(UN)Forgivable

Chapter One: Till the Day I Die, I will Hope

I can't believe it's been so long since I posted anything! Well, I'm back with another story now, so it's all good!

I've had this idea for about a week or so, but I only just got around to finishing the first chapter. There are more to come, I assure you!

While we're on the subject of chapters, I would like to apologize to those of you who read and recognized my first story (Mirage Blade, for those of you who don't know me) as cringe-worthy. The first two chapters were absolutely horrible, and I'm sorry about that. I promise, however, that I have grown as a writer since then.

Now then, let's get on with the story! See you at the bottom, everyone!

Forgiveness.

Such a pretty little word. To be absolved of the wrongs you have done to someone. My only wish was to be forgiven. But not by any god, or anything of that nature; I just wanted to be forgiven by the one who matters most to me.

And yet, despite my yearning for forgiveness, I knew I didn't deserve it. Not after what I did. Or rather, what I didn't – no, couldn't – do.

After my mistake, she had every right to hate me. But, the thing is, she didn't— or, at the very least, she didn't act like it. It tore me up on the inside, not knowing how she really felt, but at the same time… I was just too afraid to ask her. She was all I had, and vice versa. I didn't want to ruin that.

And so, I decided to work hard to clear the game, for her sake. Maybe then, after I get her home, she can finally find it in her heart to forgive me.

It's been more than twenty floors now, but I still remember the day my entire life came crashing down… along with hers.

The bluish-green walls of the twenty-seventh floor labyrinth glowed brightly even without any torches, quite unlike the labyrinths of all the other floors before it. I could see my reflection in them, as well as the reflection of my guild mates.

That's right… I'm in a guild…

Even now, after all these months, it's still hard to believe that I joined a guild. I had been a solo player for more than twenty floors, only partying up occasionally to do a particularly hard quest or two. Never anything long-term. Yet here I was, walking through the twenty-seventh floor labyrinth with four guild mates.

The twenty-seventh floor had been cleared some time ago, but my guild was still relatively low-leveled… well, compared to a clearer like me, that is. Points is, I was very nervous about being there with them. While I could easily have soloed the whole thing, the fact that my guild mates were much, much weaker than I… well, it led to some pretty unsettling and gruesome thoughts.

What if we come across some kind of trap? I thought nervously as I watched my blond guild mate, Ducker, chat animatedly with the rest of the guild. I don't think I could protect all of them, especially if we come across a trap that spawns a whole bunch of mobs. One mini-boss would be easy enough, since all I would have to do is keep it away from them while I killed it… but if there are more than twenty…

My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of someone using the «Lock-Picking» skill. I snapped my head up immediately, knowing that only one of us had such a skill, and he was the most naïve out of all of us.

Ducker.

Just as I feared, the beanie-clad blonde had found a secret door, and had already opened it. We all peered inside, finding a lone treasure chest in the center of the room. Every fiber of my virtual being screamed at me to tell them not to go in, but my voice wouldn't work.

They all ran in, save for me and one other: Sachi, the sole girl in our guild. She followed soon after, though not at the excited pace that everyone else had. That was when my voice finally started working again.

"No! Wait!" I shouted, inwardly begging, pleading that Ducker, who was the closest to the chest, would heed my warning.

He didn't.

As soon as he opened the chest, the blue-green walls turned red, and an alarm rang through the room.

No!

I knew my time was limited. I couldn't let everyone die, and I knew that the doors were going to close in a matter of seconds. It was quite obvious to me now that this would be a «Crystal Nullification Area», which meant that we couldn't teleport out.

Looking around for the closest person to me, I felt that I had to save at least one of them. And so, I grabbed Sachi, then used my incredible STR stat to quite literally throw her through the door just before it closed.

"What are you doing?!"

Were the last words I heard from her before the door shut completely.

With the least capable fighter out of the picture, I could only hope that the mobs were weak enough for the rest of us to handle. But of course, fate was never so kind to me.

The walls opened up, revealing hordes of goblins clad in red, wielding pickaxes and sporting beards and large, dome-shaped hats. They all walked into the room, mixing in with the countless giant, mannequin-like golems that had started spawning.

"Guys, we're gonna have to fight our way out!" I shouted, looking around for my guild mates. "Come close to me and stick together!"

