This story was written out of boredom, and has absolutely no plot whatsoever and is not to be taken seriously in anyway. Also rated M for Joel's mouth. I only own my OCs.
It was a normal day within The Dragon Realms. Far too normal, in fact, for this tale of misadventures, which is anything but normal.
Lucien was sound asleep in his room, the young black dragon as dead as a stone, practically drowning in a pool of his own drool. His alarm clock had been going nonstop for several minutes, getting louder with each passing minute. But Lucien did not hear his alarm clock, oh no. Someone else, however, did.
Pounding was soon ringing from the young dragon's door, the pounding only getting louder and more forceful. Soon, however, the angry knocking stopped. Instead, the door was kicked open, the hinges breaking as a very enraged dragon stormed through the door, "Knock, Knock, motherfucker!"
Lucien immediately jolted from his sleep, choking on his own saliva as he spotted Joel, the larger male shaking with rage.
"Wha...Joel! You broke my door! I'm telling Ma!"
"The fuck I tell you 'bout wakin' me?!" Joel snarled, Lucien throwing his alarm clock at the black, red and white dragon.
"Get away from me, psycho!" Lucien screamed, voice high pitched as Joel ducked, the alarm slamming behind him into pieces.
"The fuck you do that for?!"
"Because you're a psycho! I'm telling Ma!" Lucien wailed, Joel rolling his eyes.
"Cream Puff ain't here, kid. She left on business. So I'm in charge." Joel stated, canines showing as he grinned, Lucien's eyes going wide.
"What?! No! I'm gonna die!"
"That's right, niglet! See that there room outside yer door? That's I'm-In-Fuckin'-Charge-Ville, and that's right where you're headed!"
Lucien's black scales lost a shade or two, the young dragon getting up and screaming, launching towards the open window.
"Hey! Get back here!" Joel ordered, running after the kid and trying to grab him in his jaws, but missed as Lucien jumped out the window, soaring into the sky. Joel overextended his lunge, forepaws slipping off the windowsill as he fell, wings flapping hazardously.
"Motherfu-" Joel hissed, a loud thud ringing out as the dragon landed two stories below on the ground. Or on some unfortunate soul, to be exact.
"Ohhhhh, God...why?" The dragon groaned underneath him, Joel shaking himself as he got off the aforementioned dragon.
"Hahaha, you fell!" Lucien cried from the air, returning to his room through the open widow.
Joel growled, feeling his blood pressure shoot through the roof, "You lil' shit! Get down here, Lucien, or I swear on my momma's god damn-"
"Yeah, yeah, you swear on your mom's grave, but never do anything." Lucien replied, serpentine tongue wiggling at him before closing the window before opening them once more, "Oh, and you better learn how to fly, Jocy, 'cause this window is the only way you're getting in MY home. The front door is locked. Don't break a wing!"
The young dragon laughed, leaving the window open as Joel's scales turned red with rage, body shaking, "You-You fuckin' lil' shit! I fuckin' swear when I get in I'm kickin' yer ass so hard you won't be able to shit for a week!"
"Such language...you should not curse in front of a child." The downed dragon groaned, slowly rising, shaking himself. Joel looked towards the dragon, snarling, "Who the fuck are you?"
"I am Silas. Alder. I would say it is a pleasure to meet you, but you almost broke my back falling from that window." The brown dragon replied, frowning from his cursing.
"...are you a Nazi?" Joel asked, the brown and green chested dragon looking at him with confusion.
"Pardon? A...what?"
"A Nazi. Ya know, hail Hitler and the Third Reich? Kill all the Jews? Kill all sorry fucks that don't have blonde hair and blue eyes?"
"...I...do not know what you are talking about, but that sounds terrible."
"I thought all Germans were fuckin' Nazis. Well, I did Nazi that coming." Joel chuckled a bit, the large earth dragon looking upon him, obviously having no idea what he was talking about, "...Ya know what? Never mind...uhh, what's your damned name again?"
"Silas."
"Alright, Fire Crotch, you're gonna help me with somethin'." Joel replied, walking off, "Oh, yeah, name's Joel."
"Oh...okay..." Silas mumbled, "But that is not my name..." The dragon then checked between his legs, wondering why the odd dragon was calling him 'Fire Crotch'. His groin wasn't on fire...
"So, you're gonna help me get in that damn house and kick the shit outta that lil' niglet."
"I am not helping you beat a child." Silas stated, Joel rolling his eyes.
"No, but you're gonna help me find a ladder so I can get to that damn window." The black dragon stated, Silas trudging behind as they passed a group of teenage dragons with odd colored scales, their horns and tails pierced, scales painted various vibrant colors.
Silas paused, looking at the oddity before him. The teens stared at him, a black female approaching, "Yo, what you lookin' at?! You lookin' fo' trouble? 'Cause me and meh crew can give you trouble!"
"Yea, yea! This here's our 'hood, see? Our block!" A second cried, Silas cocking his head at them.
