Thanks for bearing with me on this rewrite as I just wasn't pleased with it.
Cheers. ^.^
ooOoo
My first interview with Commander Shepard, was the interview journalists dream of. Here I was sitting in her front room, getting ready to write a story told a million times, by everyone but her and him. My excitement almost boiled over when she entered the room alone, shook my hand and took a seat near a window to my side.
I had to hold myself back from gushing like a star struck boy of sixteen. Her red hair was undiminished by age, and her green eyes still sharp, as if she could see right through me. She looked just as beautiful as all the posters and vids I had ever seen of her. Beautiful and dangerous, the last thought caused me to glance over my shoulder towards the doorway where she had come from. She noticed my glance and shook her head.
"He's not here at the moment, but he'll join us another time I'm sure."
I nodded and opened my data pad. I had brought no vid. She had made me agree to only include small snippets of her talking. The rest of the story had to be in my own words. Her words through me this time, she had said. I had agreed, who wouldn't, but now that I sat in the room with her, I wondered if I would be able to find the truth amid the myth and legends.
I had written about Commander Shepard ever since I left journalism school, making up most of what I wrote, taking bits of stories from people who had known her, and making them my own.
She spoke and cut off my train of thought.
"I've read your stories about me you know. I figured it was high time you got the chance to write one hearing it directly from me. What you do with what I say is up to you of course."
"I'll try to stay as close to the truth as I can, Commander."
She smirked at that and bit her lip, looking like she wanted to roll her eyes, she was laughing at me.
"Well, let's get started shall we? Before you feel like you have to blow any more smoke up my ass."
It was said with a smile and I began to understand the woman that is Jane Shepard.
She took a deep breath before turning her face towards the window, and began to speak.
"The First Contact War; our first run in with extraterrestrials, it wasn't the nice story we all thought it would be. It was a War that consumed our young lives. It was the only thing we knew. While we should have been exploring the Galaxy, learning about its citizens, we were being trained to kill them.
Our parents like to joke that we met before we were born. Kaidan and I's parents were stationed in Singapore where both of our mothers were exposed to Element Zero.
We were lucky; we both turned out more or less normal. That is, if you count being a biotic normal. But hey, it's better than what could have happened. We could have had terminal brain cancer; so in all honesty, our families were the lucky ones.
Truth be told I don't have any solid memories of Kaidan Alenko until we were five. And that was pushing him into the mud. My mom said he chased me around the yard for the better part of an hour before finally giving up and crying to his mom. It was always like that for us, he was always trying to catch me, until I finally slowed down and let him.
Biotic normal school was the hardest part of our young lives; the implants then were rudimentary at best and left us with scars and migraines. We had no true knowledge of Biotics at the time, mostly just what soldiers had seen in the war, on the front lines.
We were no different than test animals. Kaidan and I made it out okay. And by okay I mean, a lot of emotional scars, but we at least had each other and our lives. A lot of our friends weren't as lucky, but there was a war to fight. No time to mourn the dead in a war far from won.
Our parents were active military our whole lives, and with a war to fight, we went from boarding school, to biotic school. We hadn't been a full time part of their lives for a long time when we enlisted. They were heroes though, and it was a lot to live up to.
We both entered the military at the age of eighteen, as soon as we were out of Biotic Normal School.
We were stationed in Vancouver, it was where Kaidan's parents had been from and that first summer we thought we were in heaven. That was also the last summer we spent out of active combat, and is as good a place to start as any."
ooOoo
"Helluva lot better than brain camp, eh, J," Kaidan stopped on the sand and stared out over the water towards the fading sun.
"Hells to the yes, you can say that again." Taking a deep breath Jane sank to the sand to take in the last rays of the setting sun. "There were days I wondered if we'd ever see the sun again." She took her eyes from the horizon and stared up at him, his normally swept back hair was disheveled from their run and she laughed as he sank down next to her in the sand.
"What's funny?"
"Do you remember when your mom would wet down your hair, over and over, trying to get it to stay put?"
"Yeah, lucky for me she just started to shave it, at least she didn't lick her hand or anything and try to smooth it down."
With a snicker Jane pretended to lick her hand and run it across his hair. But before she could finish the motion, he had her wrist in his hand and with a deep chuckled tipped her back into the sand, holding his body above hers. There had been a lot more laughter in the months since brain camp and she reveled in every moment.
