Without a word

Author: AbbyGibbs

Pairing: Gibbs/Abby
Rating: T or FR13

Classification: Romance, angst
Spoilers: Borderland
Summary: Gibbs's mind wonders about how things could or should have been.

Warning: None
Disclaimer: Everything belongs to CBS and the people who created NCIS. Though some people need to remember that NCIS isn't CSI: Miami has nothing to do with it.

No copyright infringement is intended

A/N: I don't know where this comes from, I just started to write without thinking and this is the result of it, I hope you guys will like it. Still working on "Sweet little thing" because I've deleted my fifth chapter and rewriting it all over, reason for that is that I didn't like it.

It's different from my usual way of writing so please don't be too hard on me.

Thanks to finlaure for her beta work.

Thanks to Mark Harmon, Pauley Perrette, Michael Weatherly, Cote de Pablo, Sean Murray, David McCallum and all the others for giving life to the wonderful characters of NCIS. Thanks, Laci, as always.

Abby thinks she might be able to trace the bullet but it's very old.

Abby.

The moment our eyes met, I knew she knew-not everything-but she knew, I wanted to talked to her, tell her what had happened, what I had done before the evidence, but I couldn't, McGee was in her lab with her

Tell her, yes, but then what? Would she even understand? Sometimes, even I, myself, wonder if I could have handle things differently without killing Pedro Hernandez. I was a sniper in the Marines, it was my job to kill people, and I have never questioned it, because if I did, I would probably not have been able to do it, so why now?

Why do I think about everything now, even dead the man causes me troubles. What is happening to me? I never questioned myself before and suddenly I can't do anything else.

The thing is I don't know.

Abby has become the most important person in my life since I the first day we met though at the time, I didn't get it, I've always felt comfortable around her, she respects me like I respect her, she's my best friend, we can talk to each other for hours about everything and nothing in particular. We are close, very close, and I love her, not like one would love a best friend, no. Well yeah, I love her like a best friend, but there is more to my feelings, I love her, like I've loved Shannon.

Abby doesn't know that. I've been thinking about telling her for a while about my feelings for her, it has been a long battle with my myself wondering if I should share my secret with her or not before telling her that I love her in hope she wouldn't hate me and give us a chance.

What I didn't expect was for me past to come and slap me back in the face the way it did There was nothing he could do about it now.

How stupid was I, to think that this particular part of my past would never resurface? Stay buried forever. I should have known.

000

Now here I am lying awake in my bed, staring at the ceiling in the darkness, unable to find sleep. I can't get her out of my mind, can't stop seeing looking at me so desperately hoping for me to tell her that she'd made a mistake.

I couldn't do it because I killed Pedro Hernandez, I did. And as a result she doubts me; she doubts her science and everything she'd ever believed in. I've disappointed her.

Gibbs wanted to be able to erase that moment from his life, wanted to go back in time so he would have been able to prevent Director Vance to let her go to Mexico, if she hadn't been gone there, Abby would never have discovered the all truth about the death of his daughter and wife's killer.

My life is destroyed once more, although, I'm not so sure, I've be able to move on this time, I can't imagine my life without Abby in it.

So lost in my thoughts, I didn't hear the footsteps of someone coming up the stairs. When I realize that's someone's standing in the doorframe I grab my gun and aimed it in the direction of the door.

"Who's there?" I ask, as all he could see was a shadowed silhouette standing in the doorframe.

"It's me, Gibbs, it's alright, it's me," I hear a familiar voice tell me.

"Abbs?"

"Yeah, it's me." She says.

"What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to see you." Abby tells me, moving into view and walking toward me as I help myself sitting straighter in bed, my back leaning against the headboard.

I want to say something, but as I open my mouth to speak, she places her hands on each side of me as our eyes lock for a long moment then she leans toward me, before she eyes my lips, and instant later her mouth is on mine and we kiss.

I instantly close my eyes at the feeling and sensations that her lips on mine generate, she tastes like caffeine, like honey. Abby asked permission to take the kiss a little further and I granted it to her willingly. It has been so long since a kiss has felt so good, I want more, so much more, but I can't push it.

As we break apart in need for air our eyes lock again, and I know then that she has understood and forgiven me, I also know that now that she loves me the same way I love her. She hasn't said a word, but Abby and I have often talked to each another without a word exchanged between the two of us.

I can help but smile at that.

The weight that hung on my shoulder all day suddenly falls, and I lean in to kiss her again, and pull her with me before rolling us over.

Everything in my world is right again.

The End