Title: The Secret's In The Telling
Author: Carly
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Study group, Jeff/Annie, slight Troy/Britta
Spoilers: General S2 & an upcoming guest star
Rating/Warnings: PG
Disclaimer: I don't own Community.
Summary: Shirley's pregnant, Troy's struggling with secret knowledge, Jeff & Annie become the scapegoats.

"Welcome back, Greendale students!" The group winced as Dean Pelton's excitable voice boomed through the study room speakers. "I certainly hope you enjoyed your winter break and are ready for a fun, challenging new semester."

Jeff frowned. "Is he still talking about Greendale?"

"Just a short health and safety note to kick off the morning," continued the Dean. "Our janitor recently discovered a monkey-sized squirrel in the air vents, so the heating will be turned off until further notice. To combat this we would like to give you free hot chocolate... but unfortunately we're all out. Have a great day!"

"Definitely still Greendale," said Britta, wrapping her knitted scarf tighter around her neck. "I hope the heat gets switched on again soon, I'm freezing."

"Well maybe you should invest in a proper jacket and not one that makes people constantly wonder where your motorbike is," replied Annie.

"Thanks for the fashion advice, Stay Puft, but I think I'll be OK."

Annie attempted to cross her arms over the mountain of clothing swaddling her. "It's not my fault I have to wear five layers at once. The heating's out in my building as well and every time I ask the landlord about it he just keeps offering to share a Snuggie with me."

"I could go a Snuggie right now," said Troy, shivering in his seat. "They're just like wearing one of your mom's hugs – if your mom was made out of blankets."

"You people need to stop your complaining," Pierce said, taking a swig of coffee. "It's not even that cold. Just wait until your junk starts to shrivel, then you'll really know."

Jeff nodded. "I hear that's how Punxsutawney Phil makes his predictions these days."

"You can't feel the cold because you're still hopped up on your pain meds," Troy accused his housemate. "The doctor told you to stop taking them last week when you got your casts off."

"Pierce!" gasped Britta. "You give me your pills right now."

"Why, so you can snake them?" Pierce laughed. "I don't drink so."

Troy shared a look with Britta. "That's the side effects kicking in," he stage-whispered. "Last night while we were watching TV he told me to pass him the goat so he could change camels."

"You and I are going to fix this," Britta whispered back determinedly, getting a thumbs-up from Troy.

Abed followed their conversation like a tennis match. "New year, new Greendale parents," he noted under his breath. "Interesting..."

"Shirley you've been quiet," said Annie kindly. "Is everything OK?"

"What are you insinuating?" said Shirley, giving her a sidelong glance. "That I'm usually some kind of loud, irritating blabbermouth? Is that what you're saying?"

The smile slid off Annie's face as the rest of the group looked on in surprise. "I would never say that! I was just worried. You mentioned in your last email that you were going to show your husband around campus today so I thought you'd be more excited."

"He didn't bail on you did he?" asked Britta sympathetically.

"No, he did not bail on me," Shirley replied. "Elijah forgot his lunch so he was dropping it off at school."

Britta's cheeks flushed. "I didn't mean bail like he bailed on you the first time around with the stripper," she stammered. "I just meant bail like... ordinary bail."

"Would you like another shovel?" asked Jeff. "Or have you dug far enough?"

Abed flipped through one of his notebooks until he reached the page he was after, studying it in confusion. He rummaged around in his bag for a packet of half-eaten raisinets and pushed them across to Shirley. "I'm sorry I don't have any of your usual candy with me but I hope these will do. It looks as though my calculations were off this month."

"Calculations?" said Shirley, making a face when she realized. "Are you still keeping those damn charts about our cycles?"

"Abed! We told you that was creepy," Annie said looking scandalized.

"Give me that notebook, Abed," Britta demanded.

"Don't do it!" Pierce yelped. "She'll take anything she can get her glands on."

"I'm only trying to help," Abed said in his usual calm manner. "Shirley has been uncharacteristically snappy today and I just assumed it was her time of the month, although there hasn't been any foot stomping or jaw clenching as yet." He looked over at his friend who was glowering at him. "OK, there's the jaw clenching."

"Can we stop getting specific about 'times of the month' now?" groaned Jeff. "TV has led me to believe all women like to frolic across beaches and play sport in white clothes, and I don't want to shatter that illusion any further."

"I'm lost," said Troy. "... Why does Britta need a shovel?"

"There is no time of the month!" Shirley exclaimed, startling everyone. "And there won't be until at least July!"

