The Long Way Home
SHINJI
Shinji sat upright scared awake from another horrifying dream. He couldn't place why it was so fear inspiring, just that it was. It was more of a memory, from when he battled the fourth angel, then ran away. He could see himself walking down the sidewalk of an empty Tokyo-3 street, then the world changed. Not visibly, but it felt very wrong. It closed in on him, and whirled around him. So he did what his instincts told him to do…. he ran.
He found that his futon was soaked from sweat, and that he was dripping profusely. He decided to visit the bathroom, and wash up.
A quick bath cleansed him from his dirty exterior, but his mind stayed on the vivid dream he had just awoken from. What was it? What did it mean? "I don't know…" he said out loud.
After leaving the bathroom, he returned to his room and began dressing for another uneventful weekend.
My existence is so unfulfilling. Why am I made to suffer? Is it because I am unworthy of normality? Is it because I am unable to do things to others' high standards? Why can't they just be nice to me? Is that so much to ask? Why must they always be so condescending, conniving, hateful? Why must I love those who hurt me? Why do I love Asuka?
This last question took him back? Why would he think something like that? Was it true? Do I love Asuka?"
He resolved himself to think about it, and it would eventually answer itself. He moved out of his room, and into the hallway, and nearly ran into Asuka.
"Why don't you look where you're going, dork? Mien gott, what is your mind on? It's bad enough that I have to put up with you at work, but I have to take your crap at home, too!!!"
"I- I'm sorry. I just wasn't thinking."
"Humph. Typical!"
"What is that supposed to mean?"
She left, and he stood there for a moment wondering what had just happened…
ASUKA
Asuka sat upright scared awake from another horrifying dream. She could place what made it so frightening. She was in her mothers arms, being loved and held close, the was other families loved and held their children, but then her mother started strangling her, and shaking her about. "No, mother, don't choke me! Why are you doing this?" She found that it wasn't the Asuka in her dream that was saying this, but the third person Asuka who was watching. Suddenly the other Asuka changed into a doll, a rag doll. She hated those dolls. So she did what her instincts told her to do…. she ran.
She found that she was aching, and that she was on the floor. She must have rolled off in the night. She heard Misato coming down the hall from the bathroom. She's up early this morning. Hmmm.
She went down the hall and started her bath. She sat soaking for a few moments wondering at her dream. What was it? What did it mean? "I know, but it frightens me…" she said aloud.
She drained the water, and returned to her room. She sat naked and looked at herself in the mirror, then started brushing her long flaming hair, and wondered why no one loved her. Then she got dressed for another day of school.
There is no one with whom I can share my feelings, is there? Why am I so ugly? Is that why they hate me? Why do I hate them? Because they are stupid? Why does it matter? Why am I still alive? Why do they care? Why does it always come down to me to be backup?
She heard Shinji go into the bathroom and start his bath.
Why does Shinji get the good jobs? Why is Shinji the better pilot? Why is Shinji never mad at me? Why and I always mad at Shinji? Why do I love Shinji?
Whoa, get a grip on yourself girl! You could never love someone like that…could you?
She left her room, and went to the end of the hall, and listened at the door. She heard him talking to himself briefly. "I don't know…," he said. She decided to take a little chance, and opened the door ever so slowly, just enough t look in without Shinji noticing. He sat in the tub, eyes closed, thinking. While Asuka looked at him, there was a little skirmish going on in her mind.
Oh, he looks so peaceful, there, relaxing in the tub….
What
am I doing looking at Shinji in the tub?
It's OK, he doesn't know I am here, and what he doesn't know won't hurt him… heh heh heh
You are perverted, not as much and Shinji and his stupid friends, but perverted nonetheless.
She closed the door, and headed back to her room, and sat at her desk for a few minutes thinking over what she has seen.
Her reverie was interrupted by the sound of Shinji going to his room.
Truly Shinji did seem relaxed and peaceful while in the tub. She had watched him one night while he was sleeping, and he tossed and turned violently in some cases, while in the throes of a nightmare. Never did he cry out though, so she didn't wake him. Too many questions she couldn't answer with cover-ups…
She stood, and timed her exit. She needed an excuse to be angry with Shinji this morning. She heard his door open, and then she stepped out, running into him, it was just to good.
"Why don't you look where you're going, dork? Mien gott, what is your mind on? It's bad enough that I have to put up with you at work, but I have to take your crap at home, too!!!"
"I- I'm sorry. I just wasn't thinking."
Why is he so cowardly? Why doesn't he stand up for himself?
"Humph. Typical!"
"What is that supposed to mean?"
She turned on her heel, and went to the kitchen. She found a note on the table, explaining that Misato had to leave early this morning to get a head start on a prospective training program. She should be back this afternoon.
Asuka started fixing breakfast, then noticed Shinji come in. Then she noticed his clothes.
"Why aren't you dressed for school yet? If you don't hurry, you are gonna be late!"
"Huh, today's Saturday, Asuka…"
Asuka checked the calendar, and realized he was right. She had not even noticed. Now what was she going to do?
