(originally published on Livejournal)
Elizabeth is always mildly surprised when Kate reports all the complaints that pop up in her sessions. Not at who's on the list, but at who's not.
Teyla has a way of doing smug that is more in her eyes than anything else, only the slightest quiver of a lip different from her usual serene face—Elizabeth doesn't tell her that she's statistically the most non-irritating person on Atlantis, but she can imagine the resulting face all the same. But she keeps expecting that someone will figure out why, and yet no one does, and so Elizabeth can't help but be a little envious.
If Teyla didn't include Elizabeth in her schemes, the envy would probably overwhelm Elizabeth's own smugness. Teyla's a genius, no doubt about it. And sometimes, late at night curled up with a creased paperback mystery in her hands, Elizabeth idly considers that she and Teyla would be good murderers, if they wanted to be. It makes her smile to herself and think that the Wraith had better beware if Atlantis ever decides to indulge in their secret non-diplomatic fantasies.
It's always the perfect set-up. Teyla holds herself with grace, and though she's not afraid of taking a sneaky shot with the bantos, everywhere else she rolls her eyes at the juvenile hijinks of her Earthen companions. They roll their eyes back at her and say that if meditation worked as well as practical jokes for them, they'd do it. Teyla smiles softly to herself, but only Elizabeth knows that it's because meditation doesn't quite work that way for Teyla either...
Once a week or so, Teyla will show up in Elizabeth's office to discuss mission schedules. They look over the Atlantis calendar together, consult Athosian ones for holidays and festivals, and mark up the page with neat notes for Elizabeth to input to the automatic computerized system.
They don't actually talk about the last page that Teyla always brings in, the allotment schedule for some of the most requested labs on the base. Teyla always has this page marked with a gentle highlighter, and it's always Rodney's name. Elizabeth will nod silently as she overlooks the page, not actually saying out loud what they're doing, and she will mark down which days Teyla wants her to shuffle around.
Teyla will dip her head as farewell, smiling all the time, and Elizabeth will rotate the schedule accordingly.
"Hey!" Rodney is sure to protest at breakfast, grumbling over having his plans so rudely offset. Elizabeth always shrugs and says that he'll be fine, and Teyla never says anything.
In the shuffle of lab-times, there's always a space of free time, and Elizabeth always makes sure to have a crack-proof alibi for the time. That way, when orange jello shots are left in place of important specimens, or the papers are mysteriously watermarked with Ancient symbols denoting unimportance, or the equipment is rearranged to be a mirror image of itself, or the settings on the vocal controls are all switched...well, Elizabeth is free to snicker at Rodney's spluttering protests, because as everyone can see, there was no way she could have been there at the time when the prank was pulled.
No one suspects Teyla. Laura Cadman has to continually spell out for Rodney that she wished she had thought of it, but if she had, she'd be lauding her success to the sky, not pretending she hadn't done it. And Rodney always has to admit grudgingly that she's probably right.
John and Ronon join Rodney in trying to guess the culprit, but they never suspect Teyla. She never gets annoyed enough to think of practical jokes, they all assume. The crime unceasingly hangs unsolved in the end, because eventually someone sighs and says, "Rodney, there are tons of people in this city who are annoyed with you and you don't even know their names." The logic is too good to reject.
Elizabeth and Teyla sit together in her room, meditating, and Elizabeth practices the calm look that Teyla has perfected. And sometimes she wonders if calm is just another kind of smug for Teyla. Elizabeth's a little envious, still...but mostly she's secretly proud, enough to continue abusing her power to keep up this mystery. After all, Kate is always telling her that catharsis of small irritations is good for long-term emotional stability. So it's scientific.
If Rodney ever finds out, she wonders what he'd think of that excuse, and she has to smile at the thought. Smugly.