Annie's eyes widened. "Shirley are you saying..."

"I'm having a baby."

The group erupted into a chorus of congratulations and cheers. Annie leapt up and tried to hug Shirley, but her layers wouldn't let her manoeuvre properly and she settled for squeezing her friend's arm in excitement instead.

Britta rushed over to join the girls. "Wait, you said July. Does that mean you should have taken that pregnancy test when Annie lost her pen?"

Shirley nodded. "I ignored it when Abed mentioned the timing would have been off, but when it got to Christmas and I still hadn't," she shot a cursory glance at Jeff, "frolicked across a beach, I knew something was up."

Abed shut his notebook. "I definitely thought it was a Halloween baby."

Troy's eyes nearly bugged out of his head when the implication of Shirley's announcement came flooding back to him. He began to hyperventilate and tried fanning his face to calm down.

"Are you OK?" asked Pierce, narrowing his eyes. "Did you dip into my stash?"

"Oh no, I'm fine," Troy replied in a high-pitched voice. "Super, super fine.I'm just so happy about Shirley's news! A tiny study group baby, that's so dope!" The fanning became quicker as he trailed off into nervous laughter. "So dope..."

"It's a bit disconcerting that Troy's behaving like the expectant mom instead of you," said Britta, gently putting her hand on Shirley's shoulder. "This is good news isn't it?"

"It is, it definitely is," Shirley softly replied, brushing her hands over her stomach. "And I apologize for being snappy. It's just that some people don't quite see it as the blessing I do."

Annie perched on the arm of her chair. "Your husband didn't take the news well?"

Shirley traced over the raised snowflake shapes on her gloves. "My husband doesn't know yet." The group traded incredulous glances with one another while she kept her head bowed.

"Um, I may not be the best person to give marriage advice..." Jeff pondered on that thought. "Well, no, actually that's Pierce. But isn't this an important thing to share with your partner?"

"Is this going to take a classic soap opera turn where you reveal that the baby isn't your husband's?" queried Abed. "And that it's really your husband's brother's who has a sexy nature-sounding name like Ridge or Thorne?"

"Abed!" scolded Shirley, ignoring the strange squeal coming from Troy. "Need I remind you I am a Christian woman? You don't go around saying stuff like that to me, OK?"

"OK," Abed conceded. "But why doesn't he know yet?"

Shirley clasped her hands together tightly. "Because when we went to his sister's place for Christmas lunch he took one look at his newborn nephew crying and said, 'Thank the good Lord we're done with all of that'." She gave the group a watery smile. "Kinda took the joy away from telling him."

"Salsa," Pierce said kindly, patting Shirley on the arm.

"You'll have to break the news soon though won't you?" asked Annie. "I mean, you'll be showing soon right?"

"I know, and I will, but I have to pick the right time." She pointed around at everyone. "Promise me you won't breathe a word of this to him when he visits today."

They all promised, except for Troy who was off in his own little world. "Troy, do you promise?" repeated Shirley.

Troy snapped his head up and nodded mutely at her while Abed surveyed his friend. "There's something off here, like you're being twisted up inside. Did you eat a giant cookie again?"

"I wish," Troy winced.

"Hello again Greendalians!" The Dean's voice interrupted, cutting through the silence that had befallen them. "Just another reminder that our 'Families and Partners' Dance – or FAP Dance – is on tomorrow night in the cafeteria. It's a time for us to celebrate our return to school with the people in our lives that support us the most. Wives, husbands, children, special pets – bring them all along!" Shirley's lower lip trembled as the announcement resonated around her.

Jeff looked up at the speaker. "I don't think that acronym really has the family-friendly vibe he was aiming for somehow."

There was a knock on the glass door. Everyone turned around to see a tall, smiling man in a multi-colored patterned sweater grinning back at them. "Is there a deliciously hot woman by the name of Shirley in here?"

"Hello sweetie!" Shirley trilled, her demeanour doing a complete 180 from only moments before. "Come and sit down and I'll introduce you to everyone."

Britta wandered back to her spot and Annie leapt up from hers, offering it to the newcomer. "Here, have my chair so you can sit together. Togetherness is important," she added in a blatant fashion, moving her belongings to the empty spot near Jeff.

"Thank you, Annie," Shirley said through gritted teeth. Plastering on another smile she grabbed her husband's hand. "Study group, this is Andre."

"Hey guys," he waved with his free arm. "It's so great to finally meet you; Shirley talks about you all the time."

"And Andre this is Annie, Jeff, Britta, Abed, Troy and Pierce." Shirley took on a fond tone. "My little school family."

