SNAPERIFFIC!
Disclaimer: I don't really own anything. I don't own Harry Potter or its characters; I don't own the ideas that I used from various shows, books, and movies, etc. but that doesn't mean you can steal my ideas! And I know the idea of Snape being blonde has been used times before.
Summary: Summary? Who needs a summary? It will ruin the story!! Every sentence is a climax *climatic music plays*
Author's Note: Review, please! I have a lot more of this story that I haven't posted yet, and if I get reviews then I will post it! This story is pretty stupid, so if you find anything offending (I hope there is no offensive material in there. but just in case) don't take it seriously. For those of you who have been reading Cardcaptor Harry (people _read_ Cardcaptor Harry?!) I doubt that I will be writing any more of it.
-----
Chapter One: Darts, Elephant Tranquilizers, and Veritaserum!
During the whole day, up until lunch, Snape had been having a bad feeling. The vents in his dungeon had been making strange noises! And plus, the Weasley twins had not attended class that day.
He shook his head and sat down to eat his lunch. It consisted of peanut butter, pickles, and melted pokemon toys crammed together between two slices of bread. He ate happily and cleaned up and waited for his next class.
He wasn't sure if he liked his next class, or not. His favourite house's students were in it, but so were his least favourite house's students!
'Oh, well.' he sighed. The door opened and Draco Malfoy walked in. Snape smiled, and gestured towards a seat in the front row. Draco was five minutes early. Snape noted the absence of Crabbe and Goyle while fingering something around his neck. Draco noticed what Snape was doing, but stopped staring when Snape looked back at him.
The door opened again, and Harry, Ron, and Hermione entered. They were surprised to see the whole class so empty. They sat down at the back of the room (to Snape's dismay) and brought out their books. Harry and Ron immediately began a quiet conversation, and Hermione started to read, occasionally adding a comment or two.
Five minutes into Snape's class, and no one else had arrived. He was starting to get very ticked-off. He checked his watch again. He was faintly aware of a rumbling sound from outside. It became louder, however, and he stood up to see what it was. Draco stared at the glass of water on Snape's desk, and watched the water move.
Snape walked briskly to the door and poked his head outside. The rumbling was louder than ever. He caught sight of the source of the noise and backed up. He was too late. A pack of teenagers rushed into his room, all in a group, flowing like sand. As they all trampled him, Snape wondered what kind of idiot would wear cleats to Potions Class.
The feet stopped, and Snape dared to open his eyes. Neville's shiny black shoe stepped on his nose. Snape wondered what he had done to deserve this (like it wasn't obvious) and got up. He walked shakily back to his desk and sat down. The class, seeing the footmarks on his face, realized what had happened. They waited in silence for his wrath. Harry just sat in his seat, looking confused. He leaned over to Neville, who had sat down beside him.
'Why was everyone so late? And all in a bunch like that?' he asked. Neville took a glance at Snape, who was writing something on the board.
'W-we were listening to the Brostella's practising!' he said quickly.
Harry sighed. Sometimes Neville could forget to include very important details. 'What is the Brostellas?' he asked, exasperated.
Neville looked at Snape again, and then continued. 'Crabbe, Goyle, Pansy, and Draco's new band! They actually sound really good!' Harry stifled a laugh, and made it sound like a sneeze. Snape didn't turn around; he was writing at super speed on the chalkboard.
'But, Draco was in class early today.' Ron said. Neville nodded.
'You guys have got to keep up with this stuff! Pansy and Draco had an argument. Draco insulted Goyle and Crabbe a bit too much, and they got mad at him as well. He left and said he would be back later.' He shrugged, 'I never thought that Draco could sing, but I guess he can, since he is their lead singer. I haven't heard him yet, though.'
Ron and Harry started to laugh and made it look like they were having a sneeze attack. Parvati, who thought that they were laughing at her, turned around and stuck her tongue out at them. Hermione kicked them from under the table and they stopped laughing. Snape was right beside them, fingering something around his neck. Harry almost thought that he had imagined it, because the next moment, Snape had stopped. He was beet-purple, and his lips pursed in a fine line (like Professor McGonagall).
Harry recovered first. 'Sorry Professor,' he began, 'I had a rather dusty book in my bag, and-'
There was a slight popping sound and Snape started to say something, but stopped mid-breath. His eyes donned an almost dead look and he started to fall over. Draco ran over and fell on the steps, breaking his fall.
