It's those pills that you don't need to take,
Medicating perfection, now that's a mistake.
I know that you're spent,
Just let me sing you to sleep.

EPOV

I lay here holding the love of my life while she cries in pain. As each tear falls, my heart breaks a little more. It's killing me to watch her like this and there is nothing I can do. I would give anything to take her pain away, to make her whole again. I want to fix her, I want to be her hero and save the day, but I can't. Not this time.

The doctors are trying everything they can but her body is so weak, and they don't want to push her too hard. Her once brilliant eyes and bouncing step has been replaced with the dull stare of pain and defeat. Her body ripped open and ravaged by surgeon's knives and harsh treatments.

I will fight for her; I will not let her go. Not now, not ever. She is my life, my world, my everything. I cannot live in a world where she doesn't exist.

The day I met Bella Swan, my life was changed instantly. Bella and I worked in the same office building, but for different companies. I had noticed her several times but couldn't work up the nerve to speak to her. I was a quiet person and I tended to keep to myself. Some of my co-workers were friends with her colleagues so I was able to get some background information on her.

I was walking out of the building one Friday afternoon and there she was perched on the steps. As I walked past her, she whistled and started yelling after me.

"Hey," she said as she giggled.

"Uh…hey."

"Are you ever gonna say anything to me?"

"Err...I'm shy," I stuttered.

"Well I'm not! Here's my number…use it!" she said as she pressed a piece of paper against my chest.

"Umm...I am supposed to be meeting my brother for drinks later. Wanna go?"

"Sure. Where are you going?"

"Timber Crossing. I think that's the name of it. I am new in town and don't really know my way around."

"You mean Tiber Creek?" she laughed.

"Yeah that's it."

"Cool. I live right down the street from there. Text me and I will give you my address."

"Ok. I'll pick you up around 10pm."

"Sweet. Later hot stuff," she said as she walked away shaking that sweet ass of hers.

That night we met my brother, Emmett, and his friends. I watched as she worked the group, she was so bouncy and full of life. Everyone responded to her every move, her every laugh, her every word. Even Emmett was impressed with her, and that says a lot. Emmett, Bella and I left the bar and went downtown to another bar, Dixie's Tavern. Little did we know this bar would be a significant place in our lives. I could tell Emmett took a liking to Bella, she made him feel comfortable. And it was as if they had known each other for years.

"Oh god…it hurts so bad, Edward," Bella says as she rocked back and forth on the bed.

"I know baby. The medicine should kick in soon," I whisper as I pulled her close to me.

Bella doesn't deserve this; she's been through so much in her life before all of this. Her life before me was a bit dark and difficult. And in the ten years that we have been married, she's had her ups and downs. Her highs and her lows and I have been there with her through it all.

BPOV

"Will you sing me my lullaby, Edward? " I said as my body shivered.

"Of course love, you know I'd do anything for you," Edward said as he wrapped a blanket tightly around me and laid me down with him.

You can rest easy tonight
Everything is going to be alright,
I promise.
Go to sleep and dream of me tonight;
Everything may not be perfect,
But at least we tried.
So tonight,
Sweet dream and sleep tight.
I've been trying so hard,
Can't get you out of my mind.
And if this is how it has to be,
Just promise you won't forget me,
And I'll leave you with this lullaby
Tonight.

Flashback to age 13

"Isabella Swan, you are needed in the office," said a voice over the classroom intercom.

As I walked into the office, I was met by the school's guidance counselor, Mrs. Clearwater. She gave me a polite smile and walked me back to her office.

"Isabella, please take a seat. There are some things I would like to discuss with you."

"Yes, Mrs. Clearwater, but please call me Bella."

"Very well then, Bella. I have noticed some changes in you lately and so have some of your teachers. We are very concerned with your weight."

"My weight? What is wrong with my weight, Mrs. Clearwater?"