"I don't get to see you enough since we've started basic, J. I miss you."
Her green eyes searched his whiskey brown depths as he dipped his head and kissed her softly.
"You can't miss me; we've never been apart for more than two weeks since we were kids."
"Yes but," he kissed her ear, "I can't do this," his lips trailed to her throat, "Whenever I want to."
"Well no, but it's not like I've gone missing."
He paused in the middle of kissing her shoulder and raised his head, his face had gone serious and she knew that look. She had struck a nerve.
"Don't joke about that. Do you remember when they came for you first?"
She knew his thoughts had turned back to those two weeks, when the men from the Biotic camp had come to get her. They had taken her first, and not gone back for Kaidan for weeks.
"I almost went crazy; I didn't know what to do. We were just kids really, if you think about it. One day you were just gone. Your parents tried to tell me that it was okay, but I didn't believe them."
"Kaidan, stop, it's over. I don't know how, but we made it. We're here now."
"I know that, but," his voice trailed off as his eyes scanned the horizon for the first stars of the night.
"But is it really over, J?"
She shook her head and scooted closer to where he now sat with his arms draped over his knees.
"No, I guess not, we are on a collision course with the inevitable."
Without looking at her he nodded and wrapped an arm about her waist.
"You know I'd find you right? If you went missing, I'd find you."
Jane sighed and leaned her head against his shoulder. She wanted to assure him that wasn't going to happen, but she knew better than to argue with him when he was in this mood.
"I know and it's what I love about you. Well one of the things."
He swung back to her, pulled her against him, and kissed her soundly. It was as if he was trying to banish the last memories of brain camp from both of their minds, and she didn't argue, just melted into him and let the shadows flee.
ooOoo
"Do you think I give a good goddamn who your parents are, Shepard?"
"No, Sir." Jane pulled her shoulders back and took a deep breath, praying her face remained passive.
"Then why is your platoon late, Corporal?" Sergeant Grieg leaned into Jane as he spoke, and she had to repress the urge to swallow and glance to her side. Instead she refocused her thoughts, she couldn't tell him that Gemma had a migraine and they had barely made it out of the barracks. As Grieg had said before, he didn't give a damn about their 'biotic' issues. There was no special leave given for the 'freaks'.
"No excuse, Sir." Silence answered her as he stared at the Corporal insignia she had received. Why they had picked her to lead the training platoon of biotics was beyond her, but Sergeant Grieg had decided it was because of her parents and took every opportunity to remind her of the fact that she was not worthy.
"Fine then, Shepard, as leader of this platoon, your passes are revoked." He began to turn away from her when he stopped and leaned back towards her.
"Oh and I think the mess needs help, so when you're not here, I want you there, understood?"
"Yes, Sir, help the mess, understood."
He didn't say anything at her passive tone, just narrowed his eyes and took a step back from her.
"That's all, get this goddamn platoon on the move, you've wasted enough time; oh and, Shepard, after tonight's meal I want you in my office."
The nerve at the corner of her eye twitched and she could almost feel the tension radiating off of Kaidan as Grieg walked to the side of the field.
The stares of the group snapped Jane out of the temporary stupor the Sergeant's last request had put her in.
"Drop into formation, let's move."
Gemma moved forward next to her as they ran and sighed, Jane glanced back at Kaidan and Justin behind her. Kaidan was staring hard at her and didn't even crack a smile when she winked at him. He was thinking what they all were. It was happening again.
"Jane, I'm sorry, you shouldn't have had to take that one for me. I really think you should tell someone that you're being called to his office though, you remember what happened at brain camp."
Jane, Kaidan, Justin and Gemma were the lucky ones that had survived brain camp and had joined the military instead of running. Sometimes Jane wondered if they should have run.
"I'll be fine, Gem, leave it."
Jane felt Kaidan move next to her, his even breath as he ran was as recognizable to her as her own. She chanced another glance at him and quickly looked away.
"Nothing is going to happen."
"We made that mistake last time, J. I won't let it happen again. It feels, wrong, don't deny it."
"Don't, don't any of you do anything that might get you in trouble. I can take care of this, and I will. You know me."
