Title: To Understand You

Main characters: Logan Mitchell, James Diamond

Side characters: Kendall, Carlos

Warning: Slash Jagan

Summary: Logan understood James, so he made this painful decision.

A/N: Dedicate this to myself, as early birthday fic. Happy reading~

Logan had known James long enough to comprehend everything related to the pretty boy. One of those things was the reason why James flirted with a lot of girls.

Many thought that he was just playing with them. That he was just taking full advantage of his face and body to attract those chicks in order to gain more popularity. That he never had real feelings for them. That he didn't mind dating anyone who offered themselves. That he was plainly a jerk.

However, it was what most people thought.

Truth was, James had feelings for them. He never went on date with a person he didn't like. It was shown by such hardship he went through just to look and dress the best for the dates, or maybe by his depression when a date didn't go as smooth as he wished. And even after they broke up, he didn't simply forget them like other jerks did.

Sure, you wouldn't agree with Logan because obviously James flirted with every hot new girl/boy and he went with whoever asked him out. Logan wouldn't deny your argument. But he would counter back with this other fact most people didn't know: James fell in love way way too easily.

Logan didn't write down on notes or anything, but he remembered James's love history all very clearly. Like how he fell for people mostly because they were good looking, how he fell for Lily in second grade because she shared her big lunch with him, how he fell for Jessica in fourth grade because she often lent her stationeries, how he fell for Kevin in seventh grade because he was impressed with the soccer captain's talent, how he fell for Ally because she gave her cookies she made during home economy class, how he kept switching from Jeanette and Tiffany because they got his interest, et cetera et cetera.

Oh, Logan forgot to add one important example. James also fell for people who admitted they liked him.

So if James got a confession from a random person, he would accept him/her not because he had liked the person for long, but because in that moment of confession, James fell for him/her.

It was complicated to understand James but Logan, out of a very few, managed to.

Logan even had a harder time to understand things about himself. One of those things was the reason why James was that special to him.

Maybe that was just because Logan liked James. Or loved.

The smart boy's eyes widened when one of his numerous wondering nights he came up with that idea. It resulted an insomnia and tiredness in the morning. He lied about having nightmares and fortunately the others let it slide.

Logan tried his hardest not to let anyone, especially James, to know this new-found realisation. Not that he was embarrassed to get his sexual preference discovered, people who mattered already knew after all, he just didn't want James to like him back just because Logan liked him. It would be stupid and pointless and just like anybody else.

But Logan was the second worst (the first would be Carlos) at keeping secrets.

Kendall, his too-much-of-a-best-friend, quickly found out. The blonde's occasional tease and smirks led Carlos into curiosity and... You know Carlos. Once he got curious he wouldn't stop being a total annoyance until he received a satisfying answer. So Kendall told him. And you know BTR. If three members had a secret, it needed less than 24 hours before it was revealed to the fourth member.

Things became awkward. Since Logan wouldn't speak, James perhaps thought he would start it, "So Logan, do you like me?"

"I don't know. Maybe?" The shorter boy answered honestly.

"I'm not dating anyone right now, so... you want to go out with me?"

See? James already liked him! Logan liked him back, didn't he? Things should have been perfect. However... In such short time Logan's mind worked fast. First, he disliked the idea of James liking him just because Logan did first. Second, if they ever dated, Logan worried James would dump him one day because he crushed on another person.

It was painful to see the hazel eyes showed pain. Logan knew he had just broken both of their hearts. But James would soon over it, right? He would soon find another person to like. And by that time Logan would have been able to delete the feelings.

About two weeks later, a new boy came to Palm Woods. Logan hadn't met him yet, but Kendall and Carlos wouldn't shut up about how hot this dude was and how James had his eyes on him already. "James's crushing on him! Aren't you worried about it?" Kendall frowned.

Logan raised an eyebrow. "Why should I? I rejected James, remember?"

"You like him."

