That's your secret. I just told her you were really upset after the funeral, and that Padfoot and I wanted to come cheer you up. She brought the soup by as comfort food. Honestly, Remus, if I haven't told anyone in six years what makes you think I'm going to start now?" James was mildly annoyed. "Trust me."
Remus looked down at the bowl of soup Sirius had handed him, ashamed. "I'm sorry, James. I do trust you, really… it was just an instinct. Old habits die hard, I guess." He met James' eyes and in the smile that passed between them knew everything was all right. "I still can't believe you guys are here at all. That you did all this for me."
Sirius and James exchanged long-suffering expressions. Sirius bunched his eyebrows together as if in thought. "What are we going to have to do to prove it to him?"
"I don't know, Padfoot," James said in a mock-serious tone, "Maybe sign our souls over to his keeping. But I'm warning you now, I'm stopping short of getting down on one knee and declaring my undying love. That's only for Lily.".
Sirius laughed, and turned to Remus. "We're your best friends, you git. Did you really think we'd not come just because you said 'no'? Like we were about to let you suffer just to save your pride. That's one blow your ego will have to take, mate."
"It wasn't pride," Remus replied quietly, "It was just… I didn't know what you guys would think if you saw what it was really like after transformations. If you would think that I was… weak or something… or if it would frighten you, and you would run away… and I wouldn't have you guys anymore."
James shook his head, a mixture of exasperation and sadness filling him. Remus had always been the most insecure of their group. People tended to think it was Peter, but it had always been Remus. He just didn't let most people catch on. Being a werewolf had made him constantly afraid that he wasn't good enough, that he was somehow less of a man because of it. It had nothing to do with their treatment of him- James knew they had actually helped- but it wasn't something he could get rid of. Which was not for lack of the other Marauders' trying, and James saw that it was time for a fresh reminder. It hurt him greatly to know that one of his dearest friends thought so little of himself. He leaned forward.
"Remus, listen to me. You are not weak. You are one of the strongest people that I know. No one on earth should have to face what you go through each month, least of all someone as kind and gentle as yourself. Sirius and I feel privileged to be able to count ourselves among your closest friends. Peter feels the same way. I think we've proved to you that we're in it for the long haul. Brothers don't abandon each other," James finished sincerely.
Sirius nodded fervently, glad that James had taken the reins. He was so much better at the heart-to-heart thing, speaking the words that expressed them both, but he himself couldn't have found. He knew it was his turn, now, however. "We didn't run away when we found out you were a werewolf. We became Animagi for you. And you thought a little blood was going to scare us away?" He smiled. The time had come to lighten the mood. "Granted, it made you look even uglier than usual. Red is really not your color. We'd hoped cleaning you up would make you look normal… but, alas, 'twas not to be. We shouldn't have been surprised; you've never looked normal. Your blood stained my sleeves, too, so you owe me a new robe."
James was laughing, and Remus grinned, saying, "You volunteered. I'm afraid you'll have to foot your own bill. And just because I'm not as handsome as you, Sirius, doesn't mean that I'm ugly. I've had my share of snogs."
"Moony!" James exclaimed, "His ego doesn't need to be inflated anymore than it is."
"Me? Have an ego?" Sirius asked, pretending to be surprised, "I'm the most modest person there is. Don't listen to him, Moony. Prongs just can't accept the fact that I'm better looking than he is."
They were all laughing by this point. For several moments, they forgot why they were all there. They forgot about Mrs. Lupin's death. They forgot about Voldemort and the war. For several moments, they were just teenagers. Then Remus suddenly gasped and winced, putting a hand to his ribs. "Ouch."
Immediately, the other two worked to sober themselves. It took a few seconds. Sirius stood. "I think it's time for another healing potion. Madam Pomfrey told us what works best for you. Be right back."
James stood as well, collecting the bowls and glasses. "Sorry for making you laugh. No, scratch that. Sorry that it hurt you. It was good to hear you laugh again." He quickly made to follow Sirius downstairs.
Remus made up his mind in a split second. "James."
"Yeah, Moony?" He turned around. "Anything else I can do for you?"
"No. I justed wanted to tell you I'm coming over to your place tomorrow evening. I want to tell Lily- about my furry little problem." Remus said this firmly. "I don't want you to have to lie to her for me anymore. Lily's earned my trust."
Surprise, happiness, and gratitude flashed across James' face in rapid succession. "Really? That's great! You can come for dinner. Thanks, Remus. Thanks a lot." He hurried downstairs to tell Sirius.
The two of them returned to the bedroom a few minutes later. Sirius handed Remus a goblet and echoed James' recent question. "Is there anything else we can do for you?"
Remus looked amused. "You know, you guys can be real mother hens when you want to be." He grinned. "I could get used to you being willing to wait on me hand and foot once a month. What if I want the sun and the stars?"
"Don't push it," Sirius said at the exact same moment that James said, "I told you those kinds of things are only for Lily."
They all laughed, and Remus winced again, but didn't gasp. James noticed, however. He quickly unfolded the chessboard under his arm and pulled out the two drawstring bags of players in his pocket. He sat down. "C'mon, Moony, I've already beat Sirius about four times this afternoon. Your turn to lose. Don't think I'm going to take it easy on you just because of the full moon."
Remus chuckled. "Wouldn't dream of it." He looked from one friend to the other. "Seriously, though, guys- thanks. I really appreciate everything you're doing for me."
"Finally!" Sirius cried, "I've been waiting all night to hear that!"
The three of them laughed once more. For once, Remus nearly blessed the full moon. If anything could seal the bonds between them, it was this: knowing with utter certainty that their loyalty extended beyond Hogwarts, that they would still drop their lives once a month to try to make his easier. James was right. They were brothers.
A/N: Honest reviews always appreciated!