Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note or any of its characters. Nor do I own any of the products or TV shows that might be referenced in this work.

I'll be referencing the dub anime because that's what I first started watching and if you don't like it then oh well, but Ryuk's dub voice seems more fitting to me. The first chapt. is a little long, but all other chapts won't be this extensive. BTW i apologize if Sidoh is a little too pansy-esque.

Hellish Miracle

All was dark and gloomy in the shinigami realm. Death gods were sprawled across the barren land in a lethargic slump. The only two that seem to be somewhat lively were Deridovely and Gukku. Their game of gambling had turned into a heated argument.

"I win again!"

If looks could kill, shinigami or not, Deridovely would be dead from the evil eyes Gukku was giving him. "How do you win again?! I don't see it!"

"Two sideways skulls and look, the femur has landed on the second skull, so it's almost erect. I win."

Atop a small, nearby cliff laid another shinigami, hand lazily suspended in mid-air as he mentally grit his teeth. His claw-like fingers gave a twitch. After nearly a year without any fun, things were a little tense for him. He had tried locking himself up in seclusion for a few months, trying to come to terms with everything his actions had caused and the feeling of loss that he had never known before. But an emotional breakthrough proved to be too much for him to process. Not to mention boring.

With a shriek of rage, Gukku kicked the bones from their small gambling pit. "Cheater! That almost never happens!"

"I don't cheat! It's not my fault you suck!"

Up on the cliff, the fingers clenched into a fist. It was only a matter of time before his last nerve finally…

"WOULD YOU TWO JUST SHUT THE HELL UP?!"

… snapped.

Gukku nearly stumbled while Deridovely looked toward the cliff, smirking.

"You've been laying there for about a month, Ryuk. Get off your ass and do something."

Gukku, having forgotten about the fight all together at Ryuk's fury, retrieved the scattered bones. "Yeah. Come gamble with us."

Ryuk stared up at nothing, his arms behind his head, ankles crossed. He was bored, but not desperate. "What? And lose my last apple to Dovely? Pass." That being said, he pulled from his belt, wedged between his deathnote and it's strapped carrier, an apple so rotten and shriveled that it could have passed for a shinigami apple. With a grimace and a swift flick, he chucked the offensive thing out of his sight… where it landed with a sickening splat right on Deridovely's head.

"Ryuk, you bastard!"

Ryuk bit his lip. He couldn't even laugh. And that had been sort of funny. He sighed, rolling onto his side. Everbody had been so excited to hear about the Death note and the chaos Kira had caused in the human world. Some were really interested, some weren't, some didn't want to enflate Ryuk's ego anymore—but after a while, everybody had heard the story one way or another. Sidoh had even gained a few minutes of spotlight (when he could remember what had happened, that is), but nobody told the story with as much passion and as much detail as Ryuk (and after having nothing to talk about for a few hundred years, shinigami required A LOT of detail). The story entertained for a while, but as time wore on and everyone's interest began to fade along with Ryuk's memory, things were back to being solemn and boring. But at least he had gotten some recognition out of the whole thing. He wasn't looked at as some clown anymore, not that there was anything wrong with that. Somebody needed to liven things up around there.

Gukku's loud whinning snapped him from his thoughts. "How do you know I wouldn't win?"

Ryuk sat up, tired of all the bickering. Tired of all the boredom. Honestly, he was just tired of being tired of everything all the time. "Because you really suck, Gukku." The lazy death god poked his head over the side of the cliff to peek down at his fellow shinigami. "Besides, I have more important things to do than waste my time with a rigged game."

Gukku glares at Dovely. "I knew you cheated!"

"Don't listen to Ryuk. You know he lies like hell."

Said shinigami was too busy searching through the others and er, scratching his behind. With a great stretch he cracked his back. It wasn't until he was working on the crick in his neck that he found something that might be of interest.

"It looks like Sidoh lost his death note again. (CRACK!) Heh. What a dumbass."

After giving his head another sharp tug, he decided that it would only be right for him to "help" the pathetic fellow.

Sidoh was wondering aimelessly through the wasteland he was forced to call home. He would get a lead, stop, scratch his head, and then take off in a completely different direction. The sight was pitiful. Even for Sidoh.

"I'm going to be in trouble." The shinigami sighed. Here he was, without his Death Note again so soon. He couldn't very well complain to the king about it. Not again. He wasn't sure what the king would do to him, if anything, but he wasn't one for confrontation.

"What's the matter, Sidoh?"

Sidoh couldn't help but jump at his "brother's" gravely voice. Ryuk always gave him the willies.

"Nothing. I just… er…" What was he doing anyway?

"Let me guess, you lost your Death Note again, didn't you?"

