Usagi
A/N:
Hey, there! Here I am, attempting another RukaRu fic. :P
I really don't know what got me to writing this, because as far as inspiration is concerned, I haven't really had any since all I've been thinking about recently is school, school, and school. LOL.
But when I started to get this one rolling, I realized that I wanted to portray a weakness on either of my two favorite characters (Ruka and Hotaru). I've managed a story for Hotaru, (the story, Truce). I wanted to try another one for Ruka so...maybe this is it.
It's extremely cheesy for my taste, I should warn, but it's still logical. Just...maybe on the thin line; it didn't really cross the borders of rationality and mushiness, so...
ANYwaaay, please do tell me what you think about it. R&R! :)
The elevator opened with a 'Ding!' and Hotaru Imai stepped out, thinking of how the place didn't change so much. She quietly walked through the corridors of the familiar condominium, her steps muffled by the carpeted floors. She'd gone here a few times before, when rare circumstance would allow her to; and those were indeed rare, happy times. Making for the last turn, a pair of teary brown eyes immediately met hers, causing her own heart to race even more.
"Hotaru!" Mikan threw herself at the Ice Queen as soon as they were only a meter apart.
Roughly six months had passed since they last saw each other, and though she was feeling the familiar itch to reach for her Baka gun, Hotaru found herself embracing her bestfriend. She kept both hands on Mikan's shoulders as she waited for the brunette to pull away and face her again; and when she did, Hotaru felt the indifference on her face strengthening.
"R-ruka-pyon…" Mikan started, wiping off the wetness on her face. "…h-he won't even eat. He didn't want to see anyone. H-he wouldn't talk about what happened…H-he—he even shut me out!"
"Where is he?" She asked, slightly surprised by the sudden tightening of her chest.
"H-he's inside." Mikan replied, stepping aside. "But the door's locked, Hotaru."
The raven haired engineer stood staring at the door like it's got some trap on it or something, thinking that maybe Mikan's simply exaggerating—she has that tendency, Hotaru knew—and that Ruka Nogi's never the melancholic one…okay, maybe he is, but to the point of shutting Mikan out? She knew, of all people, knew that though Ruka's totally over her, Mikan had left a really soft spot on the blond.
So taking a deep breath, she knocked on his door twice.
Dead silence.
Her eyebrow twitched, patience now shaking…maybe another knock.
"Who's that?"
"Me."
She could sense the double take from the silence inside Ruka's room, and she was about to sigh in relief when she heard the stubborn blond say, "Go away."
She raised an eyebrow, involuntarily shrugging off Mikan's light hand on her shoulder. Now he started to get into her nerves. "Open the door, Bunny boy, or I'll blast it into pieces."
"H-Hotaru, I—uh…" Mikan tried reasoning, but faltered when her bestfriend flashed her a sharp glare.
Ruka seemed to pause, but then they heard him say in a muffled voice, "Go blast it."
Breathing in, Hotaru pounded on the door real hard once, as if showing him how serious she was, before saying. "Open the door, Ruka."
The pause seemed longer, probably because of the first name basis calling. But that wasn't what worried her; it was his stronger tolerance to an impatient Ice Queen. Back then, Ruka Nogi wouldn't even last the first symptoms of her annoyance. Now, she figured, he really must've been feeling utterly depressed. Suicidal, maybe. She decided, thinking of how he dared to push her to the edge. She was about to pound on the door again when she heard his voice again.
"You can open it if you want to, anyway."
Well, he was right. Hotaru Imai could open it if she wanted to; the thing is, she wanted him to open the door—to let them in, to stop sulking or mauling himself in depression or whatever. But that was the last straw. Ruka Nogi's going to get it.
Mikan noticed the steam rising up from her bestfriend's head…or so she imagined; and so when Hotaru let out a breath, she found herself gulping.
"How long has he been like this?"
