Kakashi turned his head to the side to look at Sakura sleeping peacefully beside him. Gently, he rolled over onto his stomach and laid his head close to hers, watching her.
She looked peaceful, beautiful. He could watch her like this all day.
She opened her eyes slowly, a peaceful, sleepy smile spreading on her face as she saw him.
He loved that smile.
He moved closer still, touching her cheek before leaning forward and kissing her, the most natural thing in the world. It was crazy, and it was perfect.
And then everything blurred, faded, and Kakashi woke shortly after, slowly opening his eyes.
Sakura was not lying next to him.
Of course.
Only a dream could be that kind to him.
He dragged his arm along the sheets to his side; the colder sheets of the bed where he hadn't been sleeping, his fingers out stretched on the mattress. He closed his eyes and tried clinging to every little detail of his dream. Her eyes, the warmth of her skin. Everything.
He remained unmoving for the longest time; his room steadily getting warmer as the morning sunlight hit the window.
Without the real desire to do so, he got up out of bed, and found it just a little easier to do anything.
After going through the motions of breakfast and showering, he decided that home wasn't where he wanted to be today.
He took his time walking through the village. Still, he tried to keep out of peoples' way. Patting his pockets for his book, he noted that he'd forgotten it and tucked his hands in his pockets instead.
As people passed, the unknowing gave understanding smiles and offers of sympathy. Surely it was hard on him? He lost a student, a teammate, a daughter, in their eyes?
He didn't need their sympathy or their pity. Nor did he want it.
The better informed knew differently and when once they would have had something to say, they now kept their mouths shut, avoiding him altogether.
They were sorry, of course, but they respected him now? They respected them now?
It was these people he couldn't figure out.
Perhaps they thought him pathetic. He couldn't be sure.
But it didn't matter anyway.
And he really didn't want to go into all the reasons behind it. Overanalyse it. Excuse it or defend it. He preferred being in Sakura's world than everyone else's cynical one. It was much easier.
Most of the other shinobi left him alone and he was, to a degree, grateful for that.
Even Naruto had not said more than two words since the memorial. And others, like Sasuke were even yet to hear of the news.
Maybe he'd gotten carried away with himself. Letting himself be swept away in this seemingly perfect little world that they'd built together. It really wasn't that hard to do. He'd had reason to plan for the future because Sakura was going to be part of that future. Now he didn't know what to do with these broken dreams.
Just as he could never have imagined, could never have dreamed of falling in love with Sakura, of finding something so special with her, he could never have imagined feeling the way he did when she was taken from him.
Whenever he closed his eyes, he could still remember how he felt, standing at the gate. It was hard to forget something like that. The night he felt his whole world grow cold. Anxiety weighing down on him, making him physically ill. And then they came back. They came back with her but also without her. A hand had rested upon his arm in comfort, a hand he didn't feel.
He was tempted to bury himself in his work. Insist on going on the longest, most challenging missions the Hokage could give him. If he was away, he wouldn't have to think so much. But that was most likely the problem. Doing something like that would be far too distracting until he was able to get over this. And he couldn't run from this. Not right now.
He stood in front of the memorial stone. Seeing her name there was so wrong.
Never had he wanted so badly to wish something away. To wish that's she'd never left, to make everything right again.
Visiting her resting place was something he'd done to start with. It felt more personal. But he found that coming to the stone was much easier on him. To see her name with so many others gave him some sort of peace. Here she was immortalised with the rest of those dying before their time.
He couldn't help but think of all the things they had been doing this time last year, this time last month. And it was still too painful to think of where he'd be a month from now, a year from now.
He would just have to move on, like he'd been doing his whole life.
Kakashi brought his fingers to his mouth, and kissed them, before reaching out and pressing them against her name.
It was just a little harder to breathe now.