"Yeah, we do. I think that's why they're both so bloody worried." Justin gave her a half smile and she would have laughed, if it wasn't so true.
ooOoo
Jane paced for a few moments outside Grieg's door, trying to tell herself this wasn't the same, and she wasn't scared anymore. Well not of Grieg, no, she'd never be afraid of someone like him again.
The door slid open and she found herself taking a step into his office, Sergeant Grieg turned towards her, his brown hair looked almost black in the low light, his eyes focused on her and she froze at attention, waiting for him to say something, anything.
His eyes searched her face and it looked as if he was trying to decide something.
"You don't look like Anne. I think there is more of your father in you; it's the hair, that damn blood red hair. It isn't natural. Not that you're normal." He swirled the whiskey in his glass but didn't drink, choosing instead to set it on his desk. He took a step towards her but she didn't move.
"You know, Shepard, I know you think I hate you. I don't, it's not your fault your family is so perfect, and you ended up like this. I think it's rather funny actually. What with your perfect mother and father, Alliance heroes, your older brother is a Commander now isn't he?"
At the mention of her family Jane felt the nerve at the side of her eye twitch again. The reaction must have been in her stance because Grieg smiled.
"Oh, that's right, you haven't seen them. They left you to rot; all of them left you and your little friends to rot. They don't care about you." Another step towards her, his hand raised and he traced a finger lightly over the hair at her temple.
"Do they know what happened to you there? Do they know that your little boyfriend was forced to watch?"
She swallowed the dry lump in her throat as he continued to trace his finger down her face. He leaned towards her until his breath was hot in her ear.
"Do you think he liked to watch? Do you think he'll want to watch again?"
Her muscles tightened as his hands went to her shoulders.
"Don't touch me."
"Don't touch me, Sir." He said as he smiled and shoved her back against the wall, his mouth coming down hard on hers.
Without another thought Jane hit him square in the chest with a biotic blast that sent him back against his desk, she followed it with another and then a biotic kick that landed him against the far wall.
"I said don't fucking touch me, Sir."
She didn't stop to check if he was breathing, just calmly left the room walked to Captain Andrew's office. She knocked once, but didn't wait. She strode into the office to find Andrew's with another man; they were bent over his desk, looking at vids. Andrew's looked up his face a mix of shock and anger at being disturbed.
"What's the meaning of this, Shepard?"
"I'm sorry, Sir, I just thought you should know that Sergeant Grieg tried to assault me. I stopped him, but I'm not sure if he's alive. Someone might want to check that."
She stood at attention and the looked that crossed over Andrew's face would have been comical at any other moment.
"Did I hear you right, Shepard?"
"You did, Sir."
Andrew's shouted for his aide, but receiving no answer he made for the door, shouting the whole way, just before he left the office he turned back to her.
"Don't go anywhere, Shepard; Captain Anderson if you would, I will be right back, as soon as I figure out what the hell is going on."
Jane didn't move from where she stood at attention, though Captain Anderson moved to the other side of the desk and regarded her silently for a moment.
"Why did you turn yourself in?"
"I don't understand the question, Sir."
"It's simple enough. Why come here?"
"It was the right thing to do; I wouldn't hide from something like this."
"A lot of people would have run."
"I never run."
Anderson tilted his head to the side and Jane would have sworn he smiled.
"I've heard that about you."
"Sir?" she was confused. And it must have shown on her face.
"I've read a lot about you, Shepard. I hear your biotic squad is doing well. You'll be the first full biotic squad in the war you know. You deploy next month right?"
She didn't answer right away, just stared over his shoulder. "Well I guess that depends, Sir. I might have just killed my commanding officer."
"Yes, but by what you've said, he deserved it."
"You believe me, Sir?"
"Of course, everything I've read about you says you don't lie; honest to a fault actually."
"You seem to know a lot about me, Sir."
"I'm very interested in our first biotic squad, I think your group is very talented, and I'm sorry for what you went through."
Jane blinked twice quickly before regaining her composure.
"I didn't know anyone else knew."
"We have their records, and thanks to you and your friends, no other biotics will have to go through that."
Jane felt some of the tension leave her shoulders.
"What you did tonight, Shepard, you did because there was no other choice, you knew what you had to do, and you did it. Remember that, sometimes we have to do what we know might have dire consequences. But we do it anyways, because we must. A leader does what they must, you learned that lesson today. Don't forget it.