"I-It started last night, wh-when I called to check on him; I—noticed that he wasn't…the same." Mikan replied. "So I decided to come over this morning, b-but then he wouldn't open the door, so I called the others. A-and I think he hasn't eaten; a-and that…" She faltered, noticing her bestfriend reaching for a hairpin from her bag. "Uhm…W-what are you…"
But Hotaru was already working the pin on the doorknob, her hands dexterously doing the job perfectly just as how an expert would do, cursing once in a while for the trouble of not being able to use her Bazooka instead. When she heard a click, she turned the doorknob open, and didn't even wait for Mikan to babble a word as she stepped inside the unusually dark room.
She paused for a moment, waiting for her eyes to adjust, and when they did, she found herself staring.
He was there on his bed, curled up in a ball like a child. The sight sent shivers down her spine, and even with the dim light from the slits of the draped curtains of the window, Hotaru could see how torn Ruka Nogi was.
Ruka knew she was there, just a few strides away from him, but he didn't look up. If this had happened a few months ago, this…unplanned and surprise visit, he would've jumped on his feet and embraced her—whether she liked it or not—but now things were different. As much as he missed her so much—badly—he just couldn't bring himself to look her in the eyes. Not with him looking like this; not with him looking weak. He's not ready, he decided, to face her now; and remembering the feeling of loss as though an old wound slashed fresh again, he grimaced and buried his face even more. For crying out loud, he had just lost a friend!
It was exactly twenty-seven hours, forty minutes, and six seconds since he lost him, and he couldn't stop the tears swelling on his eyes again. Even as he felt her walk closer, and his heart beat faster and got unusually excited despite all his aching, Ruka couldn't stop himself from sobbing.
"Mikan's worried."
He didn't reply. Next to making her girlfriend mad—the sight's unbearable—getting Mikan worried was the last thing he wanted in his mind. The former being on top since all fears could probably root from a very angry Ice Queen.
Hotaru simply stood there at the end of the bed, watching him sob, his hand clutching into a fist against the bed covers. Layers of ice tried to get a little more frozen, but she was surprised how difficult it was not to melt. But she just stood there, watching him quietly wondering at the back of her head what to do. She was sure of one thing though: if he was feeling weak, she should be the strong one, because at rare times when the roles were reversed, Ruka was stronger for her than she could ever be—though there was no way she was ever going to admit that.
She moved to sit on the opposite side of the bed, and after a moment his sobs eventually died down. Still it didn't make her feel any better as she continued to watch him with his back on her. It took him a while to even out his breathing, and though she knew he didn't like it, he finally muttered in a weary voice, "I-I thought y-you were back in New York."
"I aborted the flight as soon as Mikan called me."
Ruka paused, wiped off the tears from his face rather roughly, and then moved to sit up and pulled up his knees to his chest. "For what." It didn't sound like a question at all, though it was obvious how thick the bitterness in his voice was. "You see how pathetic I am."
"Yes, I do."
He found himself frowning. Shouldn't she be like…comforting him now? Enveloping himself tighter, Ruka buried his face completely in his arms like a rebel child. Hotaru watched him a little more, still unmoving, until she heard him say in a cracked, muffled voice. "You can leave now…"
She tried to ignore the prodding somewhere in her chest and replied coolly, "Do you really want me to?"
"You've got plenty of things to do."
"I cancelled everything."
Ruka paused, considering what she'd just said, and almost gave in; but the stabbing in his heart was far more consuming, and he lapsed back. Letting out a shaky breath, he mumbled, half wanting she'd be deaf, "P-please…leave me alone."
She didn't answer.
Strange, she figured, how people seem to find it easier to succumb in self-pity.
When Ruka started to sob again after a few minutes of silence, Hotaru sighed and moved closer to him; pulling him close to the tightest embrace the Ice Queen had ever tried giving. She buried her face on his soft, now-ruffled hair, trying to get more of him in this short moment. He was stiff when she held him, but she didn't miss how his muscles seemed to relax as it sank into him that the Ice Queen wasn't going to grant his request. Ruka was surprised himself, but was too weak to return the affection. Burying his face on the crook of her neck, he found himself pouring the tears again, harder this time.
