Rapeunzel
Once upon a time there was a couple who lived in a cottage on the edge of a wood.
They had tried there best, but could never produce a child. They tried and tried until they were grey and wrinkly with old age. They tried a lot and the witch was sick of it. Every morning she would wake up to the sound of old people banging at it and forgetting later that they did it, would do it again. Sometimes they confused the outdoors with the indoors and did it outside. Sometimes they confused the witch's herb garden for a bed and defiled her plants.
It was the last straw. "Old people", cawed the witch, "If I give you this special herb that will make the wife pregnant with child, would you kindly retire your reproductive organs for good?" The old people thought about it and agreed, after abusing the witch's mailbox.
"Finally!" The witch gasped, as for weeks later the wife was pregnant with child and as compensation, the witch seized control of their tired old organs and had them embalmed in glass jars of formaldehyde so they could never disturb the peace again.
8 months later a baby boy was born, who was a curious little sort. The old couple realized that after all, they really weren't cut out to be parents. It was really the journey that mattered to them, and not the destination. They offloaded the boy onto the witch at about a year after he was born. Not having a name, The witch called him "Eros". The old couple resorted to other very creative ways of enjoying themselves and raising raucous.
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Eros had grown up to be a dumb and flippant young man. He was always where the witch didn't want him to be, sticking his hands in this or that recipe and talking out his head about the pretty wildlife that surrounded him. Some part of this she thought could have been repressive behavior for whatever he had to witness while in his parents' care. She placed him in a nearby tower after he accidentally tasted some forbidden witch remedies which produced unfortunate deformities on him. She realized she couldn't prevent from further accidents happening unless he was somewhere far away. She assigned him to write down all the birds he saw every day so he would shutup and keep himself occupied.
One day, while out for a stroll in the forest with her horse, the King's daughter was struck by this awful singing voice. Coming closer, she noticed a giant tower surrounded by all kinds of birds. In the window was a figure, to which she called out "Hello up there! Does anyone live here?" A handsome young man leaned his head out the window and paused for a moment. "Just me and the bitch." He called out. On pausing, he inquired in a loud voice, "Are you a bird?" Taken aback, the princess thought for a moment. "That may be a term for it but I don't appreciate it!" Is he mad? She thought. He leaned over again, "The witch said I should count you! Why don't you come on up!"
"How will I ever get up there!" She shouted.
"Just- just hold on. Er, let me get this stuff, hold on- right here" He mumbled off as he turned around and disappeared from the window. He returned with an armful of rope, of which he dumped in large lumps over the edge of the sill. The coil bounced all the way down to the edge of the tower.
"This? Is this right?" As she tenderly grasped the pink rope.
"Yes, that's right, just climb slowly. My you have- have- tiny little bird feet!" He exclaimed, as he stood firmly, thrust out in front of the window.
She stepped up the rope slowly and carefully.
As she did so, it began to quiver and lift, so much so that by the time she came halfway up the rope it had turned into a bridge, and she skipped over the large pulsing veins until she met with Eros in the tiny room populated with injured chickens and local fowl. "Aww, how cute! You nurse them back to health!" She exclaimed. "No, I just count them."
In the house in the forest the witch was baking a new brew when she had heard the approach of a distant traveler on horseback. Curious, she followed the noise to figure out its origin.
Once Eros and the princess became acquainted and shared pleasantries, he pulled the rest of the rope back inside the window. He counted her, and counted her again, he counted her many times. It became so loud, the counting, that the witch heard the racket across the glade.
Upon discovering the unfamiliar horse tied out next to the tower, the witch threw a tantrum. "Like father and mother, like son!" She cried.
Calling Eros out, she scolded him, cast a spell to whisk the princess away and carried him off to her house. "What are you going to do to me!" He whined. I want to see my princess!" "You will not see the King's whore again!" She screeched. "You are of no use to me, boy, but a bunch of potion ingredients with a veeeery long aphrodisiac!"
Once home she set to work, allowing him to scream over the entire process, being one of the few sounds she actually liked. She extracted his organs, slicing open his abdomen and opening his ribcage, robbing it off its fleshly boon and began to disembowel him piece by agonizing piece, pinning the skin back to the table with little metal pins. The veins in his neck popped open with terror and his eyes went wide until his poor heart finally gave up, his face stuck in a contorted position and arms clinched under leather strappings. The witch was finally done with the surgery and at last burnt some new bonemeal from him and saved his leather for a new coat that winter. His rope, she put in a formaldehyde glass bottle next to that of his parents, so it could create horrible noise never again.