"I won't, Sir."
He nodded, "I know you will do fine, now I'd like you to head back to your bunk and get some shut eye. Your platoon heads out in the morning for halo jump training."
"But, Sir, Andrews said to wait."
"Andrew's trusts my judgment, and so should you. I'll take care of it."
She saluted and turned towards the door, but was stopped short as Anderson laid a gentle hand on her shoulder.
"It was good to meet you, Shepard. I'm sure we'll run into each other again. Be safe out there."
"Thank you, Sir." With that Jane left the room.
Andrews was back the next moment and motion back the way he had come.
"It's cleaned up, it happened just as she said, I've had Grieg taken into custody. Where's Shepard?"
"I sent her back to bed, she's been through enough."
"Did you see her though?" Andrews shook his head. "She was ice cold, she was willing to accept any judgment we threw at her even though she was in the right."
"I know, it's why I made her corporal, it's all right there, not to mention she comes from one hell of a military family. Her brother is a commander; her parents will be Generals soon you know."
"She's got one hell of a job in front of her though; you're expecting to send a group of kids to the front lines."
"Yes, but we need them, if we're going to compete in this damn war we need them at the front. And I am confident that with her in charge they won't fail." Anderson stared at the door where Jane had gone for a moment before turning and following Andrews out.
ooOoo
Standing for a moment in the dark Jane took a deep breath and held it, Kaidan was sitting on the edge of his bed, his head in his hands. She quietly made her way to him and kneeled beside him.
"J, where have you been, are you okay?" She took his hands in hers and laid her forehead against the backs of them.
"I'm okay, but you were right."
Kaidan's face was instantly red; she felt his hands shake and she squeezed them tighter.
"No it's okay, I didn't let him. It's been taken care of, at least I think."
She told him what he had said to her, how she had snapped and what had happened after with Anderson.
Kaidan was quiet and she knew what he was thinking.
"Don't, don't you dare do this to yourself, it wasn't your fault. What happened isn't anyone's fault. Not mine or Gemma, she was hurt too remember? That beast didn't leave any of us alone; we were just kids, Kaidan no one knew what he was going to do to us back then."
"I know, J. But we felt so helpless, we should have done something."
"I love you, Kaidan, but we have to let it go. By the way Anderson was talking, they're moving up our training, we're going to be in this war a lot sooner than we thought."
Pulling her forward until his lips rested against her forehead he smiled. "I don't care, as long as it's me and you, it doesn't matter where we are. Besides, we've been through hell, what's a war?" He lifted her into his lap and she nuzzled against his neck.
"You remember the song I used to sing you, J, the one my mom sang?"
"You are my sunshine. Yeah, course I remember." She smiled as his hand combed through her hair.
"It's true, and always will be." He began to hum, and in that moment even she believed they would be okay.
ooOoo
**Six Months Later**
Jane leaned with her arms folded over her chest against one of the lockers in the armory, and stared out at the planet below them; it had been months since they had taken their place in the war. A war Jane wasn't sure they could win. Not that she said that to anyone.
"No wonder you have a split lip, J, you keep chewing on it like that and it's going to be a bloody mess."
She ran the tip of her tongue over the crack on her upper lip and shrugged.
Kaidan stopped short, she could see his resolve to not reach out and run his thumb over her lips. While serving on the same ship they tried their best to stay professional. Even his nickname for her was only used when they were alone. He clasped his hands behind his back to keep from touching her and turned his eyes towards the window as well.
"So, what are you thinking?"
She shook her head and swung open the weapons locker and removed her light armor and pistol.
"Nothing really, just getting things ready."
"Come on, J, you can't hide from me. You know better, you've been stewing over something. You always look, worried. I know you as well as I know myself, and you've been distant."
"I'm sorry, Kaidan, it's nothing important, just wandering thoughts."
"You're wondering what the point is."
She nodded once. "I guess I don't see this coming out well for either side if we don't find a way to solve this. Really, what are we trying to prove?"
She shook her head and looked away from him. "See, it's nothing, just things that shouldn't be said or thought, not when we're being sent back out to fight in under an hour."
"We've all thought it, J; you're not the only one that has doubts."