I tried to silently figure out where she was going with this. I haven't felt right for some time now, but I figured it was part of puberty or something. I was waking up in the middle of the night having to use the bathroom and to get a drink of water. And there have been the embarrassing moments of when I wet the bed. But I didn't dare tell my mom why I had to wash my sheets so much. I had used the excuse of a bloody nose once or twice and she was too busy to realize it was a lie. My mom was a realtor; she had been since I was an infant. And this year happened to be the most successful, leaving little time for me. She was either always on the phone or out showing properties. I looked up at Mrs. Clearwater who was now staring at me with cold eyes.

"Bella, I am going to be as straight forward with you as I can. Are you making yourself throw up after you eat?"

"What? No! What are you talking about?" I shouted as I shook my head.

"Bella, you can be honest with me. Everything said to me is confidential. But I need to know. Are you eating?"

"Yes I am eating, I eat all the time. I love food, Mrs. Clearwater. It appears you are suggesting I have an eating disorder and that I do not!" I continued to shout and then ended up in tears.

"Oh, Bella, I wasn't trying to upset you dear. I am simply trying to help you," she said in a soft tone as she handed me a tissue.

"I would like to return to class, Mrs. Clearwater."

"Okay, Bella, I will walk you back to class."

I returned back to class right as the lunch bell rang. I grabbed my lunch and made my way to the cafeteria. I joined my usual lunch group at the circular table by the window. I took my seat next to Jessica Stanley and began to unpack my lunch. I could feel everyone staring at me like they were waiting for my next move. I looked down out the corner of my eye and Jessica inched closer to me.

"What is it?" I whispered.

"Mrs. Clearwater pulled all of us into her office this morning. She asked us if you were going to the bathroom room after you finished your lunch. And she asked if you were eating. We all told her that you eat but she kept pressing on. I told her she should be asking you these questions," whispered Jessica.

"What is her deal? She's making it out to seem that I am Bulimic or Anorexic. And I am not."

I ate my lunch in silence. I could feel the pressure around me, their stares and whispers and I suddenly felt like an outcast. I threw out my trash and made my way outside for break. I sat alone on the swings and cried in silence. Something didn't feel right. I kept getting flashes of heat running through my body, my stomach was doing back flips, my lips were dry and I felt an unnerving rush rip through me.

I suddenly felt sleepy and dehydrated. But how could I be thirsty again? I just drank a soda with my lunch. I made my way inside the school and went straight to the water fountain.

I walked into the bathroom and looked at my face in the mirror. I was beginning to not recognize the person staring back at me. Who was this girl? She's not me. Her eyes were sunken in and her face was drawn. Her clothes hung loosely as if they were too big, even her arms were as tiny as they had ever been. I did not know this girl, and now I was just as scared of what was happening.

The bell rang and I went to my next class. At the end of the day, I was called to the office yet again. This time the school nurse asked me to follow her to the health room. She sat me down and began to ask me some questions. I answered them and then she weighed me. I was in shock to see I had lost so much weight. I am an average weight kinda girl; I have never been super skinny.

The nurse shook her head and looked at me with concern and worry. She immediately picked up the phone and called my mom. Evidently Mrs. Clearwater had already contacted her earlier in the day and advised her of her concerns. The nurse told my mom that it would be best if she could get me into the doctor's office as quickly as possible today because something was obviously wrong.

My mom came and picked me up shortly thereafter and took me right to the doctor's office. We were in the waiting room for what seemed hours. She told me of the conversation with Mrs. Clearwater and her concerns. My mom questioned me once about my eating habits and such. I told her the same thing I told Mrs. Clearwater and she believed me. She said she was thinking the worst, she's afraid it could be cancer. She squeezed my hand tight and told me whatever it was, we would get through it, together.

My name was called and we made our way to the room. The nurse weighed me and took my height measurement. I heard her gasp and it sent a shiver down my spine. This couldn't be a good sign.

We were led into the room and were told the doctor would be with us soon. Dr. Glass had been my pediatrician since birth; he was a gentle kind man and about my mom's age. I began to get sleepy again and rested my head on my mom's lap as she rubbed my hair. A few minutes later, Dr. Glass entered the room and had me sit on the examination table. He asked me how I was and not to worry, that he would get to the bottom of this and I would be fine.

