Disclaimer: Standard disclaimers apply.
The lyrics used in this story are, strangely enough, from the 80's movie "Ernest Goes to Camp"
Years ago, when I fist heard the song, I fell in love with it. I searched for the lyrics online, but found nothing. In the end, I resorted to renting the movie, and writing down the lyrics!
If anyone has the song's title, and/or the writer, I'd appreciate knowing.

It's Raining

© Kathryn Murphy

It's getting cold at night. The howling wind crashing through the window is chilling the air in my room. I could go over and close the window but that would require effort I don't have. And for now I'm content to be cold. Shivering, I pull the blanket up over my shoulder.
I received a message from him early this morning. My receptionist handed it to me with a knowing smile and I accepted it with a curious nod.
He asks how I am and hopes everything is going well at Starfleet Academy. He says he's writing to catch up on the news but I can tell by the tone of his letter that there's something more.
He says he misses me.
And then he tells me that he's accepted a teaching position in San Francisco, he's met someone and they're getting married.
I think it's started to rain.

Gee I'm glad it's raining
There's always something to be thankful for.
I'm awfully glad it's raining
Cause no one sees the tear drops when it pours.

It's been almost seven months since we've returned from the Delta Quadrant. Nothing spectacular; a worm hole, a federation ship, and the next thing I know, we're docking at Deep Space nine. How uneventful in light of what we'd expected.
Everything happened so fast, no one had time to breathe, much less think. I was acting on impulse, running from station to station, gathering information, getting reports in order, and surviving on an endless supply of coffee.
We said we'd talk when this was all over.
And I haven't seen him since.

And no one knows the thunder
As your heart breaks in the sky,
And they think those rainy nights
Cause that sad look in your eye.

Part of me wants to believe that this was his way of testing me, of seeing what I would do if he ever met someone else. Listen to me, "Someone else", you'd think I was 'Someone" in the first place. The padd sits on the table beside me, facing me so when I turn I can almost see the paragraph that begins with 'Kathryn..." But I don't need to read it, it's forever committed to memory.
I can't say this comes as a complete surprise. I always knew there would come a day when I would get a message like this. But I think there's a part of me, somewhere, that would like to believe he'd hold on forever. But I guess that was somewhat unrealistic. It's alright through, it really doesn't hurt.
Much.


Sure am glad it's raining.
The gentle river soothes the pain inside.
I'm glad the stars aren't shining.
This wounded warrior needs a place to hide.

I'm debating whether or not I should call him. On one hand I feel as though I should congratulate him, but on the other, that would mean I'd have to see him again.
I haven't seen or spoken to him since we left Voyager, and I'm not sure if I'm ready to see him with her.
What am I saying? This from a woman who swore friendship was all she wanted. There was never anything between us. And now there never will.

I thought I had found someone
I could count til the end.
What they wanted was a hero,
All I needed was a friend

I have to keep reminding myself that it's not the end of the world. I'm not giving up y friend, just the notion of an "us" somewhere in the future.
It's ironic though; throughout our time on Voyager, he wanted me, and I ran away from him. Now, I want him, and he's marrying someone else. If it weren't so damn funny, I'd cry.
As long as he's happy, I'm happy. That's what I keep telling myself, anyway.


Gee I'm glad it's raining.
I hope the morning sun won't come up soon.
As long as it keeps raining,
No one knows my heart broke right in two.

In the end, I called him. I had to; I knew I would never be able to move on had I not. He was surprised to hear from me, but glad that I had called. I could see in his eyes that he was telling the truth.
When he asked if I would be able to make the wedding, I thought I saw a hint of something, when I told him I wasn't sure.
I'm just not sure if I can do that much.
When we said goodbye, he told me that he couldn't wait to see me again; in that 'you're my best friend and nothing more' kind of way.
And I knew he was happy. I said my so-longs, and retreated back to my chair by the open window; rain pounding against the window pane, mimicking the thumping of my heart.
I'm back where I started. I'm sure things are better off like this; that we go our own separate ways. But that thought doesn't stop the tears from gathering in my eyes. Here I am, sitting by myself, and willing the tears to stop, as though crying were a bad thing. Then again, I'm not crying, the rain is.


I thought I had found someone
I could count til the end.
What they wanted was a hero,
All I needed was a friend
Sure am glad it's raining.
I'm awfully glad it's raining

Fine

Authors love feedback. Tell me how I'm doing!image link to e-mail

My Homepage, Fanfiction, Sign the Guestbook