This a major rewrite of the FF Untamed.
I finished it years ago and I feel that my writing has since improved so I want to refresh and breathe new life and details/content into a story that is so close to my heart.
Most details are going to stay the same but I am going to be adding chapters and going through each existing one, improving and editing. I hope you take the time to read it and that you do indeed enjoy it.
I'm very excited for this new project.
Thankyou, Sabaine.
Chapter 1 – Into the deep end.
Rain fell heavily in fat droplets around her, the already wet ground carrying a small steady flow of water over her toes; the familiar smell of the sea traveled on the heavy breeze, a strange sensation to be comforted in such an alien situation. She clutched the thin material of the dress closer to her arms, feeling goose-pimples rise on her skin. Biting her lip she stopped herself from falling into the pit of terror and anxiety that grew in her stomach. With a shaking hand she brushed back a stand of wet hair that slipped from her braid into her eyes. Standing underneath a shallow doorway she tried her best to stay out of the downpour around her, she looked around hoping to see something that reassure her in this madness she had been dropped into but to no avail. All she could hear was the patter of the storm and the hurried pace of others trying to avoid it. Rain dripped off the broken shelter and down to the exposed skin between her neck and her hair making her grimace and shiver. She was freezing cold, utterly miserable and terrified, fighting back tears she felt the burning lump in her throat begin to rise and she had trouble keeping herself collected and calm. She had no idea where she was, how she suddenly got into the thin dress that was her only protection, and how she got there in the first place. She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and desperately tried to remember what had happened to her, the only thing her mind could think of was the dull throbbing in the side of her head.
…...
Makatza was late, as usual. Waiting for the lecture room to empty and avoid the gaggle of people that seemed to congregate in the hallways meant that she had missed her bus. Normally she wouldn't mind but in this weather it was less than desirable. Although it was Spring, they had been subject to heavy rain and dark clouds for a few days. Makatza had never been very good with stormy weather but she didn't have the luxury of waiting it out. Jogging down the pavement, the rain stung her eyes and soaked through her hoodie that wasn't up to the task of a wind breaker. It was useful seeing as the rain blended into her tears as she swiftly dodged past people, sidestepping around their world only her footsteps thundering in her ears. She paused to catch her breath outside a shop window; to calm the burning in her chest and dry tongue, looking at her reflection she assessed how pathetic she looked. It hadn't been a good morning, class seemed to weigh on her mind heavier than usual, the whispered comments were louder and stung a lot more. Her thick skin becoming thinner with every passing semester, it wasn't like she was totally alienated by her classmates, but she simply didn't fit in. Nothing she tried changed that matter, it was a fact she had learnt to live with. She tilted her head, watching her reflection do the same.
She had long, dark hair that had worked it's way loose from the tight braid she kept it in. She looked into her own large eyes, her most prominent feature as she had different coloured irises, one a deep blue the other dark brown. It put people off. Most simply stared at her before their curiosity was stated and their scrutinizing glare was removed. Needless to say she was teased when she was younger, children's cruel words can last a lifetime. Dressed in hoodie and jeans she was neither stood out or blended in, she was simply there, a part of the background and of no consequence to anyone or anything. Inhaling deeply she shook herself out of her reverie pulling up her sodden hood she ran toward the place she called home. Makatza wasn't depressed, she knew that this was simply part of her life she had to trudge through, as simple as her life was she like it. She was rational and level headed, she knew she could be a lot worse off but like most people she would change something if she could. That thing would be to have a close friend, her mother was her best friend which felt lucky for, but she craved someone her own age, going through life at the same place and time she was. Being quiet and reserved she found it hard to even approach people. The train of thought carried her home, distracting her from the miserable weather and how damp she really was. Opening the gate to the house she trotted down the steps and towards the front door fishing in her bag for her keys. She placed her key in the lock and twisted, the sign hanging off the wall banged in the wind, the tattered paint reading:
'Mari's Orphanage.'
She sighed at the deteriorating look of the paint, it had been a few years since it was taken care of, Makatza made a promise to herself to get up a ladder and repair the damage, even though she was deathly afraid of heights. She stepped into the doorway, warmth rushing out to cause a flush in her cheeks and was immediately greeted by accompanying sound of screaming and shouting. Rolling her eyes she settled wiped her trainers on the mat and hung up her bag, this evening would be like any other and she dived into the routine.
