Nothing to Live For

A one-shot tag to 2x16 'War'

I got this idea from SheLovesGreenTea who wanted another suicide story :) Enjoy!

He knew as soon as he heard those footsteps that he was in deep shit with Harvey. He had done the ultimate betrayal to the man that risked everything for him. He wouldn't be surprised if he lost his job over it…but he couldn't. He needed this job; he needed Harvey and Rachel, because if he didn't, there would be nothing for him. Nothing to live for; everyone would be gone. Mike looked up in the mirror and sighed when he saw Harvey come in with a pissed look on his face.

"Okay look, Har-"

"Shut your mouth. I risked everything for you; then I did it again and again."

"Wait, you weren't there."

"I didn't have to be."

"Jessica-"

"You don't work for Jessica, you work for me."

"I know I do, but I was just trying to get you what you wanted: your name on the door." He hated the look in Harvey's eyes. The betrayal, the hurt, the disappointment, the doubt; something he never wanted to see in Harvey's eyes when it involved him. God, what has he done?

"No, you got Edward Darby's name on the door. My part of the deal is gone!"

Mike frowned. "What?" Harvey never said anything about this. "You never told me that."

"I didn't think I needed to tell you that, because I didn't think you would ever betray me."

There is was again. Harvey really hated him right now; in fact, he really hated himself right now. How could he do this to Harvey? Mike swallowed thickly and bowed his head briefly like a kicked puppy.

"But Harvey, look at what we've done! You and me; you broke the Chinese wall, I got information directly from Scottie. That's two ethical violations that six weeks ago would've made your stomach turn."

"That's not why you did it."

"Fine…but look me in the eye and tell me it's not true anyways."

Harvey pursed his lips angrily. "You know what? It doesn't matter, because you don't get to make my decisions for me."

"Isn't that what you were trying to do for me?" A familiar female voice interrupted.

They both looked towards the exit and saw Jessica enter with a grim smile on her face.

Harvey scoffed. "This is a private conversation." Much like the concept of the men's room.

But Jessica didn't budge. "You want to have it out, let's have it out…right now." Then she looked at Mike. "You might want to go."

Mike looked at Harvey hesitantly before starting to leave. "I'm sorry." He really hurt Harvey and he was surprised he wasn't fired.

And then the big dog said it. "You're back in the associate's pool."

Mike stopped, his heart thumping hard against his chest. Was Harvey saying what he thought he was saying? He turned around and looked at his boss in shock. Or maybe he should say ex-boss?

"Harvey, come on."

"Turns out, you're not the best lawyer I've ever seen. In fact, you're fired."

His heart stopped and his blood ran cold. Those were the two words he never wanted Harvey to direct towards him. He couldn't breathe; the one man he really looked up to despised him and never wanted to see him again.

You're fired…you're fired…you're fired. He had nothing anymore. No job, no friends, no girlfriend, no Grammy, and no mentor. No right-hand man, no Batman, no big brother. That hit him hard; he no longer had an older brother to look up to. He was so lost in his thoughts that he never heard Jessica say 'no he's not' or Harvey say, 'you're gonna overrule me on that too?' All he heard was Jessica say, 'you should go.' Mike jaw clenched before his chin began to quiver. He couldn't let them see had badly he was affected by Harvey's words. Without another look at Harvey, he left the men's room and walked quickly to the elevator. There was nothing here for him anymore…nothing in the world for him anymore. There was nothing to lose and there was nothing to live for. He had made this decision after his Grammy had died. If things went south with this war between the firms and something happened that made him lose his job…or end up in jail, he'd kill himself. He'd hurt no one by leaving and he was sure Harvey wouldn't give a damn. It was time to rejoin his family.

~+SUITS+~

Harvey came out of the bathroom with a defeated look on his face. He was tired, he was angry and he was depressed. He couldn't believe he lost…and he lost Mike, too. He didn't really mean what he said back in the bathroom, but Mike seemed to believe it considering how shocked and speechless he was. He should've known Jessica would threaten the kid with exposing him if he didn't do what she wanted. He should already know how manipulative she was. God dammit, he couldn't get those words out of his head. But he didn't care if Jessica said Mike wasn't fired; the kid needed to hear it from him that he wasn't fired.

