"It had been several months since...No, that's not a good way to start a story... Once upon a time...No, that's lame, too... Maybe if I start off with some dialogue... Ooh, I know, some fan service for the ladies! Link was butt naked in the-"

"Will you shut up already?! You're driving me nuts!" Ganondorf screamed,"And if Link was butt naked, why should I need to know that?!"

"Come on, chief, every good story needs a little fan service, and recent polls suggest many women who play The Legend of Zelda are attracted to-"

"I don't care!!"Ganondorf sighed, running a hand through his short red hair and staring back at the little mole trailing behind him. It had been several months since the evil Tabuu had been defeated and he'd had to live with the humiliation of working with Link and Zelda to thwart his plans. While it had been somewhat entertaining to watch an enemy of his end up on the receiving end of Link's sword instead of one of his minions, the time of peace between mortal enemies had been short lived, and, after watching enemies like Mario and Bowser and Kirby and King Dedede return to their constant battle of "good versus evil", Ganondorf had also returned to vowing his eternal wrath on Zelda and Link. He'd planned to finish them off while they were still fatigued from the battle against Tabuu, but they'd disappeared before he got the chance, most likely returning to Hyrule. All that had been left behind was Resetti, an annoying mole that had occasionally popped up during fights to talk about useless information, like how he had taken comedy lessons from a class clown. If Ganondorf had to hear one more word out of the dumb animal, it was going to find itself staring down the wrong end of the Triforce of Power...

"As I was saying, Link was butt naked in the Ordon Spirit Spring, inspecting the wounds he'd received during the battle against Tabuu and wondering what had become of his comrades since then. He couldn't shake the feeling that-"

"All right! That does it!" Resetti looked up, screaming in horror as he saw Ganondorf's eyes glowing black, his right hand lit with light. He jumped into the air, palm drawn back, and thrust it down on Resetti, igniting the little mole with black lightning before it exploded, taking a large chunk of the earth with it. To Ganondorf's dismay, Resetti was still alive, albeit charred to a crisp and unconscious, lying at the bottom of the crater. Ganondorf stared down at the Triforce of Power, wondering why it had gotten so weak. Before he'd been imprisoned in the Evil Realm by the Hero of Time and Princess of Destiny, an attack like that would have killed little Resetti. Maybe being sealed away for several centuries had made his magic rusty. He'd have to be sure to practice on his minions when he was in Hyrule again before facing Link.

Ganondorf chuckled to himself, preparing to turn and leave before Resetti woke up, when the gleam of gold at the bottom of the hole caught his eye. He levitated down into the bottom of the hole, picking up Resetti and tossing him aside while bending over to inspect it. He dusted it off with the back of his hand, surprised to find a black treasure chest bedazzled with gold, and what should be on the lid but the symbol of the Triforce. Ganondorf slid the lid off carefully, barely able to contain himself as he saw a dark mist resting in the bottom. "It can't be..." Ganondorf reached into the bottom of the box, groping around until his fingers came across a cold piece of metal. The mist vanished and Ganondorf pulled out a gem aglow with black mist with red sparkles of light within, not so different from the mist of the Twilight Realm. Wherever there wasn't any mist the gem was transparent, a slight distortion when looking through it the only sign it was there until mist reached out to those points before receding again. It seemed impossible, the gem having gone missing several millenia ago, but it was true. Ganondorf held in his hand...

"Ow, my aching...everything!" Resetti moaned, finally starting to regain consciousness. He shook some of the dirt and soot out of his fur and looked up to see Ganondorf smiling insanely at some dark stone in his hand, "Ugh, that was worse than that time I got on the merry-go-round after eating fifteen hot fudge sundaes... Whatcha got there, G?"

Ganondorf turned to Resetti, his eyes glowing like flames, "The answer to all of my problems."

As Resetti had already pointed out, Link was standing in the deepest part of the Ordon Spirit Spring in Hyrule, inspecting the wounds from his battle with Tabuu. While several months had indeed passed since heroes and mortal enemies joined forces to take out the evil that threatened to engulf the entire world in Subspace, Link's wounds were still fresh, him having lasted the longest against the evil overlord before it finally unleashed its shockwave into him and blasted him back into the Great Maze before Pit took over. The proof of his defeat rested in a deep gash in his chest where the shockwave had made impact with his body, which would have definitely killed him if not for the protection of the Triforce of Courage and the small bit of the attack it had managed to deflect. Of course, Link's own wounds and humiliation weren't the only things he was thinking about...

