Pain.

Pain was his first memory. Pain and the dark. The feeling of pain and fear and the surrounding darkness; then suddenly nothing. The feeling of nothing was strange with no emotions or sensations, but he was sure that he was awake. He had to be, how else could he tell that he was slapped in the face even though he couldn't feel it. He was aware of it and that was all. Strange; almost funny. Then he felt the burning, well at least he thought he did. It was dull, as if it were an old memory and he wasn't quite sure as if it happened long ago. Where exactly was the burning happening? In his throat, mouth and guts? He wasn't even sure if it was happening now or it happened later; if it even happened at all. The feeling of disconnection was alien and yet comforting.

Then, the movies started. The movies were fuzzy and out of focus and didn't make much sense. They sort of skipped around and didn't connect properly. First there was a kitchen, then suddenly there was a stadium or what he thought could be one; broken roof tops that showed the sky and a clown.

A wave of fear came from that clown, but the movies went to fast for him to think to much about it. Then his mom. His mom singing to him and stroking his hair. Was it his mom? Again, the movies were too quick. They were going to quick for him to see them or think about them and he started to feel dizzy and short of breath, at least he though so. Time had no place where the movies were. Had he been watching them for seconds or days? Then suddenly, reality.

It was as if waking with a start, the sensation of when it felt like someone dropped you in your bed and your not sure if that's what truly happened. He took in a breath and looked around. There wasn't much to see, a blue curtain and some sort of equipment. He tried to remember where he was, but his mind was failing him and it hurt to think about it. He looked down and saw that he was on some sort of table ; strapped down at the waist. He moved his hands to unbuckle it and it felt like he was controlling his hands from outside his body. The strap wasn't locked and came undone like a seat belt.

What's a seat belt?

He moved to get down but he suddenly felt heavy. As if someone suddenly put sand in arms and legs and he felt lopsided. He jumped down and nearly collapsed; his body fighting his every move as if it didn't want to go. He wasn't going to let that stop him, his curiosity was too great for that. He moved closer to the curtain, his shoes clicking on the ground. Shoes, it sounds funny when you say it over and over again. He suddenly felt strange, it was that feeling that he first remembered, fear. It didn't go away this time. It stayed and made his chest hurt. He didn't even know what to be fearful of. He didn't or couldn't remember...perhaps on purpose? There was a sound in the air; he knew what it was but for some bizarre reason he couldn't think of what it was. He wasn't even sure where it was coming from. Ignoring the feelings of everything he moved the curtain back and looked around.

It was that kitchen he saw in his movie, well sort of. In the movie it was complete. Canary-yellow and white wall tiles and floor with splotches of blue here and there, an old fridge, kitchen table for three with flowers on it. In the movie there where four walls, here there were only two. The two walls that did exist didn't exactly look like what he had seen in the movie. They were dirty and looked like they were well, fake. He looked up, and didn't see the sky like he expected. He did see a playing card, isn't that what they were called or was it a calling card? He looked around and saw that this house was mismatched around and that it really wasn't a house but more of a play set that wasn't connected in another building. Toys of all sorts surrounding the area, especially building blocks and large ones at that.

He felt confused. It was strange yet familiar, as if he'd seen it many times before. He walked out further, and could hear the sound again. It was making him nervous, it sounded so close but when he looked for it he couldn't see the point of origin. There was a new sound as well. It was quiet and came in jagged waves. Crying, yes...that's what it's called, isn't it? This sound was coming from a building block. He walked over to it, hearing the clicking of his feet and it echoed too loud off the walls. The closer he got, the louder that sound got.

Crying. Don't forget that word. Can't remember much right now, remember that at least.

He came up to the block and saw that it wasn't a solid block, more of a box turned on it's side. He looked in and saw...what. This was frustrating. He couldn't remember simple things anymore, and he...

A girl, yes that what it was. It took him a minute but then he remembered that name. A girl, and he was a, boy? Yes, he was sure of that, but it was still frustrating. He looked at the girl and studied her; trying to recall more. She was younger than him, or older...no definitely younger. She had to be; she was small, much smaller than himself. She had to be...what. Four or five years old. He pushed the question of 'what's a year' out of his mind and tried to focus on what was in front of him. She had yellow hair or is it called blond? He shook his head; everything was so swampy in his head. Her hair was in pigtails, held together with pink bugs, of what he didn't care. She was wearing a white shirt with red overalls and little pink shoes and lacy socks. Her face was buried in her knees with her arms wrapped around her legs. He bent down to get a closer look; when he did he heard that weird sound again and she must of have too. She looked up suddenly and looked directly at him. Her face and eyes were red; must have been crying for awhile. Her face suddenly contorted into an expression. Why can't he remember the basics?

Fear, yes that's what fear looks like on a face. She was afraid. Afraid of what? He looked behind him and saw nothing but a wall; that wasn't scary but then again what did he know right now. He looked back at her and saw that she was trying to push herself further into the corner of the box; eyes darting all around him.

It must be me, he thought. She's afraid of me. He crept closer, getting inside the box; wanting to show her that there wasn't anything to be afraid of as he reached out toward her. Her eyes bulged and she looked right into his eyes. Then that sound again. It was loud this time; it followed him into the box. That sound was making him on edge. That's what she must be afraid of. He stopped and looked around in that box. He didn't see anything, other than himself and the girl. He looked at his outstretched arm. There was...a colored glove covering his hand. A long purple...yes a purple sleeve on his arm. He followed his arm to his torso. Green, green and more purple. He had a green belly. No wait...that was just a, a vest. Purple pants, neatly pressed and white knees. White knees? He looked back up to the girl not looking at the fear in her face but her skin. Her skin was peach, with different hues of red in it. He looked back at his knees and saw stark white with no discernible colors, just white.

Then that sound came back, only this time he saw his stomach heave with each sound. The sound was coming from him, from his mouth. As if it knew, the sound wouldn't stop this time. He tried pressing his hands on his stomach to stop it, but it kept going so he covered his mouth but it only muffled it. The more he fought it, the louder it got. It was disturbing to listen to, what ever it was called he knew it didn't sound right. It was high and in wavering short spouts. He held his breath hoping to block out the sound but as he did, the sound stopped. He kept holding his breath, not wanting to hear that ugly sound again. With both hands over his mouth he looked down at the girl and saw that her expression had changed slightly. It was still fearful, but there was confusion there as well. He sat down in that box holding his breath, trying to contain it, but his stomach kept lurching; trying to force the sound out.

Laughter. That's what it was called. He remembered that laughter was supposed to be a joyful expression, but why did it make him so sick to hear it? The sound made his head spin and his stomach clench up. His confusion was reaching its peak, he wanted to remember everything but at the same time didn't. He started to feel light-headed and finally moved his hands away from his face and took a gasping breath. The laughter was gone; crawled back down his throat for now. He looked at the girl, this time she was looking at him with less fear but with more, he didn't know what but he didn't want to know. Her eyes suddenly darted from him and looked over his shoulder and the look of fear returned to her face tenfold. She shrank back to her corner and she looked smaller than she really was. He felt something fall heavily onto his left shoulder and then began to squeeze it to the point where it hurt. He turned to look.

The clown had come out of the movie.

Note:

First off, I'd like to thank you for reading this. It is I hope to continue it soon, but I promise more is to come!