He was extremely pissed at what was going on and he took that anger out on the kid he considered a little brother. He wiped his mouth and after talking to Scottie and Darby, he went to the bullpen to look for his associate…but he wasn't there. File room, nothing. Rachel's office, his office, break room, nothing at all. Where the hell did the kid go? Sighing heavily, he pulled out his phone, dialing Mike's number…but there was no answer. Something was gnawing at his gut…he had a feeling that something was seriously wrong and there was a reason as to why Mike wasn't answering. Snapping his phone shut and going down the elevator, he saw that when he reached the bike rack, the familiar crappy contraction that he really wanted to dump, was gone…Mike had gone home. Now this was strange; the Mike he knew wouldn't have given up that easily; he would've done anything to keep his job. And he would've thought, at the least, Mike would stay since Jessica said he wasn't fired. This wasn't normal Mike behavior and he was gonna figure it out, because that was him. He wouldn't leave things alone until he got a straight answer.

Meanwhile, Mike clumsily stumbled into his apartment, pulsing in pain. Turns out shedding tears while riding a bike is not the best thing to do. His ribs hurt like a bitch, he had landed on his wrist- which could now be possibly broken- and his clothes were ripped, the newly formed holes revealing huge gashes in his skin. His hands shook violently as he ripped his tie and suit jacket off, tossing them carelessly on the floor. He wiped his slightly bloody nose on his sleeve before stumbling over to the cabinets, looking for pills. He heard it was the best, cleanest, and easiest way to go…but for some reason he had nothing.

"Where the hell are they?!" He muttered angrily. His breathing intensified as he slammed the cabinet doors and ran to the bathroom. And once again, there were no pills.

"God dammit!" He smashed the mirror with his fist, showering shards of glass all over the place and cutting his hand. Mike suddenly stopped when a large piece of glass caught his eye. Breathing shakily, he slowly picked it up and examined the sharp edge…the blood from his hand already dripping from a side. Without thinking, Mike gradually lowered it down to his exposed wrist, breathing heavily and wondering if this is the right thing to do. And when he was mere inches away from his skin, he groaned and threw the glass to the floor. No, he wasn't gonna leave a mess for whomever found him dead on the floor. They already had a task with his shitty apartment. Taking a deep breath, he was about to leave the room when he passed the tub…he never thought of the concept of drowning. He bit his lip before making up his mind; it'd be a difficult way to go and there was a chance he'd end up failing, but he was determined to go through with it.

In moments the tub was filled almost to the brim with cold water, Mike staring down at it solemnly. It had come to this; this is how he was ending his life, this is how he was gonna die. Toeing off his shoes and leaving the rest of his clothes on- even though he'd be dead, it'd be embarrassing for someone to find him floating naked in the water. Taking a deep breath, he climbed into the water, the temperature not even fazing him…and as he sat, waiting for the courage to make him drown, he thought about his life. It started out well; he had a family, he had love, he was a good person…and it had all been torn away from him. He went downhill with Trevor and drugs. And then he met Harvey and got an awesome job at Pearson Hardman. His life was turning around- he cut Trevor from his life, he had Jenny and Rachel- while it lasted- and things were going great…until Jessica found out he wasn't a real lawyer. But things were cleaned up. According to all that, though, he was the poster boy for a fraud, a convict, a loser. Mike choked out a sob and slowly slid down into the water; this was it, his life was over. The liquid pooled over his neck, then his chin, then his mouth, and last but not least, his nose. He didn't bother taking a breath; he didn't bother trying to fight. He let the water overcome him- exhaling oxygen filled bubbles out of his mouth- and in seconds, the darkness obscured him and he knew he was finally going home.

