"Alright, settle down... no, I said settle down... dammit, settle down or no story... that's better. Ok, story. Uh... Oh, I know, I can tell you the story of how your Uncle Sam and your Uncle Gabriel met for the first time."

"Dude, are you talking about me?" A familiar bitchface protrudes from the bedroom doorway.

"Uh... no..."

"Dad's going to tell me how you and Gabriel met!"

"Dammit, Ben, what have I told you about playing it cool? Sam, seriously..."

"Oh no, I'm staying. I want to make sure you don't tell it wrong."

"Oh my god. Ok, fine. Just... go sit over there and shut up. Ok. So... right. Once upon a time, there was a Daddy Bear, a Big Brother Bear, and a Baby Bear."

"Hey."

"I should probably mention that Baby Bear was actually, like, twenty five at this point and really could have moved out, if he wanted to."

"What? No I couldn't! You kept telling me I had to stay so..."

"Shhh, I'm telling the story. Now, one day, the Three Winchester Bears went out with rock salt and shotguns ready to kick some demo...squirrel, butt, and headed off into the forest. But Baby Bear was stupid and didn't lock the door properly."

"Hey!"

"Hey yourself, you're lucky we haven't got anything worth stealing. Now, on the other side of the forest was another pair of brothers, who came from a much bigger family. The father of that family had disappeared, and the family voted for two of their siblings to go find him. So, your Uncle Gabriel and your other Dad were thrown out into the forest with just a few meagre provisions. Now your other Dad has never really been much for excitement and adventure, so he decided to plan how they would get home. He turned to your Uncle Gabriel and said "If we break up this bread into chunks, we can leave a trail on the ground that will guide us home."

Your Uncle Gabriel said "Sure, that's a great idea. Oh, hang on; I've got a better one." Then, he punched your Dad in the face and tied him to a tree, stole the bag with all the food in and wandered off on his own, eating the bread as he went."

"Why?"

"What do you mean, "why"? No one knows. Why does Gabriel do anything? Whatever. Anyway, so Gabriel wandered through the forest until he found the house of the three Winchester Bears which, if you'll remember, had the door wide open because Baby Bear was a tool."

"Hey! You can't say that!"

"He's my son; I'll tell him what I like, now shut up. Gabriel wandered into the house and looked around. He saw the three bowls of porridge that had been left on the table, and decided to try them.

Trying the Daddy Bear's bowl, he said "this is too hot". He tried the Big Brother Bear's bowl, and said "this is too cold". Then, he tried the Baby Bear's bowl and said "this stuff is nasty" and threw it out. Then, he turned all the cupboards out, looking for some Captain Crunch. It was only after he didn't find any that he remembered he could just create some for himself, which he did. Of course, he then spilled it all over the carpet, so the whole exercise was kind of pointless. Anyway, he walked through the house and saw two things. One, he saw the Baby Bear's music and DVDs and realised that they all sucked..."

"Dude!"

"Shut up, it's my story."

"How is it your story? It's about me!"

"I'm telling it. You can tell the one about how me and Cas met."

"I don't want to tell that story. Especially not to your five year old son."

"What? It's a fine story to tell a kid... it's cute."

"Yeah, while you're walking through the forest to grandma's house, but it gets a whole other kind of weird once you find the angel tied up to the tree and covered in breadcrumbs."

"Ok, fine. Jeez, you're such a... uh... anyway. Ben. Where was I?"

"Gabriel noticed that all of Sam's music sucked."

"Good boy. So. The other thing he noticed was that there were three comfy looking chairs in the living room. First he tried the Daddy Bear's chair, but it was too hard. Then, he tried the Big Brother Bear's chair, but it didn't have the right lumbar support. Then, he decided he was bored and threw a house party. Baby Bear's chair got broke in the process. After a while, Gabriel got tired, called the party to a close, and went upstairs to find somewhere to sleep. Normally, he'd never let himself get caught like that, but by this point he was really drunk. I mean, all he'd had to eat that day was bread and some porridge, so he was wasted."

"What's drunk?"

"It's... uh..."

"You remember last Christmas when your Dad and Grampa Bobby played a game to see who could drink more bottles of the special grown-up drink we had?"

"Yeah."
"That's drunk."

"Oh."

"Thanks for that, Sam. Well anyway, Gabriel went upstairs to find a bed. First, he tried the Daddy Bear's bed, but it was too big. All of them were too big, in fact, because Gabriel's a short-ass."
"Cheap shot."

"Are you going to tell him about it?"

"... no."

"So be quiet. It was at this moment in time that the Three Winchester Bears came home, and were shocked to find their house in such a mess. "Someone ate my porridge" Said Daddy Bear. "Someone ate my porridge, too" said Big Brother Bear. "Someone threw out my porridge and spilled Captain Crunch all over the floor" said Baby bear, but no one was listening to him, partly because they didn't really care about the porridge, since it was gross and it was Baby Bear's stupid idea in the first place."

"Oh, great. Sue me for giving a damn about your cholesterol."

"Anyway... The other reason they didn't care about the porridge was because they were busy freaking out about the state of the living room.

"So they covered the house with protection charms and demon traps, but couldn't find any clues as to what had been in their house. They decided to take it in turns to stay up and watch out for any monsters or Demons, and Daddy bear went to sleep first. When he came back four hours later, he said it felt like someone had been sleeping in his bed. Then it was Big Brother Bear's turn, and when he came back, he said it felt like someone had been sleeping in his bed too, and it smelled like someone had thrown up in the bathroom. Then, when Baby Bear went to bed, he saw Gabriel asleep in his bed and yelled out, making us run up to him, and waking Gabriel up. Gabriel, out of shock, teleported away, but because he was still a little drunk, he teleported the whole bed with him, including the sheets which Baby Bear was standing on. So Baby Bear and Gabriel were lost, in the middle of the woods, in the dead of night, while it was pouring rain. Baby Bear used the interrogation techniques Daddy Bear had taught him, and soon Gabriel explained what had happened. Then, they argued for two straight days until they found their way home. By the time they got home, however, Sam had turned into a massive girl and fallen in love, so we couldn't just send him back where he came from."

"Hey! Right, you know what, that's it."

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going to tell Cas and Gabriel the sort of stuff you've been teaching Ben."

"Ooh, I'm scared."
"You should be, I don't know how much of it I'm going to make up."

"What? Wait, come back here! Oh, that son of a... uh... good night, Ben. Sleep tight. Dad's gotta go kill Baby Bear."