…...
She was washing up when her mother walked in, staring out the window she let her body work while her mind roamed free, only crashing back down when she heard her mother speak. 'Makatza, sweetie, how was University?' Mari inquired, finally having a moments peace to have a conversation with her daughter. Mari had found a babe on the door over twenty years ago and upon adopting and naming the child she decided to open a children's shelter. She never married and had spent her life caring for others. She practically raised each child as her own until she found loving homes for them.
'It was fine mama, the usual,' Makatza replied as she wiped the bubbles off her arms and dried her fingers on a tea-towel. Her mother was the only one who called her by her full name. She busied herself with putting the dry plates into the cupboard, she wasn't really feeling up to this topic, wanting to just forget the day and start again tomorrow. Mari watched her with a raised brow, she knew that something was bothering her but she wouldn't pry.
'When are you going to have your own life darling?' She settled for instead, she wished that Makatza would go out clubbing or take the car for the evening and do something other than retreat to her room and read or play piano. It was upsetting watching her daughter simply live each day like the last. 'I want you to do something, go travelling, get a job if you wanted, instead of working her every evening and weekend.'
Makatza sighed looking at her, they had this conversation almost every night, Mari meant no malice what so ever, she simply wanted the best for her little girl. It was like a broken record and she was tired of hearing it, after a while it was just another thing to worry about. 'I have my own life mama, here with you,' she said placing a light kiss on her mother's cheek and picking up the ironing basket. She tried to brush past but Mari wasn't having any of it.
'Makatza Hargrove! Listen to me young lady,' she said firmly staring her daughter defiantly in the eyes. 'I have watched you do the same thing for years now and I am worried that being here is stiffling you. I want you to enjoy your life, darling. You have to make a serious effort to do something, I want you to make plans to travel or find a different job. I want to wake up one morning and find that you've left with the wages that you are due, a light in your heart and a dream in your soul. You need a young man or woman, a new life. Don't waste your precious years here with me.' Mari watched as her words went in one ear and out the other. Makatza was stubborn and nothing would change her mind if she didn't want it to.
'Mama, I'm fine honestly,' Makatza replied to the annoyance of her mother, 'I have my Uni course, I have you, and I have this place.' She pulled the ironing board out the closet, after waiting for a couple of kids to run past she was able to set it up. 'I don't need anything else, besides once I finish Uni I can find a different job, until then I'm happy here,' she said turning on the iron.
'It's not enough, don't become like me sweetheart, find someone to love. Before it's too late.' Mari said softly as she rubbed her eyes, picking up the homework folders for some of the children from the side. She had social workers in the morning and tensions were already high.
'I will mama I promise,' Makatza said with sincerity, with that Mari nodded reassured that Makatza had taken her a little seriously. She wandered off to collect the younger children for bed and start the paperwork for the evening.
…...
She was tidying up the game room, the storm outside was getting harder and heavy, rattling the windows. Makatza hated rain, thunder and lightning always followed, something that had always frightened her as a child. Busying herself with her task she tucked away the console the boys had been using, and picked up a few of the game discs putting them back into their cases. One was covered in people shooting each other, the generic soldier looking impressive against a war torn background, pulling a face she tossed it into the box; she looked at another, 'Dragon Age 2,' a very handsome looking man stood holding a staff, it peaked her interest and she found herself looking at the back and reading the description, she saw a few other interesting things. Magic, dragons, the chance to fall in love. Out of the few games that the boys played this was one she wouldn't mind them playing. She would love to play it herself but she didn't have the time. She picked up the disc and pressed it into the case, swearing as her wrist caught the edge of the case, it had been split where the boys had clearly stood on it. The edge was sharp enough to knick her skin and cause a small bleed. 'Goddamnit,' she hissed sticking her skin in her mouth and doing her best to wipe the tiny droplet of blood from the case. Still when she did have time she would have to have a few hours playing it, though she knew that would be a rare scenario. 'Makatza!' She heard her mother shout from downstairs. She put the game away without a second thought and walked down to the kitchen.
'What's the matter mama?' She asked as she looked for a plaster, it hadn't stopped bleeding which was annoying, and she didn't want to stain her top. Mari noticed the tiny cut and pulled a box of patterned plasters from a cupboard and pulling one out for her.
