I was bored, so I decided to write a... weird fanfic. This is my first Family Guy fanfic, so please be gentle. (No flames please!) One time appearances by a few characters from American Dad! WARNING: MOST OF THIS IS STUPID AND/OR POINTLESS. (Chris is also sexually confused in this fic.) But please let me know what you think :)
Summary: The family goes the annual corn race festival held in the gay district of Quahog. While participating in a three-legged race, Chris meets a young man that happens to be the object of eighteen-year-old Meg's affection. Once Chris finds out about his sister's crush, he becomes frustrated. Later on that day, Chris confides in his sister; he feels a strange attraction toward a certain young man. Worried, Lois has a mental breakdown. Without leaving the family a reason, she and Peter disappear for two weeks, trying to decide what to do. Later on in the month, Lois and Peter confront the family about a dark secret they have been keeping from the rest of the family for over eighteen years.
I do not own Family Guy or its characters!
It was a day like any other. Meg fell asleep in the shower, and was peacefully being pelted by water. Chris got a job at the new sandwich shop, so he was busy working. Brian and Stewie were watching 'Jolly Farm'. Well, Stewie was watching, Brian was typing on his laptop. Lois was doing the laundry for once. Peter however, was nowhere to be found. "Brian, have you seen Peter anywhere? We were supposed to go to the corn race today." Brian closed the laptop, and turned his attention to Lois. "I think he said something about robbing the entire state of Wisconsin, and buying a private island that looks like Jennifer Love Hewitt's face." He replied. Stewie chuckled. "Yeah, rob Wisconsin of what? Their cheese?" Lois sighed. "Where does he get these ideas?" She mumbled to herself. "Yeah go ahead. Just ignore me, it's fine." Stewie crossed his arms, and resumed watching the TV.
The door suddenly burst open, causing Lois and Brian to jump. Stewie remained glued to the TV. "Lois! I just got the best freaking idea ever!" Peter walked into the room with a large garbage bag. "Peter, what's in that?" Lois gestured to said bag. "A dead body." Peter replied. Brian's eyes widened. "Please tell me you're joking." Peter stared at Brian. "I am not." Peter began to untie the bag. "While attempting to rob Wisconsin of their cheese, I realized two things. One; you can't buy an island with cheese. And B; there isn't an island in the shape of Jennifer Love Hewitt's face." Peter pulled the bag open, and it was in fact carrying a body. "So I killed her and decided to put her face on a sand castle that will be made in the shape of her face."
Lois and Brian turned around and threw-up. Unfortunately, Stewie was sitting on the floor in front of where Brian had turned, and got covered in vomit. "Eww!" Stewie began trembling, then threw-up. "Peter Griffin, what the hell is the matter with you?" Lois yelled, once she finished vomiting. Peter sighed and rolled his eyes. "Fine. I'll send the body to the starving kids in Africa." Lois frowned. "Just get rid of that thing so we can get to the corn race festival." Peter's face brightened. "Is there cotton candy?" He asked hopefully. Lois nodded. "Yes. Lots of it, too." Peter put the body back in the bag, and threw it out the front door.
Meg came running down stairs in a towel. "Mom, where did my clothes go?" She asked. Lois started laughing hysterically. "Why are you wearing a towel?" Meg rolled her eyes. "Because my clothes are missing. Do you know where they are or not?" Lois stopped laughing and cleared her throat. "No. Why would someone take your clothes?" Peter started chuckling and ran out the door, hiding in the tree. Lois followed him outside, and stood under the tree with her hands on her hips. "Peter, did you hide Meg's clothes?" She asked her husband. Peter chuckled again. "I don't know. Maybe." Lois snorted. "Give Meg her clothes back. Before the neighborhood goes blind."
"I heard that, you cow!" Meg called from inside. "Good! It wasn't a secret!" Lois yelled back. "You guys better not pull any crap like this when my boyfriend gets here!" Meg ran into her bedroom, and slammed the door. "I can't believe they took my clothes!" Meg swore under her breath. She walked over to her closet, and opened it. She grumbled, "who put these in here?" She lifted an ugly orange clown-like dress from a hanger, before resting her head on the back wall of the closet. "I'm gonna kill someone!" Meg closed the closet, and ran into her parents' bedroom undetected. Not like they paid attention to her anyway. She opened her mother's wardrobe, and grabbed a pair of dark blue jeans, and a red shirt.
"Meg, hurry up or we're leaving without you!" Brian called from downstairs. "Okay, okay. Don't get your panties in a bunch!" Meg grabbed her purse, and ran down the stairs. "Did Mikael get here yet?" She asked. Brian looked down at his feet, and kicked the floor. "Uh… he stopped by and asked me to give you this." Brian handed her a small piece of paper, which she read aloud. "Dear Meg, I know we've known each other for years, but I can't do this. I don't date guys. Especially ones as ugly as you. I hope we can still be friends. Okay, maybe not friends. Maybe acquaintances? Okay, maybe not acquaintances. Maybe neighbors? Okay, maybe not neighbors either. Know what? Just don't call me anymore. I'm moving to a different state where you can't stalk me. Take care. Actually, drop dead. From Mikael." Meg crumpled the paper, and threw it at the wall.
"I hate guys! They're all jerks!" She screamed. Meg fell to the floor crying. Brian frowned, and patted her shoulder. "Meg, not all guys are jerks. Just the ones that know you." Meg cried harder. "Meg, come on. Stop crying." Meg ignored him. Brian sighed, and left the room. He re-entered the room dressed in a banana suit, and started singing and dancing. Meg cracked a small smile. Brian took off the suit, and helped Meg to her feet. "Come on Meg. Maybe you'll meet someone at the corn race." Meg nodded. "Okay." Brian smiled. "Great. Now, let's go pick up Chris before we forget about him."
The family arrived in the gay district, and of course Peter parked in the absolute worst spot. As soon as he got out of the car, he was surrounded by gays... I mean, guys. "Wow, you look really nice. Are you dressed up for the festival?" A blonde man asked. Peter nodded. "Yeah. I'm here with my family. I'm Peter Griffin." The blonde man held out his hand. "How lovely. I'm Terry Bates. This is my partner, Greg Corbin," he gestured to a man with brown hair, "and our daughter, Libby. We came here from Langley Falls for the festival." Peter's eyes widened. "You're gay? You sure don't seem like it." Peter carried on a conversation with his new 'friends.'
Meg got out of the car, and looked around. "Hey Brian?" Brian took a swig from his flask before turning to Meg. "Yeah?" "Isn't that your cousin?" Meg pointed to a white dog wearing a pink shirt, jean shorts, and had an ear piercing. Brian nodded. "Yeah. It looks like him. I'm gonna go say hi." Brian disappeared in to the crowd. Meg looked around, hoping to find someone to talk to. "Hey, Meg!" The girl looked toward the area Brian had gone. She squinted her eyes, and saw the dog waving her over. Without hesitation, Meg ran over. "Jasper wanted me to introduce you to his partners' friend." Meg looked up to see a man in his late teens. Maybe early twenties. He had brown hair and blue eyes, and was wearing a dark blue shirt and cargo shorts. "Meg, this is Justin. Justin, meet Meg." Justin reached out and shook Meg's hand. "Nice to meet you, Meg." Meg pulled a strand of hair behind her ear. "It's nice to meet you too."
A/N: So, what do you think? Should I continue? Please let me know! Also, if anyone has any ideas, I'm all ears! Did I mention some of this was co-written by my 9-year-old sister?