Link sighed, stepping out of the spring and pulling on his Ordonian clothes, his tunic still in need of stitching since his fight with Tabuu, though, most of the repairs were done. The clothes adhered to his skin, forcing a small grimace out of the young hero as his shirt rubbed against his wounds. He had to wonder how the others were holding up- Zelda, Pit, and Mario had gotten their fair share of stuffing beat out of them by Tabuu, as well- but his biggest concern was of the little boy with blond hair and large, black eyes, dressed in a green tunic not so different from his own... Link still remembered the day he'd revisited the forest where he'd pulled out the Master Sword to find a red door leading onto a pirate ship floating on the sea. He'd been mesmerized, wondering what sort of enemy could possibly be lying in wait in such a beautiful place, and that was when he'd heard the childish laughter above him. He'd drawn his sword out of instinct, shouting to the crow's nest for the enemy to show itself, and show itself it did. A little boy of twelve jumped down from the mast and turned to him, unsheathing none other than the Master Sword. They'd both gasped, staring first at their swords, then their tunics, and finally their faces. It was another Link! The younger put up a good fight, his sword skills obviously honed years before Link's, but the older Link won out in the end, dragging the child out to show the others.

Everyone had also been in shock over the discovery of the younger Link, some saying Link was just dealing with some shapeshifter, others, like Zelda, deciding he was a reincarnation. The answer soon became apparent when the little Link had caught sight of Ganondorf, instantly ready to battle, though, he admitted Ganondorf looked different from the way he remembered him. The little boy was Link's reincarnation, the Hero of Winds. For some reason Princess Peach nicknamed the little boy "Toon Link", and it eventually grew on everyone, until even Link was referring to the little boy as Toon Link. He asked all he could about the future in what little time they had before entering Subspace, and Toon Link gladly answered, asking everything he could about the past, despite Zelda's protests that Link could change the future even though damage had already been done when Link and Toon Link had met. For some reason, however, Link couldn't get any answers out of the little boy about the state of Hyrule in his time. The closest he'd gotten to an answer was seeing Toon Link stare at the floor sadly, trying not to cry before Lucas and Ness cut in and asked Toon Link to help them with some trivial task on the Halberd, and that was the end of that. After that, Toon Link refused to even talk to Link, and they'd parted ways for their own lands without even a good-bye to each other. That alone was enough to keep Link awake at night, wondering why Toon Link was suddenly so angry with him and what could have happened to Hyrule to upset him so much...

Sighing once again, Link tugged on his sandals and put his Ordon Sword on his back before walking out of the spring and back into his yard. He began to climb the ladder into his house, when...

"Look out below!!"Link looked up, but his reflexes didn't kick in soon enough, for he soon found his face stomped on by a sandal, then another sandal dug into his back, causing him to fall onto his stomach cursing in pain. The sandal wearing person jumped off of Link, staring down at the young man muttering Hylian curses under his breath, "Oops... Hey, are you all right?!" The strange youth grabbed Link's arm, starting to pull him to his feet, and talking breathlessly, his words seeming to combine into one sentence, "I'm really, really sorry! I didn't mean to do it, honestly. See, I'm looking for a friend of mine; about my height, green tunic, wears a sword and shield on his back. I know this is a bad time to ask, but have you seen him?"

"You forgot to mention that he just got clobbered by a crazy angel falling from the sky! Thanks a lot, Pit!" Pit blinked in surprise, finally getting a good look at Link's face.

"Link, is that...you? Geez, Palutena told me it was you, but... you look so weird without the dress on!"

"It's not a dress, it's a tunic, and you can hardly make fun of what I wear when you wander around in a toga!" Link pushed himself up off of the ground, wiping off his face with the back of his sleeve. When he finished, he looked at Pit, making the startling realization that Pit's injuries were almost completely healed since the battle against Tabuu. He remembered the fight- how, not long after he was blasted back into the Great Maze and Pit flew in to fight Tabuu, Pit, too, was sent flying out, several large, deep gashes in his body. King Dedede had called in some Waddle Dees to take the injured warriors back to the Falcon Flyer, where Link had decided from how much blood Pit was losing that the angel would surely bleed to death. It was actually a miracle either one of them had survived, but it was a blessing in disguise that Pit was healed, save for some faded marks all over his arms and legs. Palutena had obviously been behind Pit's speedy recovery.

Link didn't realize that, while he was reliving that nightmarish fight against Tabuu, Pit had been relating everything that had gone on in the months since everyone had parted ways, "...Why didn't any of you guys tell me how fun it is to travel when you aren't being hassled by monsters? I mean, have you seen the Mushroom Kingdom or Icicle Mountain without being sped through them to fight something or rescue someone? And Hyrule... I only saw the view from above, but it's incredible! If Skyworld was like Hyrule, I'd never leave home."

Link chuckled despite himself, "I wouldn't say that if I were you; Hyrule is a notorious disaster magnet. If Ganondorf isn't hatching some scheme to destroy the place, someone or something else is. Just last year this place was trapped in the Twilight Realm...kind of like Subspace, only twenty times worse. And, from all the rumors I heard about the things that happened during the Hero of Time's life..."

