Have you ever been in love? Have you ever looked at someone and felt like your heart was going to beat through your chest? Have you ever been in love with someone who isn't here to love you back?
Dan has. Dan does. It has been four years, now. Four fucking years of thinking Phil was a going to walk through the door, and everybody would be a happy family again.
Some days Dan forgets. Dan forgets a lot of things, but Dan forgets Phil isn't by his side when he wakes up. Dan forgets when he buys food shopping that he doesn't have to buy Phil's favourite cereal anymore. But Phil forgot things too. Like whether or not he had locked the front door, and Phil forgot to check the road he was crossing.
Dan films and writes his videos. But he is no longer himself. Everybody knows: so does he. Most of him is laid preciously in that coffin with Phil. Beautiful, sweet Phil. Dan had to stop them from nailing him in there, because Phil doesn't like the dark.
He loves him so fucking much, but he can't have him. Breathing is difficult knowing that Phil is no longer taking in the same air. Why couldn't it have been him?
The neighbours still have loud sex at 8am. But Phil is no longer alive to complain about it.
Dan thinks that the worst part of it all was sorting through Phil's clothes and belongings. In his little sock drawer in that old, mahogany cabinet was a little ring box. Velvet and warm. Dan couldn't look at it.
The only time he is not silent is when he cries. The days when he throws and smashes things in the apartment, because god fucking dammit, Phil. You could have looked at the cars first. Dan's voice is with Phil's body.
The truth is, life went on without Phil. But Dan didn't. Dan waits for the day until he knows it's his time. His time to leave this life, and reunite with Phil.
Today is Dan's day.
AN/ okay what the melons did I write I'm sorry for angsty drabble, I just had to escape something's I was feeling. I'm sorry. And the ending, should i just end my life now or