Chapter 1: Existentialism

Existentialism:

ex.is.ten.tial.ism

n

philosophical movement centered on individual existence: a 20th-century philosophical movement that denies that the universe has any intrinsic meaning or purpose and requires individuals to take responsibility for their own actions and shape their own destinies

I was a dancer. Since I was three years old, I have loved everything about dance; the rhythmic movements, the flawless timing if one gets it perfect, the sheer beauty of it...When I turned three-the very day- actually, I told my mother I wanted to dance. Of course, being my mother, she whisked us out and signed me up in one of the finest academies there was to offer to someone my age. I drank everything in, the lights, the shoes, the frilly tutus, the phantom smell that was always hanging around the instructors shoes...I loved it.

By the time I was five, I was number two in my class. I would have been number one, but that year we had a transfer student from Russia, who at the age of six, was some sort of prodigy. I Remember my first major recital was The Nutcracker. I had gotten a part as one of the sugarplum faeries. The Prodigy got something better and rubbed it in my face...but I didn't care much because her parents were in Russia, and mine were going to be in the audience. Two weeks before the performance, my father died and I spent the entire recital as the weeping faerie, sniveling and wiping my eyes when nobody was looking. My mom was so proud of me for being 'her little trooper' she called me. Years passed, as one should think they do, and I continued to dance. Until I was sixteen, however, when my mother died in a motorcycle accident. That's when I stopped. I had a chance of being one of the best in the country, but I stopped and went to live with my grandfather, who insisted that no girl would ever get a good career with dancing and 'frolicking about the stage in pantyhose' as he would so degrade it.

My Grandfather owned a shop that I worked at most of the day while the other part was spent at school, studying to become whatever it was my grandfather had planned. And it wasn't until two years later that he realized that I was no good at school and he pulled me out. He also said I could take up dancing again if I wanted, 'because there's obviously nothing else in that empty head of yours but silly skirts and painful shoes.' My grandfather had such a way with words. But I did not hesitate to pull myself to the nearest school and enroll myself where I left off. Many of the girls I had danced with were higher caliber than me now, and they laughed because I was with kids younger than me, but I quickly worked my way up to their level; it took me about a month and several overtime hours put in with the instructor and The Prodigy, who's name turned out to be Hana...and she wasn't as bitchy as everyone assumed she was, she was just dedicated...and spoke mostly Russian.

By November, I had gotten to be number two again and with my own age group, and we were working on our Christmas recital. We were always short on stagehands, so on occasion, those who liked to dance, but had stage fright, and those who were in this because they were living the life their mothers never had, were assigned to work the stage. So when the prince of my high school volunteered to work the set along with a few others who cant dance, but like to watch it, we managed to put on one of the best productions in a while.

Then my Grandfather needed to remodel his house so family could come live with him. And I was no longer needed there...though it wasn't said in so many words. It was November when I had to tell my instructor that I couldn't dance anymore seeing as I had no place to live and no funds to pay tuition with. And it was two days after that that Yuki, the Prince at my school, offered me a place at his house. He had already talked to his uncle about it and he said that it would be fine, as long as I paid my stay in housework. It was then that my life went to the dogs. Literally.

I was always curious as to why Yuki Sohma never had a girlfriend. Everyone thought he was gorgeous and there were more than enough willing participants ( the man had his own fan club for heavens sake). It wasn't until I began living with them that I found out why. Yuki has a cousin with severe anger issues. His name is Kyo and he seems...different. The first day I moved in, he crashed through my ceiling and made an attempt to beat the life out of Yuki. Shigure-The uncle aforementioned- didn't care. He acted like it was an everyday thing. Turns out it was...a constant thing. But there was something about Kyo that was, like I said, different. He acted strange around me...like he was constantly on guard. And he would try to apologize for things, but ultimately fail in the end.