It wasn't loud and disturbing, his crying, and as she held him she felt rather…amazed, on how a guy could easily pour out emotions like this to someone like her. She would've found it a very big problem if it was her in his situation, she'd never cry like this. Well, the Black Cat sure wouldn't be a lovely sight, but Ruka was different. She looked down at him and unconsciously stroked his hair once. He's always been different.
Imagining herself outside the scene and looking into, she was certain how she would try not to barf. She knew damn too well how cheesy they'd look like. But that might be for later, the barfing, when things are normal again, because now, at the same moment, she didn't feel embarrassment or betrayal of some sort to her character. Though she wasn't always the one with the talent in comforting people—that's Mikan's department—she wanted to be good for him. Especially now.
He could feel the soft caress of her hand on his back, of her lips against his hair; and as he cried his wits out, besides the pain and hurt was the feeling that she was holding him. And that though he's crying like a baby—a big one—it somehow felt really, really, good.
It seemed like ages passed before his breathing slowly evened up. Moving clumsy hands to wipe off the wetness on his face, Ruka tried moving away from the Ice Queen's embrace. Hotaru didn't protest, but didn't give the slightest sign of leaving him now. Watching the blond sit up again and trying not to look her in the eyes, Hotaru pulled the strings for more patience because under normal circumstances, she would've hit him already for too much emo-ness.
He ran a hand through his messy hair before crossing his arms against his knees and looking into space. Hotaru moved to sit beside him in silence—something she does best—and almost felt the drowsiness start to dawn at her. They sat like that for another minute, quiet and patient and waiting. The room seemed to grow a little darker, and she heard muffled voices from behind the door—probably Mikan and the others. Listening closely, the Ice Queen could make out her best friend's frantic voice explaining to someone.
"Sorry."
She turned her attention to the guy beside her.
The blond grimaced, his eyes watering again. "I'm such a wimp."
Under normal circumstances she would've smirked and made fun of him. But now she simply moved to hold his hand in hers. "Tell me what happened."
Ruka paused, a far-away look in his eyes. Then he shook his head stubbornly, as if shrugging off some stupid thoughts as he refused to elaborate. Hotaru continued to stare, waiting, when his face suddenly turned red, and his eyes pooled again as the memories started flooding back anew. She watched him take a deep breath, rub his eyes with his free hand, and muttered, "I lost my bestfriend."
She blinked. "I just heard Hyuuga arguing with Mikan outside."
Ruka turned to look at her for the first time, and the look in his eyes was supposed to be a glare if not because of the tears threatening to fall down again. Sure enough, Ruka heard Mikan shriek at Natsume, who was already pounding on the door commanding him to open it or he'll break it. Specifically, burn it.
They both heard Mikan say something to the guy, but her voice sounded muffled, then the argument suddenly died down. He didn't really know how the brunette does that, talking Natsume out of something, 'cause even him—being his bestfriend—he couldn't quite control the Black Cat.
It was quiet again, and Ruka's blue eyes refocused on hers. "I meant Usa-chan."
Hotaru said nothing, not breaking the stare.
Ruka sniffed, then let out a shaky breath before continuing, looking down as if reading his line from somewhere there. "H-he was…okay, when I l-left him for an expedition. I wanted to bring him with me, b-but it was dangerous. So I left him…" His voice cracked again, and before he could lapse back into crying, Hotaru found herself pulling him down gently, allowing his head to rest on her lap.
"He was old." She said.
Ruka felt the tear run down his cheek and a hand immediately wiped it off. If only he could find a way to hide from his girlfriend's observant eyes. "But still."
Hotaru sighed. "You're a vet." She started, "You know first thing about a bunny's life span."
Ruka closed his eyes, feeling the pain dawning on him. "That's the worse part. I'm a vet."
