I DO NOT OWN CRIMINAL MINDS OR THE CHARACTERS
The moon was reflecting off the lake as I followed Hotch across the wet grass at the front of the cabin. The unsub had been identified as Jasper Holden, a 27-year old accountant with a penchant for blonde college students. Three victims, kidnapped, assaulted and left bound on the side of the road but still alive. I kept trying to remember that he didn't kill them as Hotch and I made our way to save victim number four, Kelsey Banks. There were three cabins in the area to check out; Hotch and I had taken one cabin leaving Morgan and Rossi to pair up with the local officers to investigate the other two.
We heard the scream as soon as we stepped on the porch. Hotch went through the front while I made my way to the back of the cabin. By the time I made it around, Holden was heading into the woods with the frightened girl. I fired a shot into the air startling the man enough for him to lose his grip on her arm. She ran towards me and after a brief pause he turned and ran. I fired again grazing his right shoulder before he disappeared into the trees. I turned to the girl as Hotch was coming up beside me.
He slowed down enough to check that we were both okay, told me stay with her in case Holden came back and followed after him. My instinct was to follow but I knew the girl needed to be protected too. I quickly dialed Morgan giving him news and lead the girl to the car, placing her inside to wait for backup to arrive or Hotch to come back.
It seemed like a lifetime before Hotch came back pulling Holden beside him already cuffed. They were both covered in leaves, I assumed he had pulled a Morgan and tackled the man to catch him. I let out the breath I had been holding, relieved to see him safe. I hadn't seen a weapon on Holden but there was no guarantee he hadn't been armed and the fear that he would hurt Hotch had made my heart pound in my chest.
We didn't want to put the perpetrator in the vehicle with his victim so we waited beside the car for Morgan and Rossi to arrive with backup; Holden on his knees in front of the car. The night was quiet and I couldn't help but be grateful for the darkness hiding my face. I needed to get my thoughts and emotions in check before we made it to the station. I knew it would only take one look and Hotch would know the truth. He would see my fear and he would know that I was in love with him.
I can usually hide my feelings, my face not nearly the open book everyone believed. But the fear I had felt waiting for Hotch's return had left me unable to erect my defenses. I had been terrified he wouldn't come back. Foyet and Doyle had both done their part in taking away our security.
I had never really thought of myself as gay. For as long as I could remember and I can remember most everything, I have been attracted to women. It wasn't until I started working with Hotch that I felt the stirrings of attraction for a man. It's not just that he is handsome and kind since Morgan was both of those things too and I had never felt this way towards him. It was just something about Hotch.
Morgan, Rossi and the officers all arrived within minutes of each other and Holden was loaded into a cruiser while Kelsey was placed into a following ambulance. The four of us climbed into the SUV and headed to the station where Garcia was waiting, leaving the officers to take over at the scene. Kelsey's worried parents had left the station to meet her at the hospital, relieved to hear we had arrived before she was assaulted. We weren't too late to save her from that hell.
It was nearly midnight by the time Holden had been booked and locked in a cell. The evidence too extensive for him to deny the charges, he confessed. The tension that pulled at our tired bodies released, draining us all of energy as we headed to the hotel rooms we had yet to use. We made our way upstairs and divided into the three rooms that awaited us. Morgan and I almost always stayed together as did Hotch and Rossi leaving Garcia on her own since Seaver had transferred. Neither Morgan nor I spoke as we each took a turn in the shower and lay down in our beds, too tired to talk or even think.
The next morning we were up early to catch the plane back to Virginia, grateful for the coming weekend off work. We had worked three cases back to back and were in need of a break. The mood on the plane ride home was playful but a part of me couldn't stop the worry that filled my head. Hotch was fine. I should be happy. I was happy. But I kept thinking what if…what if he hadn't been okay…..what if he had been hurt or worse. It's a bad idea to tell him how I feel about him, I know this. But what if I lost him before I ever got the chance to tell him I love him. My head was waging a battle with my heart. In my head I knew I should never tell him….he could hate me for it….he could tell me he never wanted to see me again. In my heart there was hope that maybe…just maybe he could love me back.
