A/N Very nervous about this one. Not sure I should continue beyond this chapter... Please let me know what you think!
I also know some of you are waiting on a New Kid update. it's 500 words in! it's coming
Kurt was always the perfect one, as far as Blaine was concerned. He was beautiful, sharp-witted, extremely intelligent, creative, talented. He was everything Blaine wanted to see in himself. Blaine was always the more vulnerable and insecure of the two, especially as they grew into adulthood. Kurt was a force, and Blaine who shined in high school, feels like he dimmed somewhat as he tried to find his place in the world. That's why it made no sense when it started happening.
Kurt was always so graceful, Baine pictures Kurt in dance classes, or just walking through the mall. He had an air about him that told the world he was coming, and there wasn't a damn thing they could do about it. And then it started as just one or two incidents, almost nothing really, it happened to everyone, just not Kurt.
It was right after his first year at NYADA, when he was walking outside at night with his boyfriend. They were heading home from a celebratory dinner, chattering excitedly over the idea of finally living together. As they grew to a comfortable quiet, Blaine looked at Kurt fondly and the man was looking forward smiling brightly. He remembered to a time in high school when Kurt would smile, but it never reached that level of happy. Now when Kurt smiled, there was a brightness there. The constant feeling of rejection, the loneliness, and fear were gone, he was just happy. Now that Blaine thinks about it, he's actually been like that for a while, he's happy. And Blaine couldn't help but hope he had something to do with that. It felt like the perfect moment, staring at his genuine, happy smile. Just as he was going to go in for a kiss on the cheek, Kurt's foot connected with an uneven crack in the sidewalk. Kurt's body lurched forward as he tripped, Blaine held onto the top of Kurt's arm, supporting Kurt as he rebalanced.
"Oh," Kurt blinked in surprise. He looks down at the barely visible jagged edge in the concrete and frowns. "Wow, I didn't see that there." Kurt blushes from Blaine gallantly rescuing him from what could have been an even more embarrassing moment. Always there to rescue him, Kurt thinks, what a sweetheart. Kurt kisses Blaine on the cheek, flashing an even more brilliant smile, "Thanks, sweetie."
Blaine winks and smiles charmingly, preening that he was able to make Kurt blush like that after being together for over two years. "Well of course." He laces his fingers with Kurt's and looks down at Kurt's foot. "Is your foot hurt at all, that could have been a rough fall, Kurt. I've never seen you trip like that."
Kurt shrugs, "No, my foot's fine, no big deal."
Blaine seemed to accept that, and the two went home.
It was when they hung out with Elliot a month later that they started to learn things weren't quite as perfect as they seemed. It was a normal night of dinner and movies. And no, Kurt didn't trip again, Elliot was complaining about his eyesight getting worse.
"I swear, I'm a sixty-year-old grandma. I hate you guys and your perfect eyesight." Elliot turns and glares at his friends mockingly.
Blaine smiles and says gently, "I think you look great with glasses, I can see how they'd get annoying, though."
"I don't know that my eyesight is perfect. I haven't gone to an eye doctor in years," Kurt shrugs.
Blaine and Elliot both look at Kurt in surprise, Kurt usually took such good care of himself. I guess not when it comes to this. Kurt seemed to notice their questioning looks and rolls his eyes. "Oh come on, since when are you guys concerned about keeping up with doctor appointments."
"Cause you're the one in charge of all our health, Hummel," Elliot responds, looking a little put out. "Remember last month when you wouldn't let me eat pizza because you thought I would have a heart attack?"
Kurt deadpans, not the point, "I stand by that choice, you ate horribly that whole day, you needed to be stopped."
Blaine decided to step in, ready to point out the hypocrisy, "You made me put away a perfectly good meal so we could walk a mile away for salad." Blaine had his arms crossed petulantly, they actually fought that day, so Blaine was also feeling unsure if that was a good example to use.
Kurt turns around and stares Blaine down to see how dedicated he was to this argument, his face looking annoyed and harassed.
Blaine didn't need to be glared at today, he really didn't. He puts both hands up placatingly. "okay, maybe I'm exaggerating." He avoids eye contact with Elliot who was clearly laughing at how whipped he was. He's not ashamed.