"Bella, you have lost a dramatic amount of weight since your psychical eight weeks ago. Your face is drawn, your eyes are sunken in and you are very skinny my dear. Why don't you tell me how you have been feeling?" said Dr. Glass.

"Well, I am thirsty all the time, like I can never quench my thirst no matter how much I drink. I use the bathroom a lot and at all hours." I didn't want to admit this but I had a feeling it needed to be said. "I have wet the bed a few times," I said as I started to cry.

"Bella, there is nothing to be ashamed of sweetheart. Its okay, we're gonna fix…this, " said Dr. Glass as he rubbed my hand. "Have you been vomiting?"

"Yes, but not on purpose. I don't make myself puke. It just happens, I swear."

"Calm down darling, no one is accusing you. I am just trying to make the best diagnosis. Bella, I am going to have the nurse come in and draw some blood. I need to run some basic lab work. I am going to put a rush on it, but it will still take about a half hour to get the results. I have a gut feeling that I know what this is, I have seen this many times. Bella, I believe you may be diabetic sweetheart. Mrs. Swan is there a history of diabetes in your or your husband's family?" he asked.

"Oh thank you, Sweet Jesus!" exclaimed my mother. "I was terrified it was Leukemia. I do have a nephew that has juvenile diabetes but other than that, there is no one else on either side. "

"What does this mean? There is a kid in my class that is diabetic but I don't understand it."

"Bella, diabetes is a condition where your body is not able to regulate levels of glucose also known as sugar in the blood, resulting in too much glucose being present in the blood. Your pancreas is what produces insulin which is what regulates your blood sugar. In diabetics, their pancreas no longer produces enough insulin to maintain the proper glucose level. Therefore, they have to take insulin shots, monitor their sugars and follow a special diet. I will tell you more once we get your blood work processed. The nurse will be in shortly," he said and walked out the door.

"Mom, I'm scared," I whispered.

"Bella, baby, there is nothing to be scared of. We will do whatever the doctors say needs to be done," she said as she hugged me.

The nurse came in moments later and drew four vials of blood. I began to feel sleepy again, so I lay down on the examination table and slowly drifted to sleep. Dr. Glass entered the room about a half hour later with the results.

"Well, Bella, I was right. It is indeed Juvenile Diabetes. Your blood sugar level came back at 556. How do you feel sweetheart? That level is very high and you are close to being comatose."

"I am nauseas, thirsty and tired. Please fix me, Dr. Glass." I begged.

"Okay, Bella, this is what is going to happen. You are going to go to the hospital; they are going to admit you. You will then meet one of the Pediatric Endocrinologists, Dr. Peter O'Rourke. He and his team will work to get your blood sugars under control and educate you and your parents on diabetes and what you will be dealing with on a daily basis. You will be in very good hands sweetheart," he assured me.

"We will fight this together, Bella. Your father and I will support you every way we can. You're a fighter baby," she said as she kissed my forehead.

We left the doctor's office and went straight to the hospital downtown. My mother called my dad and updated him on what was going on. He told her that he would meet us at the admitting office after he packed me a bag from the house.

We lived in small town called Forks, located in Washington. Population 3,120 and everybody knew everybody including their personal business. I think it's a requirement for you to be nosey to be a resident of Forks.

My dad, Charlie, was the Chief of Police. I admired my dad for his strength and his dedication. I wished I could say that we were as close as I'd hope to be, but he always put work first. He was a provider, and I would even call him a work-aholic. Maybe with the discovery of my condition it will bring us closer. Maybe.

My mom, Renee, was the town Realtor and housewife. I wouldn't say that mom and I were super close, but I now I could rely on her and I could talk to her when needed. The only problem was she was always so wrapped up in work and herself that she's not always there when I seemed to need her. But I've learned to deal with that.