"Yes, but those doubts, they can lead to something else." She shook her head again, "I don't want to talk about this anymore, Kaidan, get your gear and let's get ready to drop."
ooOoo
Jane took a deep breath and scanned the cave in front of them.
"Shepard, if they went in that cave, and didn't come out," Gemma's voice trailed off as Jane held up her hand.
Until this point their biotic group had acted as a small part of a larger platoon. But this trip they were sent in alone; rescue mission, or as Gemma had said, recovery mission.
"I know, move in slowly, Kaidan you have point. Remember we have people down here, check your fire."
"Aye, ma'am," Kaidan moved to the front and they moved into the cave as a group.
It was quiet, so quiet, if there was an Alliance patrol down here, they were either dug in or, that other option. She pushed the thought away and tried to concentrate on the task at hand.
"Shepard, light ahead," Justin motioned towards a cave that broke off of the main tunnel.
She nodded once and they moved together as one down the hall. Kaidan made a motion for them to stop and they froze and kneeled, keeping her head low Jane moved to the front.
"What is it, Alenko?"
"Turian, looks like he's alone, what do you think, Shepard?"
Gemma moved forward and shook her head.
"Look at his armor, he's an officer, he won't be alone."
"Unless he's doing something he shouldn't."
The look Kaidan gave her at that statement was lost behind his helmet, but she could feel it.
"Yeah, I know, it's not funny, give me this one."
She didn't get an answer and she took a deep breath, "Okay, move forward, slowly, he's against the wall, surround him."
They moved into a semi-circle but before Jane could speak the Turian addressed them and chills shot through Jane's spine.
"I'm surprised the Alliance would have sent me more test subjects already. The last ones weren't as successful as I would have liked, the ones that did turn are gone already, and I'm guessing they are outside by now, or you would have seen them." He motioned to the side and Jane sucked in a breath that she heard echoed in her squad.
"What did you do to them?" Jane was trying to shake herself from the stupor she felt at what was laying at the ground at her feet.
They were human, but something was wrong with them, they looked, simply put, they looked wrong.
"I perfected them, as I will you, I thank the Alliance for their cooperation," before they could react the Turian had spun on them, Justin and Gemma were thrown to the side as he lifted his weapon to fire Jane caught him with a blast to the side, but it didn't seem to slow him down, he turned and fired a shot at her that she deflected with her shield, Kaidan had moved behind him but the Turian was quicker, he turned away from Jane and grabbed him and slammed him against the wall repeatedly until she saw his head slump to the side, finally the turian held his pistol to his head and pulled the trigger. Kaidan's helm deflected most of the shot, but to Jane's horror she saw his face mask crack and explode.
"Shit, no!"
Jane ran towards Kaidan, but the Turian blocked her way, his face was obscured by the helm he wore but she would have sworn she heard a smile in his voice.
"Let him go, he's better off, his death will be quick compared to what we have in store for the rest of you. Just wait for it, don't you hear his breathing slowing? Ahh there it is, his heart is slowing and there, it's stopping. No don't look like that, it's better, it was painless."
"No, please, no, please, please, you can go, just let me help him." It was hard for her to keep the raw emotion she was feeling from choking her, threatening to overwhelm her she felt panic and an odd urge to cry, until she heard him laugh.
The panic was replaced by hate and anger and she rushed the Turian sending blast after blast at him, he seemed thrown off balance as Jane pressed forward, but as she reached him he spun and ran down a tunnel behind him, and she let him go, turning back towards where Kaidan was on the ground. Rushing back to him she slid to a stop on her knees next to him
"Justin, Gemma, you okay?"
"Aye, ma'am," Gemma was climbing back up a small cliff that she had slid over when he had thrown her to the side.
Justin nodded and stopped next to her and kneeled next to Kaidan, he shook his head as she hit the backup breather on his helmet.
"Jane, it won't help, he's not breathing, no pulse. Make sure the oxygen is flowing."
Justin began working on Kaidan and just when he was about to give up his compressions a faint whisper of steam covered his mask and Jane let out as sob she didn't know she was holding.
"Oh god, Kaidan, Kaidan," She leaned forward and pressed her fingers to his pulse, it was weak, but it was there, Justin had gotten his heart started.
"Jane," he's been without oxygen for a long time, he was as good as dead we need to get him the hell out of here."