The room gets quiet and Kurt's focus turns to the movie playing. To his annoyance he sees the other two boys making eye contact on both sides of him. Blaine, doing his best to be discreet, was just looking at Elliot and shaking his head frantically, side-eyeing Kurt. Elliot was shamelessly motioning towards Kurt and saying something with his lips.
Kurt shakes his head, both amused and annoyed, about to elbow the shit out of both of them.
"Soo, Kurt," Elliot looks up and winks at Blaine. "Blaine and I were talking, we think you should go to the eye doctor. It's only fair. Blaine especially thinks so, he's very concerned."
Kurt looks over to his boyfriend who wasn't saying anything, but was looking at Kurt, trying to decide what to say, his mouth opening and closing comically.
Kurt didn't let him off. "What Blaine," he asks tersely.
Blaine looks at Elliot who was nodding a little too enthusiastically. He looks back to his boyfriend and shrugs, "I mean, I guess it couldn't hurt."
Kurt just continues watching the tv, not responding. He thought the other two would just drop it and move on. They didn't. The two were still looking at each other twenty minutes later. Kurt's had enough, so he snaps, causing both boys to jump, "Fine! I'll go to the fucking eye doctor, now watch the movie!"
Both boys respond at the same time. Elliot with, "See, how hard was that." Blaine also says, "What, I didn't say anything."
Kurt leans in towards Blaine, feeling a little bad for snapping. Boys though…
Kurt hates going to the eye doctor, he hates it. All you do is sit in a chair and wait your turn to read a bunch of letters on a page. Not to mention the fact that he knows there's something wrong. He's been avoiding it for the past few years. He really didn't want to have to buy glasses.
Dr. Meek, whose name fits her to a t, calls him back with a soft, almost too quiet voice.
He smiles politely and walks back with her. She does the usual by having him look through lenses, she couldn't tell yet how it was going. He struggled through reading the sign she pointed out.
He found her oddly quiet after the test but didn't say anything. She pulls back the lenses thing and pulls out her little flashlight for what seems like the fifth time and shines it in his eyes. He really wished she'd stop doing that. He pulls a few pamphlets out of a box and looking at Kurt unsurely for a doctor, Kurt thought.
Finally she speaks, asking Kurt if he's noticed any changes in his vision.
Kurt responds, "Not really, maybe a little at night."
The doctor nods, like she'd almost expected that answer, it didn't sit right with Kurt at all. "Kurt, when is the last time you've had a checkup at a doctor's office?"
Kurt shrugs, "Not for a while, I've never felt the need to go, my eyesight has always been good."
The doctor smiles, giving him an understanding nod, "Kurt, I don't want to scare you, but I'm going to ask you to come back in for some extra testing."
Kurt frowns, he hadn't expected that, "Well, why, if I need glasses it's fine. I mean, I'd prefer contacts of course?"
"Unfortunately, it's more serious than that. I saw something concerning when I looked into your eyes, that's why I pulled the light out so many times, I wanted to be sure." The doctor looked oddly sympathetic for an ophthalmologist, who probably rarely delivers bad news beyond the need for stronger prescriptions.
Kurt felt his face heating up while the nerves set in, he didn't like the sound of this. "Could you just tell me, is it something bad?"
In the end, the doctor said she needed further testing and maybe even a second opinion. Kurt was freaking out. He was terrified. But he refused to acknowledge it, in fact he didn't even make a new appointment like the doctor said.
He went home and made dinner, pretending that the doctor's appointment went swimmingly. He pushed it from his mind, spending the next two weeks doting on his boyfriend, enjoying the summer in a way he never had before.
Then Doctor Meeks called his cell phone while he was out with Blaine. He hurriedly declined the call, shaking his head at a confused looking boyfriend, saying it was spam.
Then she called him the next day while he was shopping with Elliot. Elliot didn't notice.
The day after that, Burt calls his son. Kurt of course answers on the second ring, not suspecting a thing.
"Hey, dad."
"Hey Kurt, I just got a concerning call from an eye doctor there in New York, what's going on Kurt? Why are you ditching the eye doctor? Glasses aren't that bad, bud." Burt chuckles at the end.
"How did she get your number?" Kurt asks in a shrill voice.