There was complete silence for a moment, but Ron thought he could hear something. He looked up at the vents, and saw them shaking. He pointed, and everyone else looked up (except for Draco, who had the wind knocked out of him). One section of the vent was shaking madly, and there was a loud laughing sound coming from it.
'Its gonna blow!!' Ron yelled, and everyone screamed and ran away as the vent detached itself from the rest of it and fell down. Out, from inside it, emerged Fred and George, with huge grins on their faces. In Fred's hand was a dart blower. George was holding a few darts. Everyone stared in silence wondering what would happen next.
The twins stood up, and shook some of the debris out of their hair. Ron was the first to speak up. 'Um?'
Fred and George laughed. 'Dear Snapey isn't going to wake up for a while!' said George.
Fred nodded. 'We were getting tired of his boring lectures-'
'like about how we will never learn-'
'about how we should be expelled-'
'and about how he _does_ wash his hair-'
'so we decided to do something about it!' Fred said, grinning. They held up the darts and dart blower.
'our tools.' George said. 'We checked the book. There is nothing in there about shooting a potions master with elephant tranquilizers, mixed with veritaserum, while playing hooky in a dungeon vent.' He said happily. The Gryffindors cheered and lifted Harry over their heads and walked away, chanting 'Harry! Harry!'
The twins blinked and turned to the Slytherins. They shook their heads sadly.
'But you shouldn't know any of this.' George said. Fred nodded, and pulled a pen out of his pocket. He lifted it in front of his face.
'I will need you guys to look at the end of this pen for a moment, and make sure you don't blink during the red flash.' He said.
George nodded. 'The tranquilizers release toxins that can be cleared out of your lungs with this simple procedure!' he said happily. The Slytherins, all having been living with a wizarding family their whole lives, had no idea what a tranquilizer was. They stared at the end of the pen dumbly while the twins put on sunglasses. Fred clicked the button and a bright red light flashed. He put it away and nodded to George.
'Snape is having a crisis, and needs to leave right now! Dumbledore sent us to bring him to his office. Thank you Draco, we can take it from here.' George said, and lifted Snape off of Draco.
Each twin took a foot, and they dragged him out of the classroom and up the steps.
And out the door.
----
A/N: Before you back away slowly, you have to review!
Disclaimer: I don't really own anything. I don't own Harry Potter or its characters; I don't own the ideas that I used from various shows, books, and movies, etc. but that doesn't mean you can steal my ideas! And I know the idea of Snape being blonde has been used times before.
Summary: Summary? Who needs a summary? It will ruin the story!! Every sentence is a climax *climatic music plays*
Author's Note: Review, please! I have a lot more of this story that I haven't posted yet, and if I get reviews then I will post it! This story is pretty stupid, so if you find anything offending (I hope there is no offensive material in there. but just in case) don't take it seriously. For those of you who have been reading Cardcaptor Harry (people _read_ Cardcaptor Harry?!) I doubt that I will be writing any more of it.
-----
Chapter One: Darts, Elephant Tranquilizers, and Veritaserum!
During the whole day, up until lunch, Snape had been having a bad feeling. The vents in his dungeon had been making strange noises! And plus, the Weasley twins had not attended class that day.
He shook his head and sat down to eat his lunch. It consisted of peanut butter, pickles, and melted pokemon toys crammed together between two slices of bread. He ate happily and cleaned up and waited for his next class.
He wasn't sure if he liked his next class, or not. His favourite house's students were in it, but so were his least favourite house's students!
'Oh, well.' he sighed. The door opened and Draco Malfoy walked in. Snape smiled, and gestured towards a seat in the front row. Draco was five minutes early. Snape noted the absence of Crabbe and Goyle while fingering something around his neck. Draco noticed what Snape was doing, but stopped staring when Snape looked back at him.
The door opened again, and Harry, Ron, and Hermione entered. They were surprised to see the whole class so empty. They sat down at the back of the room (to Snape's dismay) and brought out their books. Harry and Ron immediately began a quiet conversation, and Hermione started to read, occasionally adding a comment or two.
Five minutes into Snape's class, and no one else had arrived. He was starting to get very ticked-off. He checked his watch again. He was faintly aware of a rumbling sound from outside. It became louder, however, and he stood up to see what it was. Draco stared at the glass of water on Snape's desk, and watched the water move.