One week into my stay, I found the Sohmas have a horrible secret. I also found Kyo, Yuki's bad tempered cousin who seems to be bent on making up for all the trouble he thinks he caused me, as aforementioned. Two weeks in, I met Kagura, who was bent on Marrying Kyo. She's a Sohma, so she doesn't have to worry about their curse, but something about her was horribly irksome. I wasn't fond of her...but I pretended I was anyways. One month in I learned EVERYTHING. I knew all of the Sohmas, the extent of their curse, their usual quirks and how ultimately fun they could be (except for Akito, the head honcho, who seems to hate my very existence.) Two months and I was constantly working. I ran routines through my head as I did school worked and danced as I cleaned and made dinner. And when I wasn't working, I was at the studio, dancing.

The recital was two days before Christmas and that meant that we had to work overtime. I would stay late at the studio and every night, Kyo would be there to walk me home. We would talk about anything, which was something I really liked about Kyo, he was always so straightforward and kid to me, for the most part. And we could talk about anything. We would, almost always, wind up holding hands at some point through that trek home. We never knew when it happened or why, but we weren't embarrassed by it or anything and it wasn't before long until I began to fall in love with him. It was a quick judgment, but there was something about him that was different. That made me like him more than normal. It didn't matter though, I would never be able to be with him. We would get home from the studio and Shigure would look from him to me with an awkward expression, then he would smile and retire to his bedroom. I never understood what he meant by that until I realized what I was doing. He was watching us fall in love. And most likely enjoying every minute of it because it was as close to real life as he could get. He noticed it in Kyo first, long before I did, even long before Yuki did, who realized it before me. But by the time I accepted the fact that it was a love not meant to be, everyone else had noticed that we were in love and just smiled whenever we were in the same room. Everyone except Yuki, who I think was a little jealous. He would watch me when we danced in rehearsals with an odd expression, but there was nothing I could do because I saw him as more of a brother.

A week before the recital, we stopped caring if anyone saw anything and held hands at any chance we got, because anything else was just shy of impossible. He would come with me to rehearsals and stay until we were done. As soon as I came out from the back room he'd grab my hand and we'd walk home...sometimes in complete silence because the fact that this was as close to being together as we may ever get was enough. At home, I would crash on the couch some nights, too tired to walk up to my room and Kyo would stay in the room with me, just watching as I slept. I'd wake up the next morning to his crazy orange hair inches away from me, a small purr-like sound escaping his lips occasionally. That always made me smile. He would wake up just minutes after I did and we'd just stare at each other, as cheesy as it may be, it was all we could do. But I was content with that. For how long though, I wasn't sure.

The night of the recital I went there alone, planning to meet up with Kyo later. We rehearsed and ran through routines for four hours before taking an hour break to eat or whatever. I met Kyo in the lobby and found he had a strange look on his face. He grabbed my hand and led me around the corner into a hallway.

"What's wrong? You look kind of sad." I noted, staring down at our hands. He shrugged and grinned that stupid grin of his.

"nothing. Just want to try something is all" he said. He leaned down and kissed my cheek. I smiled a little before he kissed my lips, just a little. "I don't want to...well..." he trailed off. I shook my head and kissed his cheek this time.

"Don't worry about it. I'll see you after the concert." I said, running off with a stomach in knots.

I never saw Kyo in the audience, and it wasn't until the last part of the recital that I saw him standing behind the curtain, watching lazily. I smiled when he nodded at me and continued on. We finished a few minutes later and took bows. Everyone left from the other side of the stage and when the auditorium was completely empty, I ran back on stage and smiled at Kyo, who was walking out from behind the curtain.

"Catch" he said, throwing a small bouquet of flowers at me. I grinned and stared at him for a minute before he sighed and outstretched his arm.

"Oh alright..." he sighed. I squealed and ran towards him, flinging my arms around him in the process. As the light orange smoke cleared, I sat there hugging the little Orange cat, who was purring insanely and running his face along my cheek.
"I love you too" I sighed.

Those who dance

Are considered insane by those

Who don't hear the music

WOO! I enjoyed that one! It took me a while to think about how I wanted the relationship to work out, but I finally got it down. It was a little short, but oh well, its fun nonetheless. Hope you enjoyed it and I hope you have a Wonderful Christmas!
Kirra