I started writing this before the premier with the hopes of having it finished before, clearly I failed. This is a work in progress, I'm kind of anxious about posting it because it seems to contain so many ideas that people hate... That being said, it was something that I couldn't get out of my head and I felt like I wanted to try and do this story justice.

I am not a Bensidy shipper, but I do see TPTB making Bensidy endgame so I'm trying to go with it. There is some Bensidy in this but it's not a Bensidy story if that makes sense?

This is NOT one of those Elliot returns and saves the day and Liv falls into his arms and they live happily ever after stories. He does return, but he has a hell of a lot of explaining to do. Elliot and Olivia are nothing without angst, and he can't just walk back into her life after walking away without a word. This story attemots to deal with Olivia's assault and how she feels about Elliot after what he did.

I have changed some of the events from the premier so I guess this is AU, there will be some flashback scenes but nothing graphic.

The precinct was so quiet at 3am. During the day it was busy, thriving and full of people but now it was silent and empty, a shell of its former self. Olivia stood across from her desk, staring at the empty space where she usually sat. She was tired. She was so tired. She couldn't remember the last time that she had slept for more than an hour straight. She had survived on little sleep before, she'd once worked for thirty six hours straight and still managed to function. Things were different now.

Six weeks ago her life was turned upside down when she found William Lewis waiting for her in her apartment. The days that followed had changed her, changed everything about her. Lewis had enjoyed hurting her, humiliating her, breaking her. He had taken great joy in hearing her begging for her life, she would never forget how pathetic she'd sounded as she cried out, "I want to live…"

She had wanted to live, to begin with. She was determined that she would be okay, that she could get away before the bastard did too much damage. After he proved her wrong she thought about what would happen if her colleagues found her, how she would explain what Lewis had done to her… It was then that she had begun to think of death as a relief. The pain had been unbearable, it had started with cigarette burns and escalated quickly. She had managed not to scream for so long, it wasn't until he used his own body as a weapon that she had whimpered and cried out. She would never forgive herself for letting him see how much he was hurting her.

"Liv."

She frowned and froze, wondering if this was another figment of her imagination. She had dreamt that he would return, that he would fight to save her from Lewis, or that he would visit her in the hospital when Lewis had finished with her. He didn't do any of those things. It had been two years since he'd walked out of her life without so much as a goodbye, why would he return now? She really was losing it. She didn't even want him anymore, she didn't want to face him, to see the look on his face when he realised what had happened to her.

"Olivia."

She shook her head, this wasn't happening. He wasn't stood behind her with a look of pity on his face. She didn't want him anymore. Olivia took a deep breath and slowly turned and there he was. She took an involuntary step back as she faced him for the first time in almost two years. She struggled to find her voice as he simply stared at her with that look, the look she had seen so much of recently, pity.

Elliot couldn't speak, he was trying, his brain was willing him to say something, anything but he simply stared at her. She looked thin, her hair was shorter and she looked as though she hadn't slept in days. He wanted to reach out to her, to hold her and promise her that everything was going to be okay. He wanted to apologise for leaving and promise her that it wasn't her fault, that he simply couldn't handle special victims anymore, not after what he had done.

"What are you doing here?" Olivia tried to sound strong, she willed her voice not to break but it was pointless, she sounded weak and scared. She watched as Elliot stared at her, she hadn't expected to see him, not now, not ever again. He hadn't changed much, his hair was starting to turn white at the sides and he looked tired but he was still Elliot.

"I…" What could he say? I heard about what happened to you, it's taken me six weeks to come and see you because I'm a coward. "I wanted to check that you were okay," he spoke softly, not sure that she would buy his lies. Cragen had called him five weeks ago, a week after she had been found and told him what had happened. Elliot had been angry, why had it taken them so long to tell him? Why hadn't they called him while she was missing? He had demanded answers from Cragen, who had told him in no uncertain terms that he was lucky he had been contacted at all. Cragen was right, Elliot didn't deserve anything from his old squad, he had left without so much as a goodbye. She was different, Olivia was different, Cragen had to have known that. He should have been told as soon as she went missing, he would have searched the entire city for her, he would have found her before…

"It's been two years," Olivia spoke softly, unable to look him in the eye. "Two years," she whispered. What was he doing here? Why couldn't he have just left her alone? He had once told her that she couldn't do her job, that he was sick of looking out for her, she had argued with him then but now she had to face him and admit that he was right. She couldn't look after herself, she thought she could, she thought she'd done a damn good job of looking after herself. It was days after she had been rescued that she realised that the only reason this hadn't happened before wasn't because of her, perps weren't frightened of her, they weren't intimidated by her, they were intimidated by Elliot, or Nick or Fin or whoever had been around at that time.

