Confessions

spacegypsy1

Daniel and Vala. There are many ways - but this is just one way to confess their feelings for each other.

A/N: Similar but not the same to my 2007 series – How Many Ways Can I Say I Love You. It's a obsession of mine.

Number 1: Daniel blurting it out at death's door.

-o0o-

After all these years, knowing and fighting my demons, trying to avoid emotional pain, through horrifying and death defying missions, being crowned the prince of the 'Emotionally Devoid' by Jack, of all people, which makes it that much worse, I finally decided to admit that I had, indeed, long ago fallen to the wiles of Vala Mal Doran, my nemesis.

Not necessarily the best way to confess my love for her, but, here's how it happened. In a cave. Yet again about to die.

I realized I had wasted the few years of happiness that were offered and repeatedly rejected. I realized this as some creature, looking a lot like something a kid (like me at eight) would dream up from the closet, jaws open, growling and dripping putrid gelatinous saliva from jagged teeth, approached us.

I'd shoved Vala behind me, and waved the torch. All of our ammo now resided in the creature, which apparently was immune to ammunition.

"Daniel," The woman I loved and never was smart enough to take seriously, said low and fear riddled, "you once told me long ago that monsters lurking in such caves as this were much more scared of me then I of them."

At which point the multi-fanged, hideous beast pounced.

Vala screamed (at least I think it was her and not me) and I threw up my arm in an attempt to ward off the jaws of death.

I smelled blood, mine I'm sure, felt the bone in my arm crush like delicate china as the jaws clamped down. Now here's where it got to be a little odd... here's the confessed love. The creature's knees buckled, my arm still trapped in its mouth for a few seconds more. Suddenly the jaw went slack. Then the animal sort of toppled over and I said, with a tad bit of a shaking voice, "Goddamn it, Vala, I love you!" And I toppled over myself, right on top of the smelly but dead beast.

That's all I remember. So. Here I am in the infirmary where I woke up minutes ago. And another oddity...and I think it is the very first time this has ever happened. No one. Not a soul, was in the room. No Jack ruffling my hair. No Vala clutching my hand. No doctor shining that annoying light in my eye. No Sam looking worried and fiddling with my feet. No Mitchell grinning at me. No Teal'c without expression, eyes locked on me. Nope. No one.

Am I dead and I don't know it? Maybe I'm in the morgue and not the infirmary. There's pain in my arm, so, probably not dead. I distinctly remember not having pain after I died those other times. So. Not dead.

"Is anybody here?" It came out all croaky, and not a decibel above a whisper, although I went for loud and demanding. My lips cracked and I added, quietly, "ow." And then I started sinking into darkness. My eyes fluttered shut because I was unable to sustain their weight. Funny, I thought I heard someone call out letters...

"...oh em gee! He was awake, Carolyn, and we missed it!"

That annoying light was in my eye...then my other eye. Not dead. Not alone. Obviously the doctor and Vala are here.

I tried to open my eyes, but they were too weighted once the doc let go of each lid and it slammed back shut. Also, apparently I wasn't able to move much of anything. Not my head, or legs or arms...paralyzed? By a beast's bite? That can't be right. I was drifting back into that black pit when they started up again.

"Start at the arm, first." Carolyn said. I couldn't open my eyes to see, but my ears were working fine. "We cleaned the bones before we set them, scraped them but just to be sure, start there."

"What about the blood?"

Er...this doesn't sound good.

"We've slowed the poison. It's stopped spreading, but I'm not sure how long that will last. You need to concentrate on healing him with that thing. I'll keep studying the blood samples for some antidote that will work."

Poison. Damn that monster anyway...I should have known that goo it drooled was poisonous. Shit! Then I heard it. The Goa'uld healing device in Vala's capable hands. I hadn't begun to feel it, but I heard it as I slipped away from consciousness.

Her healing must be working because when I became aware again, she was still there, the device warm and tingling over my arm and Vala chatting away...to me.

"...and Daniel, I know you were mad when you said what you said. What I don't know is if you are mad because you are and don't want to be that way...with me...or because you are and you just realized it right before the fanged menace jumped you..."

I knew exactly to what she was referring.