If Logan understood everything, Kendall saw through everything. "So?"

"So you go to the pool now and tell James you love him and then you date and happy ending," the Latino answered for his friend, as if dictating to a five-year-old.

"No. I don't want to date James even if I ever like him."

The two left in exasperation, not getting it at all. Once they were out of the room, Logan closed his book and sighed. He lied, and he knew Kendall must have known it.

Actually, somewhere deep inside the unfathomable mind Logan possessed, there was this tiny feeling called "regret". Okay, maybe not so tiny.

If only Logan agreed to date James, at least he would know what it felt. At least he would get to kiss and hug him, to be loved, eventhough only for a while. Of course it's going to hurt when James dumped him one day, but what's the difference? He didn't take the chance to be with James yet it hurt all the same...

Logan didn't know who avoided whom but he and James distanced further day by day. It upset him, also Kendall and Carlos, but what could he do?

Nothing but sighing as the regret regenerated, blossoming in his chest that it became painful to even breathe.

But If I let you go... I would never know
What my life would be, holding you close to me?

Logan groaned as he woke up to that song played in his radio. The lyrics mocked him.

The boy then unplugged the headset from his ears and put the radio on the drawer, intending to get some more sleep. Apparently, when he's still halfway to dream land, a hand shook his body awake. It was Carlos. "Dude, it's noon! It's so not you to wake up later than the others."

Noon? Logan rubbed his eyes tiredly. "I don't sleep well. So I'm still very ti – hoahmm – tired," Carlos chuckled as the huge yawn proved the boy's point.

"Still. Get up. Even James is already in the pool right now."

Then Carlos realised he had slipped. Things were now awkward between Logan and James, he shouldn't have easily mentioned his name like everything was just as fine as it used to be. The Latino sighed inwardly. He really hated this tension. If only everybody could just get along and be best friends forever...

"Of course. He's with that Stanley guy again, isn't he?"

Logan had tried his hardest to prevent any jealousy and mourn from spilling out. He succeeded. So Carlos frowned. "Perhaps. Really, Logan. Why did you reject him? Please for once stop lying."

The brainy boy was startled with the bluntness. But hey, this was Carlos! He spoke whatever inside his mind. Logan took a couple of minutes contemplating whether or not to tell Carlos. To Kendall, maybe Logan would easily make up some reasons and not care if the blonde didn't buy him. But to Carlos... Boy he was too nice! Logan would feel extremely bad to act the same.

"I'm afraid..."

"Of our fans' disapproval? You know we could hide it from the public. We could just tell people who mattered. It was not reasonable enough."

"No, Carlos! Not that. I'm afraid it won't work. I'm afraid James will love me only for a moment and when he stops I'll be the only one who's hurt..." Logan buried himself under the cover, not wanting to see the surprised and confused evident in his friend's face.

"What do you mean it won't work? Why do you think so? You fucking love each other!"

"He falls in love very easily if you don't notice. He can fall in love with whoever who catches his interest. He can fall in love with whoever likes him. James got to know my feelings thanks to you and Kendall, and that's clearly the only reason why suddenly he likes me too. Feelings like that are very questionable. He doesn't love me for me,but only for my feelings. And I had this opinion that even if we did date, then one day someone came to confess to James, he would bid me byes and rushed to that person." Logan pulled the blanket even higher, feeling his chest tighten and the urge to cry coming closer. "There. I said it."

"Logan... James is―"

"Carlos, I understand him more than you do." Logan paused before continuing, "And guess what I regret it! It hurts all the same. Yes, Carlos, I am jealous that James is now flirting with the new guy. It kills me. But what can I do? I can't just come to him and ask if he still wants me to go out with him, you know why? Because he obviously doesn't like me anymore. James is now into Stanley and I doubt he still thinks of me as a best friend..."

