Memories

Raven could feel the soft wind at her back. The peaceful silence around her made her feel almost at ease. However, she could feel the tiny twinge of fear in her heart, just as surely as she could see the hard, unfeeling cement below. Even in her six-year-old mind, she knew what she was doing, and was deeply afraid of it.

Don't think like that! She ordered herself, You have to do this. You have to be rid of him.

She took a deep breath, to calm her raging emotions- after all; this was to make sure no one got hurt by her- and leaned forward, slowly.

She had to make sure she hit the bottom with enough impact to kill herself. Otherwise, she would simply heal while unconscious, and all would be lost. Raven got ready to fly straight down. It was almost over- everything. She would be rid of her burdens in just a few moments.

Then, her foot slipped. Raven was thrown forward, and was falling. For a split second, she could see the ground looming closer- seeming to laugh in triumph. Raven screamed, realizing that she could very well just be left alive- immobile and in terrible pain.

Then, a hand was grabbing her cloak. Raven was being pulled up. Someone was carrying her- flying back to her house. However, Raven didn't get to see who it was, because she fainted from fatigue and fear.

Raven woke to find Erothine standing over her. At first, he looked concerned, but when he saw her awake, his expression changed to an angry one.

"What were you thinking?" her half-brother screamed at her, "You could have died back there! Do you have any idea how worried I have been about you?" Her brother stopped. Raven was crying. Her power raged out of control, and nearly decapitated Erothine.

Erothine- dodging the lashing tentacles of power- put his arms around his sister, trying desperately to calm her down, "It's alright. I'm not angry, but why did you feel the need to try a stunt like that?"

"I don't want to live anymore," Raven sobbed, "I'm afraid."

"What are you afraid of?" But Erothine knew. It was the only thing his hard-hearted little sister was afraid of, "You don't have to worry," he said soothingly, "He's gone now, and even if he does come back, I promise you, I will never let him hurt you."

Erothine actually became afraid of the intense look Raven gave him, "He's never gone," she whispered, fear causing a pillow to combust, "He- he never leaves. I can't get him out! I can't get him out!" Raven pounded her head, as if to force some unknown thing out of her head, "He speaks to me. He tries to control me, and sometimes I let him. I don't want to live with this! I want him gone, and he said he won't go away as long as I am here."

Suddenly, Erothine was very aware of his sister's words.

"He's inside your head?" he whispered, feeling fear clutch at his own heart, "He possessed you."

Raven nodded, "Please," she begged him, burying her face in his chest, "Make him go away. He wants me to hurt people with bad feelings," Raven began to sob harder, "He wants me to hurt you. He tries to get me angry at you."

"Don't worry," Erothine said, stroking her hair, "You won't hurt me."

"How do you know? What if I lose control?" Raven asked, wide-eyed with fear.

"I know you won't, even if you can't control yourself. And even if you do hurt me, I'll always forgive you. I can take a little pain."

"Really?" Raven asked, and Erothine could see her power subsiding as she calmed down.

"Of course," he said, smiling.

Raven hugged him, "Thank you," she said, "I don't want to die anymore."

"Good," Erothine breathed, silently thanking the gods.

The scene faced out, and Raven found herself back in her room in Titan Tower- fifteen years old, and without a step-brother to comfort her every time she lost control. Raven might have felt amused at the irony of her brother's words to her in that particular scene, had she not been so busy with sadness and anger. Erothine had died on his sixteenth birthday. Trigorn had killed him. Probably the only optimism Raven could find when thinking of that memory was that Trigorn hadn't used Raven to do so- not that the thought ever worked to comfort her.

Raven attempted to look at the dream in emotionless analysis- as she did with everything she worked to figure out- but it was a lost cause. The memory was too painful, and the fear was too well remembered. Raven took deep breaths, and concentrated on something that wouldn't cause more pain.

"…He tries to make me hurt people with bad feelings…"

Raven snorted at her ignorance. Her brother had called her power-triggering emotions "bad feelings" or "forbidden feelings". Raven hadn't found out until that year just why those feelings were forbidden. She had found out that anger and fear couldn't just break couches, and shatter antiques- they could break people too, beyond repair. The telepath shuddered at the thought. Her latest "temper tantrum" had been with Terra, the team's traitorous friend. She still felt like a fool for trusting her- one thing that she could not stand to feel- and couldn't quite forgive Beast-Boy for telling her Raven's secret.

However, she couldn't hold a complete grudge against Terra- not when she was encased in stone- so it triggered no unwanted emotions.

Raven shook herself out of her musings. This was no time for reminiscing- the team was probably already at breakfast. Raven got up, and picked out some normal clothes. Her costume was ripped from a particularly strange encounter with Adonis, and she was growing used to plain jeans and a t-shirt. It was certainly more comfortable.

In the kitchen, Beast Boy and Cyborg were, as usual, fighting over who makes breakfast. Beast Boy, as usual, wanted to make some strange, tofu meal and Cyborg wanted an all-meat buffet, neither of which Raven was that keen on having.