Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or any of the characters.
It had been about a year now, since the war had ended.
The village was almost completely back to normal. It had taken almost seven months to be rebuilt completely, and every single shinobi available along with several civilians had put all their effort into rebuilding their home. They'd managed to make it look almost exactly the way it had before, with only a couple of extra additions, so to a complete stranger it would look as though nothing had ever happened.
The Academy was now full of fresh-faced young ninja, almost at the genin stage. Nearly every day they could be seen in the Academy training grounds training diligently, challenging one another, practising their jutsu, trying to improve their skills with their weapons, striving to be like their Chūnin and Jōnin instructors.
She almost felt sorry for them.
Not because of the gruelling training, or the injuries, or the awful conditions a shinobi had to endure sometimes for the sake of their mission. Not even because of the stress that would undoubtedly be hauled on their shoulders when the time came for them to become more independent and reliable so that they could carry out more difficult missions for the sake of their village. They already knew all that, it had been practically drilled into their heads since their first day at the Academy. But she still felt awfully sorry for them.
Because the life of a shinobi was never a good one.
She had come to realise that no matter how skilled you were, no matter how hard you tried, it wouldn't make your life as a shinobi any less painful. These young children had years of unbearable pain waiting for them, and there was no way that they could be prepared for any of it, because that was something that the Academy just couldn't teach them.
The mornings were depressing.
Waking up early every day with the sunlight streaming in through her window and creeping across her bedroom used to be fairly nice. Something about it would encourage her to get out of bed and start the day in a happy mood.
These days she would lay in bed with the covers wrapped tightly around her increasingly skinny body, desperately trying to shut out the sunlight along with the rest of the world around her. The light that shone into her room was no longer like a natural alarm that motivated her to wake up. Instead, it served as a constant reminder that she had to get up and face the world for yet another long day.
Walking down the streets of Konoha, you could tell that it had almost completely recovered, and after months and months of seemingly endless repair work, the villagers had more or less got back into their usual routines. Everyone was back to normal.
She hated it.
The contrast between her and the rest of the village was so extreme that long ago she'd began to wonder if she even belonged here anymore. Everyone else was so happy, they'd coped so well, they'd managed to move on... when all she wanted to do was get away from all these happy people, away from all the inexperienced young ninja who were too young to be preparing themselves for the pain that resulted from war. She wanted to get away from everything, and be alone where she could scream and cry and not have to face anyone.
She wanted to get away from it all.
The Yamanaka flower shop was still dark and empty when she pushed the door open, and the bell echoed loudly throughout the room as she stepped inside. It didn't matter that the shop wasn't open yet. Ino knew she came here every morning.
She plucked a single flower from a large vase near the counter, placed some money on the till, and was just about to walk out when she heard Ino's voice from the shadows.
"Hinata?"
Hinata turned around and saw her standing near the back of the shop, switching on the lights before she walked towards her.
"Hey," Ino said softly before she came to a stop in front of her. "Are you doing OK?"
No.
Hinata nodded mutely.
"Hinata," Ino whispered, coming even closer and wrapping her arms around her bony shoulders, "it's OK. I know. You can cry if you want, I'm here. Cry as much as you want."
And it was so, so tempting to just fall apart in Ino's arms that she almost did. She could feel the lump rising in her throat, the tears stinging her eyes and her bottom lip trembling.
But she took a deep breath, blinked vigorously to keep the tears in and kept her mouth firmly shut as she gently pulled herself away and avoided looking into Ino's eyes.
She nodded towards the flower. "Thank you," she whispered before she turned around and made her way out of the Yamanaka flower shop.
She wouldn't cry here. Not in front of anyone, not anymore. When she reached her destination, there she would cry her heart out.
She hadn't told anyone she was coming here, she didn't have to. Most people knew that Hinata Hyūga came here every morning anyway. She put the thought out of her mind as she walked towards the centre of the yard.
His headstone was the only one here. It looked exactly the way it had a year ago due to her constant care, only with slightly less flowers. She could already feel the tears welling up as she sat down in front of it.
"Good morning, Naruto," she whispered, leaning forward to place her flower in the small vase of water she had placed there. She removed some of the older flowers that had turned soft and a little soggy, and neatened up some of the other flowers and garlands that had been placed there by other people.
And just like that, she started to talk to him. Anything that came to mind, anything that he would have been interested in, she mentioned it all; his friends, the village, the missions, anything. Talking to him like this was so peaceful, so relaxing. She felt as though he was actually here listening to her, and whenever the wind rustled through the leaves and gently blew her hair around her shoulders, it almost felt as though he was talking back.