"I know," he started, still unsure of what to say. He had seen Olivia Benson at her best and at her worst, he had watched her struggling not to cry as she admitted that she thought that he brother was a rapist, he'd seen her trying to beat the crap out of perps. He had never seen her life this, so defeated. She avoided his stare, staring at the floor instead.

"How did you know I was here?" she asked, as though she had suddenly realised that it was early morning and that she hadn't told anyone where she was going. Elliot took a deep breath.

"Yeah," he answered his phone on the second ring. Years of being on call during the night ensured that he could answer without hesitation.

"Stabler?" he heard a male voice that he recognised but couldn't place.

"Who's this?" he asked, sitting up in the bed.

"Uh, it's Brian Cassidy…"

"Cassidy called me," he admitted, watching as Olivia closed her eyes for a brief moment.

"He shouldn't have called you," she walked towards her desk, sitting down as her legs began to tire.

"He was worried about you, he uh… He asked me to come and see you-"

"Elliot," Olivia's gaze met his for the first time. "I'm not your problem anymore. Go home." She turned away from him, hoping that he would take the hint and leave. She couldn't do this, she couldn't do this with anyone but she especially couldn't do it with him. She wondered if he was surprised, if he had just been waiting for her life to fall apart without him. She had been doing so well.

"Liv, when did you last sleep?" Elliot asked, staying exactly where he was.

"Elliot what do you want?" she asked, wiping the palm of her hand against her face. She was so tired. "If you're waiting for me to open up to you, to tell you all the gory details then you will be waiting a long time. You don't get to walk in here after two years and ask me that." Who the hell did he think he was? He left her, he left and then suddenly at the worst possible moment he was back. What the hell was Brian thinking calling him?

Elliot wasn't sure what to say. She was right, of course she was right but he couldn't leave, it had taken him more than a month and a phone call from her boyfriend to get him there but he couldn't leave, not now that he had seen her.

"Are you dying to say it?" she asked, deciding not to delay the inevitable. He hadn't moved since she turned to face him, she watched as he frowned. "I told you so?" She knew what he was thinking. Had he been waiting for this moment from the second he retired? She had finally confirmed that she was weak, she had allowed herself to be… Was he disappointed in her? She ran a hand through her hair as her heart sank. Out of everyone in her life he was the last person that she wanted to see her like this, weak and vulnerable.

"What?" Elliot took a step forward, he wanted to grab her, to tell her that he would never say it, never think it.

"You always said I was a liability, you were sick of looking out for me? Is that why you've come back? I proved you right. Now you've seen it you can go." She had spent their entire partnership trying to prove that's he was equal to him, that she could handle whatever he could handle. They were never equal, never, she realised that now. He had known it all along. She was lucky it hadn't happened sooner.

"Olivia I would never-"

"Elliot, I can't do this with you. Go home, go home to your wife and your kids and forget about me…. Again." Olivia Benson had always been a survivor, no matter what life had thrown at her and it had thrown tonnes her way but this… this was totally different. Her skin crawled when she thought about what her colleagues thought about her, did they think her as weak as she thought of herself? Were they ashamed of her as well? A sex cop, a damn sex cop.

"Olivia-"

"No," she shook her head and closed her eyes for a moment. "You don't get to do this, you don't get to walk away and ignore me and ignore my calls and then turn up two years later because you feel bad. Do you have any idea how you made me feel?" she asked, anger building in the pit of her stomach. "This isn't about you, I don't have…." She stopped before meeting his stare, she didn't have the energy to go through this. "You left. I can't do this, not with you."

As I said I am a little bit anxious about this, and there is a part two in the works so please drop a review, let me know what you think. Does Elliot deserve a second chance? Please no ship war/Bensidy vs EO stuff, I really don't want to get into all that, I just want to write :)