'Amelia hasn't come home, could you go look for her please? I'm getting worried,' concern etched her features, she looked out the window where the storm was getting worse. 'Hurry, I don't want you both caught in the rain, she's getting to be so reckless, her social worker says that she's acting out, but I'm concerned it could get her in serious trouble,' Mari sighed.
'She'll be fine, it's just normal teenage rebellion, I shouldn't be long,' Makatza smiled as strapped on her shoes, zipped up her hoodie and stepped into the rain, she knew where Amelia would be, she'd be in the forest with a few of her friends, smoking or something. She pulled up her hood and stepped into a light jog, not wanting to be in the rain longer than needed. Mentally she cursed the teenager's precedence to act out and not do as she was told. The rain got heavier the closer she got to the outskirts of the town's forest. After about ten, fifteen minutes she found Amelia, a fifteen year old, blonde, foul-mouthed young woman. Makatza looked at her with a hand on her hip. Sighing Amelia stubbed out her cigarette and gave Makatza a glare but sulked off without a word. They had an agreement, Amelia came home or went to a friend's without a fuss and Makatza didn't tell Mari what she was up to. Makatza rang her mother and told her that Ami was staying at one of her girlfriend's house for the weekend, afterwards she began the trek home. It had gotten dark very quickly and Makatza subconsciously became worried, she couldn't really see where she was going. The wind picked up and there seemed to be no moon to guide her way. The street lights were too far away to help her and so was reduced to slowly pick her way through the growth with her hand out in front of her using her phone as a flash light. Lightening provided brief illuminations around her and she could feel panic filled her veins. Calm down Katza, you can do this, it's only a little storm, not the end of the world, she repeated to herself mentally but against all logic she began to run, tripping over roots and hitting branches. She really wasn't comfortable being in the forest during a storm. Thunder erupted from the sky above, she gave a squeal of fear, turning her head to look at the sky and promptly crashed into a tree. Her hand flung out as her phone went flying into the undergrowth, she fell heavily and felt the brief sharp knock the side of her head as she hit the ground, her vision became blurred and the last thing she saw was a flash of lightening before darkness swamped over her.
…...
When she awoke she was on a hard cobbled path, drenched to the bone wearing strange clothing. People bustled past her trying to get out of the rain, wincing at her aches and pains she she shakily got to her feet, looking for cover. She was wearing a thin cotton dress, which luckily had long sleeves that provided a little warmth and for some reason a corset bodice. Being bumped around by the crowd she broke from the mail path and ran down an alley. She noticed that her feet were bare, the long dress soaking up the water around her; she ducked underneath someone's porch, huddling on the step and wrapped her arms around herself. This is where she found herself for a while, watching the world and wondering what was going on. This is some freaky arse dream. It feels so real, she thought as she looked at her arm, the plaster had been washed off but the cut was still visible in the low light. The rain only held out for another twenty minutes or so, when she saw that it had stopped she wandered back into the street trying to look for an indication of where she was. There had to be something that explained all of this and her confidence was only lasting for so long. But all that surrounded her were shabby buildings and people huddling on the streets corners, of which there were a lot of. The path twisted and turned more times than she could count. She saw another young woman rushing toward her and she plucked up the courage to talk to her. 'Excuse me, please help, where am I?' Makatza said with a slight pause in her words as she cleared her throat trying to summon strength she didn't have. The young girl gave her a strange look, avoiding her personal space, Makatza noticed her eyes were large and slanted, she looked very ethereal. She had a hood protecting her hair and cheeks which she pulled tighter around her.
'Messere you are in Kirkwall,' she said slowly trying to give as little eye contact as possible.
Makatza mentally huffed and pulled a face in annoyance, 'Kir-Kirkwall? I-I don't know, I uh, where's a phone?' She rubbed her arms, she was so confused. If she could call her mother they could figure out where to go from there. This was clearly a very disillusioned dream or something had gone seriously wrong.
The young woman looked at Makatza as if she was funny in the head, and her expression turned slightly fearful. 'A phone? I don't know what that is... I'm sorry. If you need to contact someone there's always people in the Hanged Man,' she pointed down a road, desperate to get out of the presence of this strange human. 'Go down there and turn left.'