~+SUITS+~

Harvey wiped his mouth as he reached the second floor of Mike apartment building. The closer he got, the guiltier he felt. He knew the only thing Mike had was his job; the kid had lost everything in his life and there were only two reasons why he kept Mike. One: the kid reminded him of his brother- actually, the kid was his second little brother; and two: he was all Mike had and Mike was all he had. Sure, he had Jessica and Donna, but they'd never fully understand the brotherly bonding. Sighing heavily he went up to door 2B and as soon as his palm touched the door, it squeaked open slightly. Frowning, the fear in his gut grew and he pushed it open; why hadn't Mike closed the door? What caused the kid to be such in a hurry?

"Mike?" And as soon as he stepped into the apartment, he heard bubbling coming from the bathroom. Now that could mean one of two things; either Mike was either washing his mouth or…Harvey shuddered, dread coming over him. Would Mike really do what he thought he might be doing? The kid had lost everyone and he'd just made it worse by firing him. It must've really hit hard. And then the bubbling stopped. His heart beat fast as he ran to bathroom…what he saw stopped his breath. In spur of the moment, he bolted over to the tub and reached into water, not even caring that he was ruining his suit.

"God dammit, Mike!" He frantically grasped Mike's clothes and pulled the limp body out from the water and onto the floor. The kid was soaked to the bone; his face was as white as a ghost, his eyes closed, mouth slack and there were cuts on his face, hands, elbows, and knees. He, then, noticed glass was all over the floor, some of them splattered with blood. "Geez Mike, what the hell did you do to yourself?" Breathing harshly, his fingers searched for a pulse on Mike's wet, cold neck…there was none.

"Fuck Mike, not today! Don't you fucking do this to me!" He positioned his hands over Mike's immobile chest. "Don't…you…fucking…die…on me, kid!" Harvey moved to Mike's head and tilted it back, beginning the rescue breaths. "Please Mike…don't do this…please."

With each second that Mike remained lifeless, tears formed in Harvey's eyes. He couldn't believe this; what has he done? Mike was dead, because of him; he never should've fired him. "Come on, kid." He was hovering over his associate's dead body, still doing compressions. He wasn't giving up…Mike can't give up. He shook his little brother's shoulders violently. "Mike!"

All of a sudden, Mike's body jerked, throwing up bathwater all over himself. He began coughing harshly, tremors running through his body, as he tried to get as much oxygen into his lungs as possible.

"Shhh," Harvey whispered, rolling Mike onto his side as he rubbed circles on his back. "It's okay; you're okay." They stayed like this for minutes- so long, it felt like hours- before Mike shakily tried pushing himself into a sitting position; but he was so weak and tired, his arms gave out. Harvey caught him underneath his back and eased Mike against the tub.

"I gotcha, kid, I gotcha."

"H-Harvey…what…what are you doing here?" Mike shivered as he started to hyperventilate.

"Saving your life, that's what I'm doing…Mike, what the fuck were you thinking?"

His associate looked up at him with unclear eyes and without warning, the kid's eyes rolled to the back of his head and fell limp against the tub.

"Mike!" Harvey gently slapped the young man's face. "Mike, wake the hell up! Dammit." He scanned Mike's body for any other injuries, because he noticed that the water had a red tint to it. He gently touched Mike's left wrist and cursed when it felt out of place.

"Shit kid." Without another thought, he called 911. Mike needed help right now. Later, they could talk.

~+SUITS+~

He felt so groggy…that meant if he could feel groggy then he wasn't dead. Fuck. He failed; he was a failure just like he failed at life. As consciousness came to him, he could smell a faint whiff of cologne, felt silky sheets covering his body and comfortable pillows underneath his head. He couldn't be in a hospital; their things were never that comfortable. Mike groaned weakly as he stiffly flipped onto his side; he was so sore and he had no idea what the hell happened.

"Mike?"

That voice…it sounded so familiar.

"Hey…come on sleeping beauty, time to wake up."