Burt takes a moment to respond, trying to figure out what the problem is. "Kurt, you had me as your emergence contact. Look, she didn't say what happened, but she wants to see you again."
Kurt shakes his head frantically, "I don't have time for that, I'm too busy to go to the eye doctor again, I'm not going back there." His eyes widening when he remembered Blaine was in that list too.
"You know good and well you're on summer break. Just go and hear what this lady has to say. You have vision insurance for a reason. She's just trying to do her job."
"Fine dad," Kurt says in a forced calm voice. He did not want to do this, but there was no arguing with Burt Hummel.
Kurt remembered he put Blaine on the contact list as well and rushed home to try and interfere with any phone call he got. He wasn't ready for whatever this was. Blaine finding out would make the situation scarier for some reason. So he lied, he never lies, but today he lied to his boyfriend yet again this month.
"Kurt Hummel, this is Doctor Franklin," Doctor Meeks introduces an older looking male doctor with kind eyes.
Kurt smiles tightly, "Sorry I took a while."
"It's quite understandable," Doctor Franklin said while shaking Kurt's hand "Thank you for coming in."
Kurt didn't really know what to say, he didn't know what to expect out of this appointment, was he going to do the tests again? It seemed kind of redundant. The doctor must have picked up on Kurt's questioning look. The doctor motions for him to sit and the two doctors sit as well.
"Mr. Hummel, do you have any family history of eye disease?"
Kurt frowns, thinking back at this family, "No, not really. I don't really have a very big family anyway."
The doctor nods, "Okay, do you have trouble adjusting your eyes in the dark? And I don't mean full darkness, but when it even just dim?"
"I don't know, yeah a little, I guess.. Doesn't everyone?"
Dr. Meeks smiles and nods, "Well yes, of course. But does it ever affect your ability to walk, drive, or write?"
Kurt's mind immediately jumped to when he tripped when walking with Blaine, that was nothing though. He just wasn't paying attention. Kurt sighs, unsure how to answer this, "I don't know, maybe, I can't think of anything." Kurt knew he wasn't being helpful, but he didn't know what they were looking for.
"Well, Kurt. When I had you follow my flashlight with your eyes, it seemed you had trouble doing that," Doctor Meeks started. "You did well in the center part of your eye, but as I would move up or to the side, your head would follow instead of your eyes. Meaning, your eyes aren't doing the job themselves, so you're compensating. You probably didn't even realize you were doing it. We want to know why you're having issues with your peripheral vision, that way we can potentially fix it before it gets worse."
Well that didn't sound too bad, but his vision was fine, "If I'm having vision issues, why is it I don't have trouble reading, I've never even needed glasses."
"Well, there are many vision problems that can effect peripheral vision and your central vision remains the same, at least at the start. Kurt, before we get too into it, we wanted to do a few extra tests on your eyes. The main one is the electroretinogram, which will read your retina's reaction to a light stimulus." Both doctors were explaining the testing procedures and what they entailed.
It wasn't fun, they put drops in his eyes, and put this electrode thing on him before putting something on his eye to keep him from blinking. Then they did this light thing, he still didn't understand and had him read the letter poster again. Then they had him read letters and numbers off these weird colored cards that were almost impossible to decipher, either that or his eyes really were going bad.
After all these tests, Kurt was sitting in the office alone, nervously going through his social media feeds to try and distract himself, not responding to Blaine's text asking where he was. He was fighting the urge to call Blaine and have his boyfriend keep him company. He should have told him the truth from the start. Kurt shakes his head at himself, nothing good ever comes from lying, especially to the ones you love. Now what would he tell him?
The two doctors came back in twenty minutes later, neither one smiling. They turned that light thing on that showed a few x-ray looking photos. And then as they talked, they showed him a normal retina, and then his. Even he could see the difference. There were little webby black spots everywhere, the doctor called them bone spicules. They also showed him the test results for that color test, that wasn't great either. Kurt was feeling a little worked up.
"Okay, so could you just tell me what it is, is this something that's going to affect my schooling?"
Dr. Meeks was looking at him more sympathetically than ever, and that was saying something. "Kurt, the reason we asked you about your family history, is because there are some eye diseases that are hereditary, and you fit the description to some of them."
