Money Hungry

Note: I am not making any money off this, people! If I was, I'd hope I had a little more money than I do... caffeine and computer hardware aren't cheap these days!

Zetsu was hungry.

Normally this simple statement would be enough to send sane people running for the hills. When Zetsu got the munchies, people tended to... ahem... diasappear. So today was no exception. Deidara and Tobi were conveniently out grocery shopping, Hidan was off sacrificing people, Itachi and Kisame had gone on a mission, Kakuzu was out in the yard hunting for spare change, and Zetsu didn't know and didn't want to know where Pein and Konan were.

"It can't possibly be that hard to find something to eat around here!" Zetsu complained. Then, he remembered that Hidan had left him the body of a sacrifice a few days ago. Hoping that it was left (and that Itachi hadn't cleaned the fridge), Zetsu trundled into the kitchen to find his snack. However, it seemed that someone had indeed cleaned the fridge and thrown out his body. Cursing Itachi and his clean streak, Zetsu looked around for something else he could eat. And his eyes fell on some of Kisame's tuna.

"I guess I'll eat that," he said. He looked around to see what other things he could pair with the fish, and he found half a bag of rice in the cupboard, and then- his eyes fell on something that was green and papery on the table.

"I'll make sushi, since someone left me this seaweed here," Zetsu thought, and began to cook. Of course, in Zetsu's mind, if it was in the kitchen, it must be food, so he didn't even consider checking what he was eating. Once the rice was done, he spooned some of the rice/fish mixture onto the "seaweed" and ate. "That's strange... I wonder if Deidara bought a different kind of seaweed this time?"

When Kakuzu came in from the yard with 8.62 dollars in random change, he felt something was wrong. "WHY IS THE KITCHEN A MESS!?" he bellowed before he noticed something- the money he had left on the table to take to the bank later was missing. Before he had time to build a proper rage, he noticed the remains of Zetsu's sushi snack lying on the counter. He carefully walked up and examined it before emitting a furious shriek.

"ZETSU!" he screamed. "GET IN HERE!"

"What?" the plant-man asked, walking into the main room. Kakuzu was already shaking with unholy anger.

"You ATE my MONEY!" he yelled.

"No I didn't," Zetsu replied. "I would never eat money- the metal in coins gives me terrible constipation."

"I am not talking about COINS!" Kakuzu yowled. "YOU ATE MY BILLS IN THAT SUSHI!" Zetsu's eyes widened.

"I thought that seaweed tasted strange..."

The End

Omake- Author's Comments

I've been a little depressed and I wrote a few crack drabbles to cheer myself up. This was one of them. I don't know, but I've always found the idea of Zetsu confusing paper money with seaweed incredibly hilarious... either that, or English class broke my brain.

-GoesKaboom