But, as always, fate seemed to hate me that day. Before I could reach him, Tetsuo, our only other forward, got struck hard by the hand of one of the mannequin-like golems. In an instant, the sound of shattering glass rang throughout the room.

He was dead.

No!

I looked around, finding that both Ducker and Sasamaru were coming towards me. With a few strikes from my sword, I cleared a path for them to reach me. Ducker reached me in the nick of time, narrowly avoiding a strike from one of the goblins' pickaxes. Sasamaru, however, was not so lucky.

Just before the curly-haired boy reached me, he was struck by the hand of one of the mannequin-like golems. You can imagine what happened next.

Damn it!

"Raaah!" I screamed, slashing at the golem that destroyed Sasamaru and avenging him in one hit. What little good it did was soon overwhelmed by what happened next.

"Kirito!" Ducker screamed at the top of his lungs from behind me. I turned around, watching in horror as a large group of the red-clad goblins attacked him with their pickaxes. "Help me— Aaah!"

And just like that, the last member of my guild in the room was dead.

I felt my control over my emotions slipping. Soon enough, when I felt the strike of a golem hitting my back, then saw my HP go down slightly, I snapped.

"HAAAAAAH!"

And so the war began.

When the door to the trap room opened and Sachi came rushing in, her emerald eyes wide with horror, I finally snapped out of my rage. I fell to the ground, tears coming to my eyes as the gravity of what just happened finally hit me.

"Where… where is everyone else?" my midnight-haired friend queried, though I could tell she already had an inkling of what happened.

"They're… gone, Sachi," I whispered, voice hoarse as I tried desperately to fight back tears. I looked up at her eyes, realizing that she still didn't fully comprehend it. "The trap… I'm the only survivor."

"No… this can't be…" she whispered, falling to her knees as tears pricked at her eyes.

Despite knowing that it was my fault, I still felt the need to comfort Sachi in her time of grief. She was probably suffering more than I was; after all, she knew all of them in real life.

I got up and walked over to her slowly, tentatively reaching out my hand to her. "I'm sorry…" I whispered, voice shaky as tears finally began to stream down my face. "It-it's my fault… it's all my fault…"

Before I could retract my hand, she turned to face me, almost immediately lunging forward and embracing me like her life depended on it. She sobbed and sobbed, her tears soaking my black coat. She said nothing, no words of comfort, no curses towards me; all she could do was keep sobbing into my chest.

Deep down, I was the same as she; I wanted to break down right then and there, sobbing like a little kid. But I knew I had to stay strong. If not for my sake, then for hers.

We met up with our guild leader at the inn back in «Taft» later that day. That was the moment when everything went from bad to utter hell.

"What the hell happened? Where is everyone else?"

As soon as these words left the lips of my guild leader, Keita, I grit my teeth as the midnight-haired girl next to me burst into tears again. The memories of what happened not five hours prior came rushing back to me, sending waves of despair throughout my mind.

I tried my best to keep some semblance of composure, knowing that I still had to stay strong for just a bit longer. Soon, I could leave Sachi with Keita, he could comfort her, and I could leave my mistakes behind.

"Everyone else is dead," I bluntly replied at last, watching through my bangs as Keita's face turned to utter shock. Continuing on, voice growing shaky, I elaborated. "And it's my fault. My arrogance… is what killed them."

"What are you talking about?" my redheaded guild leader shouted at me, causing me to flinch back. "You're not making any sense!"

I looked him dead in the eyes, tears filling my own as I hoarsely uttered the three words that would destroy my life.

"I'm a «Beater»."

The look of shock on Keita's face only lasted for a mere second before turning to one of the utmost animosity. Before he could start shouting at me, I decided to tell him the whole story.

"We went to the twenty-seventh floor labyrinth," I elaborated, voice shaking. "And we ran into a trap room. I tried to warn them, but then…"

Images of the grim fates that everyone met flashed through my mind, making me look down with horror-filled eyes. "Ducker activated the trap. The only one I could save… was Sachi."

At the mention of my midnight-haired friend, we both looked to her, finding that she was still in tears, clinging to my coat for dear life. The sight of it brought wave after wave of guilt crashing through my system, compelling me to apologize.