"I saw Konohamaru yesterday," she said quietly. "He said he was on his way to train with his team, before he was going to come here and visit you. He's grown up a lot, you know. He's not the same as he used to be. He's so serious these days, I hardly see him smile or laugh anymore."
And then she went quiet for a very long time.
Because she couldn't help thinking how she wasn't the same as she used to be either. She couldn't remember the last time she had smiled or laughed genuinely, from the heart. All she could think of were the fake smiles she offered people whenever they asked if she was okay, to stop them from suspecting anything.
How could she smile honestly when all she wanted to do was cry?
A single tear slid down her cheek. "I miss you, Naruto," she whispered, and the floodgates opened.
She didn't know how long she sat there in front of his grave, sobbing and choking on her tears as she hugged her knees tightly against her chest. She cried and cried until she had no tears left, until her eyes were red and stinging and her head was aching.
Even though it had been a year, even though she should have been used to the pain and sadness that had come with his death, it didn't make it any less heartbreaking. It felt exactly the same as when she had first caught sight of his lifeless body sprawled across the ground, and she had ran to him and clutched his limp body tightly against her own. She had screamed and cried and begged him to wake up, but it had all been in vain. All she could think was that he was gone, he was dead, and he would never come back...
And she'd sworn she had never felt so much pain in her entire life.
"Hinata, wake up."
She woke to feel someone gently shaking her awake. Opening her eyes, she saw Kiba looking at her with a concerned look on his face. He pulled her to her feet, and she felt herself being gently pulled away from the headstone, realising that she'd fallen asleep leaning against it. It wasn't the first time.
She only noticed it was raining when he pushed her hair away from her face and pulled her hood up for her.
"Let's get you home."
As they walked through the streets, Hinata was silently thankful for her best friend. He had been there for her, talked to her, listened to her, and ultimately, he had supported her. He would hug her and comfort her; and try his absolute best to make her feel like herself again. He often found her curled up and asleep at Naruto's grave, and he would always bring her home. If it wasn't for Kiba, she didn't know what she would do.
Kiba glanced at her. He could see that her eyes were glazed over, unfocused, and she was walking along the road almost like a rag doll. He couldn't tell if she was crying or not, it was hard to tell with the rain trickling down her face.
And honestly, it hurt him to see his best friend falling apart like this. No matter what happened, he would continue to do whatever he could to help her, but he had a feeling that she was just too heartbroken.
"I'm worried about her," Sakura said quietly as she watched Hinata walk down the road with Kiba through the window of Ino's house.
"Me too," Ino agreed, turning to face Kurenai, who had brought her baby round to visit the girls. "Isn't there anything we can do for her, Sensei?"
Kurenai shook her head sadly. "I'm afraid not, girls. Apart from being there for her and supporting her, there's not much else we can do."
Sakura nodded. "I know they weren't incredibly close, but even so..."
"She really looked up to him," Ino finished. She paused. "Sensei, what did you do when Asuma-sensei died?"
Kurenai looked down and stroked her baby's hair softly.
"Well, to begin with, I was almost the same as Hinata. I'd never worried about him when he went on missions, I knew he could handle them. But when Shikamaru told me, I... I didn't know what I would do. I was pregnant at the time as well, but... I didn't want to eat, I didn't want to sleep... I almost couldn't look after myself. It was so awful. One of the only things that was enough to keep me going was knowing that I was carrying a child, his child, and that I had to look after both of us. After a while, I was able to manage, but the feeling of loneliness, of emptiness, it's almost unbearable."
Kurenai looked up at them both. "I know how she feels. When you love someone, especially when you love them as purely and whole-heartedly as Hinata did... they become such a big part of your life that it's almost unimaginable to not have them there. They have such a big impact on you, and losing all that in a single moment is enough to shatter you.
"And for Hinata, Naruto's had such a big influence in her life. Because of him, she was able to stand up to her cousin Neji in the chūnin exams. Because of him, she had that desire to become stronger. She put herself through years of training to make him acknowledge her, she almost died fighting Pein to protect him, she told him she loved him, she fought so hard in the war... and she has nothing now. It's almost as though everything's been taken away from her."
Sakura glanced out of the window again. "This must be killing her."
Hinata sat on the edge of her bed with her mission scroll in her hands. She had long since given up on trying to focus on the mission details, her brain didn't seem to register any of it, so now she just sat waiting for her hair to dry, staring at a random space in her room and trying not to think.