"It's not your fault."
"I'm a vet." Ruka muttered as if he didn't hear her. "And I'm an Alice, too. But he still died." She could clearly make out the stress he put on the last word, and she was about to open her mouth when he continued, "Usa-chan died. I-I should've been able to see that coming. I—I should've been able to at least…to at least heal him."
"Stop blaming yourself."
"—but I didn't see the symptoms. I—I was careless. I—"
"I said stop it, idiot."
Tears started to run down his face, slowly leaving drops on her jeans. And in a weak, cracked voice, he mumbled, "…I'm a failure."
Finally, the Ice Queen let out an exasperated sigh. "Fine." She muttered rather coldly. "If it makes you feel any better."
Ruka blinked. For some reason he felt the urge to look at her. Craning up his neck, he saw that calm, and strong indifferent look in her face; and she wears that expression most of the time—if not always—it looked really compelling now.
Her eyes met his, before he looked away again. "But does that bring your bunny back?"
"Don't get started with that, Hotaru. You don't know—"
"Shut up and listen, or I'll hit you."
The room was quiet for a moment. From the outside, they sure looked romantic and mushy and stuff, with his head resting on her lap. But with that impatient, cold look the Ice Queen was giving him, he was pretty much convinced that Hotaru was done with the comforting part—it was time to force rationality in his clouded, blond head.
"I don't like seeing you this way." She started, and as soon as it escaped her lips she felt like it was somehow an understatement. Ruka was curled up on his side, his back on her as she spoke; but she knew he was paying attention. He always pays attention. "I never really understood how you actually…understand them, but I'm pretty sure Usa-chan would never want to see you like this too."
"How would you know that…?" He mumbled under his breath, sounding really stubborn and bitter. "You don't even know him that much…"
"Well for one thing he seemed to enjoy cuddling with you." Then she raised an eyebrow as she stared in space. "I enjoy it, too… So that might be a common thing."
For some reason his heart skipped a beat. He knew she was trying to be serious when she said that, but he couldn't help but blush anyway. After a moment, he sighed.
"I understand how you're feeling." She continued calmly. "But don't get so used to this self-blaming, emo-stuff 'cause I'm not going to tolerate it. I've been trying to control my gag reflex if you only knew. I don't think I can keep up with this any longer."
"So what're you planning? Hit me with your gun overnight?"
"You want me to get started now?"
For the first time since his bunny died, Ruka felt a little less heavy. Reaching down to her hand resting on his side, he squeezed it tight before entangling their fingers. "You have a weird way of comforting your friends."
Hotaru rolled her eyes, feeling a smirk on her lips as the atmosphere started to lighten up. "Shut up."
It was quiet for a moment, and listening to his now even breathing, he was starting to get fully aware of his surroundings. Her soft hand was warm against his; and though the wound in his chest still felt fresh, her presence just seemed to balance it all out.
Suddenly he felt her move to stretch both her legs in front of her, his head still resting on her lap. After a moment, he noticed a slight illumination in the dark room. It was so quiet now, and he could no longer hear Mikan's voice from outside his room.
"Are they still outside?"
The illumination dimmed for a moment, and then it was completely turned off. "I'd just texted Mikan that you've already fallen asleep."
Now that she'd mentioned it, he suddenly felt the toils of the day boring down on him. He sure had no less than five hours of sleep for the past 48 hours since he got back from the expedition until he locked himself in his room… He blinked; he had no idea that the latter could sound so childish.
"Natsume could've burned my apartment down if it wasn't for her."
"I could've done worse, Nogi."
Hearing that, he found himself smiling. "I can only imagine."
It was quiet for a while, and she could feel his even breathing. Glancing up to the clock on the wall, she felt the exhaustion taking its toll on her. She should've been catching up on her sleep while on board the plane back to the US had Mikan didn't call her.