"...thank you, by the way, for saving me. That was so sweet. I mean the way you put me behind you and you with only a burning torch, well it was actually only smoking by that time, but anyway, just the torch to save me...or I suppose you could call it a big stick. And you slammed that stick in its eye. You are so clever. I think it died then, but not sure if it was the stick-torch thingie or the bullets from earlier..."

I'm sure it won't be long before I can open my eyes. But I'm not so sure about talking, or more correctly intervening and stopping her rattling and mixing everything up.

"...you have this infection and some kind of poison. And I know we fought it... the us, not the infection, well, Carolyn and her staff did, but it's just keeping it on hold and not really curing it so I opted for this thing. Anyway, the first time I came here it took a lot to find something I knew you'd want so you'd see me again, I was obsessed with you and couldn't work, thieve, con...nothing. The only solution? Drive you wonko. I pretended I just wanted sex, not that I didn't, but I had to keep acting like that because I couldn't...couldn't get all mushroomy...no, I think mushy is the word, about someone because as you know and stated on more than one occasion, I used sex as a tool..."

Oh God! Please let me wake up now. I have to stop her, tell her it's okay.

"...besides, I love you, too, Daniel. But I'm not mad about it. Though, I'd never tell you that, I mean that I love you, not whether I'm mad about it or not mad about it. I'd never tell anyone that I love you! Imagine the position that would put me in! My job would be in jeopardy. Not that I really care more for the job than you, but since I can't have you, I think I'd like to have my job that I do love...not like you, oh no, not like I love you. And should you actually live, without ascension, I mean, then you will just deny what you said. Darling, I think that you don't want to be with me. That's really why you were mad when you yelled what you yelled because you figured I'd be dead too. But I'm not. And right now you're also not..."

Prying my cracked lips apart I struggled to say, "No." But nothing came out and she wasn't looking at my face. I'm not really sure where she was looking. My eyes were slits and my vision couldn't really be called vision, but she appeared to be...checking me out.

"...I feel the device healing you. That makes me very happy, that you're not dying...do you know you're naked under that sheet? I was tempted to peek, but Carolyn's wandering around somewhere across the room and Mitchell, Sam, Jack and Muscles are all up in the little room up there waiting to see if you are going to go white light on them." She took a jagged breath, and the tone of her voice went sultry. "It is a fact that you have a fantastic body. I mean, really, Daniel, look at those arms. And thighs. And chest and you have this adorable..."

She moved the damned healing device up to my stomach!

"...belly. And of course those beautiful blue eyes I so love as well as lips and neck, and things like that..."

"Va...Va...Vala?" I have no idea if actual words came out. That was until she squeaked and the healing device stopped.

"You're awake!"

"Shh." I managed and she knew exactly what I meant.

"Oh. I see. You don't want anyone to hear what I'm saying? Don't worry, I turned the switch off when I came in."

Carolyn laughed and I could tell she was coming closer. "Vala." The doctor said with humor. "It was off when you came in, you must have turned it on."

I heard Jack's voice first. "Yep."

Sam was next. "Yep, loud and clear.

Teal'c added, "Indeed, ValaMalDoran it remains quite loud and very clear.

Then Mitchell's. "Yeah, princess, it's on, but don't worry, you still have a job."

My eyes popped open to see her leaning over and grinning at me. "Are you feeling better?"

"Mmm hmm."

"Were you mad because..." Even though I wasn't really 'all here' mentally, I still recognized the vulnerability in Vala's voice.

"No." I wanted to say so much more. So much – but there was no way my throat would cooperate in forming additional words.

"Just that you waited until..."

"Yes." Again, reacting to the tremble in her voice I attempted to elaborate but nothing else came out.

"I think one more round of healing tomorrow will do it. You need to rest now." Vala's fingers combed through my hair.

"Vala's right. Rest." Carolyn stood to the other side of my bed. My heavy lids were back and I barely caught a glimpse of the doctor putting something in my IV before all went dark again.

In that cool, comfortable, dark place I distinctly heard Mitchell laugh at something Jack said and then felt the soft brush of Vala's lips across mine. Tomorrow should be an interesting day.