My dad met us just as they were taking us to my room on the children's unit. I had never been here before. It was so bright and cheerful, not scary and dark like I imagined it to be. The attendant wheeled me into room 2310. The room was spacious, equipped with a recliner, a couch, a TV even a microwave and a mini refrigerator. And of course the typical hospital bed. The nurse came in and helped me change into a gown and placed me into bed. Moments later another nurse arrived. She drew more blood and started an IV. She advised me that it was a mix of fluids and an Insulin drip. She let me know that my sugar was at 572 and she would need me to urinate in a cup to check for something she called ketones.

My head was spinning, so much was happening, and to be honest, I was terrified. I had never been in the hospital and I had never been this sick.

As I got up from the bed with the nurses help, I was suddenly hit with a tidal wave of nausea. My body went limp and I leaned over vomiting onto the floor. I began sobbing as I wiped my mouth.

"Please make it stop. I don't want to feel like this anymore," I said staring up at my nurse.

"Its okay baby, we're gonna get you feeling better real soon," she said as she rubbed my back.

The other nurse called for a custodian to clean up the mess I made on the floor and to disinfect the room. Kelly, my attending nurse, brought me a cup of water and a bedpan and helped me clean out my mouth. She wiped my face with a cool washcloth and said we would try going to the bathroom again in a little bit. She told my mom and I that what I was going through is called Ketoacidosis.

She said that people with Juvenile Diabetes lack enough insulin, a hormone the body uses to process glucose (blood sugar) for energy. When glucose is not available, body fat is broken down instead.

As fats are broken down, acids called ketones build up in the blood and urine. In high levels, ketones are poisonous. This condition is known as ketoacidosis. Blood glucose levels rise (usually higher than 300 mg/dL) because the liver produces glucose to try to combat the problem. However the cells cannot pull in that glucose without insulin.

Nurse Kelly helped me to the bathroom and I gave her a urine sample. She tested it and said I had a large amount of ketones in my urine, which was why I am vomiting. She increased the amount of insulin and electrolytes that were pumping through my IV and brought me some ice chips. Shortly after, I fell asleep. I was woken up two hours later to have my finger pricked to test my sugar. The nurse's aide said it was down to 389. she asked how I was feeling and said Nurse Kelly would be in shortly.

Dr. Peter O'Rourke came into my room about seven am. He introduced himself to my parents and I. He reviewed the log of blood sugars and stated that I was improving more and more each hour. He sat down and briefly went over the ins and outs of juvenile diabetes. He told us that a diabetes educator would be in to see us soon. He said they would teach me how to give myself my own insulin injections and that my parents would be taught as well. He advised us that a dietician would also be in to see me either today or tomorrow to go over meal planning. I would now have to eat 3 balanced meals and 3 snacks. I would also be checking my blood sugar at a minimum of six times daily, more if I was feeling "off".

All of this information was making me tired, and it was hard to keep up. Dr. Peter said he would be in tomorrow morning to check my progress and to answer any questions we may have.

I spent the next three days learning what to eat, when to check my sugar, how to inject myself and what the signs were of high and low blood sugars. I experienced my first low blood sugar and that was anything but fun. I was very shaky, a bit confused, had cold sweats and was very moody. I could tell I would not be a fan of the lows. Mom and dad learned how to give injections by practicing on an orange and using saline. Mom was very apprehensive about and dad was going full force ahead. I could tell if I needed them to give me a shot, I was going to ask dad first for sure.

Dr. Peter said normal blood sugars should be between 80-180. Anything less was considered low and anything higher was considered, well high.

After the intensive training and my blood sugars were regulated, I was discharged and sent home. I had a follow-up appointment with Dr. Peter in two weeks, but if something was to happen or my parents had any questions we were to call him at anytime.

The next few months were not easy; I had to learn a whole new lifestyle. I had to learn to be different and adjust my life accordingly. I had to try to accept that I would never be the same. I would always be bound to shots and glucose monitors. Everything from now on would be about Bella's blood sugars or can Bella do this activity with her being diabetic? I was no longer just Bella Swan. I was Bella Swan the diabetic. My life was now consumed by this condition, and it was causing an influx of emotions.