"Uhhh...hello? I was just curious as to why you look so...odd?" Silas questioned, barely able to understand them with piercing practically all over their mouths and tongues.
"Oh, hell NO! Is you flirtin' wiff my Taquanda?!" A red dragon dragon approached, an obviously fake wig somehow plastered to his head, as well as numerous chains.
"Flirting? Wha...no! I was just asking the miss why she looks so." Silas stammered, though wondered if Taquanda was the black dragoness or something else. They're mannerisms were so strange.
"Uh-huh, he wos flirtin' wiff yo all right, gurl!" The second dragon exclaimed towards the black dragon, who scrunched her nose.
"Ew! Yo too old to get in my pants! I'm wiff someone!" The dragonteen that was apparently Taquanda spoke, Silas beyond confused.
"But you are not wearing any pants! Why would I want to wear someone else's clothing?" Silas questioned, seeing no pants around in any form, "You need a bible thrown in your face! By God!...or a dictionary..."
Joel approached the group before anyone else could speak, "There you fuckin' are, Fire Crotch! Ya know, I was talkin' to myself and shit for ten minutes 'cause I thought you were behind me. I looked like a fuckin'..." Joel paused, finally noticing the tweens and their manner of physical appearence, "...what the fuck ya'll wearin'?"
"That is what I tried to ask. But the little girl took offense to my asking." Silas stated, Joel looking at them, "Which lil' cunt?"
"Me." Taquanda replied, Joel swiftly looking over her.
"Pfff! You can dress an iguana up as Miley and a fuckin' circus clown would look better. Eat a dick you fake assed pussies." Joel cursed, wishing he could flip them off, but alas, dragons only had four talons, "And get a fuckin' job so I don't have to support yer skank asses when you're on welfare and poppin' out ten kids from your vaginas."
Silas watched as Joel walked away, briefly looking at the tween dragons, "...you need Jesus." With that, the large male followed his odd, high blood pressured friend.
"...Who's Jesus?" Taquanda asked, the others shrugging.
"I dunno. Is dat the newest celebrity or dragon singer?"
The red dragon shrugged, "I don' know, but did yous eva hear of Lil' Flamebrody with his newest song 'Burnin' All Yo Hard Yearned Monneh You Spent On My Music By Buying A Golden Toilet Seat'?"
"No, but dat's sumthin' I want to spend my money on when I should store it away fo' future uses! It sounds so fly!" Taquanda exclaimed, high winging a friend.
"Hahaha, YOLO!"
"So...she thought you were flirting with her?" Joel asked, Silas shaking his head.
"Yes... Though I do not know why. I was only curious as to why she appeared as such."
"See, Fire Crotch..."
"...Silas."
"Whatever...anyway, ya know what the fuckin' problem with society is? Chivalry is dead. Fuck I was never chivalrous to a woman. Women today are so used to bein' treated like shit that when a man is chivalrous, the dumb bitches automatically assume that dude is flirtin'. When he ain't. That's why women bitch and moan about their guys bein' assholes, because they are assholes." Joel stated, Silas frowning.
"That is terrible. How does one get a woman in this world?" Silas asked, Joel randomly blowing smoke from his nose.
"How? Eeeeehhh, that's difficult to answer. I mean, I ain't the smartest motherfucker around or nothin', but to me sex just happends. Actually keeping a woman is a different story. I ain't good at relationships. I mean, for me, I'm usually drunk as all high hell or somethin' when I'm with a girl. But that's just me."
"Oh...I see. I have never been with a woman. Like that. I am too polite, I think." Silas cleared his throat, obviously embarrassed as Joel laughed.
"Hahaha, you fuckin' pussy! Nah, I'm just yankin' yer dick. But seriously, let me ask you somethin'. If you wanted to fuck a girl, would you tell her?"
"No. That is rude."
"What if she asked?"
"Ugh...then I would have to be honest." The brown dragon frowned, obviously not liking the topic.
"See, my friend once told me women like it when a guy is honest. How 'bout we put that to the test?" Joel questioned, Silas looking at him wearily.
"How so?" Silas asked, obviously not liking the odd task.
"Go up to a woman and tell her ya want to fuck her of course! See how much women like honesty."
"...this is queer."
Joel rolled his eyes, "You'll thank me when we're through with this. I'll teach ya how to get a woman. Watch the master."
Silas sighed, "The master of douche baggery is more like it."
The younger male watched as Joel strolled up to a random female, and within five seconds was slapped so hard it knocked the dragon off balance. Joel came back, spitting blood and saliva onto the ground.
"Well, I watched the master, and learned nothing." Silas replied dryly.
"That was just a damn warm up. You'll see."
"I see whoever told you women liked complete honesty was a lie." Silas grinned, Joel growling.
"Shut the hell up, Kraut."
"...What is a Kraut?"
Yup. If any of you have ideas or random OCs feel free to share them in these random series of misadventures. Thank you for reading!