I'm sorry. Sorry sorry sorry. I know I disappeared and that I seem to be really flighty right now. But I seriously could not help it. Believe me; it's killing me to not be writing. I only got my laptop back today (I didn't have a charger for about a month) and since I've just moved all my stuff is everywhere…I also have pressure to find a job and do online college work…I know these are excuses…but please forgive me and enjoy this. My big 4/5 are being written, they're just…time consuming…especially ENOIS and KNOTs….
Summary: There are many things about being lovers that are difficult for Xanxus and Tsuna. But watching Tsuna die, expecting to never see his love again but having to live through a younger version's fear and inability, not being able to hold him and help him. That was the worst thing. With Tsuna back, Xanxus simply needs assurance that he has Tsuna again.
Lover's Duty.
Tsuna's back met the wall as he was shoved hard against the plaster, he hissed as strong hands gripped his hair and pulled his head back, allowing a hot tongue to stroke across the skin, and sharp teeth to leave dark bruises as another hand reached down and swiftly unlatched the buckle sitting between his hips.
Tsuna groaned out in pain and arousal as the nipping and biting assaulted him, as hands roamed and possessive, angry, sensual growls rumbled along the skin of his throat and collar.
"You fucking brat." Xanxus growled out, marking and destroying Tsuna, tearing at his suit and tie.
"X-xan a…Ah!" Tsuna gasped, "S-slow, you need to n-nGH slow down!" Tsuna was panting, as Xanxus' hands gripped his hardening member and pumped it to full length. The way Xanxus' hands burned at Tsuna's skins sent his mind spinning.
The air sparked with their flames, and Tsuna worried more than he should given the blood rushing south, because it meant that Xanxus was furious. These flames, this sweat, it wasn't purely sensual it was rage flames.
Without his noticing, Tsuna was soon thrown against his bed, but before he could move to sit up Xanxus was on him, a knee grinding between Tsuna's thighs and Xanxus' hands wrapped around Tsuna's wrists as he continued to bite and mark all across Tsuna's chest.
"Xan-XUS!" Tsuna gasped out when Xanxus' mouth sucked and nipped at Tsuna's nipple making Tsuna's stomach churn.
His body was still waking up from his four months of death.
"I don't give a fuck if the plan was for you to revive." Xanxus spat out, tears falling from his eyes as his entire body sparked with rage flames. "I don't give a fucking damn that the plan was pretty much flawless."
"Xanxus…."
"I had to go to your fucking funeral, Tsuna." Xanxus growled, bowing his head and leaning against Tsuna's shoulder ad his grip on Tsuna's wrists loosened as grief and memories crushed him. "I had to plan your fucking funeral. I had to look at your dead body." He was choking, coughing on the sobs and deep emotion spilling from his chest and Tsuna's own eyes became heavy and full of tears.
"I'm sorry." Tsuna sobbed, slipping his hands from Xanxus' limps hands and up around the broader, scarred man's neck. Tsuna pressed his face against Xanxus' neck breathing in the man he loved, and who he sent through so much pain.
"I understand," Xanxus gasped out, trying desperately to control himself again. "I'm a fucking boss and I understand that some things need to be done, and some things need to be hidden from those you love." he explained, leaning up to Tsuna's eyes with tears and fury. "But god damnit Tsunayoshi, if you ever do this to me again I'm joining you."
Tsuna knew Xanxus was serious and be almost sobbed at the sheer truth and implication. Tsuna didn't know what was going to happen in the future. He may very well have not learnt from this entire debacle and he may have to kill himself again.
Xanxus pulled Tsuna close, a hand on Tsuna's lover back as he pulled the younger male close to dominate his mouth, taste all the tastes. Tsuna tasted like sleep and medication. His tongue slow to respond and his breathe cool as his body came back into animation.
One of Xanxus' hands lazily trailed over the raw, red and black wound on Tsuna's chest. The bullet wound healing to scar brutally because of this entire plan.
"It was so hard. So hard to let you grow, to let the brat version of you come into his own." Xanxus grit out. "I wanted to hold him, to not let him decide for himself…it was only a couple of months after our battle over those stupid rings! I couldn't even tell you I loved you one last time." Xanxus put his head to Tsuna's chest and breathed in the strange, cold scent that was nothing of his Tsunayoshi.
"Xanxus, I'm sorry. I'm sorry you had to see that, that to save us I had to ki-ngh," Tsuna's words were swallowed when Xanxus' mouth covered his, and a hot tongue explored his mouth again, Tsuna gripped Xanxus, making the kiss deeper, dragging it out as if it were the last one.
"Don't apologize, Tsuna!" Xanxus snapped as they parted, lips tingling from the sensation and blood pulsing through them. "It needed to be done."
"It should have! It's unfair for me to do that, to the famiglia, or to you!" Tsuna cried out, nails digging uncomfortably into the flesh on Xanxus' shoulders. "I was selfish."
"You are the most unselfish man I know, Tsuna." Xanxus softened, because he was hurting, and he knew his love. His innocent, bratty little love was hurting ten times more. Physically and emotionally; taking the entire emotional burden of everyone onto his own shoulders, as usual. "You are too caring and too damned guilty of everything." Xanxus ran his nose along Tsuna's jaw, grumbling in comfort, a purr any other day. "It's annoying, but I love you too fucking much to care."
"I love you, Xan." Tsuna hummed as he threaded his fingers through Xanuxs' hair, making the man stare deeper into Tsuna's eyes, blood-shot from the tears and burning with his resolve. "I'm so sorry. I love you, I love you." Tsuna's face crumpled and he gripped Xanxus close and chanted his mantra, their limbs and the sheets twisting them together so skin pressed skin and chest rose against chest.
"I love you so much more, brat." Xanxus choked, gripping Tsuna 'til it was painful. "Fucking do this to me again brat, and I don't think I can take it."
"You have to." Tsuna sobbed. "You have to keep going." He pushed, gripping Xanxus close again.
"I know brat." Xanxus sighed, crushing Tsuna against their bed, letting their hearts press together and their smells mix. Xanxus hoped that soon Tsuna would smell like his, would move and feel warm again. "I know it's my duty, as a boss, and I know I accepted this once I accepted that you were everything I fucking needed."
"Xanxus…what?"
"That's the problem, Tsunayoshi. I need you so much more than I ever needed anyone. I need you here, with me, in my arms. I need to be inside you, I need your mouth, your smile, your eyes, and your breath." Xanxus eyes were furiously glowing, with flames indiscriminate from rage or dying will. "I need you, and if I lose you again, the world can fuck itself."
Tsuna stared, but he couldn't even force himself to look for trickery or deceit; that wasn't Xanxus' game. Xanxus didn't play with fools.
Tsuna's eyes watered again and he crashed his lips against Xanxus again, letting their bodies touch and their chest press together.
"I love you, Xanxus. The world can fuck itself, I'm not leaving again."
"You better fucking believe that, Tsuna. Because if you leave, I'm going to fuck the world over myself to get you back."
Xanxus wished, as their kisses heated and their arced and fell that he could keep his words. But even as Tsuna slept against his chest, finally warm again, that should his lover, his fucking soul die again he had a duty to perform. Xanxus didn't give a rat's ass about Vongola anymore; Xanxus had a duty to Tsuna to live until the bastards that threatened their family were wiped out. Only then, only then could Xanxus grieve, and only then could he join Tsunayoshi.
Xanxus knew he wouldn't though. Because he would never let himself the peace of mind. His duty, to Tsunayoshi, was to protect him from himself and everyone else. If he let Tsuna die when he wasn't there, then Xanxus didn't deserve to live on with his love in whatever damnated heaven they were sent.