"Hero of Time?"

"It's a long story. We'll be here for days if I tell you everything I know about him."

"Oh, come on! Toon Link said the same thing when he mentioned him, and Princess Zelda, too! What's the big secret about him?! Come on, I've got time!"

"And I don't. Unlike you, I have a job that doesn't involve me getting to run around doing as I please."

"And I do?! Palutena sent me to check on everyone. As soon as I finish that, it's straight back to Skyworld, only able to watch you guys through the seer fountain! Princess Zelda's my last stop, and she's just a three minute flight away! Please, give me some reason to stay here..." Pit was practically on his knees begging. He was like a little kid sometimes.

"Uh...Well..." Link scratched his head, trying to think of something that could keep Pit there. Finally an idea came to him and a small grin spread across him face before he suddenly stumbled onto his knees, moaning in agony and clutching his stomach in pain, "Ugh...Pit, help me...Please..." Link fell over onto his side, coughing up a storm until his face turned purple, "I can't feel my legs...My vision's fading...I...I see a light at the end of a dark tunnel..."

Pit got down beside Link, worry etched onto his face, "Link, what's wrong? Oh, geez, maybe I should get a doctor and-"

"Mmmph....No doctor...Just a friend...A friend until I recover..." Pit stared at Link quizically, until Link finally hissed through his teeth, "I'm faking so you can stay, stupid; just play along!" Pit nodded, lifting Link into his arms, and flying them up to the door to Link's house. And then came the big finale. Link's breathing went shallow until his breaths came in and out just like a death rattle, and he stretched one hand up toward the sky, his eyes slowly closing as he muttered softly, "Mom...Dad...Is that you...?" And then he sighed once more, his arm dropping limply onto his stomach before his entire body seemed to turn limp in Pit's arms. Pit stumbled under the sudden weight, staring at Link in surprise. That was way too realistic; how many times had Link used that to get out of doing something? Pit stared down at Link, then up at the sky, hoping Palutena had bought Link's act. After all, if she knew Link was faking, there was no telling what she'd do to Pit when he returned, or how she might decide to curse Link. Pit swallowed over the lump in his throat, carrying Link inside.

Link's house was made up of one large room with two lofts overhead and a basement at the other end. Two skylights above cast their light onto the room, and a small fire in the oven gave the place a sense of comfort. After discovering Link didn't have a bed, Pit flew him to the lower of the lofts, propping Link's head against the pillow situated against the wall. He looked down at the bookshelf beside Link and scanned the titles of the books, some making him laugh, others surprising him, his favorite title "The Day My Butt Went Psycho!". Link had really weird taste in literature...

Pit flew down from the loft to a small table next to the fireplace, looking at the books Link had cluttered all about. He turned his attention to the green tunic and white underclothes folded on top of one book, a sewing needle and some thread as well as plenty of bandages for Link's fingers strewn around them. Pit lifted the tunic carefully to examine it, finding several large holes still all over the chest and back. There were tons of new stitches a darker green than the original fabric everywhere, and many more old stitches that blended perfectly with the fabric. Now that he could see it better, Pit realized the tunic was a sort of faded color, as though it were decades old, if not centuries. How long had Link had this thing and why? Pit sighed, taking the tunic in his left hand and the needle in his right, stringing some green thread through the eye of the needle before working on the remaining holes in the tunic, managing to prick himself several times while he worked to pass the time before Link decided to end his little fainting act.

"Finished!" Pit yelled triumphantly, holding up the tunic to examine his work. The tunic was finished, albeit the strangest combination of dark green and faded green he'd ever seen, but finished nonetheless. He folded the tunic and put it back where he found it, examining the bandages all over his fingers and the now empty tea kennel resting to his left before standing up and stretching. He looked up at the skylight, realizing he'd been working for most of the afternoon, and that Link hadn't made a peep in any of that time, save for the occasional moan and groan. Pit flew up to the loft again, noticing Link had turned over onto his side so his back was to Pit, the slightest of rhythmic breaths telling Pit that Link was asleep. "You lazy bum... Was this your plan all along? Get the poor angel to do your chores while you nap? If I have scars on my fingers from fixing your stupid dress, you can bet you'll never have another night of peaceful sleep again..." Pit got down on his knees beside Link, grabbing his shoulder forcefully and shaking him, "Rise and shine, Sleeping Beauty, your gown's all finished! Come on, you bum, wake up!"

Link's eyelids twitched and he moaned, fingers curling into fists, "Pit...?"