After Kiba had brought her home, she'd gone to have a shower and had tried to pull herself together a little bit, enough to pull out a scroll containing details for her mission so that she could at least go over some details. But when that had failed, she found herself staring at nothing, trying to block out all other thought that didn't concern her mission but failing miserably.
And she found herself realising that, despite everything that had happened, despite how much time it had been, the fact was that she didn't want to get over him. She didn't want to move on and try to forget about him, how bright and warm he was, how kind and how nice. She couldn't forget about him, even if she tried. Everywhere she went, she saw little reminders of him that would make her heart ache. Every time she walked past Ichiraku, she would see an empty chair where he should have been sitting. Every time she walked past the Hokage's office, she would hear the distant echo of his voice, pestering Tsunade about something.
And it didn't help that she could see the Hokage monument from here. Whenever she saw it, she couldn't help thinking that Naruto's face belonged up there, he should have been Hokage, no one deserved it more than he did-
She shook her head violently, in a feeble attempt to get rid of her thoughts and clear her mind. No more thinking. No more sulking. Just sleep.
And then the nightmares came.
...
"Is it over? Did we win?"
"Yeah, I think we did..."
"We did? Are you serious?"
"Seems like it-"
"No way! We won!"
"We won?!"
The sounds and cheers of joy of all the shinobi that had managed to survive the fourth shinobi world war all blended together as they exclaimed in shock and surprise, and then breathed a collective sigh of relief because it was over, it was finished, they'd won-
"Hinata?"
She turned around and saw Kiba, Akamaru and Shino standing together, and she couldn't help running towards the two of them and throwing her arms around them both, a tight, fierce embrace which they returned, because they'd done it, they'd survived...
Kiba's sister and some members of Shino's clan came over and Hinata decided that she also had someone to find.
But he was nowhere to be seen.
"Naruto?" she called, looking around. No response. "Naruto, where are you?"
She was sure he'd appear behind her any second, smiling and limping towards her with a victorious grin on his face.
But he didn't.
"Naruto?" she cried out again. This time, she alerted the attention of her teammates, who came and stood near her.
"Can't find Naruto?" Sakura asked. Hinata shook her head and the rest of her teammates began to wonder where he was as well.
"Where could he have gone?"
"Naruto?"
"Where are you?"
While they all started to call out for him, she decided that she would try to find him herself. It would have been easier to use her Byakugan to quickly scan the area, but she was exhausted and chakra-depleted, and the thought hadn't even occurred to her.
Climbing over boulders and piles of rubble, she caught sight of Naruto's distinct orange clothing, and she ran towards him as fast as her exhausted body would let her.
But something was wrong. He was simply laying there, not getting up or even moving slightly, and as she got even closer, her heart began to hammer in her chest as she noticed how he didn't seem to be breathing at all.
"N-Naruto?" she said in a breathless voice as she finally reached him. He didn't respond, and then she saw his face.
His beautiful blue eyes were glazed over and unfocused, his lips were parted slightly, and he hadn't registered her arrival at all.
Her heart pounded in her chest. She knelt down beside him, and gently nudged one of his shoulders.
"Naruto?"
No response.
She hastily activated her Byakugan, and scanned his chest for his heartbeat, which she was expecting to be weak and irregular.
What she actually saw made her blood run cold.
His heart wasn't beating at all.
"Oh, please no..."
She refused to believe it as she grasped his shoulders and shook gently. "N-Naruto... Naruto wake up..." she said hurriedly. "Come on Naruto... w-we won, you know..."
But when nothing happened, she felt her heart beginning to clench painfully in her chest, and the realisation he was gone washed over her so strongly that she felt as though she couldn't breathe.
And the despair and the pain, and everything she felt for him, along with the full extent of the horror she'd seen those past few days came crashing down on her heart.
And then she screamed.
.
"That... that was Hinata..." Ino said quietly. They'd all heard the shrill, distant scream, and it had stunned them into silence.
"What is it?"
"Let's go and see."
They were met with a heart wrenching sight.
Hinata was clutching Naruto's lifeless body against her own, sobbing as she held him close to her, as though she couldn't bear to let go. Her cries, painful, heartbroken cries echoed around the battlefield, and upon noticing what had happened, they were instantly by her side.
"Oh, my gosh..."
Sakura came and knelt next to Hinata, placing a hand on her shoulder. "Naruto?" she whispered, tears already welling up in her eyes. "Tell me he's not..."
Hinata nodded tearfully, and without letting go of him, she brushed the hair away from his face, letting her fingers rest on his whiskered cheeks.