She nodded and lifted him to her shoulders, "Call for a god damn evac." She was gone, double timing it out of the cave, praying the whole way that it wasn't too late.
ooOoo
Jane sat on board the Tokyo, it was Captain Anderson's ship, and had picked them off of their ship when the call had gone out for help, Anderson had said he had the best medical staff on board, but it didn't help the tightness that was gripping her heart.
She couldn't think couldn't breathe, if anything happened to Kaidan, what would she do?
She was staring at the wall when Anderson walked into the side observation.
"Shepard," She jumped up to attention at her name but Anderson lifted a hand and shook his head.
"Jane, you need to sit, we need to talk."
She felt the bile rise up in the back of her throat as she sat and folded her hands tightly in front of her and waited for him to speak. He paced once in front of her before sitting himself.
"I've read your report, Shepard, I can't say I'm not confused as hell as to what happened in that cave. By what you said it sounds like we have a rogue Turian officer." He cleared his throat and leaned forward.
"This is going to be hard for you to hear, Jane, but about ten hours after we ordered you into that cave, there was a cease fire called. It looks like the treaty is going to be signed for real this time."
Jane's eyebrows drew together and she sat back, "That's good, Sir. Really it is."
"I know, so in light of that, I will send this report to the Turian's and see what they make of it."
She narrowed her eyes at the floor by his boots and he nodded.
"I know that's not what you wanted to hear."
"Actually, Sir, I'm more concerned with how Kaidan is. Everything else is already said and done; it's over, nothing I can do about it. Now please, do you know how he is?"
He didn't flinch at her direct tone; it was one of the things that made her good at what she did.
"I won't bullshit you, Shepard. Kaidan was without oxygen for a long time, there was quite a bit of head trauma. He's in a coma, the doctors don't know if he'll ever make it out of it."
Jane felt the nerve at the corner of her eye twitch and she gripped the arms of her chair until her knuckles turned white, she swallowed the lump in her throat before testing her voice.
"Thank you for being honest with me, Sir."
Anderson nodded, "Do you need anything, Shepard?"
"No, did someone call his parents?"
"They will be here soon. You can go see him if you like."
She nodded but didn't trust herself to speak.
"If you need anything, just ask for me."
She nodded again and Anderson left the room.
ooOoo
Jane stood outside the door to Kaidan's hospital room and closed her eyes, this wasn't real this couldn't be real. Everything had been just fine; good lord, ten hours, ten hours and they would have been free and clear of the war.
It wasn't fair, shit, when had anything in their lives been fair?
She pressed her fingers against her implant as the first stabs of a migraine hit her.
She took a deep breath and pushed through into his room, willing her eyes to open.
She scanned him once, he looked like he was sleeping, he looked rough but his muscled chest and shoulders were the same, his face though bruised was the same as she took a seat next to him. Taking his hand in her she pressed her lips to it and brushed it over her cheek.
Her eyes flicked from side to side as terrible thoughts hit her.
What was the last thing she had said to him? When had she last kissed him, told him she loved him? God he had called her distant, when was the last time she had told him that he was her entire world?
She was broken, and the one thing that had always held her together was gone, and it was her fault. Her hand feathered over his head as she began to sing softly:
"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine you make me happy when skies are grey you'll never know dear, how much I love you please don't take my sunshine away," her voice choked with a sob and she bowed her head next to Kaidan's still body and lost herself to misery and tears.
ooOoo
**One Year Later**
Anderson landed in Vancouver and the moment he was off the shuttle he smiled as he breathed in the damp air. The weather was always to his liking here. He nodded to the Private that had met him at the landing pad.
"I'm guessing you're my aide."
"Yes, Sir, I have a car waiting for you. Your first appointment may have to be rescheduled, but I have been told that Ambassador Udina is available to discuss the mission to the Citadel and who will be on your team."
Anderson frowned, "My first appointment was with Shepard was it not? Is she not at the base, I was told I would observe her training of the new biotics."
The aide looked to the side and then quickly back at him. "You will, Sir, but it's dinner time, and she's out."
"Well then take me to where she's having dinner, and I'll join her."
"Yes, Sir, this way," the aide showed him to his car. When they landed Anderson followed him inside and down a long hall way, it was a hospital of sorts, well more homey than most hospitals, and as the aide paused beside one of the doors and motioned inside Anderson froze.