It was basically announced in every class that I was diabetic. Oh the looks I got when I brought out my morning snack. You would think none of the other kids ever got to eat. It's just crackers and sugar-free Koo-Aid you fools, it's no steak and potatoes!

I always had to stop by the nurse's office before lunch to check my sugar and to take my insulin. I hated if my sugar went low or high and I had to check my sugar because I would have to be excused from class. Eighth graders can be just as nosey as the adults in this town. I constantly felt eyes on me, watching my every move.

Checking my sugars was such an inconvenience to me. Pricking my fingers didn't hurt, it was just such a repetitive action and I hated doing it. My mom packed my lunch and it was always "diabetic friendly". Ugggh. Again…different. And if it was a kid's birthday, I was always singled out. I was so tired of hearing, "Bella can't eat that."

I don't like being told what I can and cannot do by people that are not my parents.

I tried to hide from these emotions, I tried to hide from my diabetes, and I tried to hide from myself. That was nearly impossible. When you have a condition such as diabetes, you are under the microscope at all times, by everybody. My mother was constantly asking me what my sugar level was and if I had eaten and taken my insulin. I know it's because she cares but at times I felt like I couldn't even breathe.

So I learned how to shut her up, to tell her and my father what they wanted to hear. I would pretend that my blood sugars were perfect when, in fact, they were way out of control. I figured I could keep the appearance of normality up. I was wrong. I was admitted numerous times for ketoacidosis and each time the doctors would ask how my blood sugar control was. I would lie through my teeth saying they were good. Little did I know they could run a test called Hemoglobin A1C that measures how tightly controlled your blood sugars were for the previous 3 months. I was screwed. There was no way to outrun this disease. But I wasn't about to give up trying to.

I hid everything: my thoughts, my feelings, my emotions and my fear. This disease was wearing on me and by the time Christmas rolled around, I hit a wall and I hit it hard. I hit an emotional low I had never hit before.

I didn't want to go through this anymore. I didn't want to be different. I wanted to be normal again. I wanted things to go back to the way they were. The only way I knew for that to happen was to give up.

I said good night to my parents, told them I loved them and went upstairs to my room.

I woke up in the ICU with tubes and wires in me. I looked over at my mother's tear-stained face and my dad's blank stare. Everything was a blur. What happened? Why am I here? My head was spinning and I couldn't slow it down. My mother ran to my bed and began kissing my face and thanking God that I woke up. My dad kissed my hand and said he would get the doctor.

The doctor came in and checked my vitals and said by first glance everything looked normal. I had been in a coma for three days. I could hear the doctor and my parents talking, everything was so fuzzy. I heard mentions of an empty insulin bottle and syringe and how my mother had found me. What did this mean?

And then it hit me.

That was my first attempt of leaving this world.

That was the first time I came to the conclusion that I hated myself. I hated the changes in my body. My immune system was now weak so I got every cold, every illness that went around. I hated being the sick girl. I just wanted to be normal. I couldn't understand why this had to happen to me. What did I do to deserve this life sentence? I figured the easiest way to remedy this was to just leave, for good. I wondered who would miss me, who would know, would anybody show up to my funeral? Would anybody cry, would anybody understand that I just couldn't go my entire life like this? It was a reoccurring thought that wouldn't leave my mind. Even after I attempted my departure, the thought lingered. I had an internal battle with myself that never ended.

I began psychological therapy and was evaluated. I was severely depressed and the psychologist said it was due to the stress of my diabetes. Yet again, I was pushed from normalcy.

EPOV

I held Bella as she slept, her body jumping and randomly shaking. She began mumbling in her sleep and then it turned into tears. I tried to wake her but her tears turned to sobbing. I leaned down and kissed her tear-stained cheeks, whispering in her ear that I was here and to just let go.

"Don't leave me Edward, please," whispered Bella.

"I will never leave you baby. I love you. All of you. Come back to me baby, wake up," I said as I kissed her forehead.

"Edward," she said as she opened her eyes.

"What is it love? I am here."

"The nightmares are back and I'm scared. I don't want to relive it again. I can't," she sobbed.