"No, it's Tabuu; of course it's Pit! You've been asleep most of the afternoon. In the time it took you to nap, I fixed your dress and made and drank three pots of tea by myself! Now, get up!" Pit kicked Link hard in the back, right where he'd landed on him earlier. Link groaned, muttering more Hylian profanity before he finally sat up, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes and kicking Pit's feet out from under him.

"Come on, can you blame me for wanting a little shut eye? I almost died back there, and you expect me to be up and at 'em that quickly?"

Pit ground his teeth together, ready to pummel Link into the floor. Not only had he gotten Pit to lie to Palutena, but now he was using that same lie as an excuse for his laziness! Pit glared at Link, his right hand starting to ball into a fist, "Why you lazy son of a-"

"Oh, Liiiiink!!!" Pit turned toward the door as he and Link heard a voice from the yard, his anger momentarily forgotten, then back at Link, noticing his face was paling as he stared at the door.

"No, it can't be-" Link got up, climbing the ladder to the top loft and shyly peeking through the window. He immediatly lowered his head, turning his back to the wall and moaning, "No...Not HER..." Link jumped back down beside Pit, grabbing the angel's toga and shaking him back and forth, "Pit, you have to save me!"

"Why? Who is it? Who's there?"

"Does that matter? Please, I'm begging you; I'll do anything you ask, just please, sneak me out of here, tell a lie, just get HER away from me!"

"Anything? Like take me on a tour of Hyrule?"

"Yeah, whatever! Just save me from HER!!" Pit stared at Link as though he had completely lost his mind, then grabbed his friend's arms and flew up toward the skylight over the basement. "Wait a sec." Link pushed Pit's hands from his arms and landed with a soft thump on the floor, walking over to the table and grabbing his tunic as well as the Hylian Shield sitting in the corner. He put the shield on his back over top of his sword, and somehow squeezed the tunic as well as his boots and leggings into a small bag on his belt before walking back over to Pit. "Okay, now I'm ready to go."

"You're really weird, you know that?"

"It's part of what makes me a hero." Pit rolled his eyes, grabbing Link's arms again and flying them out through the skylight. Pit could see Link nervously looking back at his yard and out of curiosity looked back to see who he was helping Link avoid. It was all Pit could do to keep from dropping Link while trying to control a bout of laughter as he saw, down in Link's yard far below them, a little fairy fluttering from place to place faintly calling what Pit assumed was Link's name.

"A fairy?! You're afraid of a little fairy?"

"She's not just a fairy; that's Navi, the evil little witch that ruined both mine and the Hero of Time's lives."

"Oh, come off it, Link. She couldn't be that bad!"

"You think so, huh? You ever fight something, and, just as you're about to go in for the ending blow, you hear an annoying little voice scream "Hey!" into your ear, then tell you information about the thing you're fighting that you could have used several minutes ago and is useless now, distracting you long enough for your enemy to recover and strike you back? That's what Navi does! She'll pop up out of nowhere and start screaming things at me I learned years ago like I'm an idiot. She claims to have been an advisor to the Hero of Time, so I guess it's no wonder why he mysteriously vanished a hundred years ago... Oh, you can drop down here."

Pit flew down into a large clearing in Faron Woods, watching as Link walked over to a small cave, emerging several minutes later in the tunic Pit had fixed up, the strange differences in color shades of the tunic barely even noticeable. He walked over to a strange bunch of flowers growing to Pit's right and plucked one, putting it to his lips and whistling a strangely melancholic tune that echoed through the woods. Pit heard what sounded like a horse neigh in the the distance, then saw a brown mare with a white mane and tail come running to Link, and he patted her nose gently. Link climbed into the horse's saddle, grabbing her reins and gently nudging her so she was facing Pit.

"Pit, I'd like you to meet my horse Epona. Epona, this is my friend Pit." Epona nudged her nose into Pit's face and he rubbed it as he'd seen Link doing. She also butted her head into his chest, neighing playfully as he smiled, reaching up to scratch behind Epona's ears. It was obvious he was intrigued with the creature; while Pit had seen and heard horses through the seer fountain, this was his first time meeting one face to face. He could barely contain himself when he heard Link say, "So, you want a ride? Hyrule's pretty large; you'd better save flying for when you need it."

"S-Sure. Okay." Pit climbed onto the saddle behind Link, immediatly having to grab onto his friend for dear life as Link tugged hard on Epona's reins, sending her reeling into the air before she made a partial turn and Link yelled a loud, "Hyaa!", sending her galloping out of the woods into the vast Hyrule Field.

To Be Continued

By: Flock o' Seagulls

A NOTE: While it looks fake, I know, "The Day My Butt Went Psycho!" is a real book (a kid's book, of course). My mom happened upon it in Walden Books one day while helping me look for a different book, and it amused the heck out of us just seeing the cover. So, if you ever see it in the bookstore, read the back cover and the first page and decide just how weird Link's taste in literature really is.