She resumed her breakfast, and thought about what this meant.
The Day
Shinji walked over and got some fish for Pen-Pen who until now was in his freezer. At the sound of the plop, he rushed out and started gulping down the morsels whole. He stopped and looked up at Shinji, realizing that he had not put a beer out.
"If you keep it up with that beer in the morning, you are going to turn into Misato."
"Squawk"
"OK, OK, just a sec."
Shinji handed him a beer, with a disgusted look on his face.
"Somehow I don't feel like eating this morning."
Ten seconds later Asuka sat by herself at the table. What was wrong with Shinji? I sure hope he's all right…What am I thinking? I am not falling for him am I? He must be doing this to me. It's his fault.
She finished eating and washed her dishes, then figured she would call Hikari and talk to her, maybe go somewhere, she didn't know.
Hikari sounded as though she had just woken up, and Asuka didn't want to disturb her from sleep, so she let her go. She wondered what there was to do on a Saturday.
Flipping through the paper, she saw the advertisements for the movies that were showing now, and started skimming through them, and found one that she wanted to go see. She was about to go out, when she had the sudden urge to ask Shinji if he wanted to go too. Why do I want him to go? He would just mess up the movie for me. But her good conscience (what little of it there was at this point) won out in the end, and she went to Shinji's room to see if he wanted to come with her. It would be a good chance to at lease try to get to know what happens in that brain of his, if anything.
Shinji heard her coming down the hall, but she didn't stop at her room, so he sat up, and turned his pillow over. It was pretty obvious he had been crying. He didn't know quite why. A feeling of hopelessness, and loneliness had descended over him earlier, and he just couldn't shake it off. So he went with it.
When Asuka opened the door, he turned away from her, and she didn't see his face. "Shinji, umm, I was going to a movie, and I just wanted to know, I mean if you aren't doing anything better, not that you…Do you want to go to the movie or not?!"
This kind of took him by surprise; she had never shown any interest in his wants or feeling before. Also the way she started out asking him, reminded him of a girl who was a little unsure about asking a guy out for a date… "Yeah." was all he could say.
He got up, and without making eye contact, left his room, and walked beside
Asuka out of the house, and locked the door behind him. "So, uh, what movie are
we going to see?"
"Well, I saw the ad for it in the paper, it called "The Long Way Home", and I thought it looked pretty good."
"What kind of movie is it? Sounds like a drama or something like that."
"Well, it looks kind of romantic, and I haven't seen a good romance movie in a long time, not since I came over here, in fact."
Shinji was feeling a little queasy. A romance? He didn't know if coming was such a good idea after all. He was not particularly fond of romance, or drama for that matter. Come to think of it, he didn't watch many movies, and didn't like most types of movies either. Oh, well, it will allow me to spend some time with Asuka, and think about my feeling concerning her. It seems kind of weird to me. What is this sudden affliction? I never seemed to notice it before, but now I don't know what to think. Ever since this morning he had been thinking, and sometimes his train of though would drift away, but it always returned to Asuka. He didn't see anything very special about her, aside from her long red hair, and her beautiful face, the way she walks down the street, the curvature of her neck…I need to pull myself together. Man, am I ok?
They arrived at the movie theater without incident, and each paid for their own ticket. They sat down in the middle of the theater, and waited for the movie.
The movie started, and it was pretty sad. The two main characters had been together since childhood, and their love is undeniable, but when the guy goes off to war, the woman is left alone. So she joins the Red Cross, and ends up attending him in a hospital after he is wounded. While they are there the enemy finds them, and overruns the hospital, killing nearly everyone. She makes it out, but he doesn't.
About halfway through the movie, Asuka looks out of the corner of her eye, and sees Shinji looking almost directly at her. His face is turned only slightly, but his eyes are on her. Finally he turns his attention back to the movie.
I think she saw me. I don't care. She is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, but I don't want to show her my true feelings. She would just laugh at me, or even worse, she would tell others, and they would laugh at me.
Asuka, sitting right next to him noticed his movements while he was thinking this, and wondered. Why do I have put up this charade in front of him? Why do I have to trick anybody for that matter? I know who I am, am I unhappy with my personality? Am I afraid of others trying to get close to me? I see now that he isn't such a bad guy, but why didn't I see it before now? I mean, what is different about him, now?
She returned to reality to find that they were staring at each other. They were both feeling a mixture of emotions, but neither of them knew what to do. Asuka leaned forward, and looked deeply into Shinji's eyes, Shinji was frightened at what this could mean. Would she kiss him like last time? It was a bittersweet thought. Although he didn't like the thought of dying by asphyxiation, the thought of a kiss wasn't so bad.
Asuka abruptly stood up and ran out of the theater. Leaving Shinji behind to figure out what he had done to cause her to run. He thought about chasing after her, but to what purpose. He felt deep emotions erupting inside him like a storm rolling across the sea. Such powerful feelings had he never experienced except when he was in his Eva. But those were negative feelings, destructive feelings, fear, anger, rage, despair. These were the kind of feelings that he could not explain, but that he felt were the best feeling emotions he had ever experienced.