Kurt felt that color drain from his face, but he didn't was to ask any more questions.
She cleared her throat and came to sit in front of him. "Kurt we are hoping to do a genetic test on you to further confirm.. But Kurt, you show all of the signs of what we call Retinitis Pigmentosa." She stops to read his reaction.
"I don't what that is," Kurt says, his voice clearly shaking, he really wished he had Blaine with him, or his dad.
She pulled out a few pamphlets, the same ones she looked at during his initial eye appointment. "Kurt, Retinitis Pigmentosa is a degenerative hereditary eye disease, you usually see symptoms during adolescence and young adulthood." She went on to explain how it affects the rods in his eyes and how his eyes were basically dying. "Some people progress faster than others. You could go a full twenty years before becoming what call, legally blind. Some people can develop quicker and may fully lose their sight within a few years. It's too soon to say for you, unfortunately." She also went on to explain that there was know cure or treatment proven to be effective.
Kurt thought he was going to pass out, he couldn't be going blind, he couldn't. For a moment he felt the walls caving in around him, his breath was getting faster, he couldn't even hear what the doctors were saying. Then he shakes his head, refusing to believe this. Fighting the urge to cry, he stands up, "This has to be wrong. I want to do more testing, please."
Neither one of the doctors were taken aback by the interruption, they merely just looked sympathetic. Kurt didn't know why, but he found it unnerving, and a little annoying. "Doing a genetic test would be a good way to confirm or refute this diagnosis." But he didn't look hopeful. Kurt could tell, even in the midst of a panic attack, the doctor's pretty much written this diagnosis in stone. The genetic test would just be proof at this point. "Let's do it to be sure," the doctor places a hand on his shoulder, "Kurt, it'll be okay. Did you bring anyone with you, you need a ride home?"
Kurt just nods and picks up his pamphlets with shaking hands. The first thing he does is leave the office, calling his dad, he perhaps should have waited. He delves straight in, stating he's going blind and Blaine was going to leave him.
Burt was pretty upset by the news and insisted in coming into town for the genetic testing thing. Kurt felt terrible about upsetting him, but he's been lying enough, and he was going to need whatever support he could get.
Kurt didn't even remember getting to his apartment door, but Blaine must have heard him because he greeted Kurt at the door with a huge hug that Kurt needed more than he realized.
Blaine must have found something concerning as he pulls away a little and examines every inch of Kurt's face. "Have you been crying, your eyes look weird. What's wrong?" Blaine's eyebrows pulled together, almost looking scared for the first time that Kurt has ever seen.
Kurt just shook his head frantically, he couldn't tell him. But he had to. The pamphlets in his hand were suddenly feeling heavy as looks down at them.
Blaine follows Kurt's eyes and sees the pamphlets but couldn't see what they said. "What are those, Kurt. Please tell me, this is scary." His eyes were boring into Kurt stronger than ever. He leads Kurt to the couch with the hand not holding the pamphlets.
Kurt sits next to his boyfriend, about to have a second panic attack, but decides to just let it out. He told Blaine that he lied about the last doctor appointment and he just didn't want to deal with whatever this is. Blaine was less than concerned about Kurt's lie and he stated so immediately. He trusted Kurt. However, that didn't keep Kurt from panicking about the next part.
To rescue him from explaining further, Blaine asks him to see the pamphlets. Kurt reads his boyfriends face while he reads a detailed summary of what his life would soon become. This time it was Kurt who couldn't handle the silence.
Blaine's face turned red, he was also fighting the need to cry. "Oh my god, Kurt.. Are they sure?" Blaine's watery eyes fell on Kurt's again.
"Pretty sure," Kurt answered in a very shaky voice, his hands shaking again. "I'm sorry I lied, I just couldn't," finally he breaks into tears, his body racking with sobs.
Blaine pulls Kurt against him, also crying. "Kurt, I'm so sorry."
Kurt has no idea how long he sat there crying. But all he could think was about what was going to happen now. Would he be able to finish school, would he end up completely blind, would Blaine even stay with him through this, or was he just staying to finish his boyfriend duty of consoling Kurt before sneaking off in the morning and marrying Sebastian? What was going to happen?