Looking back, she did want to have a detour and see him before heading back to work again, but things just didn't seem to comply with her plans. There had been problems in the company that needed her presence. Apparently, a certain 'bunny' would be the only reason why she'd be able to stay.
After a few minutes, he broke the silence. "It's getting late."
"I know."
He paused, but reluctantly, he managed to choke out: "Th-thanks for staying."
"You should thank Mikan for that. She was the one who called me."
"Still."
"I never really realized you could be this stubborn."
"That's because you're a lot worse. You never really noticed."
A smile tugged on her lips, and her hand unconsciously moved to run through his hair once.
She paused, and after a moment, tried to ask—her voice calm but sounded careful. "Did you bury him already?" She heard him let out a shaky breath before shaking his head. She squeezed his hand holding hers, and said, "We'll bury him tomorrow, if you want."
Ruka paused, and then he slowly sat upright and stared at her, his ears feeling warm with blood it almost made him feel dizzy. He opened his mouth to say something, but closed it again after a moment. Looking closely at him, his hair bolted at different angles, his eyes were puffy red, but she surprisingly didn't mind. When he finally found his voice, it sounded reluctant. "A-aren't you supposed to be leaving already?"
The Ice Queen blinked, her face eternally calm. "I told you I aborted the flight."
"But—"
"Lie down and get to sleep, Bunny boy." She cut in and pushed him down to the pillows. "I'll stay here with you tonight."
Her amethyst eyes bore down on him, but for some reason they had a different effect now than those times they stared at each other. Despite himself, he smiled sheepishly as he lay down obediently, pulling her down beside him. He didn't say anything as he held her hand, laying there as she held him close in her arms that every minute went unnoticed.
"I feel guilty for wanting you to stay over."
Hotaru looked from their hands to his azure eyes. "Would you rather let me leave?"
She didn't miss the slight change in his eyes. He would let her leave if she really needed to, and over the years, he'd learned that she'd always needed to leave. Seldom did she have time to spare…Not that he was feeling bitter or anything, but above all else he wanted her close—especially tonight. But then though he knew what he had to say, his feelings took over. He didn't want her anywhere away from him tonight. Shaking his head, he mumbled a "No."
He watched her lips pull up to a small curve as she stared back to their hands. "Mikan said you haven't eaten."
"I'm not hungry."
Her eyes bore down on him, looking really serious. "I'll force feed you then."
"No." He muttered, cuddling closer. "No, really…I don't feel like eating."
"Fine." She said, wondering how tolerating she had been towards him; he usually didn't have the guts to say no to her, and she seldom had the, uh, compassion to give his requests a second thought. Cruel, yes, but that was it. Tonight was different. Thinking about it, it was the first time in a few months since they've seen each other again. And with what happened to Usagi… Well, tonight indeed was different. Despite herself, she found it somehow amusing.
Ruka stifled a yawn, but with her eyes staring down at him like that of a scientist on a specimen, he blushed when she noticed. "Go to sleep. This tolerance towards your stubbornness is starting to feel weird. And it's starting to get really mushy."
He stared at her, but his lids were getting as stubborn as he was. With the drowsiness dawning on him, the emotions flooded back in a really surprising splash. The pain, the longing, the blame, the excitement when he saw her standing in his room, the exhaustion… Above all else, just…the pain. She was right; this was getting too mushy.
It was quiet now, and pulling out her phone to make necessary arrangements to compensate her absence, she suddenly heard his drowsy, velvet, voice break the silence again.
"Don't leave."
The Ice Queen smirked, leaning down for a moment to kiss him on the cheek before pulling up the blanket over him. "I won't be leaving until I'm sure you won't be committing suicide."
She watched him smile, his eyes slowly shutting in the drowsy lull of silence.
A/N: There! What do you think? Yeah, I know, nothing much happened, but I was writing on pure impulse and gushing feelings and nothing else. Please tell me your thoughts. Flames? Go ahead! Though they might hurt. LOL.
ja! xD