Slowly as if he had difficulty standing, he got up, and walked out of the theater. He decided that it would be best if Asuka got home before him, so he took a roundabout route home. It took him to an old temple at the top of a hill, one that overlooked the whole city. A place where he could stop and think, a place to reflect….
Asuka watched Shinji from across the street exiting the theater. She figured the best way to figure out what was going on in his mind was to follow him, and watch what he did. She didn't know what would happen when she found out, but she was starting to see that he was a great person to be around, maybe a little short when it came to conversation, but that was the way things went.
After 2 hours of following him, she wound up in the trees, near the temple, and there was Shinji, sitting on the steps thinking about her probably. She pushed herself up a little bit to get a better look, then slipped, and fell from the limb she was perched on. After falling about 15 feet, she landed on the ground with an "Oomph!" and fell, twisting her ankle.
Shinji heard her hit the ground and her quiet curses, coming from his side, and behind him. He stood up, and went over to the edge of the trees, and then he saw her. Lying on the ground both hands clasping her ankle and foot.
"Asuka, what did you do?" The look of worry in his eyes caught Asuka off guard. He helped her up, and they started limping home.
"Asuka, I think we need to talk, but I don't know what I would say. Things
are no longer as simple as they were yesterday. I don't how you would react to
it, but I am going to say it anyway. I like you Asuka. I like you a lot, but I
don't know what that means yet." He felt there was more to say, but had work up
more courage to say it. "Surely every boy in school is attracted to your beauty,
but I feel attracted to you both in body and spirit, in appearance and
personality."
Asuka could feel herself blushing. No one had ever told her
she was beautiful quite that bluntly before. She didn't know what to do. Her
mind was clouded by the multitude of thoughts, many of which were incomplete
that were racing through her mind. It was getting pretty difficult to think.
"If I didn't know better I would think that you are telling me that you have feelings for me, Shinji. Yesterday I would have told you to go to hell, and I say that because things are much different today. Ever since I woke up this morning, I could not stop thinking about you, but I had to keep up the act until I knew what was going on. I guess that fell through, and I don't know what is going to happen with us, but I want you to know that I like you a lot too." She left it at that, what more could she say, without ruining the situation.
When they reached the apartment, Shinji set her down to start work on the injured ankle. While he was tending to it, Misato came in, and asked where they had been, and why Asuka had sprained her ankle.
"Well, ahh, we were coming back from Hikari's house, and we went through the park, and I was walking up some stairs, and I tripped, and fell, and it twisted, so Shinji helped me back here."
"I don't like the fact that you messed up your foot, but it was good that that was it. I want you guys to be more careful even when doing something commonplace as walking up steps, it happens to everyone, I know, but be a little more careful. OK?"
"Yes." They said in unison.
Shinji got a tub of warm water and brought it back, along with some herbs that he took from the medicine cabinet in the bathroom and took them back to the kitchen.
Misato explained that she would be going out in about an hour. She and Ritsu and Kaji were going to catch up on some things. Then moved just around the corner to find out what was really going on.
They would be alone for a few hours. This would allow them some needed time to talk.
He put Asuka's foot into the tub after filling it with warm water. He crushed the leaves, and let them fall into the water, and soon, the water took on a brownish look. Asuka noticed the pain went away, and the swelling went down some. Shinji then got a stretchy bandage, and a towel, and took Asuka's foot from the tub, and dried it carefully with the towel. He couldn't explain it, but just touching her foot was enough to make him feel good. He could die a happy man after touching her.
Misato couldn't believe what she was seeing. This was the most patience with Shinji she had ever seen in Asuka. She wondered to herself whether it was just her imagination, or maybe that Shinji and Asuka where finally coming of age. She hurried back to her room to finish getting dressed. She decided that she wouldn't put this into her report yet, maybe it was nothing.
He wrapped the bandage around her ankle, and safety pinned it in place, and helped her up.
"Do you want to go to your room, or the living room?" he asked.
"Let's go to the living room. It would look suspicious if we both went to my room, but we need to wait for Misato to leave before we talk.
They sat and watched a report set out by Nerv on how much progress was being made on removing the 5th Angel. "Well it's about time they got back to that! I am getting a little tired of looking at it, and it stinks too. I don't see why they haven't been working on it this whole time."
"Alright guys, I'll see you later. Don't wait up for me, it'll probably be tomorrow when you see me if you don't stay up late. Bye!"
"See you later Misato!"
"Finally alone! I though she would never leave." Asuka said. She looked at Shinji, and tried to figure out what to say next."
Shinji didn't give her the chance to say it. "Asuka have you ever loved someone?"
"It's hard to say, I have known people who I though t that lived, but now I am not so sure. I mean, at the time it was the most intense emotion I had ever experienced. But now, it seems paled badly next to what I am feeling."
"I have never really loved anyone other than my mother, and I just needed to identify this feeling." Then his face turned ash gray, and he stood, and said "I think I gonna be sick."