It was a hot blistering night that I lied awake staring at my ceiling; my window lay open hoping for some reprieve from the heat of my room. After our heating and cooling system broke I began to appreciate yet another thing about my life. Growing up I was always alone and it seemed no one cared, yet knowing that I didn't care all too much myself; I was use to the abuse. I was taught to appreciate more at the age of fifteen when my parents split and I've been appreciative of little and big things ever since. Always I've been provided with something else to worry about and I get no rest or any peace of mind now a days.
Many of my friends finally got sick of me. I never understood why but I guess it doesn't really matter anymore considering who I was anyways. When we finally graduated and many forgot me I sort of changed nonetheless, maybe for the worst who knows. I'm fine with that after all I've never really understood why they were there at all. To think back I really don't have much care for things that happen. I don't know if that maybe I am like this because I just hid my inner self from harms and cast an improved, defensive, side.
I now spend most of my days doing random things and over thinking things that are wrong with me more and more, it's something to keep busy over you know something to keep my mind at bay from my evil, morbid, thoughts.
I moved out of my childhood home into a two story home nothing grand but counting everything it was perfect. I always thought I'll live alone there and no one would care! How wrong I was. My only best friend, whom is like my sister, has stuck with me even helps me keep busy with things we love or hobbies. This girl has stuck with me since I was fourteen and now being eighteen we can officially say she has been my friend the longest; five years to be exact. I at first acted normal upon meeting her and before I knew it she soon became my sibling, always doting on each other. Despite many things she is older than I am; her being nineteen seem odd from her hyper and upbeat personality of that of a child. I was more mature in many aspects and when people see us they automatically assume that I was the older sibling, height being half of their reasoning. She looks up to me and I have the undying urge to protect her from harm, after all I need her more than she will ever need me. You don't realize that this isn't something I can afford to lose; it won't happen as long as I do my job! Things have become a lot easier for me this way; life almost became bearable with her helping me. Usually this factor that me and her have, which seemed to established from the beginning, has kept my voice in my head at bay. The pain that once consumed my heart and soul with no mercy; all those pain staking lonely hours I spent alone all subsided with her presence. Only am I able to return to my old self when I'm alone. Only when the darkness creeps into my soul and grasps my very being that things return back to the way it used to be. Much like this night, with its similar silence, that I am consumed in the fact it's happening right now.
I am, now, fully awake, for no reason and can't get to sleep. I know that with no sleep means less energy at my jobs and I needed to sleep! Although, yet I wasn't tired no matter what I did I just couldn't sleep. This is normally when my mind sets into play and that unbearable voice speaks up. It even dares to use my own voice like though it was proving its point that it was me; BULLSHIT.
'You will never be good enough! Even your family hates you! Ha-ha you're weak and no one loves you! Give up already darling this life isn't getting any better!' squeezing my fist shut I sat up and glared at my closet door.
"Shut up! I have someone! She has alw-" it cut me off this time louder making me flinch.
'YOU HAVE NO ONE BUT ME! I AM THE FIRST AND ONLY FRIEND YOU HAVE! Don't you feel it I'm inside of you I am apart of you. Just do it already I've told you it will make you feel better!' it cooed making me shake my head; no I won't do it, I can't do it!
"Leave me the Fuck alone!" I grumbled as I collapsed and turning my face to the wall that held not a single thing, its blank walls calmed me. I closed my eyes and thanked god it didn't speak back up; why must it hurt me so much? I was thankful with the silence it proved. Unexpectedly it spoke just as if it was right behind me bending down and whispering into my ear with a smile I could imagine it having.
'He will change your mind, murder isn't so bad dear. One way or another you will listen to me, and unfortunately you will be no longer able to resist.' Confused by its calm and relaxed voice I turned around and saw someone standing not too far from me in the shadows, almost hidden.
He wore ripped black jeans, a blood stained white hoodie, and black boots. He had pale white skin and unsettling icy blue eyes that seemed so captivating. His unblinking eyes had sent a shiver through me when he stared at me closely, almost looking for something. I knew him, I knew this man.
He had a cut in smile and a- bloody knife! I sat up as he brought his pointer finger up to his lips.
"Shh. It's time to Go to Sleep!" My eyes widen.