According to Urban Dictionary, "Fluff" is a piece of fanfiction with no plot, "only humorous or romantic nonsense". The following bit of fic is not humorous or romantic (well maybe the latter if you look at it the right way), but it certainly has no plot. Therefore, I've decided to call it Angst Fluff. Flangst, if you will. You won't? Yeah, me either. It sounded stupid as I was typing it. Fluffy angst? Do we even really care? I mean, does it really need a name if the feels are real? And let me tell you, the feels are very real. For me anyway.

This little bit of...whatever you want to call it is an extra little companion piece for my Supernatural series. I just watched 6x21 again, and it occurred to me as Dean was leaving Ben and Lisa that in Deredith cannon these may have been the thoughts going through Dean head after threatening to break Sam's nose. Once the idea was in my head I couldn't resist writing it, and since it turned out so well I couldn't resist sharing it. Especially since chapter 3 of Written On My Heart was so short today. So, here ya go. A little more insight into Deredith. Enjoy, and maybe have some tissues on hand just in case. ~SG

P.S. Since I've only seen 6x22 once, I don't actually remember where Sam and Dean went after leaving Ben and Lisa at the hospital with their memories scrubbed. However, I needed a destination, and obviously Bobby's is a logical guess. I know I could go watch the ep and make sure my details are right, but since I'm in a writing mood and not a watching mood I don't really care.

The One Thing I Need

It was the hardest thing he had ever had to do, leaving Ben and Lisa like that, asking Cas to completely erase him from their memories. He would rather cut out his own heart or spend a thousand eternities in Hell on Alastair's rack, but it was the only way he knew how to keep them safe. And he had been one hundred percent serious when he had told Sam he'd break his nose if he ever mentioned them again.

The entire drive back to Bobby's had passed in silence, and the whole time Dean had only had two things on his mind. He wanted to go back and undo what he had just done, but that was an even worse idea than wiping their memories. So he kept moving forward, trying hard to put Ben and Lisa out of his mind. But every time he pushed them out someone else barged in.

Meredith.

He wanted to call her. He needed to call her. She would know what to say to make this all better. She would know what words he needed to hear to convince him that he hadn't just made a colossal mistake. Or maybe she would tell him what an idiot he was for doing it. He wasn't entirely sure what she would say, but whatever it was it would be right. She always said the right thing whether it was what he wanted to hear or not. It was always what he needed to hear, and she never hesitated to speak her mind. He loved that about her, and she was one of the few people he allowed to be so candid with him.

He hadn't called her since returning from Hell, hadn't really had time with all the Apocalypse drama going on. Of course he could've made a little time, taken just a few minutes to call her and let her know he was alive. Aside from Sam, and Bobby, and Cas she was his best friend.

Even though they had only known each other for about a year she was always the first person he thought to call after a tough job, or when something simply wasn't going right, or when he just needed someone to tell him the truth. Or when he had made the most difficult decision of his life and didn't know how to deal with the pain it had caused him.

But he never did.

Calling Meredith wasn't an option. He cared about her way too much to drag her back into all of this. If he called her, had any kind of interaction with her, it would put a target on her back for Crowley or some other monster that wanted to hurt him, and Dean refused to do that to her. Especially after what had just happened with Ben and Lisa.

He needed her right now. Badly. But he wasn't about to put her life on the line just because he was struggling with the consequences of his own actions. She was far too important to him.

So he forced himself to keep both hands on the wheel and not reach for his phone even though her voice on the other end of the line was the one thing that would make him feel even remotely better right now.