The Reason Wizards Don't Know About Ninjas

By, Cake-Chan

Hello all, and welcome to a new story, I got this idea from watching 'Ginger Snaps: The Beginning' a wonderful werewolf movie (how I got the idea for a HP-Naruto fic from a werewolf movie will forever confound me…) that is actually part of a series and is the third movie in that series, but you don't actually have to have watched the other two movies, which aren't as good. In my opinion. This story is quite twisted and has many things normal people would not consider sane, such as huge manga spoilers, Itachi with a personality, and Team Hebi. Orochimaru is still alive! But Sasuke has become just as powerful as he and Itachi, albeit this will happen later in the story because the story starts when he first goes over to Orochimaru. I am just warning you now so you can turn back and return to the realm of sanity from whence you came.

To everyone who is reading Akatsuki's Miko I am very sorry for being evil and starting another story, but, this story is stuck in my head and it needs to come out before my brain explodes. So, this will be my addition to the "author sets up characters in a non-cannon situation and then starts a crossover" for this one it will be Harry Potter, my idea is to kill two birds with one stone, getting my non-cannon crack-fic and my Harry Potter X-over fic done at the same time, although I might make another HP/Naruto fic sometime in the future, it is subjective. And to Kibasin this story will have ANBU-Gaara, albeit very twisted (Gaara will be a girl), I will write a serious story in the future but I decided to have some fun with the idea. So (wait a minute…this is the second time I am using "So," to start a sentence)

//Cake is smacked over the head by Orochimaru, who has found her hideout in the Yukon and is upset because he decided to leave his 'Aides' Kabuto and Sasuke

"We are sorry the authoress has had a sudden attack of paranoia, please remain in your seats until the seat-belt sign is revoked" amazingly, Sasuke and Kabuto both pop up behind Orochimaru, smiling and wearing cute little stewardess outfits, with the little hats and such. Orochimaru turns around and realizes that even though both of this 'Aides' had claimed to hate cold weather they came anyway, this causes him to smile in a very creepy nighttime-telly sort of way. Then they all poofed back to Otogakure to do various creepy nighttime-telly sort of things.//

And now that the ridiculously long authors note is over I will start the story! It will begin, as I have said, if you took the time to read the author's note, right after Sasuke joined Orochimaru. (I am using waaaaaay too many commas.) Also, this chapter is dedicated to Troubled Spirit of Hell.

Petunia Dursley looked down at the innocent four-year-old that was her nephew Harry. Lily had known something bad would happen, she was sure of it. Lily had planned for the worst, as she had always done while they were growing up together, as she had continued to do when she was an adult. Which explained why, not a month after her sister's death, Petunia had received a letter and a package, from Lily. Dated a year earlier it detailed exactly what Lily wanted her to do with Harry if he came in to her custody. It had shocked her, but in a way she was extremely thankful for her sister's near-omniscience, she had loved her sister, deep down, but her ingrown fear of being associated with any of 'Her Lot' ,as Vernon referred to them, was nearly overpowering whatever familial or maternal instincts she might have for the child. The letter cleared up several questions that had bothered Petunia for quite some time; apparently they weren't even full sisters, Lily having been the product of their mother's dalliance with some foreigner with an unpronounceable name, it was this man whom she wanted to be Harry's guardian. The letter instructed her to open the package, she did, inside was a scroll, what struck her as odd were her sister's next instructions, to bite or cut one of her fingers and run the blood along the seam of where the scroll opened. She did it, for once completely heeding her sister, realizing belatedly that she should have done so during her life as well.

The next instruction in the letter was for her to write 'This is Petunia Dursley, in accordance to Lily's wishes'

She felt rather foolish, writing to no one, when all of a sudden, spidery writing crept across the scroll below where she had made the first entry.

'So, It has happened then, you must be Lily's half-sister. Do not worry, unbeliever, I will take care of my grandson. We know where you are and will come to collect him shortly. Expect us.' Then the scroll went blank, the…communication was over and Petunia Dursley was left to ponder how any of what had just happened to be real.