Snape walked briskly to the door and poked his head outside. The rumbling was louder than ever. He caught sight of the source of the noise and backed up. He was too late. A pack of teenagers rushed into his room, all in a group, flowing like sand. As they all trampled him, Snape wondered what kind of idiot would wear cleats to Potions Class.
The feet stopped, and Snape dared to open his eyes. Neville's shiny black shoe stepped on his nose. Snape wondered what he had done to deserve this (like it wasn't obvious) and got up. He walked shakily back to his desk and sat down. The class, seeing the footmarks on his face, realized what had happened. They waited in silence for his wrath. Harry just sat in his seat, looking confused. He leaned over to Neville, who had sat down beside him.
'Why was everyone so late? And all in a bunch like that?' he asked. Neville took a glance at Snape, who was writing something on the board.
'W-we were listening to the Brostella's practising!' he said quickly.
Harry sighed. Sometimes Neville could forget to include very important details. 'What is the Brostellas?' he asked, exasperated.
Neville looked at Snape again, and then continued. 'Crabbe, Goyle, Pansy, and Draco's new band! They actually sound really good!' Harry stifled a laugh, and made it sound like a sneeze. Snape didn't turn around; he was writing at super speed on the chalkboard.
'But, Draco was in class early today.' Ron said. Neville nodded.
'You guys have got to keep up with this stuff! Pansy and Draco had an argument. Draco insulted Goyle and Crabbe a bit too much, and they got mad at him as well. He left and said he would be back later.' He shrugged, 'I never thought that Draco could sing, but I guess he can, since he is their lead singer. I haven't heard him yet, though.'
Ron and Harry started to laugh and made it look like they were having a sneeze attack. Parvati, who thought that they were laughing at her, turned around and stuck her tongue out at them. Hermione kicked them from under the table and they stopped laughing. Snape was right beside them, fingering something around his neck. Harry almost thought that he had imagined it, because the next moment, Snape had stopped. He was beet-purple, and his lips pursed in a fine line (like Professor McGonagall).
Harry recovered first. 'Sorry Professor,' he began, 'I had a rather dusty book in my bag, and-'
There was a slight popping sound and Snape started to say something, but stopped mid-breath. His eyes donned an almost dead look and he started to fall over. Draco ran over and fell on the steps, breaking his fall.
There was complete silence for a moment, but Ron thought he could hear something. He looked up at the vents, and saw them shaking. He pointed, and everyone else looked up (except for Draco, who had the wind knocked out of him). One section of the vent was shaking madly, and there was a loud laughing sound coming from it.
'Its gonna blow!!' Ron yelled, and everyone screamed and ran away as the vent detached itself from the rest of it and fell down. Out, from inside it, emerged Fred and George, with huge grins on their faces. In Fred's hand was a dart blower. George was holding a few darts. Everyone stared in silence wondering what would happen next.
The twins stood up, and shook some of the debris out of their hair. Ron was the first to speak up. 'Um?'
Fred and George laughed. 'Dear Snapey isn't going to wake up for a while!' said George.
Fred nodded. 'We were getting tired of his boring lectures-'
'like about how we will never learn-'
'about how we should be expelled-'
'and about how he _does_ wash his hair-'
'so we decided to do something about it!' Fred said, grinning. They held up the darts and dart blower.
'our tools.' George said. 'We checked the book. There is nothing in there about shooting a potions master with elephant tranquilizers, mixed with veritaserum, while playing hooky in a dungeon vent.' He said happily. The Gryffindors cheered and lifted Harry over their heads and walked away, chanting 'Harry! Harry!'
The twins blinked and turned to the Slytherins. They shook their heads sadly.
'But you shouldn't know any of this.' George said. Fred nodded, and pulled a pen out of his pocket. He lifted it in front of his face.
'I will need you guys to look at the end of this pen for a moment, and make sure you don't blink during the red flash.' He said.
George nodded. 'The tranquilizers release toxins that can be cleared out of your lungs with this simple procedure!' he said happily. The Slytherins, all having been living with a wizarding family their whole lives, had no idea what a tranquilizer was. They stared at the end of the pen dumbly while the twins put on sunglasses. Fred clicked the button and a bright red light flashed. He put it away and nodded to George.
'Snape is having a crisis, and needs to leave right now! Dumbledore sent us to bring him to his office. Thank you Draco, we can take it from here.' George said, and lifted Snape off of Draco.
Each twin took a foot, and they dragged him out of the classroom and up the steps.
And out the door.
----
A/N: Before you back away slowly, you have to review!