It was silent before Logan felt a dip on his bed, maybe Carlos sat on it, but then he also heard a door being closed. Confused, he pulled the blanket away, and... Logan nearly had heart attack. The Latino had gone. There he was face to face with the one he was just talking about.

"Logan, no matter how smart and caring you might be, you're not a mind reader." James said softly. Few seconds ticked by as the pretty boy seemed to be thinking what to say first. Logan took the moment to sit up straight and scooted further, totally embarrassed. "Hey, I meant what I said. Eventhough out of all people, you are the one who understands me the best, who knows about me the most, there still are things I decide not to let anyone know. There are still exceptions I make in which those rules and formulas you seem to have about me won't work. There are things I refuse to let you, out of all others, to know."

"Like what?"

"Like the fact that I don't fall in love easily. I'm crushing on people easily, yes. I get attracted to them easily, yes. I get depressed when I'm breaking up with them but I don't break my heart. However, I did fall in love once. With you. It was fourth grade, I caught flu. Mom forced me to wear a mask, so everyone, including Kendall and Carlos, was avoiding me because of the SARS issue. But you were just smiling and talking to me, and explaining to them how the symptoms I showed weren't those of SARS. After that they started to play with me again. I developed a crush on you since that, and being your best friend actually grew it to what I called love."

Logan blushed, relishing the memory. He didn't know that simple act meant that mush to James.

"Like the fact I don't ask you to be my boyfriend already because I'm afraid you'll reject me. After all, we're best friends. You don't even show any signs that you like guys. So when Kendall and Carlos babbled about your feelings for me, all I felt was happiness. Finally, I thought. So I asked you. But what, you rejected me. That was when I broke my heart, Logan. It hurt so much when you got your hopes up only to be crushed big time. You don't know how that night I almost punched Kendall."

Logan's eyes dilated. He regretted his actions even more now. If only he followed his heart and accepted James that day, he would have saved both from heartbreak! He never felt any stupider before.

"Like the fact that even after your rejection, I still love you. Stanley is hot, but he's not whom I craved for, Logan. He's not the one I want him close to me, whom I want to be with forever. He's not my best friend who knew me the closest to thoroughly. No one will ever be that person except you. Believe me, Logan, please?"

James smiled when Logan nodded, although the smaller boy still looked lost.

"Like the fact that I'm terribly upset right now because you chose to keep it all inside to yourself, but finally told Carlos. As far as I could remember, I've always been the one you turn to when you need to tell secrets."

Logan finally found his voice as he said, "Please. Obviously you're supposed to be the last person on Earth to tell. Were you eavesdropping back then?"

"Nope. I was looking for Carlos as he hasn't returned my jacket he used for last night date. He was here, the door was opened, I didn't see you inside the blanket, so I came in. That's when I heard things."

"Oh..."

Silence enveloped them after that, neither knew what to say and how to say what they wanted to. Both were slightly nervous, having revealed their feelings and wondering what the other was thinking of. Then when they couldn't take it anymore, "Well?" They asked in the same time.

Logan giggled, music to James's ears. "You first."

"Okaaay. So... You – uh, I mean we – Are we―"

"James Diamond, will you go out with me?" Logan grinned as he voiced the same question James threw that day. "Will you be boyfriend? Cause this time I'll gladly be yours only if you stop restricting me from your thoughts, and also if you promise there will be no more crushes."

It was the pretty boy's eyes' turn to dilate, shocked that Logan just asked him out. He nodded vigorously to answer that. "Sure, Logan, sure. That is way more than enough! Oh, Logan. I really really do love you."

James leaned closer to place his hand to cradle Logan's face, then he kissed him sweetly, which no doubt was turning into make out session. Finally...

Kendall and Carlos smirked in the living room.

"Fifteen minutes and James is still inside. Oh God, finally. A happy ending," Carlos chipped. "I'm tired with them being weird to each other. Yeah, my best buddies are back!"

"Very true," Kendall smacked fist with him. "Who knows we have potential to be great cupids."

-End-