Somewhere in Otogakure, Sasuke was being briefed on a mission of training Orochimaru was taking him on; apparently he had a grandson somewhere in England, the offshoot of a short affair. It piqued Sasuke's curiosity, this journey to another country, as a child he had been taught a handful of languages, so it would be interesting to put that knowledge to use.

"Sasuke" the patient tone snapped him out of his musings and back into reality. Orochimaru was standing in front of him, arms crossed over his chest, looking down at the young shinobi he had chosen to be his apprentice. Personally, Orochimaru thought he had chosen well, Sasuke was determined to learn and easy to teach. With so much potential, much more than should be wasted on the petty vengeance he had been convinced he needed to obtain. Orochimaru was pleased he had gotten Itachi to tell him the truth about what happened, freeing Sasuke from the need for vengeance and leaving him open to that true potential. In truth the Sannin didn't need nor want Sasuke's body, the rumor that he had to change every three years was just that, a rumor, misinformation spread to his enemies, like the rumor that he was on bad terms with Akatsuki. Although, for the moment he was rather miffed at Itachi. He mentally added bothering Itachi as vengeance for his muffins into his 'To Do' list before coming back to Sasuke.

"We are leaving, prepare yourself." Sasuke nodded once in affirmation, adjusting his pack into a more comfortable position on his shoulders, following Orochimaru to a small dark room with a large amount of runes written on the back wall; from the tangy, coppery scent in the air Sasuke could tell they were written in blood. He watched as his master simply walked through the wall, and then followed quickly after him. They arrived in a dark alley in the heart of London; a faint glimmer of chakra was all he could sense of the portal he had just come through, if he wasn't so chakra sensitive he wouldn't have noticed anything.

Orochimaru paused and turned to him,

"Conceal your Kusanagi, many of the people here go unarmed, we do not want undue attention."

Sasuke nodded again and the taller man continued down the nearly empty street, his pristine white yutaka and purple-rope obi-sash, drawing stares from the few who had ventured out that night. Sasuke followed, getting nearly the same amount of attention for his loose gi and dark pants and skirt-thingy (1). They walked for a while before taking to the rooftops, arriving in Little Winging in no time at all.

The two shinobi stood in front of number four, taking in the sameness of each little house in the neighborhood before walking down the garden path and up to the front door. They rang the doorbell, and the door was answered by a man so rotund he could give any Akimichi a run for their money, of course they stored fat to convert in to chakra, this man just looked like a land-whale, a puce land-whale, a very unhappy-looking puce land-whale. If Sasuke or Orochimaru were the type of people who showed emotion easily they would have started laughing at the glower he was directing at them, which was, for Vernon Dursley, the worst glare in his arsenal, but for the snake Sannin and the Uchiha, two Masters of the Glare, it was like comparing the killing intent of an academy student to that of, well, Orochimaru.

Petunia called out "Who is it, dear?" she rounded the corner from the kitchen and saw the two strangely dressed people, a look of absolute shock passed over her face, but she steeled herself and slowly walked forward, past her husband to address the two ninja.

"Please, come in." Her voice was tight but she seemed to be calling upon some inner strength to allow her to continue, she led the 'guests', as she was determined to think of them, to the formal living room. She motioned for them to sit down, doing so herself, then they sat in an awkward silence for a few minutes, awkward for Vernon and Petunia anyways, she studied the older of the two, pale skin, dark hair, and the strangest green-gold eyes, wearing some sort of robe. The man she was studying, Lily's father, spoke.

"We do not wish to make this unpleasant for you but we came here for the child and the child only." His voice rang out in the small room, even though he had barely spoken above a whisper, Petunia seemed to jump, startled that he had spoken.

"Yes." Was all she said as she swept out of the room, clouds of anxiety that were nearly palpable trailing behind her. She returned with the child, who was looking around bemusedly, as though awakened from a nice nap. The toddler Harry turned to look at the guests, a thatch of jet black hair falling into one of his bright green eyes. He smiled, a googly, innocent smile at Sasuke, who for the first time in a long while, felt a slight emotion that wasn't anger, hate, rage, jealousy, betrayal, smugness, or indifference. He smiled a soft, tiny smile back at the small child before taking him from Petunia. Harry crowed excitedly, happy that someone was paying attention to him.