"Pierce is the creepy uncle," Jeff explained, ducking out the way when Pierce aimed a raisinet at his head.

"This is great," said Andre, looking around the room. "I can't wait to have a tour of the place. Is there really a guy with star-shaped sideburns?"

"And a top hat," said Abed. "Although I've heard rumours he did something drastic with his hair over the break, in which case we'll have to start calling him Felicity."

Andre nodded politely before turning back to his wife. "Sugar Bear you'll have to show me the place outside where that YouTube video of yours was filmed, too." He smiled at Troy. "You were awesome in that, man. My wife's lucky to have friends like you guys looking out for her."

Whimpering, Troy suddenly leapt out of his chair and flailed around like someone had just been chloroformed in front of him. "I can't take the secrecy anymore!" He clutched his head. "My brain's been wrinkled so many times it needs botox!"

Noting the way Shirley was currently staring death rays at Troy, Jeff raised his hand in an attempt to quieten him. "Troy, no one knows what you're talking about," he warned. "Just calm down and keep the crazy to yourself."

"I tried but I can't!" he choked out. "The secret is chomping its way through my body like Pacman. And now there's a baby involved..." Troy froze and clamped a hand over his mouth.

Shirley looked like she wanted to simultaneously crawl under a rock and find a jukebox big enough to body slam Troy into. Andre glanced at her. "Someone's having a baby?"

"Well, uh, you see..."

"Annie's pregnant!" Troy yelled, dramatically pointing across the room.

Annie's jaw nearly dropped to her feet. "What?"

"And Jeff's the father!" he added, panic still fuelling him.

"WHAT?" Jeff and Annie said in unison.

"Oh boy," muttered Britta.

"Are you insane?" said Annie, clutching her pencil so hard it nearly snapped.

Troy sank into his chair, curling his legs up to his chest. "I'm sorry! The words just came tumbling out before I could stop my mouth." He chanced a look at Jeff. "If you kill me I have reliable witnesses... and Pierce."

"Oh I can still..."

"Jeffrey," Shirley interrupted, "I would just like to offer my congratulations to you and Annie on your little bundle of joy." She gave him and Annie a pleading look. "It's a special, glorious time and you should be able to celebrate even if you're not ready to tell everyone just yet."

The study group waited anxiously as Jeff and Annie swapped glances with one another. Stifling a sigh, Jeff reached over and took Annie's hand, forcing himself to appear excited. "OK, it's true, we're knocked up. Hooray, awesome etcetera."

"Ugh, gross!" Annie screwed up her nose. "You make it sound like I'm some sort of farm animal." She pulled her arm away and daintily folded her hands in her lap. "We're with child."

"Oh yeah, that's much better. I forgot it was being born in the 50s."

Andre got up and went over to shake Jeff's hand and then Annie's. "Congratulations you two, that is wonderful news. You're definitely in for a wild ride." He went back to his spot and put his arm around Shirley. "If you want some horror stories about messy diapers and sleepless nights, though, we got that covered too!" he chuckled heartily, missing the anguished look that flickered across his wife's face.

Annie took pity on her friend. "Oh I don't know, I think babies are pretty cute." She patted her stomach. "This one's been kicking around like a little bunny!"

"By the size of you it looks like you're on your way to having twenty bunnies," said Britta with a smirk.

"Well then maybe Aunty Britta can buy them all inappropriate leather jackets?" retorted Annie, adjusting her clothes.

Troy cleared his throat. "I just want to know... am I still being murdered or are we cool?"

"You're safe – for now anyway." Jeff leaned forward. "But this news doesn't leave the room, OK? No one else needs to know our business and in the future we'll know never to trust Troy with important information ever again. Alright?"

Everyone nodded just as the Dean's voice filtered through the speakers once more. "Wow, I should really buy this PA system a drink; we are getting to know one another very well this morning! Just a minor tweak on my last announcement – I've since been advised that the shortened version of the 'Families and Partners' Dance isn't really appropriate so we've decided to go with the 'Winter Wiggler' instead." There was a shuffling of paper. "Oh my, and in other news hot off the Twitter press it seems a big congratulations needs to go out to Jeff Winger and Annie Edison who have a bun in the oven! With his forehead and her eyes they are on their way to one adorable little bush baby..."

All the color drained from Jeff and Annie's faces, while Pierce unsubtly tucked his phone away in his shirt pocket.

Abed framed the startled duo between his fingers like a camera lens. "And... commercial break."

Continued...