We headed back to the office when the plane landed, it was Friday and we were anxious to get finished and go home to enjoy the time off. Paperwork always makes the day go slow but we were still running high from the case ending with a rescued, live victim. It lightened the mood enough that I was able to finish without having to prod Morgan into doing his own. Not that I mind, I just like for him to think I do and it's always interesting to see how hard he tries to slip me his files covertly.
Staring at the desk where Emily used to sit reminded me of she and Morgan working together to distract me while the other delivered the files behind my back. The memories of her and losing her made me once again think about telling Hotch my feelings. None of us had expected to lose her the way we did. What happened to her could happen to any one of us. I knew in my heart that Emily was aware of the love we each felt for her, that she was family. But a part of me wondered if maybe we had said it out loud she would have felt more secure in trusting us to help her. Shaking my head I realized if I had been in her shoes I would have done the same. I trust my team, my friends, my family but the choice hadn't been about trust…it was about safety. She wanted to protect us and I would have done the same.
With a sigh I pushed Emily from my thoughts and gathered up my finished paperwork, heading up the stairs to deliver it to Hotch. I knocked on his door and waited for the soft 'come in' to be spoken granting me permission to enter. He glanced up briefly with a small 'Hotch' smile while I laid my files on the corner of his desk and then turned to leave.
"Reid?" Hotch spoke before I reached the door.
I stopped and turned back to face him, putting my shaking hands in my pockets to hide my nervousness. "Yeah Hotch?"
I rocked back on my heels as Hotch stood up from his desk and walked towards me. He stopped in front of me and if I didn't know better I would have thought he looked nervous. Hotch was fidgeting. He never fidgets. I'm sure he could read the surprise on my face at the uncharacteristic behavior but before I could say anything more he spoke again.
"Reid, Jack is going on a camping trip with his cousins and Jessica this weekend." He paused for a moment then continued speaking. "I was wondering if you had any plans for this evening and if not would you like to have dinner with me?"
I felt my mouth drop open and my eyes widen as I stared into the face of this beautiful, nervous man. Shocked that he had asked me to dinner, I could not deny the hope that flared in my chest.
"D..dinner?"
"Yes, if you don't have any plans."
"Is everyone meeting somewhere?" I questioned.
"No Spencer. It would just be you and me."
"A…a.. d..date?" I waited for the laughter or pity to come but instead he smiled. A real smile causing my heart to flutter and dance and I had no control over the smile spreading across my face.
Softly he spoke, "Yes Spencer, I would like very much to take you on a date this evening."
I was still smiling when I said yes.
We agreed for him come to my apartment at 7:00 to pick me up. There was no way I would have been able to just wait and ride home with him. Morgan always drives me home after cases and he would be suspicious if I waited for Hotch. With a small wave I backed out of his office nearly running over Rossi in the process. By the time I made it to my desk Morgan was heading up to drop off his paperwork before we left.
It was difficult to convince Morgan that I had plans already for the evening without actually revealing who the plans where with. Morgan is rather protective of me and while it can be a little smothering it makes me feel…cherished I guess is a good word for it. My mom had made me feel that way too on her lucid days.
Morgan and JJ were the first people since my mom got really sick that made me feel that way again. They had come into my life and for the first time in a long time I felt like I truly mattered to someone. Hotch, Gideon, Emily, Elle, Rossi all of them made me feel like I belonged; like we were a family. Then there was Garcia; having her in my life was like having the best parts of my mom again. She is fierce in her love. I wondered what the others would think of Hotch and I going on a date together. I'm sure it would surprise them but somehow I was just as sure they would be pleased for us too.
After a quick shower I dressed in gray slacks and a soft gray cashmere pullover sweater
JJ, Emily and Garcia had splurged to buy me last Christmas. They were determined to change my wardrobe and had slowly seemed to be succeeding until we had lost Emily.
I was ready and waiting by 6:30 sitting on the couch, leg shaking, drinking a cup of coffee. With the excess energy and nervousness running through my body I knew coffee was a bad idea but it always made me feel better.