In the room Jane sat next to Kaidan, she looked as though she had just finished eating and was now talking to him something about a book she had just finished reading him, she held his hand, and as she glanced up at the clock she stood and bent over him, brushing her lips over his.
"I have to head back to base, love. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"
She paused as if she was waiting for an answer, but of course she didn't receive one, she nodded, squeezed his hand one last time and moved towards the door.
Anderson pulled back to the side and waited for her to leave and close the door; she turned and didn't look surprised to see him.
"Hello, Sir, I'm sorry, I should have been back to base before now."
"No, don't worry about it, Shepard. I understand."
They walked together towards his car and rode back to the base in silence.
Once inside and in his office he motioned to a chair and sat.
"Jane," he paused and sat behind his desk tapping his fingers on the wood. After a few moments of silence Jane cleared her throat.
"Sir, is something wrong?"
"No, not really, just something I'm not sure you're ready to hear."
"What is it, sir? I can handle quite a bit."
"Of that I'm sure, it's one of the reasons I've promoted you to Staff Lieutenant, and had you transferred under my direct command."
Jane was silent, her eyebrows drew together and she bit her bottom lip and looked out the window and then back to him.
"I'm taking a small squad with myself and Ambassador Udina to the Citadel, we've done small trips there, but this is to set up a permanent embassy. I want you on that squad."
Silence filled the room, and after a few minutes Anderson stood and walked towards Jane, "Permission to speak freely, Shepard, tell me what you're thinking."
"I'm thinking that I would prefer to stay here, Sir."
"I know you would, but I'm afraid that this is an order, do you understand me."
She swallowed but nodded. "Of course, Sir, how long until we leave?"
"Tomorrow, first shuttle out, I need you to get your things and be ready to leave."
Jane felt cold but she nodded, she always knew this point would come, but she hated it, no matter how many times everyone had tried to tell her to leave, to move on, she hadn't been able to, she'd never been forced to.
"Aye, Sir, I'll be ready. Now if I may, I'd like to, well I'd like to say goodbye."
"Of course, Shepard, we'll be waiting; tomorrow, oh-five-hundred."
She nodded and just as the door closed behind her Udina walked in through the side door that connected their offices.
"Are you sure about her?"
"I am, she needs to get back in the field, she's just what we need, she's been through hell since she was a child and she still holds her head up and can make clear decisions, at any cost. She's proven that."
ooOoo
Saying goodbye to Kaidan had been near impossible. She felt nothing but guilt, she was just leaving him there. Who would read to him, hold his hand, who would be there if he woke up, or that other option. She swallowed and pushed the thought away, she couldn't think about that now.
God damn it, she leaned her head against the cold steel of the ship, she felt like she was giving up on him. But this was her job and she knew he would want her to do that, above everything.
She stood next to Anderson as they approached the Citadel, it was beautiful, the stories she had been told over the last year didn't do it justice and without thinking she turned to the side to gush to Kaidan about how exciting this was, but she caught herself just as her mouth opened. How weird it was to be without him, even after he had fallen into the coma, she still shared everything with him.
She swallowed and rolled her shoulders back, she could do this, she would fight through this, just like she did everything else.
Anderson led her through security and towards what would be the Human Embassy. The Citadel was huge and she was in awe of her surroundings, she was standing at the railing of what would be the human embassy, staring out over the lake when Anderson called her name.
"Shepard, as you know we're to get comfortable on the citadel, we need to know the ins and outs for security, the best way to do that is with C-Sec, it's the local authority."
Jane smiled as she turned and a Turian stepped into the room. This was the first time since the end of the war that she had been in the same room as one, and they weren't trying to kill each other. She took a breath to calm herself, she wasn't sure she could do this.
She stuck out her hand before thinking and he took her wrist as she tried to take his hand in an awkward handshake.
She smiled as his mandibles twitched open.
Pulling back her hand she clasped them behind her back, he twitched his head to the side watching the color rise in her face.
Anderson coughed to hide a laugh and nodded at the both of them.
"Staff Lieutenant Jane Shepard, this is Officer Garrus Vakarian."
"Pleased to meet you, Shepard, I'm looking forward to getting to know you."
ooOoo