Loss isn't something that we can work around. It isn't something that will just go away. The heartbreak, the hurt, it'll always be there. It looms in the darkness, just waiting for a chance to pop out at you with all the painful memories. Loss comes in different forms. You loose people in different ways. The worst loss; having someone leave you by choice. Because when someone finally walks away from you once and for all, there's no turning back. There's no second chances. When everything's said and done, it isn't who left that matters, but who's still there. Who's still willing to stand by your side after everything blows over. They may leave, they may need time, but they're never fully gone.
"I'm not walking away, Castle. I'm just taking a break. A much needed break." Kate said, sighing heavily. She didn't want to deal with this anymore.
"From our relationship?" Rick asked, the hurt finally settling in. She was leaving.
"From myself." She whispered, reaching out and squeezing his hand.
"But not from me?" He was worried, terrified.
"Never from you." Her promise was genuine, meaningful; something he could hold onto while she was gone.
"What about from us?" He wanted this answer most of all – no, needed it.
"I love you." Her response still cuts him to the core. Her avoidance of the question haunting him. But her admission of love carrying him through.
When the person who you know will stay, walks away, it's hard. It hurts like hell. But if you know they're coming back, it's okay, right? Wrong. The pain won't subside. The longing for that person will only get stronger. You need them, you want them, but you can't have them. At least not yet. And that's freaken hard.
"I miss you." He says immediately the one time she calls. She's somewhere in California, moving on tomorrow.
"God, Castle. I miss you too." She whispers through a broken voice.
"Then come home." He's pleading with her now, letting his need show through.
"You know I can't." Her stubbornness now showing as well.
"All I know is that I want you back home. Now." His voice is demanding, needing. He growls out the last word, making her shiver in want.
"I love you." She finally states, quickly, before hanging up. Time to keep moving.
And just when you think you've had enough, the person comes back. They walk back into your life, and you have no clue what to do. Because now there will always be an uncertainty. What if they walk away again? What if it's for good that time? You have to find a way to let them back on. You have to let yourself love them again, love them more.
"I'm home." She states through tears as he opens his front door.
"You're gorgeous." He breathes, drinking in the sight of her. Quickly he grabs her, pulling her into his arms. He buries his face in her neck, breathing her in.
"I'm a mess." She says on a shaky laugh, the slight crack in her voice showing her true emotions.
"You don't look like you're a mess." He says when he finally looks back at her, happiness all over his face.
"Yeah, well, looks can be very deceiving." Her only response, a puzzle of course.
"Are you here to stay?" He finally asks the question. The question he's needed the answer to all along. The one which answer will haunt him for good.
"I love you." She replies quietly, completely unsure of herself. Slowly, bringing their faces together, she whispers it again. "I love you."
Only time will tell if the person will stay. Events in your life, emotions running strong. They may leave again, after all, everyone needs a break sometimes. The new question being whether or not you're willing to let them walk. Whether or not you're trusting enough to know that they'll come back. Or whether or not you're strong enough to let them go. But we don't really have a choice, now do we? They'll do what they want to, we just sit here and hope that they do what's best for us both.