'Thank you, thank you so much,' Makatza said, glad to have a destination. If it's a pub there was bound to be a phone and someone kind enough to explain where she was. The young woman nodded and continued to rush toward where ever she was going. With this new information Makatza felt a little reassured and followed the directions. Makatza swore as she walked down the alley, there was sharp glass strewn over the cobbles, who just breaks glass everywhere? Like I haven't got enough on my plate with this mad dream, I have to risk losing a toe. In her impatience and the fact that she could barely see she stepped on a particularly large piece and promptly sliced her foot open, a flood of warmth run down her insole as blood dripped from her heel. 'Ahh, shit!' She cussed balancing on one foot as she looked at the other in the dark light. 'Fuck!' She hissed between her teeth. 'God that hurts,' attempting to keep her balance as she leant on the bricks, she pulled the glass from her skin. So lost in thought and pain she didn't realise that someone was walking down the alley towards her, the other person bumped into her, causing her to fall over with the impact. She fell noisily to the wet floor feeling the glass dig in through the thin dress making her yelp. The noise brought the man's attention to her.
'Oh whaddya have here? Alright darlin' how about's you an' me get to know each other eh?' He drawled, bending down to her level, she could see the drool that hung from his bottom lip and the smell from his breath made it clear that he was more than intoxicated.
'No thank you,' she said firmly as she tried to back up, she realised that with her foot hurt as it was and the corner he had backed her into she was in serious trouble should this take a turn for the worst. Makatza began to panic, her hand scrambled for a large piece of glass in the dark.
'What's the matter baby, you scared?' He drawled grabbing her wrist to pull her up.
'Get off me!' She shouted trying to wrench her hand free, Makataza felt her heart jump into her throat as terror flooded her veins like ice water. She grabbed the closest piece of glass she could find and flicked her arm upwards and cut him across the face. He jerked away letting her go, Makatza crawled to her feet ignoring all pain and began to limp down the alley toward the source of light.
'Hey bitch! I ain't finished wit you yet,' he grabbed her by her by her wrist again. 'You'll pay for that you skank. Bitch, think you can 'urt me?!' He screamed at her, blood and spittle flying from his lips across her cheek.
Reduced to tears she began to cry, 'LET ME GO!' She wailed pulling on her arm as hard she as could. Suddenly the pressure around her hand was released, she dropped like a stone and the man was thrown backwards with force. Blood splattered up her face and the front of her dress as he fell heavily to the ground, still. An arrow vibrated as it stuck out his neck and a blade was lodged in his shoulder. She watched as his chest rose once, twice and then still. The smell of sewage hit her nose as his muscles relaxed and released his bodily waste. Gagging Makatza stared at the sight, unable to process what had just happened, when the realisation hit her she felt her stomach turn and seconds later she was sick, her stomach cramped as it attempted to purge whatever rested inside. Makatza coughed and held herself on all fours as she tried to stop it.
'Oh poor thing look at her, Varric can we keep her?' A woman said, her voice touched with a light lilt. Makatza looked through her hair at the pair, fear keeping her on the cobbles.
'Isabela, leave her alone,' a deeper voice replied. 'She's been through enough by the look of her,' he says softly, kneeling down he stared into Makatza's eyes for a moment or two, before breaking out into a smile.
Makatza wiped her mouth with the back of her mouth, 'please,' she whispered. 'Help me.' She asked, her voice hoarse and tears began to fall from her eyes. She took the hand offered by the man, realising that he was half her height as he helped her up.
Isabela's heart broke as she looked over the woman. She was no stranger to the unwanted invitations of men and by the looks of it she had been through a lot this evening. The rain began to fall again as she smiled and took the young woman by the hand. 'Sweet pea,' she said gently, 'of course we will.' She draped her arm over her shoulder, and took most of her weight. 'Come on, let's get you in the warm and we'll go from there,' she reassures. Varric shook his head at the corpse on the floor, he was annoyed to say the least, he would have rather not killed the man but Bianca pulled to the left, he had to tune her again. Without ceremony he yanked the dagger out of the body and followed the two women back towards the bar. Another day, another rescued damsel. At least this one had the beginnings of a great story.
Well, that's the first chapter rewritten.
I had so much fun, I hope you think that I improved it, I do. The chapter went from 1500 words up to 4000 or so, that speaks for itself I think.
If you have taken the time to read this I would appreciate a review, let me know if it's worth continuing and I'll get the next chapter up ASAP.
Sabaine x