The doorbell rang at 6:50 and I opened my front door to see Hotch looking very handsome in a light blue dress shirt and dark gray pants, a striped tie and no jacket. He was holding flowers to my amazement. I had never gotten flowers before and was a little thrown by the gesture but seeing the shy smile on his face became flattered very soon after. Inviting him in I went in search of something to hold the Daffodils.
"You look wonderful, Spencer."
"Oh, thanks. You look really great too."
"Hey Hotch did you know that Daffodils are said to mean…"
"New beginnings," Hotch smiled softly.
I blushed as the significance of the flowers began to sink in. I found a pitcher in the cabinet and added water and the flowers. Walking back into the living room I set my gift on the end table; Hotch leading the way to the door.
The restaurant was elegant and quiet, the waitress lead us to a corner table with candles flickering in the lowered light. It was somewhat awkward when Hotch made to pull my chair out for me but we both recovered quickly. I noticed the waitress hiding a smile behind her hand at the mishap and I felt my cheeks tinting, grateful for the dim lighting.
Conversation was stilted as we sat waiting for the wine Hotch had ordered to arrive. Anna, our waitress had recited the specials, taken our orders and left us alone. My leg had started shaking again beneath the table and I lowered my hand to my knee to still the movement. The wine arrived quickly and after a few sips I found the courage to speak.
Relying on the recent case as a conversation starter we were able to ease the tension. Soon the topics were no longer about work or cases but instead about interests, hobbies and the adventures of Jack Hotchner. We talked about everything, movies, music, dreams and hopes for the future; all nervousness forgotten. Time flew past with no measure and soon Anna had returned with the check; a subtle hint to leave.
After a brief discussion on splitting the check Hotch argued that since he asked, he paid. I relented but offered to pay next time. Realizing I had just asked for a second date I blushed at the pleased smile on his face.
We made our way to the car, climbing inside heading to my apartment. I was trying to decide how best to ask him inside when he parked and opened his door. I exited the car and he met me on the passenger side, holding his hand out in offer for me to precede him to the door. The easy conversation we had fallen into at the restaurant was gone as we made our way upstairs to my apartment. Stopping outside my door I turned to face him.
"Would you like some coffee?" I asked.
"I probably shouldn't drink it this late," he answered.
"Hot chocolate? Tea? " I asked and then almost slapped my forehead at how desperate I sounded.
He just smiled and said, "Hot chocolate sounds great."
I opened the door and headed to the kitchen. I heard the door click behind me. I was surprised when I turned to find Hotch had followed me into the small kitchen.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you."
"No, no that's okay. Do you want to sit at the table?"
"Spencer," he paused, "what I would really like is to kiss you."
Glancing at the floor, I spoke, "I would really like that too, Hotch."
I felt his hand feather across my cheek before he lifted my face. My heart was beating so fast I was sure he could feel it as I leaned towards him. His lips were soft and tasted of wine. The kiss was gentle and sweet. My eyes fluttered close and my hands moved to his shoulders. He was still holding my face in his left hand but his right hand moved to my waist pulling me closer. When he ran his tongue across my lips I opened my mouth to him. I could never deny Hotch. The kiss lasted for days, minutes, seconds. It lasted forever but ended too soon.
We pulled away slightly but didn't let go. Now that I had him in my arms I wasn't sure I could let him go. I had wanted this for so long.
"I should go."
"No."
"Spencer, we don't need to rush this, we have..."
"No, we don't have nearly enough time. I want this, Hotch…Aaron. I want you. I'm going to want you tomorrow just as much as I want you tonight so why wait?"
Hotch was studying my face intently, reassuring himself that I meant what I said. After a moment he smiled and leaned into me again. The kiss this time was not gentle or sweet, it was intense and full of heat. It was perfect.
I pulled away and took the hand he still held to my face, kissing his palm before holding it to lead him to my bedroom. We made it to the side of the bed and before I could turn around he was surrounding me. His lips were on my neck and his hands were roaming under my sweater. He pulled the sweater high on my chest then his left hand went to my nipple as his right hand traveled lower. My body was on fire everywhere he touched me. I turned my head to capture his lips and placed my hands over his, wanting more.