"I'm so sorry, Sachi…" I whispered, causing her to look up to me with an expression that said that she couldn't take it anymore.

I heard the sound of footsteps coming towards us, making me look up to find Keita storming towards us with a blank expression. He grabbed Sachi's hand roughly, pulling her away from me and out of the inn. She made no attempts to resist him, serving to remind me once again that I was the one at fault.

I knew that, given the emotional state they were in, I shouldn't have left them alone. I should have followed them, should have stopped them from doing anything stupid. But I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I couldn't bring myself to follow them, even though I knew that they might…

Wait… I thought, eyes widening in fright as a very real and very possible scenario played out in my mind. What if they decide to… commit suicide?

At this thought, I ran out of the inn, desperately hoping I would make it in time to stop them from doing anything that would get them both killed. As soon as my feet hit the cobblestone streets of «Taft», I broke into a run, opening up my menu as I went so that I could activate my «Tracing» skill.

I set it to look for Sachi, then opened the map to check her location, finding her on the edge of town. She wasn't moving, it seemed, but I quickly realized that the area she was in was right by a bridge that overlooked the edge of «Aincrad».

Damn it! I shouted in my mind, changing my course to a more direct route towards the bridge. I then closed out of my map, beginning to run as fast as I could. I hope I get there in time…!

Not a minute later, I found myself running up to the bridge, casting my gaze every which way as I looked everywhere for Sachi and Keita. After a few seconds, my eyes finally settled on a familiar midnight-blue-haired girl, sitting back against the bridge railing with her head buried in her knees as her whole body trembled.

I ran over to her weeping form, stopping just short of reaching her before calling out her name. When she didn't respond, I slowly walked closer, careful to keep my distance. Finally, when I was no more than a meter from her, she slowly arose, then rushed over to me, clinging onto my for dear life as she cried her eyes out.

"Sachi…" I whispered, about to ask where our guild leader was before she spoke up.

"He jumped…" she sniffled into my shirt, her voice sounding muffled. "He jumped off of the bridge…"

"What?"

My mind went entirely blank at her words. I couldn't think, couldn't process anything, couldn't even feel anything. It took a full thirty seconds for my mind to come around, and I immediately found myself asking, "Why?"

"H-he said… that he wanted us to go to see our friends…"

As soon as her words registered in my mind, I felt an almost-uncontrollable anger welling up inside of me. He wanted Sachi to commit suicide with him?!

Before I could get truly angry at Keita, I remembered the girl currently using me as a pillar of support, who was once again sobbing into my chest. Even if everything happening was my fault, I knew that now, I was the only thing standing between Sachi and suicide.

And I can't let that happen… because… I need her, too.

I finally worked up the nerve to bring my arms around my midnight-haired friend to comfort her, almost sighing in relief when she didn't push me away. Instead, she only tightened her hold on me, almost hard enough to enact the «Crime Prevention Code».

Once she calmed down a bit, her sobs lessening into sniffles, I began to speak in what I could only hope was a comforting tone. "Sachi… I know that this is all my fault, and I can't expect you to just forgive me, but… I promise you this…

"I'll get you back to the real world. I'll make sure you survive, no matter how hard it is. I'll clear the game for you, and I promise you that you'll return to the real world someday, where you can just pretend that this whole ordeal was nothing but a nightmare."

She finally looked up from my chest, surprising me with the weak smile on her face. I couldn't fathom how she would be able to smile at me after all that had happened to her, that I had done to her, and yet she did. And then, she said but a few words, the words that truly gave me the strength to keep fighting.

"I know you will… and I'll be right there with you."

So, how was that? The whole premise of this story revolves around this one sentence: Kirito is so blinded by his need for forgiveness that he doesn't

even realize that he's already been forgiven. Simple enough, right? Wrong.

Anyway, I hope this story is realistic in terms of how the characters are portrayed and such. I'm usually pretty bad at keeping people in-character, so I can really only hope that I didn't screw it up too badly.

Well, I guess that's it. All that's left is the disclaimer, and then I can finally go to bed! (Just kidding! It's only eleven, and the night is far from over for me.)

I don't own the Sword Art Online light novel series, any of its adaptations (though I do own a copy of both Infinity Moment and the Taiwanese/English release of Hollow Fragment), or anything/one I use from them!

See you next chapter!