A NIGHT ABOARD VOYAGER
BY DAVID ANAKIN
Disclaimer: Star Trek Voyager belongs to Paramount Pictures and "A Visit From St. Nicholas" was written by Clement Clarke Moore.
It was a night aboard Voyager, the lost Federation ship,
Captain Janeway was in no mood to hear any lip!
The replicators were out on decks one through six,
So Janeway was in dire need of a caffeine fix.
Ensign Kim was nestled all snug in his bed,
While visions of a nude Seven of Nine danced in his head.
Tuvok in his quarters in deep meditation,
Which probably involved a lot of masturbation!
From the ceiling the klaxons made such a clatter,
The crew ran to their stations to see what was the matter.
In Engineering, everyone hopped into action,
They knew they better move quickly, or B'Elanna will put them in traction.
Janeway busted out of the lift, "Report!" she shouted,
"No information yet." Chakotay said as she pouted.
When what on the long-range sensors should appear?
But an unidentified blip coming ever so near.
Who's attacking THIS time everyone thought as they looked at the viewer,
It seemed the good guys in this quadrant were getting fewer and fewer.
Is it the Hirogen, Kazon, Vidiians, or Species 8472?
Oh crap Janeway thought as she saw it was Q!
"Don't mind me folks," he said, "I'm just passing by."
"Save it Q," Janeway said, "We all know that's a lie."
"What can I do to put your fears to rest?"
"Well for starters Q. Stop looking at my breast!"
Suddenly there came a call from the Chief Engineer.
"Sorry to interrupt, but we have a problem down here."
Completely off the handle, Janeway flew,
She cursed out everyone – poor Chakotay too!
Without even asking if it was okay,
Q whisked himself and the Captain away.
"So what do we do now?" Paris asked turning around.
Chakotay just kicked out the smart-ass's chair, and down he went with a bound.
"Will you to tell me what's wrong?" Chakotay asked, "Or will I have to guess."
"It's Neelix. He's gone crazy, and he's wrecking the Mess!"
The First Officer went down, with Security in tow,
However, The Doctor had already put Neelix to sleep with a slide show.
But they still needed to find out what made the Talaxian give sanity the boot.
Seems since Kes left, no one wanted to touch his "Leola Root".
Suddenly Q and the Captain were back from their trip,
They both held steaming mugs, from which they took a sip.
"Katherine!" Chakotay said, "Where did you go?"
"Oh Q just took me to Starbuck's for a cappuccino."
Upon discovering everything was once again ship-shape,
Janeway apologized for going a little ape.
Everyone was hoping for a moment of repose,
But then the Lady Q appeared, to add to their woes.
By the look in her eye and the tilt of her head,
Q could tell he had plenty to dread.
"I knew I'd find you here, you omnipotent jerk!
You haven't even done your share of the housework!"
Q faced his wife, looking her in the eye.
Then fell to his knees, and started to cry.
The Lady Q pulled him to his feet, and gave him a slap.
"Pull yourself together!" she said and away they went with a zap.
So I hope you enjoyed the story in verse,
But I doubt into a movie, this show will transverse.