Orochimaru stood up, followed by Sasuke, who readjusted Harry until the child's weight was balanced mostly on his right hip. The snake Sannin and his apprentice exited the Dursley's small sitting room and made their way toward the door. Petunia Dursley followed them, watching them step back over the threshold of the house on Privet Drive.

"Do take good care of him…" was all she managed to say before the older of the two shinobi turned to her and gave her a small mysterious smile, if it could be qualified as a smile, before both he and his apprentice disappeared from her sight. She closed the door, and leaned against it for a few moments before drawing herself up to her full height and determinedly continuing on with her life.

Orochimaru and Sasuke arrived back in Otogakure with their precious cargo, a sweet four year old who seemed to have taken an immediate liking to Sasuke. They were in one of the many rooms of the Otokage's residence and Kabuto was examining the child.

"Orochimaru?" Sasuke asked

"What?" the snake Sannin answered with a question

"What is his name?"

"Harry Potter." Orochimaru, Sasuke, and Kabuto grimaced simultaneously. "He definitely needs a new name."

"How about Keisuke?" Kabuto asked, looking hopefully at Orochimaru. The Sannin shook his head.

"No…he doesn't strike me as a 'Keisuke'" the Sannin opened his mouth as though he were going to continue speaking but was interrupted by someone softly clearing their throat. He turned and looked in the direction the noise came from to see a dark-haired man leaning back against the wall, the man had taken off the cloak he usually wore and exposed the black three-quarter sleeve fishnet shirt he wore underneath it, along with a black utility belt and some black pants that fit him very well. Orochimaru sighed, somehow the Uchiha had a sixth sense about when his input would be appreciated.

"Aniki, how are you?" Sasuke greeted.

"Outoto (2), I'm fine." Was Itachi's answer as he pushed off the wall and moved forward into the room. His low, waist-length ponytail swaying with the air he displaced.

Orochimaru inclined his head slightly as an acknowledgement of Itachi's presence; the older Uchiha did the same to him and Kabuto.

"His name…" Itachi began "should be Haru."

Orochimaru turned to look at the child once more, before nodding sagely.

"Yes, definitely Haru...but, what about a family name. Potter is terrible." He looked around at the people gathered in the room, frowning.

"Uchiha." was all the Itachi said. Orochimaru turned to him

"What?" he queried, asking the elder Uchiha to clarify what he meant.

"We can adopt him into clan Uchiha, like an honorary member of sorts."

"How can that be done?" Kabuto asked

Itachi sighed and looked blankly at the grey-haired medic-nin before continuing

"I am the clan head, so I can adopt him into the clan."

The medic blushed slightly and quietly said "Oh…"

"So, it's decided then," Orochimaru turned to look at the child about whom he was speaking "Uchiha Haru." He said the name with finality that was apparently not lost on the young child, who giggled and smiled up at his grandfather. Orochimaru smiled too, as much as he could smile, with Haru as a clan member he wouldn't have to track down Itachi so he could bother him. 'Yessss,' the evil Sannin thought, 'I will get you back for dropping my muffins on the floor….'

END CHAPTER
Wow! looks back over what was written I think this is the biggest first chapter I have ever written! I am dedicating this chapter to Troubled Spirit of Hell, when you gave me Sasuke I was inspired to come and write this down so my head wouldn't explode.

//Sasuke is sitting tied-up in the corner; he still had the little pink bow on his head.

Cake-Chan laughs evilly "I'll deal with you later…."

A very pitiful terrified expression crosses Sasuke's face "NOOOOOO!"

"YESSSSS!"//

Does anyone know what that thing is called?

Also, how do you spell outoto, I am convinced I spelt it wrong… --;

Anyways, please review, flames will be subjected to the Sharingan and thusly copied, negated, and turned back on their sender.

If you have any questions please don't hesitate to ask, that is what I'm here for.