Mike blinked his eyes open as someone gently patted his cheek and a blurry image of a man came into view. He blinked repeatedly until he stopped seeing double.

"Harvey?"

"Hey."

"Ugh, what the hell happened?"

"I don't know, why don't you tell me?"

"Huh?" He looked around and saw that he was in sweats, on the couch at Harvey's apartment.

"Here." A cup of water was shoved into his hand and he gratefully took a few sips before handing it back to Harvey. He rubbed his eyes tiredly and cleared his throat. He had no idea what happened or how he got to Harvey's place; wasn't he supposed to have a freaky memory? Why couldn't he remember?

"Mike…do you remember what happened?"

"N-No…not really…all I remember is talking to- oh god…Harvey I'm so sorry. Jessica had a gun to my head and I didn't want to go to jail and-"

"Mike…Mike! Calm down kid before you hurt yourself."

"Harvey, please don't fire me."

"Are you telling me you don't remember what happened or what you did to yourself?"

"What are you talking about?" He looked down at himself and saw bandages on his arms and a cast on his left hand.

"You tried to kill yourself."

Mike looked up into Harvey's dark eyes, wondering if he was seriously joking…but he wasn't. He glanced at the cup of water and everything suddenly came back to him. Betraying Harvey, a lecture in the bathroom, Harvey saying the two words he never wanted to hear. You're fired. He swallowed thickly as he remembered crashing his bike, smashing his mirror and then finally trying to drown himself. "I…I…"

"Mike, what the hell were you thinking?"

"Honestly I don't know; Harvey, I lost everyone and everything. Your trust was the most important thing that I lost and I figured…there was nothing here for me anymore. I screwed up and I really had nothing to live for."

"Kid, look at me." Harvey grabbed Mike's shoulders gently and waited for Mike's blue, bruised eyes to meet his. "I was pissed at Jessica and I took it out on you; I didn't mean it. And even if Jessica said you aren't fired, I want you to hear it from me. You are not fired. I promise."

Mike remained silent, but nodded with a weak smile. He didn't remember Jessica coming to his defense, but he brushed it off. "Thanks Harvey…I promise I won't let you down."

"I know you won't kid."

"W-What happened after…you know?"

Harvey took a deep breath. "You were brought to the hospital; they drained the extra water from your lungs and set your wrist. They kept you over night- and Donna knows about this so be prepared to get your ass handed to you."

Mike chuckled before Harvey continued. "You were pretty out of it with the drugs they gave you; it's probably why you don't remember the hospital or how you got here…but Mike, don't you ever think of doing that again, I swear to god. It's not the way."

"You're right…I was just depressed; truth is I've been thinking about…doing it since after my grandmother died. With what all that's happened, I wasn't positive that I was gonna have a job anymore…and this job means everything to me."

Harvey was shocked. He never thought the kid's mind would go down that road. And he had basically lead the way when he said those two words he regretted saying the most.

"Mike…if you ever need to talk, I'm here for you. I know I may not seem like the best person and I may act like I don't care about you but…I do. We may not be blood, but you're still my little brother."

"Thanks Harvey."

Smirking, Harvey pat Mike's blanketed knee before standing up. He went to counter and grabbed a bottle of pills, tossing it to his associate who caught it with ease.

"Doc says you need to take two of these a day for a week if you don't want to catch pneumonia. I'll make something for you to eat."

"Ooh, a butler," Mike said in a horrible British accent before breaking out into a small cough. "Awesome."

"I wouldn't be so overconfident, kid; after all I could totally blackmail you after what you did earlier."

Mike's eyes widened in fear. "What…what are you talking about?"

Harvey turned around with a laugh. "Oh, that's right you don't remember."

Mike sat up straighter. What the hell was Harvey talking about? "Harvey, what did I do?"

"While the soup is cooking, I'm gonna take a shower."

"Harvey, tell me!"

But the man just walked away, disappearing into the bathroom.

"Harvey!"

Fin.

Hope you liked it! Okay, now off to finish the rest of Chapter 31 for 25 days!