That was it! Sidoh eyed the well-known trouble maker. "How do you know that?"

Ryuk rolled his eyes. "I didn't take it if that's what you're getting at. You lost it all by yourself this time."

"But…oh…"

"Look, it's not like I like you or anything, but this boredom thing is really starting to get to me. I might just write my own name in my Death Note if I knew it would work. Point being this might just prove to be interesting. So whaddya say?"

But his words only met deaf ears as Sidoh had wondered off, once again in pursuit of his notebook.

"Where could I have dropped it? In that sand dune? Or maybe in that one."

If there was one thing Ryuk hated, it was being ignored. "GRR! HEY! I'm talking to you over here!" In a huff, he stalked after the bumbling Sidoh. "Get back here bandage-head!"

Sidoh stopped in his tracks. His posture was still and he was nervous. Ryuk smirked, stopping beside him. The two stared down at the portal to the living world- Ryuk, curiously and Sidoh, like it was going to eat his face off.

Sidoh swallowed, his whole form quaking. "Uh oh."

Ryuk's eyes widened as much as they possibly could. "Uh oh?" He sniggered. "Don't tell me you dropped it down there? Lucky you. Some human's probably picked it up by now. Looks like you've got no choice but to go down there." An awful, twisted smile stretched his lips, the rows of razorblades Ryuk called teeth giving Sidoh the worst knot in his stomach. "And since that's the case, we both know that you're not going to be able to handle yourself down there for too long. So it's only natural that somebody has to go with you. I'm sure the old man would approve."

"You're not coming with me." But coming from a shaking insect, the statement held little, if any, threat.

"Of course I am. I'm out of apples." The red in Ryuk's eyes was glowing. Sidoh found himself trying to get a lump out of his throat. All sense of play was gone and Ryuk seemed to tower over him. "Or are you going to stop me?"

Sidoh was frozen for a moment, his mouth unable to move. He had never been afraid of Ryuk. Wary, but never afraid as he was with most of the other shinigami. But something had changed. Maybe it was the months of solitude that had made him grouchy. Or maybe it was something that had happened to him during the years he had spent in the human world. But whatever it was, when he wanted to be, Ryuk could be as scary as hell.

Finally able to tear his gaze away, Sidoh looked down at his future in disdain. "Oh… I hate the human world. It's so loud and dangerous."

Ryuk sneered, a bit of humor creeping back into his voice. "Sidoh… you're such a sissy."

January 28th, 2011

New York City

"Down here! She's going down the alley!"

"Get back here you little bitch!"

Tony was too busy counting his balls to follow. Tears were in the corners of his eyes and it was hard to breathe. Damn him if he was going to cry in front of these bastards. Guitar to the groin or not.

Kazukei dove into the nearest doorway. Clutching the notebook to her chest, she curled into the fetal position as tightly as she could. Within seconds the sounds of footsteps sloshed through the rain as the two thugs raced down the alleway. They stopped immediately.

"What the hell?! Where'd she go?"

Another voice called from a little farther away. "Hey assholes, get back here! We got what we wanted."

"Damn it! I was looking for some action."

"Ha, yeah. If you want to risk her crushing your nuts, too."

"Shut up! And what the hell would you know..."

As their voices and the sound of their steps faded, Kazukei allowed herself a sigh of relief. She raised her head, thanking whatever god was up there for such a stroke of luck. And at the same time, damning him for taking away her guitar. Peeved, she glared down at the sopping book in her hands. Damn thing. If she hadn't tripped over it, she'd have gotten away AND wouldn't have to tank another grand into a new Jackson.

Looking at the title, she sneered. "Death Note." She shook her head, her soaked hair slapping against her face. "What is this? Some middle school nerd's hit list?"

Every voice in her head was telling her to just chuck the damn thing into the nearest dumpster. And yet... She opened it, straining to make out the words underneath the pale glow of an exit sign. She rose, trying to get a better angle. Pale green illuminated what looked like some sort of list. Her Japanese was good enough to realize that the page was filled with Kanji, but that was about it. However, it wasn't the Japanese that got her attention, but the English scrawled on the inside cover.

Her eyes widened. Her throat was suddenly dry. What kind of joke was this? She shook her head, still a bit jarred from what she had read. The rules were oddly specific for such a juvenile concept. It was almost as if the person who made this notebook actually believed that it could kill people. What kind of sick person would do this?

"The human whose name is written in this note shall die."

Kazukei smirked. Saying the rule out loud sounded even stupider.

"Yeah, right. A notebook that kills people."

But nonetheless, she tucked the black book into her bag. It might not be real, but morbid things had always peaked her interest. Besides, if by some hellish miracle it was-- God owed her.