Sakura started to sob and she grasped one of Naruto's hands tightly and put her other arm around Hinata. Hinata couldn't bring herself to look at anyone else, but she could tell that they were standing near, simply too shocked to speak.
She only noticed that Sasuke had also come over when he knelt down in front of her. She tilted her head up slightly to look up at him, and what she saw was almost enough to distract her.
His eyes, which never expressed any emotion, were now reflecting exactly what she was feeling. The pure shock and hurt of seeing his best friend, the one who had never given up on him, his rival since childhood, dead before his eyes had disarmed him completely. While he may have said multiple times that he wanted to kill him, the fact was that there was a big difference between saying it and actually seeing him dead.
But then she looked back down at Naruto, and her choking sobs resumed as she threaded her fingers through his blond locks, holding him close to her again.
But no matter how close she held him, nothing would change the fact that he was far, far away from her now.
Hinata woke suddenly in her bed, covered in a cold sweat. Her sheets had tangled around her body, a sign that she had been thrashing around in her sleep. Memories of her dream - no, nightmare, came flooding back to her, and she screwed her eyes shut tight in an attempt to block the feeling out. But she wasn't very good at it. Her stomach churned sickeningly, and she stumbled out of bed to get to her bathroom, but didn't make it in time.
She violently threw up on her bedroom floor. Even when there was nothing left in her stomach, she continued to heave uncontrollably. Her body trembled, and when she found herself able to get up again, she shakily made her way to her bathroom.
As she rinsed her mouth out with water, she caught sight of herself in her bathroom mirror.
Her already pale skin was even paler, so she looked almost sickly. There were dark rings under her eyes from the lack of sleep she'd been getting, and it contrasted horribly with her pale irises.
She took a wad of tissue before going back to her bedroom, only to find Kō standing by her bed and with the mess all cleaned up.
"Lady Hinata," he said quietly, looking at her with concern, "are you alright?"
"I'm fine," she whispered, and she didn't have the energy to remind him not to call her 'Lady'. She gestured to the floor near her bed. "Did you...?"
He nodded, and she felt slightly embarrassed. "Thank you," she whispered, and then gestured to the tissue she was holding. "I-I was going to..."
"It's OK," he said calmly, and she walked back to her bed and sat down, with Kō sitting next to her. He handed her a glass of water, which she gladly took and drank almost half of it in one go. When she was done, Kō looked at her with concern.
"What happened?" he asked.
She took a deep breath. "I, um, had a nightmare," she answered quietly. She didn't need to provide any more detail. Kō knew all about her nightmares.
"I see," he said. "Are you feeling alright now?"
She offered him a weak half-nod, half-shrug.
"Hinata," he said, and gently put his arm around her, letting her head rest on his shoulder, showing just how tired she was. "I'm worried about you, Hinata," he said, and Hinata felt slightly guilty hearing that she was making him worry. "You're not taking care of yourself."
She pulled back to look at him. "I am," she insisted.
Kō sighed. He knew she wouldn't want to sit here all night debating whether or not she was neglecting herself, so he let it go.
"Alright. Is there anything I can get you?" he asked.
"No, I'm fine. Thank you, Kō."
"No problem," he said, and he made his way to his own room, leaving Hinata to her thoughts.
The following morning marked a full year since the war had ended, and a full year since Naruto's death. The remaining members of the Konoha 12 met up, along with their senseis, and they'd had a moment of mourning in silence not only for their closest comrades, but for all the other shinobi that had died in the war. Afterwards, she stayed with everyone for a while, before going to have a talk with Tsunade to discuss mission details. She went to Naruto's grave as well, and noticed that she hadn't been the only one to visit today, because there were numerous flowers and garlands scattered all over and around his grave. She put her single flower there, as usual, and at the end of the day, she went to the top of the Hokage monument, looking out over the newly rebuilt village. This was where Naruto would sit and imagine pursuing his dream of becoming Hokage. Something about sitting here, high, high up from the village, close to the sky, in the same spot that he used to sit in, it made her feel closer to him. And when she eventually decided to leave, it wasn't because it was getting late or because it was cold. It was because, however close she felt to him up here, it would make it all the more painful when it was time to go back down again.
The only one who could ever have any hope of fixing her was him. But he was no longer here, and she was broken beyond repair.
So I wrote this before the manga ended... that's why I haven't mentioned Naruto's missing right arm or the way Sasuke was there with him. I was curious as to what would happen if Naruto had died during the war instead, and how Hinata would deal with it and... this is what I came up with I guess.