Before I knew what was happening he had turned me and picked me up in his arms moving to lay me on the bed. My body was tingling as I he pulled away to stand next to my bed. I watched him slowly remove his shirt, my breath catching at the glimpse of skin each open button revealed. He undressed completely before reaching to remove my sweater, shoes and socks then lifting his hands to the front of my pants. He paused to look at me in question so I nodded. I couldn't breathe as he slowly opened the button and lowered the zipper then proceeded to remove all that remained between us.
I felt my skin flush as he stood proudly beside the bed eyes roaming over my body. When I didn't think I could stand the wait anymore he climbed on the bed and lay beside me. I could hardly believe he was here next to me. I lifted my hand and ran my fingertips across his lips amazement. He reached for my hand and lowered his face to mine for a sweet kiss.
After that first touch it was like we couldn't stop touching. His hands were everywhere stroking softly across my stomach, my chest, my face, almost reverently. He made me feel so loved using only his eyes and those calloused fingers. I was in Heaven knowing that I could finally touch him, kiss him, and love him without fear of being rejected. He wanted me too.
Gentle touches turned quickly to desperate, hungry embraces. I couldn't hold him close enough; I couldn't kiss him hard enough. Soon it wasn't enough and he reached for the lotion on my nightstand coating his fingers and lowering them between my thighs. I opened wider to him, letting him inside where no one had ever been; not only in the physical sense but inside my heart as well. Soon both my body and my heart were filled with Hotch and I could never imagine anyone else occupying either place but him.
When we both were spent, lying drowsy and satiated in the bed my head on his shoulder, his arm around me; I realized I had never felt as loved as I did at that moment.
We woke a couple of times during the night both hungry for each other once more. I could spend the rest of my life like this, I thought, wrapped up in Hotch; arms and legs tangled.
Morning came too soon and I woke first using the time to study this perfectly imperfect man beside me. I loved him. Finally I had the courage to tell him. Whether or not he ever loved me back I was sure he would handle me with care and kindness. It was his nature to protect those close to him and he would not take the night together lightly no matter his feelings. I watched his eyes flutter open and smiled at the image of this strong man looking so innocent in my arms. I had never imagined seeing Hotch this way and knew no matter what happened it was a memory I would treasure.
When his eyes locked with mine he smiled so I answered with my own. I reached my hand behind his head threading my fingers through his hair and pulled him close for a kiss. He tightened his arms around me and held me close to deepen the kiss.
"I love you," I whispered as we pulled apart.
Hotch smiled, lifting his hand to touch my face. "I love you too, Spencer. I have for a very long time."
I could not have stopped the smile as I threw myself in his arms wrapping my own around his neck.
"I love you, I love you, love you, love you! You have no idea how much I have loved you or for how long. I can't believe you love me back. I can't believe…"
Hotch cut me off with a kiss that stole my breath.
As we pulled away from the kiss I asked him, "Are we going to tell the team?"
"Yes Spencer. I don't think I could keep it from them; their smart and around us too much not to figure out what we're feeling. We will have to keep it from Strauss and the others in the office but the team is our family. Of course we'll tell our family."
"Good," I answered as I kissed him again. "Should we tell them this weekend?"
"No. This weekend Jack is with Jessica and I want you all to myself. Monday we'll tell the team and Jack and Jessica."
"You want to tell Jack and Jessica too?"
"Spencer, I want to tell everyone but I know we can't. At the very least we will tell our family; including your mom."
"My..my mom? Aaron…are you sure?"
"I have never felt more certain of anything in my life. I love you. Do you think your mom will be okay with us?" Hotch asked anxiously.
I smiled.
"Hotch, my mom already knows I love you. Somehow I think she will be very pleased to hear you feel the same."
"Good and the name is …"
"Aaron."
"I do like the way you say it," he whispered as he kissed me once more.
I had a feeling I would be saying it for a very long time.
Nothing would make me happier.
Aaron's hands left a trail of fire across my body and his kiss a trail across my heart.
Well almost nothing could make me happier I thought with a smile.
The End